


Like We Were Born To Do This

by BinaryStars3



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Actor Ben Solo, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Ben Is Sweet, But completely socially inept, F/M, Finn doesn't get paid enough for this, Graduate Student Rey, HEA, Hux keeps the ship running, I went deep into the Star Wars Lore on this one, Lighthearted, Los Angeles, Maz Kanata Ships It, New York City, Poe is a cool dude, Rey gets the group of female friends she deserves, Rey is a beam of sunshine, a lil experimental here and there sorry, so many characters - Freeform, the most self-indulgent thing I will ever write I am sorry, very long and ramble-y but incredibly gentle
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-18 13:21:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 70
Words: 137,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29369205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BinaryStars3/pseuds/BinaryStars3
Summary: A year is a long time.Twelve months of memories, adventures, and simply spending time with someone.That's a long time to learn somebody. Learn the way they like their coffee, what they look like when they wake up in the mornings, in what order they tie their shoes before they leave for work.A year is a long time to understand someone.So, let's give them a year.«☆»The first time she sees him, Rey Niima nearly drops her coffee straight onto the greige carpeted floor of the office she’s currently temping in. She, quite literally, nearly falls head over heels as she stumbles over to her desk and clutches her little Starbucks cup in her palms.She breathes a sigh of relief, looking down and quickly licking splashed coffee from her fingers as Rose slides up next to her desk with frightening speed. “New client, on your nine.” She giggles, as Rey shoots a playful but warning glance at her.She’s already seen him, she’s already seen the schedule, she just wasn’t expecting… that.More appropriately, she wasn’t expecting him to be the size of a fucking sequoia.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 276
Kudos: 59





	1. Late Summer - I

**Author's Note:**

> Hi. im back.
> 
> no, I don't write at frighteningly fast speeds (okay, maybe a little) but I have been sitting on this for...
> 
> a literal year.
> 
> I wrote the first half of this before I even came up with the idea of Tell Me It's Alright, and I finished it after Fifty-Fifty was finished and edited. and then I sat and had to read through EVERYTHING I wrote and cut out all of the crap. While dealing with real life problems.
> 
> It has been... an arduous couple of days.
> 
> but The Beast (as I have been referring to her on twitter) is finally finished. And thus, she is being released unto the world. And, oh boy, you can SEE the improvement in my writing. like it's- it's VISUAL. you're gonna have to slog through 30 chapters before you get to the really good stuff and im sorry :( but I really like the ending so-
> 
> And hope you guys have good dentists, because (holy shit) this is absolutely, unapologetically, the MOST self-indulgent thing I ever have written and ever will write. It's my baby, im so fucking proud of this for no good reason.
> 
> I just wanna be famous, ya'll.
> 
> im uploading the whole thing right away because I have no self control and I need this story to get the hell out of my brain immediately she is no longer welcome here.

The first time she sees him, Rey Niima nearly drops her coffee straight onto the greige carpeted floor of the office she’s currently temping in. She, quite literally, nearly falls head over heels as she stumbles over to her desk and clutches her little Starbucks cup in her palms.

She breathes a sigh of relief, looking down and quickly licking splashed coffee from her fingers as Rose slides up next to her desk with frightening speed. “New client, on your nine.” She giggles, as Rey shoots a playful but warning glance at her.

She’s already seen him, she’s already seen the schedule, she just wasn’t expecting… that.

More appropriately, she wasn’t expecting him to be the size of a fucking sequoia. 

She dares another quick glance at him, before ignoring the pile of work Maz has slipped onto her desk and grabbing a tissue to continue cleaning up her sticky hands and fingers. “Shouldn’t you be working?” She teases, turning to the girl next to her as Rose shrugs.

Not that Rose’s job is _difficult_ or anything-

They both peek towards the space on Rey's left, Maz’s office and general fitting area. Overcome by their own curiosity, once again. 

Curiosity killed the cat and all, Rey supposes. Can’t hurt to _look-_

But, christ, it’s difficult not to notice him. He nods at something Maz says, crossing his abundantly long legs and leaning to rest his head in his palm. Thank god he isn’t facing their direction, the back of his head tilting as a hand combs through his mussed black hair.

Fuck.

Rose giggles again, as Poe comes up to Reys desk as well. “Checking out the goods?” He hums, as Rey reaches over and swats at his arm in admonishment.

“Don’t be an asshole, Dameron.” She huffs, laughing as he throws his hands in the air and shrugs. She knows he’s teasing, checking out the goods himself. Checking out if these clients really do live up to the expectations of tall, dark, and handsome.

The three all turn back to the office, where said man’s redheaded friend seems to be speaking. Rey can tell that must be the manager, ugly sideburns and all. His navy suit screams money, but his slicked back hair screams slimy office prick. 

Managers always seem to toe that line, although this one does not do it _well._

The three stare for a moment longer, Rose quietly whistling as the manager pulls out a contract and the man with the black hair’s hand stretches out to grab it. “Look at those hands, man hands.” She wistfully sighs, as Rey walks around the two and sits at her desk. She powers up her computer as she tears her eyes away from the scene, biting her cheek to swallow a smile. “The things he could do to me with those _hands_.”

These two can be ridiculous, really. He’s a movie star, not a piece of meat.

Poe leans back against Rey's desk, as she starts thumbing through today’s files. He picks up her stationary between his fingers, mindlessly playing with her pink post-it notes before Rey snatches the small stack back from him. “I don’t know, Rosie. Seemed kind of like a jerk this morning, didn’t even bother to look at me when he walked into the office. Just kept his mouth shut, scowled at the clock like it had personally shit in his coffee.”

“Damn.” She sighs, dramatically snapping her fingers before the two wander back to their little corner of chaos in the office. Rose giggles as Poe whispers something in her ear, falling into a cackle as he leans his head back and laughs. 

Rey shakes her head, giggling to herself as she leans forwards and peers back into Maz’s office. 

So, _that’s_ Ben Solo. Good to know.

She continues to stare at him, biting her lip as he turns and she catches his profile through the glass.

Huh. Interesting

«☆»

The first time Ben Solo sees her is about twenty minutes later, after contracts are signed and deals are worked out. Maz has been incredibly gracious, if a little pushy on exactly how much help Ben needs, but he wasn’t expecting much else.

After all, his mother and her go way back. He shouldn’t be as surprised as he is that she’s wondering if she would only be dressing Mr. Solo this season, or if she should expect a Mrs. Solo too.

Ben assures her that there will be no such surprises on the dressing list, as Hux snickers next to him right before they leave the office. He can’t wait to never hear the end of that conversation, the ride back to the hotel is just going to be an absolute _joyride_ -

He grumbles a curt thank you as Maz opens up the door for him with a small “what a shame” muttered under her breath, and he pushes up the sleeves of his button-down. It’s not that he doesn’t know how to dress, if anything he would like to think he’s one of the more fashionable men in the industry, but press tours and premieres and award seasons all tend to require a little more than the average trip to the average store can offer. They are an entirely different beast. One that Ben is just learning to navigate, by himself.

And it isn’t like he’s going to turn down the offer to have _Maz_ dress him, she always makes people look good. She always makes _him_ look good.

He’s pulling his shades out of his pocket when he first sees her, or hears her, behind him. A bubbly British accent as Maz and Hux continue to discuss details by the door. Not exactly the most common thing in downtown LA.

“Kanata Styling, my name is Rey, how can I help you?” She practically _beams_ into the phone line, tapping a pen against her desk and humming as she nods along with whatever is being relayed to her. It’s got a pom-pom on the end, and suddenly the abundantly colorful desk that had previously wigged Ben out a little makes perfect sense.

Suddenly he isn’t surprised that the girl who apparently owns a golden stapler and matching tape dispenser uses a pom-pom pen and wears her hair in three buns. Suddenly Maz’s apology for her ‘perpetually late’ assistant makes perfect sense.

Ben's heart stops, and the world freezes.

Because who wouldn’t want to work with someone like _that_ , as she cheerfully jots down a memo with her pen and sticks the note on top of her “outgoing” file box, clearly marked with a _glittery_ purple star sticker.

Ben doesn’t think he hates pink as much as he did forty-five minutes ago, and perpetually late assistants don’t seem such a bad idea as long as they look like her.

She has nice teeth, too. Or maybe it’s just a nice smile-

The elevator door pings on his right, signaling it’s arrival as Hux and Maz set up a fitting session sometime within the next couple of days. Ben leaves for Korea in a week, on the first leg of his press tour, and he needs some outfits ASAP. Apparently Hux thinks he needs measurements taken first before they even talk about suits, because last time he had a suit made the measurements all came out a little wonky.

Turns out Ben isn’t the same size he was when he was a college junior and surviving on ramen and frozen pizza. Apparently eating healthy and working out regularly makes one's whole body bulk up a little, the shoulders a little wider and the biceps a little bigger.

Apparently he can’t stop staring at Rey either, as Hux calls his name. “We need to get going, I have a call with a studio for _this one_ later. Have some contracts I need to work out, other clients I need to give my attention to.” The exhaustion is clear, as it always is with Hux. He loves his job, but Ben knows his clients don’t tend to be the easiest people to work with-

Ben knows _he_ isn’t the easiest to work with-

“New job already, Ben?” Maz sighs, reaching up and fixing his collar for him. “Why don’t you go home for awhile, you know your mother misses you.” 

She steps away from him, as Ben straightens himself up. She’s not wrong, but he uneasily shrugs in response. It doesn’t seem like it’s time yet, he doesn’t know if he wants to tackle that on… a Monday morning. Before he’s even had his breakfast, brunch- lunch at this point, he guesses. 

“Plus, wouldn’t hurt to at least try and bring a girl home. We’re not getting any younger, you know.” She hums, patting his chest before pulling him down to kiss both sides of his face. 

“Maz-“ Ben groans, scowling as she pats his cheek and sends him on his way.

He steps into the elevator, listening as Hux and Maz exchange pleasantries and his gaze goes back to Rey. She just continues to type on her desktop, squinting at the screen as she taps the side of her face with the fluffy end of her pencil. 

Her name is Rey.

Huh.


	2. Late Summer - II

The second time Rey sees him is far less exciting or newsworthy than the first. She actually showed up on time today, and the whole of the four person office clapped for her as she curtseyed in the hallway and Maz reminded her that maybe she should make a habit of setting her alarm clock and coming into work at the time they agreed upon earlier that year. 

Rey huffed at that, playfully rolling her eyes as she scurried over to her desk and Maz came out to give her a quick morning briefing. She is only supposed to be here this summer, until Maz’s personal assistant comes back from maternity leave in early September. She’s just supposed to be temping until grad school starts up again, but she can’t say that she won’t be sad when she has to leave.

This is the first temp job she’s really enjoyed, even if the metro schedule always makes her late.

“Mr. Solo will be coming in for measurements later today, but I might need some help taking notes. My arthritis is acting up again, and I would rather not have to deal with the consequences of holding a pencil for too long.” She sighs, crossing her arms and picking up one of Reys squishy plushies on the ledge of her desk.

It’s a little pink octopus, although it’s only got four little tentacles and the face placement is not biologically correct at all. Maz likes to examine all of Rey's little knick knacks sometimes, endlessly curious about her latest thrift store finds.

There’s an ashtray in her office, which is now used to hold paper clips, that Rey picked up for her seventy-fifth birthday. Maz is still asking to go thrifting with her at some point, although Rey has yet to wrap her head around why.

Rey only goes when she _has_ to, the amount of bad stuff she finds far outnumbers the good.

“Of course, whatever you need.” Rey smiles, going back to flipping through her inbox. Maz sometimes needs a little extra help on days her arthritis gets particularly bad, and Rey is more than happy to supply it. She’s never really been one to care too much about celebrities or celebrity culture, but helping Gwen Phasma decide on a designer for a photoshoot might be one of the current highlights of her life. 

So, she is ill prepared for what Maz says next.

“He’s rather cute, isn’t he?” She hums, setting the little creature down as Rey fights back a blush. “A bit of a grump, yes, but very cute. Sweet once you get to know him.” She sighs, as Rey just clicks through her email. 

“I-I guess. I mean, he’s an actor. They have to have… nice faces.” Rey shrugs, clicking on an email she’s already read. She skims it, not really focused on the contents as Maz continues to loom over her desk. _Nice faces, good job Rey. Really eloquent response, there._

“You know, he’s single.” She smiles, as Rey nearly misclicks and closes out her window. She’ll blame it on the summer heat getting to her.

“That’s not surprising.” She squeaks, quickly closing out the tabs she had pulled up on him yesterday before Maz can see. She was definitely not doing research on that exact situation during her last lunch break. “He’s a busy man, probably doesn’t have the time to date.”

Maz just shrugs, heading back to her office as Rey puts all of her focus on reading an email about… fabric samples. 

“Busy men can only stay busy for so long, at some point we all must settle down and find something to live for other than our day jobs!” 

“Whatever you say, ma’am!” Rey laughs, as Rose and Poe giggle at notes they seem to be passing to each other from their twin desks on the other side of the room.

She gives them the finger, as Rose makes a kissy face at her.

Ha-ha, funny, great. 

She does _not_ have a crush on Ben Solo.

«☆»

Mr. Solo arrives at exactly ten AM, on the dot. The elevator nearly opens the second the clock on Rey's desktop changes. Because, apparently, there is punctual and then there is _Ben Solo_ punctual.

He’s wearing a black T-shirt under a black blazer, and Rey hates the way her entire body goes up a degree as Maz runs out of her office and greets him with kisses on both of his cheeks. He gives her a begrudging smile in response, as she sighs to herself. He is a client, not any sort of potential daydream material. “Maz, you saw me two days ago.” He grumbles, as she swats at his arm.

“And I haven’t seen you for nearly ten years! I think I deserve a friendly greeting or two!” She admonishes, turning on her heel and leading Ben back to her office as he grunts his own response. He looks like he just came from a meeting or something, business casual attire unseasonably warm for this time of year.

“Rey, sweetheart, grab your notepad and that catalogue Yves Saint Laurent just sent.” She hums, as Rey nods and stands up from her desk. She responds in a chipper “Yes ma’am!” as Mr. Solo quickly turns to her and then Maz.

He looks almost panicked, as she continues to speak to him about fashion nonsense he clearly doesn’t understand. He grunts a confused “What?” as the door closes behind them, Rey jogging in her short heels to keep up. That isn’t a good omen.

Christ, she hopes Poe was wrong about him perpetually looking like he just kicked a puppy.

She gets the sudden feeling that this is _not_ going to be fun.

«☆»

Ben knows what Maz is doing the instant he hears her call Rey into his office with them. He knows what she’s doing the instant she asks him to take off his blazer so she can see the tight T-shirt she specifically requested he wear so ‘the measurements aren’t affected by any extra fabric, Ben’.

He knows what she’s doing the instant she asks Rey to sit down by her desk, opening a horrendous Lisa-frankesque notebook and starting to set up the list of measurements Maz is about to take. She’s clearly done this before, so Ben hopes she can overlook any odd comments Maz might make as Rey meticulously sets up the list and Maz explains to Ben that her joints aren’t what they used to be.

He sighs, and stares up the ceiling as he shoots a quick prayer up to whoever might be up there. He is not a religious man, but it doesn’t mean he won’t try to call some type of help to his side in the off chance he has some good karma around here somewhere.

He knows all of this, and yet he still gets nervous when Maz starts poking and prodding at his body and Rey is subjected to her many comments about how muscular he’s gotten recently. She firmly pats his side as she pulls over her step stool and starts working her way down his arm, yanking him around a little in the process.

“It’s for a role.” He grunts, even if it’s an abject lie. They stopped filming his last project four months ago, and his latest stint on broadway had him in a monologue that didn’t exactly require him to be bulked up. He is though, anyways.

But exercise is good for him, it forces him to pay attention to his mind and body for a little while. It’s not his fault he’s built like a brick shithouse. 

He bites back an impatient groan, as Maz works her way around his chest. Could she move _any_ faster? He knows her hands aren’t perfect, but she’s moving _so_ slowly _-_ “You know, Rey is a grad student at UCLA. Getting her masters in Civil Engineering, right dear?” She hums, as Rey peeks up from her notebook.

She’s all red in the face, and Ben thinks it’s adorable. She’s almost as pink as that pen on her desk-

He squishes down the thought as soon as it pops up, pulling his eyes away from her and staring at the far wall. That’s inappropriate. 

She just nods, refusing to even look up at Ben as Maz reads off another measurement and she takes it down with hurried movements. She is clearly uncomfortable here, in fact, he gets the impression she sees right through Maz. Through this little stunt she’s pulling.

Wait, has Maz done this before?

“Smart girl, has a good eye too. Good taste.” The older woman hums, peeking up at him as he crinkles his nose down at her in an attempt to warn her off.

She’s meddling again, it’s obvious she’s meddling again. Ben doesn’t like that she’s meddling.

She’s almost as bad as his mother.

“Maz-“ He hisses, as she squats down and takes the outer-seam of his leg. She calls back the measurement to poor Rey, as red as a tomato, as he wrings his hands. This cannot move any faster. Poor thing.

He should apologize to her, when he gets the chance. This is hardly appropriate or comfortable for either of them.

Maz’s phone then goes off, and she nearly dives for it before Rey can reach it. Which is odd, considering that’s Rey's _literal_ job as her assistant and she’s already sitting right next to the device.

Ben Solo decides Maz Kanata is definitely worse than his mother.

“Kanata Styling, this is Maz Kanata, how can I help you?” She hums, adjusting her round glasses as Ben glances at Rey in search for help or an apology or _something_. She meets his eye for a moment, and they both quickly turn away from each other as Ben clears his throat. He is going to kill Maz, if she doesn’t put him in the ground first. This is the most awkward moment he’s ever had, and he had to witness Armitage Hux flirt with a very uninterested Gwen Phasma ten months ago.

She hums into the phone, nodding after a moment. “I’m going to put you on hold, let me go check with my PR team.” She hums, redirecting the line and hanging up the phone. Rey watches as she turns to the two. “I need to go talk to Poe, there’s an issue with the… uhm, instagram. The instagram account, there is an issue with it.” She bluffs, quickly walking out of the room.

Ben just gawks, as the door swings shut behind her. Maz is going to kill him or he’s going to kill her. Someone isn’t going to survive this.

“I’m so sorry-“ they say at the same time, turning towards each other with wide eyes.

“Maz can be-“ Ben begins, crossing his arms as Rey nods. 

“Maz.” She sighs in response, breathing out a sigh of what Ben can only understand as relief. She leans back in her chair, crossing her legs as he nods. He notices she’s wearing heels, and he wonders how tall she is. How far would he have to lean down to be eye to eye with her. She’s certainly a few inches shorter than him, by any means.

He wonders what standing next to her might be like, as he shifts on his feet and they both stare anywhere but each other. Would he be able to pick her up? She’s so tiny, and he knows he shouldn’t find that as attractive as he does, but he could probably-

He does not need to be thinking about grabbing her legs and pushing her up against a wall right now, Jesus Christ. 

He shakes his head, as he glances out the glass wall in Maz’s private office towards the central area. Three heads turn away as he looks up, clearly far too interested in this exchange.

“Are Poe and Rose…” She begins, sighing as she adjusts her posture and stares into the depths of her notebook. Ben nods as he looks back to her, realizing that Poe and Rose must be her coworkers. He fights back a groan, as he realizes the entire office is in on this. They must have been the ones who called.

“You mean the two currently spying on us with Maz? Yes, they’re watching.”

They fall silent again, and Ben sighs as he rubs the bridge of his nose. This is highly inappropriate, it was unfair of Maz to put her assistant in this position. She’s her boss, for fuck’s sake, and although Ben isn’t technically more than just a paying client, she shouldn’t feel pressured to… “put out” or anything.

“Just so you know, I’m not-“ She clarifies, clearing her throat as Ben nods. His heart sinks, but he hides it with a furrow of his brow and a tense scowl. He’s an actor, this is what he does. He can hide his heartbreak for a little while.

“Yeah, yeah. Same here.”

This is exactly why Ben Solo doesn’t date, because there is an inherent power struggle between him and anybody he tries to get close to. People don’t feel comfortable around him as is, add on his position and the power that comes with his fame and his money…

Ben Solo doesn’t date, because he can’t stand the fact that he puts good people, like Rey, in these uncomfortable situations more often than not.

He scowls at the floor as he thinks, relieved when Maz comes back into the room. 

He just grunts and suffers his way through the rest of the fitting, trying not to grimace when Maz continues to push Rey to try and talk to him.

What was he thinking, she would never be interested in him anyways. He never had a chance in hell.

«☆»

Rey can’t shake that exact same scowl from her mind, as she lies in bed and stares at the ceiling of her bedroom. Fuck, he has sounded almost disgusted at the idea of them… _being_ anything. Being _together_. Not that either of them had really seriously considered that, she thinks, but it’s not a bad thought. 

At least, in her mind. Financial security, and all.

He had looked like she personally offended him throughout the rest of his measurements though, all furrowed brow and turned up nose every time she looked at him. She’s pretty sure he found her _repulsive_. Had she forgotten to wear deodorant or something? Maybe she had lettuce in her teeth. 

Not that she can remember the last time she ate lettuce, if she’s honest. Maybe quinoa?

She sighs as she rubs her eyes, setting her phone on her chest as the neighbor above them vacuums at what must be midnight. Why must he always vacuum at fucking midnight? Does Plutt not have any other time to vacuum? Is it _that_ urgent to run the wheeze-machine right now?

She groans and turns on her side, letting her phone fall from her chest as she stares out the window. She should have bought curtains, too. She has this conversation with herself every month, and she never does anything to fix it. The full moon is out, and her whole room is doused in silvery moonlight. She won’t be able to sleep at all, if this keeps up.

Someone knocks on her door, as her phone goes off, and she swears that she’s going to do something drastic if the universe doesn’t let up a little. 

“Kaydel?” She calls, as the younger woman pokes her head through the doorway. They just stare at each other for a moment, her roommate still dressed in her barclothes. She must have just gotten home.

“Still awake?” She whispers, squeezing her face between the door and the doorframe as Rey blinks at her.

The TV plays in the background, like Kay does every night she comes back from the bar, as Rey nods. If Kaydel hadn’t knocked, if Plutt wasn’t vacuuming, if the moon wasn’t at full fucking mast, the noise and the light from the living room surely would have woken her up. Getting a good night's sleep was a hopeless endeavor.

“Yeah.” She replies, sighing as the girl stands in the doorway.

“Did you talk to-“

“ _Shit._ ” Rey curses, groaning as Kay sighs. She rubs her face as she growls. She forgot, again.

Rey was supposed to offer their spare bedroom to Rose, because the latter had mentioned that she needed somewhere to crash now that her big sister Paige is moving in with her boyfriend and Reys previous roommate has gone back to Nebraska. Her sister's boyfriend is a music producer, and Rose has been lamenting her situation for a week.

Rey didn’t connect the dots until two days ago, and has been meaning to ask Rose if she wanted to move in. “She’s probably still awake, let me text her now.” She groans, picking up her nearly dead phone and sighing.

A message from Rose sits right at the top:

**Hey, how did it go with solo???**

Rey huffs, as she can practically hear the eyebrow wiggling from this side of the screen. At least maybe this will get the office focused on someone else’s personal life.

She replies, gearing up for an uncomfortable conversation.

_BAD._

_I think he hates me. I know Maz means well, but he practically ignored me the entire time. Looked at me like I burned him, haha_

_Poe was right about him being a dickwad lmao_

**He can’t be that bad, men with hair like that can’t be that bad.**

_????_

**Paige rule: Men who care about the way they dress and the way their hair looks can’t be that bad.**

_Paige is wrong._

**Paige is never wrong.**

Rey stares at her phone for a moment, biting her lip as she drafts a couple messages to send to Rose. None of them seem quite right, so she just goes with her gut.

_Speaking of Paige, are you still looking for a place to move to?? Roommate or something?_

**GOD don’t even get me started. I’ve been looking for roommates all week, but I s2g if I get one more creepy message from a dude on craigslist I’m going to have to bite the bullet and sell my kidney to afford this place. Idk what im gonna dooo babe**

_Craigslist dudes are the worst, half of the time I think they’re gross porno bots_

**HA**

_But, I mean, if you’re seriously still looking my roommate and I have an extra room we’d be willing to rent. granted our apartment sucks but it’s better than selling kidneys, I think_ 😬

**WAIT, SERIOUSLY???**

**REY DON’T FUCK WITH ME ARE YOU SERIOUS??**

_Yes?? Lmao???_

**I COULD BE ROOMMATES WITH YOU??**

_Kay says it’s okay, and at this point I just do what she says HA_

_Our landlord is awful but she always deals with him, I owe her one._

**REY!!!!**

Rey giggles into her phone, sending Rose the details of the space as she stands up and moves to the living room. She opens the door and leans against the doorframe as she calls to Kaydel with a yawn. “She said yes, she wants to come by and see the place tomorrow. We can swing by after work?” She hums, looking up as Kay shoots her a thumbs up.

“I’ll be here, try to clean up a little while you’re gone.” She sighs, looking over the back of the couch as Rey nods. 

She heads back into her room, as Kaydel turns on the tv. “Let this friend of yours know we’re not complete pigs, huh?”

Rey snorts, their apartment is a permanent mess, but at least Kay has the common sense to ease Rose into that reality gently.

“Okay, sure, oink oink Kaydel.”

Kay laughs as Rey shuts her door, maybe today wasn’t a complete disaster.


	3. Late Summer - III

“You have got to be shitting me.” Rose gasps, laughing as Rey looks up from her phone. They’re coming back from checking out the apartment during lunch, and getting the first of Roses boxes moved in. It was a done deal as soon as Rose saw the place, and she realized that Kay is just as obsessed with Animal Crossing as she is. 

The two of them have been practically inseparable, Rose supplying booze and Kaydel teaching her how to make a killer margarita. They’re a match made in hell, and Rey is just along for the ride.

But now they’re pulling into the backlot of the office space Maz is based out of, and a certain Mr. Solo seems like he’s about ready to kick a parking meter. Or, maybe, just stare at it until it melts under his gaze.

A side effect of the margaritas, Rey ended up spilling to Rose that she thought Solo was hot and how disappointing it was that he didn’t even look her way. She hasn’t gone to Dameron with that info yet, but Rey knows she’s silently been claiming that victory.

Rey is not looking forward to the teasing, though, if that ever gets out. That would be a mess and a half.

She pulls into the parking spot a little ways away from his black Tesla, because of course he has a fucking black Tesla, and she turns to Rey. “You wanna go get your man?”

“He is not my man.” She snorts, sliding her sunglasses up and on her head.

Rose pulls a face, clearly living in her own fantasy world right now. “Rey. Go. Get. Your. Man.” 

The two stare at each other for a couple seconds, Rey groaning as she pulls herself out of Rose's car and concedes. Fine, she’ll play nice. She’ll offer her help, and when he inevitably turns her down she can go on with her miserable little life.

She tries not to sneak up on him, clearing her throat to grab his attention as she fails and he jumps a little. 

“Oh, you.” He squawks, his voice breaking as he eyes her up and down for a moment. She crosses her arms over her white blouse in a moment of self consciousness, suddenly really regretting the jean skirt she’s wearing. It is short, although she wasn’t expecting a certain Solo to show up at the office today.

It’s fucking hot, okay? LA is a hot place.

He just stares at her, as she looks at the meter. “They only take coins, city hasn’t bothered to replace them in fifteen years.” She interrupts, rocking on her heels as he continues to just _stare_ at her. He has a black credit card in his hand, because everything in this man's life seems to be black, as she realizes he probably doesn’t keep coins on his person. She eventually just pulls out her own wallet from her bag after an awkward moment, grabbing a couple quarters and slotting them into the machine as he practically leaps back from her like he can’t bear to be in her radius. 

“There, you should be covered.” She smiles, stepping back as he continues to just watch her. Weirdo.

She turns around, ready to walk inside and forget the whole thing ever happened, but he hurries to follow. He keeps in line, quietly adjusting his stance and walking next to her as Rose bounds out of her car. He clears his throat, and Rey can feel his eyes on her. “You really didn’t- I could have just-“

“It’s not a problem, really. I always have extra coins.” She hums, moving a little faster to go and help Rose with a pickup she has in the back of her car. Her voice broke, her voice should not have broken.

Ben just stands there, watching as she tries her best to ignore that burning stare.

She can’t tell if he hates her or what, but she has no clue what to do when he looks at her like that.

Like, in some capacity, this is important to him.

«☆»

Ben rides up in the elevator with them, trying to make attempted small talk with Rose as she goes on about the weather and how unseasonably cool this is. Normally they’re in the hundreds this time of year, but the highs have usually stayed at or below ninety-five degrees.

This is how he learns Rey is from England and that they’re new roommates, when Rose teases her for always having a fan running in her room. They’re both clearly nervous, and Ben can’t blame them. 

He is, unfortunately, used to it.

But he also learns that Rey has no qualms about running her landlord's electricity bill through the roof, and he finds that oddly endearing.

He bites back a smile as she blushes again, staring at the floor as the doors open up and she immediately goes to her desk. Rose takes the clothes from both of them, heading off to Maz’s office as Ben tucks his hands in his pockets and finds himself wandering over to her desk.

He takes a second to look around the room, realizing they’re alone and Maz hasn’t noticed yet.

“I uh- I wanted to apologize. Again, for Maz. It wasn’t appropriate for her to speak like that, and I’m sorry if it damaged your impression of me in any way.” He sighs, keeping an eye on the older woman as he speaks. 

She, thankfully, seems distracted by the clothes.

“So, you’re not mad at me?” He hears Rey squeak, as Ben whips around to her. Mad? How could he be-

“No, no, god no. Rey, you did nothing wrong here. I’m- I’m sorry If I ever gave you that impression.”

She just stares up at him, as he rubs his cheek with his palm. She is so… normal. Not in a bad way, not at all, but she treats him like _he’s_ normal. 

She’s the first person, in a really long time, to treat him like he’s _normal_.

They just stare at each other, as Ben examines her face.

She has freckles, Rey has freckles. That’s so cute.

Shit, how long has he been staring?

“Uhm I should-“ He points his thumb to Maz’s office, as Rey seems to snap back to reality. There is no way she’s as taken with him as he is, but he would like to think that maybe, for just a moment, she might have been.

She nods, and Ben watches as her blush intensifies, “Uhm, yeah. Yeah.” She reaches a tentative hand out, across her ocean of rainbow office supplies. “Friends?” She squeaks, as Ben nods.

He grabs her hand, shaking it uneasily. “Friends.” He mumbles back, removing his hand from hers as Maz’s office door opens and he flexes his palm behind his back.

Friends, he can live with that.

He can be friends with Rey.

He just has to figure out her last name, first. 

He can be friends with Rey.

A moment passes, and as Maz starts speaking to him it goes directly over his head. He completely fails to register _anything_ she’s discussing with him right now.

He absolutely cannot be just friends with Rey.

«☆»

Rey watches as Mr. Solo nearly runs out of Maz’s office a couple minutes later, listening to the older woman shout at him about calling his mother and doing right by her. Poe and Rose just watch as he quickly walks past Rey, making his way into the elevator without a second glance. “And stop wearing black! It’s depressing, Ben!” She smiles from her office, as he shouts back in the affirmative.

Rey realizes the tips of his ears are pink, as he slips into the elevator and makes a face at her that she can only describe as fear given form.

She tries not to make a face back, despite her confusion. Maz isn’t that scary, is she?

Actually, yes, she is. Maz is very scary, in all her barely-five-feet-tall glory.

The elevator doors close, and Rey is left to try and figure out what the hell just happened.

Ben Solo, her _friend_?

Ben Solo, Ben Solo, Ben Solo.

_Ben Solo._

Why does it feel like this isn’t the end of that story?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dating this with the animal crossing reference here,, oof- there's your proof that it really took me a year to do this huh?


	4. Late Summer - IV

Ben lies awake in his hotel suite, the one paid for by the company he’s leaving to go do press for in a couple days. He stares up at the ceiling, the darkness of his room, as he sighs to himself and rolls across the bed.

He stares at the untouched gift basket on his dresser, and the note from the hotel, as he stretches across his sheets. He grabs his phone as he leans against his pillow, stretched diagonally across the bed as he silently fumbles with the device.

He stares at it for a moment, thinking about what to do here.

Rey offered to be his friend, she shook his hand and offered to be his friend.

Ben can’t remember the last time someone offered to be his _friend_. 

He can’t remember the last time he _had_ a friend.

He scratches his chin as he unlocks his phone, grimacing as the blue light pierces his eyes. She offered to be his friend, nothing more. He needs to remember that, he shouldn’t expect anything more from her. Now or ever, that would be unfair.

Why does he feel like his whole stomach is full of butterflies, though? 

He stares at the apps on his screen, unsure what he’s really doing here.

He goes to safari first, pulling up a new window and simply searching “Rey”. He is disappointed by the results.

All he gets are wrestling clips and some Spanish news networks, that won’t do. There’s even a link to an REI page, although he cannot fathom why that would be relevant. 

He bites his thumb as he thinks, how else might he be able to… find her.

Before he realizes how creepy that statement might sound he’s already googling for Maz’s styling studio, pulling up the home page and smiling to himself in the blue light of his cell phone screen as a picture of Rey sits on the top of the website. It looks like the entire site got a revamp recently, since he knows that she’s a fairly new employee. 

She looks like a natural model, draped in a yellow and blue sundress and lined up against what he thinks is the brick back wall of Maz’s office. The one facing the parking lot, that she scared him in. 

She’s so pretty, so easily pretty. She doesn’t even have to try to be pretty.

He goes to the staff list first, Maz’s photo at the top of the section alongside a small blurb of her many accomplishments. Poe’s sits right below her that, and Rose below him. He takes a moment to read about both of them, learning that Poe is a California kid and he’s a finance guy by trade. He apparently runs the website as well, and it says he’s the office prankster.

It also says to send beer to get in his good graces, and Ben wonders if Maz knows exactly what her website says about her employees.

Rose is a little more tame, she has a sister and grew up with a pack of yapping mutts at home. She listens to too much rap music and runs communications and manages inventory. Maz puts together the outfits, she makes sure they get dry-cleaned, delivered, and brought back to the office. 

Rey is nowhere on the page, and the place where she should be has a photo of a slightly older woman. She’s still young, by all means, and is carrying a baby. 

Maternity leave, Rey is temping for Maz while her assistant is on _maternity_ leave. She can’t have been working there for more than two, maybe two and a half months.

Ben smiles to himself, burying his face into his pillow as it all clicks into place. Rey doesn’t even _work_ for Maz, technically. No wonder the older woman had no problems with trying to set the two up.

It hits him all at once, she was trying to set them up. And he completely fucked it up. Not that he can be to blame, nobody told him that Rey was just a temp. He thought it was just Maz being… _Maz._ A part of him thought the woman was playing a prank on him or something, not that she was genuinely trying to set them up.

Because Maz has nothing to gain from setting Ben up with an employee who’s leaving in a couple weeks.

He groans into his pillow, grinning as he rubs his face. Oh, he really screwed this all up. He really blew his chance with her.

He continues to search the page, eventually finding a link to the instagram page Maz conveniently said was having problems. He clicks on the link and his own instagram app pops up, the one he always forgets to use. 

He stares at the page, scrolling down a bit as he furrows his brow. No Rey, only celebrities and promotional material. 

He finds a picture of Rose, though, celebrating her twenty-fifth birthday in the office. She’s tagged in the photo, as Ben remembers what he learned in the elevator.

She and Rose are friends, Rose is moving in with her. 

He might be able to find Rey's account, if she has one, through Roses. 

He clicks on her page, immediately going to her “following” list. He searches for a “Rey”, waiting for the results to load as he takes a deep breath.

Is this what teenagers feel like, these days? Bated breath and waiting for instagram pages to load? This is nerve wracking.

It pops up, top of the results. There it is, Rey.Niima.

Rey Niima. 

Pretty.

He lets out a sort of giggle as he clicks on her page, before quickly realizing that Rey inadvertently just made him giggle. He cannot remember ever giggling, for anybody.

Rey makes him giggle, and that fact makes him laugh even more. He can’t believe how fast he’s free-falling for her, it's _terrifying._

Her page loads, and he beams. She’s smiling in every single photo, grinning from ear to ear as she walks along the sidewalk at Santa Monica, feeds a giraffe on a trip to the San Diego zoo, smiles in front of the Hollywood sign at what Ben thinks is the Griffith observatory…

She has the nicest smile.

He taps on a photo of her in a yellow bikini, feeling his face flush as he stares for longer than what might be strictly necessary. He realizes it’s a series of photos, which Ben didn’t even think was possible on instagram, as he slides his thumb and looks at the next one she posted.

She’s screaming in the second photo, hit from behind by a wave and hiding behind her palms as she gets absolutely soaked. The camera is blurry, like whoever is taking the photo is just as surprised as she is, and her lithe frame is surrounded by the splash of the waves.

It’s adorable.

The third one reveals the aftermath, Rey smiling and shaking the water from her palms as she grins. Her hair is soaked, plastered to the sides of her face, as Ben quietly smiles in the darkness of his hotel room.

She looks so happy. 

He clicks away from the photo, clicking the follow button on her page and turning off his phone. Friends follow friends, right? That’s not too bizarre.

Except he’s Ben Solo, who never goes on instagram and follows maybe ten people total. Eleven, counting Rey.

The same Ben Solo who has twenty-two million followers, and has a movie coming out in two and a half weeks.

He goes to sleep a little lighter, blissfully unaware of the little red heart that sits under Rey’s swimsuit photo and the fact he has unleashed absolute hell on her follower count.

«☆»

Rey steps out of the shower, washing off the sticky summer heat as she adjusts the towel around her body and starts walking towards her room. She needed to get the sweat off of her skin, it’s been too fucking hot around here lately.

She freezes in the hallway as Rose and Kaydel stare at her phone, vibrating on its own and screaming against the linoleum countertop as thousands of notifications flood her home screen.

The three just stare, as the phone slowly starts drifting towards the edge of the counter. 

“Rey, I think your phone is haunted.” Rose states, staring at the device and setting her hands on her hips as Kaydel nods in agreement. They both have serious but surprised looks on their faces, so this couldn’t have started more than a couple minutes ago.

Rey steps forward, clean clothes forgotten as she stares with them. The phone just continues to vibrate in its glittery gold case, cracked screen displaying the notifications as they roll in.

Nobody really knows what to say, as water drips onto the floor from Rey's hair. Nobody knows what to do, because clearly _this_ can’t be good.

“I think I need more tequila.” Kay sighs, throwing her hands in the air and walking into the kitchen. “I do not have _nearly_ enough alcohol in my body to deal with this right now.” She nervously laughs, as Rose fervently agrees with her. 

“Seconded!” She sighs, grabbing her new key from the counter and hooking it onto her keychain as Rey just continues to stare.

“Third-ed.” She gulps, quietly leaning down and staring at her phone. Instagram followers continue to flood her notifications, as she sighs and clings her towel to her chest.

_What the fuck?_

«☆»

Rey muted her phone, and her instagram notifications, as soon as she could wrap her head around exactly what had happened.

Ben Solo followed her at eleven PM at night, and she followed him back for good measure, after she agreed to be his friend. He liked a swimsuit photo she posted three weeks ago, and followed her on instagram.

She has no idea how he found her, although she doubts there are many “Rey’s” on instagram. She shouldn’t be that surprised, in all honesty.

She gulps, as she sits on the edge of her bed and runs a hand through her hair. Rose went home, tomorrow is the weekend, and she’ll be moving in the rest of her big furniture. She’ll get to meet the infamous Paige tomorrow, everything will be normal and cool.

She is a civil engineering grad student, with far too much student debt and- and a diet that consists of popcorn and bad decisions! She is not someone who gets followed on instagram by movie stars!

She’s Maz Kanata’s temp assistant! She’ll leave this summer with a fun story to tell and _fifteen thousand_ more instagram followers than she did last night.

She groans, and flops back on her bed. What the fuck is she getting herself into?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ben Solo - dumb of ass and pure of heart.
> 
> also im SO sorry for leaving you at this cliffhanger BUT REMEMBER! TOMORROW! NEW CHAPTER! NOT FOREVER!
> 
> I don't know how many people are gonna read this right now, because it is uncompleted- but if you are: thank u <3


	5. Late Summer - V

Ben and Rey start their day at the same time, both getting calls from their respective bosses on separate sides of the city. 

Hux is putting out fires left and right, apparently, because Ben following a random girl on his sparsely used social media has got all of the Hollywood press outlets going haywire. Ben knows it’s nothing he can’t handle, because Ben has done worse, but Hux would at least like a warning before he goes liking random pictures of girls.

Ben just rolls his eyes as he jogs in the hotel gym, listening to Hux moan and groan about Ben's responsibilities as a public figure. It’s not that big of a deal, who even cares who he follows on instagram? It’s not like it’s anything huge, they’re just friends.

Until he gets a text from Gwen, and he slows down the treadmill to walk as he reads it over and over in his brain. 

**So, how’s your first girlfriend scare going?**

…

_What?_

«☆»

Rey, on the other side of the city, wakes up with a call from Maz, snorting as she blinks at the sunlight that’s invading her room and kicking the sheets off of her body as she blindly reaches for her phone. It’s not even ten am and it’s already too fucking hot.

“Hello?” She croaks into the device, quickly checking the caller ID before shoving the phone against her face.

“Good morning Miss Niima! How are you today?”

Rey rubs her eyes as she sits up, yawning as she takes stock of her surroundings. She’s still got suspicious cracks in the walls, no curtains, and a pile of clothes on the dreaded chair that she has yet to tackle.

“Good.” She chirps, rubbing her forehead and leaning back against her scratched headboard as she takes stock of the situation.

Maz stays silent, like she’s expecting Rey to elaborate on something. 

“I mean, besides the, what, must be twenty thousand new instagram followers last night? Think they’ve dug up my old secondary school posts yet?” Rey jokes, although it sounds weak to her own ears. 

She stares out the window, as Maz sighs. 

“I wasn’t planning on this happening.” She mumbles through the phone, as she suddenly realizes that Maz is calling because she feels like this is _her_ fault. 

“Maz! Oh my god, no, I know you weren’t planning on this happening either. I-“ she licks her lips as she draws her legs up to her body, whispering through the phone. “Mr. Solo and I got off on the wrong foot, he apologized to me yesterday and we cleared some stuff up. We decided to be friends, or at least friendly, and he must have accidentally followed me. It makes sense-“

“You’re still calling him Mr. Solo, Rey.”

She freezes at that, because yes. Yes she is still calling him Mr. Solo, that’s who he is to her. Kind of?

But he likes her instagram posts, and apologized for an uncomfortable situation that was not his fault at _all_ , and he wants to be friends with her.

What is he to her? Or, more aptly, what would she _like_ him to be?

Rey doesn’t know the answer to that, if she's honest. At least, not yet.

She shrugs, before remembering Maz can’t see. “He’s your client. Of course I’m going to call him Mr. Solo, especially if he continues to show up at the office.” She jokes, trying to laugh this whole situation off. This whole _weird_ situation they’ve found themselves in.

An empty silence hangs between them, a world of unknowns between the two as Maz sighs. “In that case, I’ve sent you a shopping list for B- Mr. Solo. Rose can go with you, once she’s finished moving in, but our _client_ needs some last minute pieces by Monday, I thought you two could go and pick them up.”

Rey leans her head back, closing her eyes. That makes more sense, that's why Maz called. “What about Phasma? I thought she was our priority, because she’s flying out eight hours before Solo?”

Rey tries to hide the yawn at the end of her statement.

“I can handle that, Rey. I may be old, but when it comes to women’s wear I still find the best pieces in the market.”

Rey laughs, as Maz chuckles on the other end of the line. “Plus, I get to have that Mitaka fellow drive me around. You know how much I enjoy terrorizing the youth.” She hums, sending Rey into another fit of giggles.

“Be nice to him! He tries, Maz.”

The two fall into silence again, this time far more comfortable than before. “I know, dear. I know. And, stay safe. I don’t think you’ll have much to worry about, and this will all blow over soon enough, but you can’t be too careful these days. Hide your face around your apartment complex, and when you do the drop-off. I don’t want you to get in trouble.” 

Rey responds, “Of course, I’ll be careful.” She hums, stretching her arms and starting to get out of bed. She cracks her spine as Maz continues to give her some tips, clearly from her days avoiding the paparazzi as a much younger woman. Rey has been around Maz enough now to know the old woman got up to some _mischief_ in her younger years.

“How did you find out about this anyways? I didn’t take you for someone who would follow the tabloids, or wherever this is ending up.” Rey hums, stepping over to her window and staring out into the complexes crumbling pool.

“One guess, dear.”

Rey goes through her list, her very short list.

“Poe.” She growls, as Maz hums in affirmation on the other end of the line. 

“That is why I keep him around, so I can keep tabs on my employees. Yes, dear?”

“Yes, Maz.”

“Good, have fun spending a rich man's money. I’ll see you on Monday.”

Rey giggles, “See you Monday, Maz.” as she hangs up the phone and turns back around to her door, ready to start the day. She makes it about three steps before realizing what Maz said.

_Shit, the drop off._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AND WE'RE BACK-


	6. Late Summer - VI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY SO. APPARENTLY I HATE UPLOADING THINGS DAY BY DAY. I FEEL LIKE IM NOT BEING ENOUGH BY MAKING YOU WAIT SO IM SORRY IF YOU GET 300 EMAILS FROM ME UPLOADING THIS IT ISN'T MY INTENT TO BE WISHY-WASHY.
> 
> I just want to talk to people about this pleas e dear god I can't have it in my brain any longer-

Rose’s move in goes about as easily as expected, with the five all ending up on Rey's couch by the end of the night; too exhausted to do much else other than order takeout and reflect on the day as the sun starts to dip under the western skyline.

Paige and her boyfriend are both very nice, Rey notes, and she really won’t mind having them around the complex. Neither of them have brought up the Solo situation either, and for now they are all able to stay blissfully unaware of the mess that is Rey's brain.

Because she’s spent the whole day thinking about Ben Solo, about how genuine he had seemed when he apologized. How she wouldn’t mind running her hands through that hair of his, how he liked that photo of her on the beach. How his eyes are a really pretty dark brown, and his face sticks out in her mind like a thorn.

How he always seems to be holding back, always putting up walls around people. How he’s leaving her guessing, confusing her and making her second guess herself and what she wants. Like she’s a teenager again, with a stupid crush.

Rey doesn’t know what his angle is here.

She picks at her green coconut curry with her spoon, as Kay holds out a spring roll. “You want it?” She hums, as Rey nods and grabs it from her. Yes, spring rolls make everything better. 

She comes back to the conversation as she bites into it, realizing Paige's boyfriend is currently teasing Rose for not knowing how an electric drill works. 

“Look, if Ikea can make all of their furniture with Allen wrenches then I don’t think we, as a society, have a need for screwdrivers or electric drills anymore!”

He just looks at her in audacity, laughing as he makes a pleading motion with his hands. “They’re like the most basic power tools in the universe! How can you expect to fix the holes in your walls, that I made thank-you-very-much, when you don’t even know how to make them in the first place!”

They’re going to lose their security deposit, Rey realizes. They are absolutely going to lose their security deposit.

“Youtube!” Kaydel shouts through a mouthful of pad thai, throwing her hands in the air as Rose points at her. 

“I knew she was a woman after my own heart! I'm replacing you with Kaydel, Paige!”

Paige makes a noise of distress, as Rey laughs into her curry. Ben can be momentarily forgotten, this is more important. 

This moment is more important.

«☆»

Rey lied. She can’t stop thinking about Ben and how confused he’s making her. 

If he just wants to be friends, that’s great. By the sounds of it, and the research she’s done, it sounds like he could use one. Apparently he and Gwen Phasma, which is probably how he ended up in Maz’s office in the first place, have a tense but friendly relationship. They’re not buddies, by any means, and Ben- er, Mr. Solo, always seems to be photographed alone.

No girlfriend, no wife, no trips with friends.

His Instagram is another story, photos from around the world. Well cropped, promotional material photos. Photoshoots, stills from broadway, movie trailers. There’s even a brand deal for some sunglasses, which Rey recognizes as his go-to pair.

She doesn’t actually know if he runs his own account, it looks like a studio or a manager runs it. It’s impersonal.

She clicks on the followers, and realizes it’s exactly that. A couple studios, his manager Hux, some brands…

And one Rey.Niima. 

She sighs to herself as she checks the time on her phone, it’s way too late to be bothering with this.

But she can’t stop thinking about him, she tried to sleep and she couldn’t stop thinking about this. It’s like her heart has disconnected from her brain, because there’s no way in hell any of this is _real_ . There’s no way Ben Solo, multi-million dollar movie star, wants to be her _friend_. 

She’s half expecting Ashton Kutcher to jump out of her closet and shout “You’ve been punk’d!” as this whole thing collapses in front of her.

Rey sets her alarm for the morning, just like Rose reminded her, and sighs as she shuts her phone off one more time.

But what if he really likes her, like _really_ likes her. What if…

_What if Ben Solo has a crush on her?_

She knows it’s a ridiculous notion, really, as she groans and covers her face with her palm. It’s stupid, and silly, and outright unbelievable.

But would she be opposed?

She bites her lip, as she thinks to herself.

No, she doesn’t think she would be.

She giggles into her hand, like a little kid, as her heart flutters around her chest.

Because she might just have a crush on him, too.


	7. Late Summer - VII

Rey yawns into her palm, as Rose talks to a clerk and hands Rey another garment bag. She has never been on a pick-up before, not like this, and despite her exhaustion she’s finding it incredibly interesting.

Rose knows what she’s doing, exactly how to speak to these people. She drops the Kanata name more than once, always reminding the tailors and the salesmen that these clothes are for _Maz Kanata_ and everything must be up to _her_ specifications.

Which is accurate, Maz is the one with all of the specifications here. Rey doesn’t think Ben really cares all that much. 

But it’s how they find themselves in the Prada showroom, sipping on lemon-cucumber water and talking about said Solo as Rey stares at her melting ice.

“Have you thought about what you’re going to say to him, yet?” Rose hums, grinning as she takes another sip and leans back in her chair. She looks like she fits in here, expensive sunglasses perched high on her head and surrounded by various bags. 

Rey shrugs, tapping her fingers along the wet glass before setting it down.

“I don’t know, I can’t just… bring it up. That would be weird.” She sighs, wiping off her wet fingers on her black jeans as she turns to Rose. “What if I’m totally reading the situation wrong? I mean, guys like girls' photos all the time. Maybe he really is just trying to be my friend.”

Rose stares at her, as Rey crosses her legs and turns back to the window.

“Rey, men do not like girls bikini photos at eleven at night without an ulterior motive.” She smiles, as Rey feels her face heat up. Okay, that is- that is _fair-_

“You know, you’re as bad as Maz.” Rey sighs, sliding down in her chair and groaning. This is so much more complicated than anyone else seems to think, because it feels like everything she does is going to be amplified by ten. Ben has money, she doesn’t. Ben has power, she doesn’t.

Ben has a fanbase who’s been sending her threatening DM’s since this whole thing started, and she doesn’t have anybody to defend her. She’s scared!

Rey crosses her arms, scrunching up her nose in protest as she shoots a death glare at Rose. “I just wanted a summer job, I just wanted to get through this unscathed and come out with a couple extra dollars in my pocket and some fun stories.” She closes her eyes, and rubs her temples. She can’t believe this is her _life-_ “I just wanted a nice, normal summer.”

Rose scoffs next to her, as Rey continues to spiral.

What is she going to _say_ to him?

«☆»

The hotel is big, bigger than Rey thought. It’s also in the middle of the city, with an impressive footprint for its location. “Welcome to the four seasons, aka my personal hell.” Rose sighs, pulling into the underground guest parking and flashing her phone to the security guard on duty.

She takes a parking pass, quickly thanking the gentleman before rolling her window back up and slipping it on her dash. “I hate this place, I always feel like they don’t _want_ me here.” She sighs, looking like she’s gearing up for battle. She looks tired, like she doesn’t want to be here either. Which is odd, because Rose usually loves her job.

Rey looks at her questioningly, although she does exactly what her friend says as they hop out of the car and start gathering the _fifteen thousand_ dollars worth of clothes in the backseat of her prius.

She grabs the garment bags from the backseat and trunk, follows her into the hotel, and watches as she marches past the front desk without anyone even batting an eye. She makes it into the elevator, looking _severely_ out of place in the empty lobby. 

Rey hardly has time to take in the interior of the building, trying not to gawk and seem like too much of an outsider as her eyes go up the walls of the main lobby. Fuck, Rose wasn’t kidding when she said this place was weird. 

She thinks this place is opulent, and Rey is shocked that she even has a reason to use that word in her life right now. 

She watches as Rose sneakily double checks the room number, trotting after her to try and make it into the elevator with her before the doors close on them.

Rey barely makes it in, taking a deep breath as Rose presses the button for the thirteenth floor.

Rey gulps, that’s the top floor. 

Shit, shit, _shit._

They’re really doing this, aren’t they? 

Rey reminds herself, as the elevator starts to climb, this is her job. This is what she is paid to do. She’s done this before, she’s gone with Maz to drop off outfits before. She’s met celebrities before.

She knows Ben, Mr. Solo. She’s talked to him before.

Which is why she might be currently having a minor anxiety attack.

She turns to look at Rose, who is staring at her with a confused expression on her face. “You look like you’re about to faint, Rey. Sure you’re up for this?”

She nods a little too eagerly in response, not trusting her own voice. She’s fine, this is fine.

She feels like that little dog Poe loves, surrounded by fire and sipping on coffee. This is fine.

The doors open, and Rose starts leading Rey down a hallway. “Maz said he’s expecting us, by the way. I don’t know if that eases any of your worries or anything, but we’re not just surprising him totally out of the blue.” Good, he knows Rose is coming by to drop off his stuff. He knows this is happening. Does he know Rey is coming too?

Rey nods again, keeping quiet as they slip around a corner and she knocks on what Rey presumes is his door.

He opens it after a moment, nodding at Rose with an unreadable expression on his face as he steps back and lets her pass. For a moment she sees what everyone else does at first glance, an intimidating presence that tends to dominate whatever space he’s in. A veritable brick wall of emotion. She kind of gets the _intimidating stature_ thing now.

But then his eyes meet Reys, and she swears every drop of blood in her body freezes. Ever since that revelation that she maybe, just might, have a bit of a crush on him; every picture of his that she looks at makes her feel all fluttery. Knowing that maybe he feels the same, that maybe someone like _that_ finds her pretty… 

Rey was ill prepared for seeing him in the flesh, to say the least, with all of these new feelings starting to bubble up.

“Rey.” He breathes, sounding a little breathless as he stares at her. His eyes widen, and she watches as he smiles for a moment before swallowing it and turning away from her.

She scoots past him, elbow brushing up against his stomach. She feels him automatically recoil with a tiny huff, as she hurries into the suite and Ben shuts the door behind them. He clears his throat and crosses and uncrosses his arms as he nervously taps his foot on the floor. 

“Uh- you must be Rose.” He murmurs, uneasily holding a hand out for her to shake as she smiles up at him. 

She nods, completely at ease. “In the flesh! Miss Kanata is busy finishing up some looks for Miss Phasma today, so I hope you don’t mind that she sent us. Rey and I will get out of your hair as soon as possible, we just need to make sure we send you off with everything you might need for the next couple weeks.”

Ben nods, and his eyes go to Rey for a moment before snapping back up to Rose. “It’s- You’re- It’s not a problem.” He hums, rocking on his heels as Rose nods and looks towards Rey.

“Help me get these laid out, Maz sent me a spreadsheet with all of the outfits and she wants photos before we leave.”

Rey nods, and Ben immediately goes to help her. “Here, uhm-“ he chuckles, clumsily picking up about half of the items as Rey's entire body flushes. He’s close enough where she can smell him, all clean soap and… lavender? 

He smells very nice, and he’s also very tall as she stares up at him and he stares down at her. Christ, he’s big. Wide shoulders, long legs. He really is a tall man.

They tear their eyes away from each other, listening to Rose as she helps them get all of this stuff laid out. Oh, right, that’s what is supposed to be happening. That’s what she needs to do.

Rey realizes Ben is blushing, as she chances another look at him and Rose instructs him to be careful with those slacks.

This can’t end well.

«☆»

They get about three looks in, Ben increasingly uncomfortable with every outfit and Rey near melting in her seat with the need to do something about this very weird situation, before Rose's phone goes off with a loud ring. It’s a wonder she didn’t fake a call sooner, the sexual tension could be cut with a fucking knife.

“It’s Maz.” She sighs, picking up the device and setting it against her ear. She heads out to the balcony, closing the door behind her as Rey waits for Ben to come back from his bedroom. 

She crosses and uncrosses her legs as she sits up a little bit, unsure what to do with herself. This is supremely weird. This is the most bizarre moment of her life. Screw getting coffee for Amilyn Holdo, screw Gwen Phasma and her penchant for curse words that would get anybody else banned from America, this moment, with just Rey and Ben in the hotel room, takes the cake.

Ben comes storming out of the attached bedroom after a couple seconds, groaning as he tugs at the collar of a red turtleneck that is for the London portion of his trip. “I look like a fucking mushroom.“ He huffs, right as he realizes Rose is out on the patio and he’s alone with Rey. 

“Oh.” He hums, staring at her for a moment. His expression immediately softens, his walls still holding strong but slowly giving way under her presence.

He gently continues to tug at the collar of his red turtleneck, as Rey looks down at the floor. 

“So.” He hums, voice cracking as he plays with the button of his black blazer they’ve styled over it. “It’s nice to see you again.” He sighs, unsure how to fill the space. Rey realizes he can be a _supremely_ awkward man.

“You know, if you wanted my phone number you really could have just asked.” Rey quietly murmurs, riding on a wave of bravery fueled by the fact that she could force him to wear whatever the hell she wants. She has power here, she has the upper hand.

He does not. He is at the whim of whatever Rose and Rey want him to do.

Her courage surprises even herself, if she’s perfectly honest.

He stares at her, and it looks like his brain is breaking for a moment. Like he’s putting pieces of a puzzle together that neither of them really understand. Like they don’t know what the end result is going to be, they just know it’s going to be _something_ interesting.

The doors of the balcony squeak open and then closed, as Rose comes back into the room. She takes a quick photo of Ben, still looking like he just had his brain completely shattered, as she sighs and sends it off to Maz. “Boss woman doesn’t like any of the neckerchief options the company that made Ms. Phasma’s New York suit sent, so I need to go hunting for an option that isn’t ‘fucking horrendous’.” She sighs, tucking her phone back in her pocket as she punctuates the last part with air quotes. “Will you two be okay? Maz still needs photos, and we need to get this polished off before you leave tomorrow afternoon.”

Ben just nods, as Rose grabs her purse. “Rey, call me before you leave. I’ll swing by and pick you up.”

“I can just uber or something. I’ll be fine.” She offers, even if she knows she’ll have to take the metro home. It’s a weekend night in LA, there is no way she can justify getting a Lyft, but Phasma’s house is way out in the hills. Rey can’t ask Rose to drive all the way back here just to pick her up, she won’t.

Rose shrugs, “Offer still stands, call me when you leave anyways so I know you’re getting home safe, okay?” She hums, watching as Rey nods. 

She goes to the door, adjusting her purse as her phone pings. She checks the notification with a sigh, furrowing her brow.

“Maz wants the silver Rolex with that suit, by the way. And keep the blazer buttoned, gives you more form.” She huffs, leaving the room without a goodbye.

Rey and Ben just stare at each other, both fighting back obvious blushes. 

“I am not wearing a Rolex.” He finally manages to choke out, as Rey just stares at him.

«☆»

“Ben, please.” Rey whines, as he impatiently wriggles under her touch. “I need to get these on you, Maz said-“

“I don’t care what Maz said, I am not wearing any rings. Hard no on the rings.” He grunts, as Rey just grabs his hand and looks up at him. He feels like some sort of Mafia guy, in the leather jacket and silver rings. Like he’s about to punch someone, and tell them that they ‘know what they did’ in a very bad Italian accent.

It’s not going to happen.

He scowls down at her, as she pinches the skin of his palm and walks away. He’s acting like a toddler, he knows he’s acting like a toddler, but Rey seems to be putting up with him for whatever reason. She’s even smiled a couple times, when he got really animated about his hatred of the _patterned_ button-up Maz had him try, so he’s upped the ante on being silly with her.

He smiles as she goes back to the accessories, shaking her head as he continues his tirade. “You know what I wear, Rey? You know what I wear on an average weekday?” He hums, pulling the rings off of his fingers as she grabs her phone. “I wear Hanes t-shirts and black Levis my assistant picks up. He buys the same cut, same size, every single time. I own three nice sweaters, all in black, and two button down dress shirts.”

Rey takes a photo of him, the flash momentarily blinding him as he realizes the sun has gone down outside. It must be near nine, for the sun to finally be setting. They spent the whole afternoon together, trying to get Ben situated and packed for the next two weeks of his life.

He sets the rings on the counter, “I wear Hanes t-shirts and Levis, Niima. I do not wear rings.”

He turns to go back to his bedroom, as he realizes what he said.

Rey never gave him her last name, he should not know her last name. 

They both remember the instagram incident at the same time, and Ben remembers exactly what Phasma said he did. 

_“You liked her instagram post! Of her in a bikini! At eleven-o-three at night!” She practically cackles through the phone, Ben grimacing as he continues his cool down on the treadmill._

_“No, I did not.” He scoffs, crossing his arms as she just continues to laugh. He takes a sip from his water bottle as he waits for her to quiet down and tell him exactly why people think he and Rey are a thing._

_“Yes you did, Solo! You and your- oh my god. Did you not realize you liked the photo?”_

_She starts laughing all over again, some dogs barking in the background as Ben tilts his head in confusion._

_“You’re an idiot, Ben. Did you view a photo of her in a yellow bikini yesterday? Did you click on any such photo?”_

_Ben stops the treadmill, staring at himself in the mirrored wall of the gym._

_“Yes?” He hums, listening to Phasma as she starts cackling on the other end of the line all over again._

“Rey- I-“ 

“It was an accident, it’s fine.” She hums, turned away from him as she messes with the box of rings. Her phone goes off again, and she checks it as Ben plays with his recently freed fingers. “Maz says you don’t have to wear the rings, if they’re uncomfortable, but she would at least like you to think about keeping the sunglasses-“

“Rey, it’s not fine. Hux filled me in on what happened, I didn’t think about the fact that people could see who I was following and I didn’t mean to like that photo. It was my mistake.” He grunts, fighting the urge to step towards her.

Towards her, he’s always moving towards her.

She shrugs, and Ben runs a hand through his hair. “I really am sorry, I know my lifestyle can be… overwhelming, and I shouldn’t have dragged you into it without your permission.” He sighs, crossing his arms as Rey continues to focus on the box of rings current in front of her. “It wasn’t fair, especially after the thing with Maz… I didn’t intend for any of that to be public. I didn’t intend for _any_ of this to be public.”

“Twenty thousand followers, Ben.“ She hums, the gentle way she says his name sending a pleasant shiver up his spine. He is so happy she started calling him _Ben,_ under his insistence _,_ because he could live in the way she says his name. “twenty thousand individual new followers, hundreds of messages in my inbox. I got a text from my old college roommate, who I haven’t talked to in nearly five years, asking if it was true. I got death threats, I feel like I have to sneak around my own apartment-“

“What?” Ben bristles, guard going up as he drops his hands and quiets his voice. “You got death threats?” 

He feels his entire body straighten as she slowly nods, and he has to physically fight the urge to go and _protect_ her because it is _his_ fault she’s getting hurt. It’s his fault people are threatening her.

What the fuck is wrong with people?

“Maz says it’ll all blow over soon, but you need to be prepared for reporters asking about me-“

Ben steps forward, rings forgotten and arms crossed. “I am less concerned with a reporter asking about the state of our friendship than I am with you getting _death threats_. Rey,” He reaches out, slowly setting a hand on her shoulder. He squeezes her gently, “I need to know that you’re okay. My priority right now is making sure you’re okay.”

She turns up to him, and Ben realizes her eyes have gone all glassy with unshed tears. It’s been a long day, clearly. He belatedly wonders if she’s been sleeping much at all, as he also realizes she’s got dark circles under her eyes and they never ate dinner. She’s probably starving-

And then she’s grabbing him by the collar of this far too expensive jacket, and kissing him like nothing else matters. 

Like they’ve done this a thousand times before.

Like they were made to do _this_.

She pulls away with a pop, and the two stare at each other. “Oh, my god-“ she panics, as Ben stares in a little bit of a daze. “Oh, shit, fuck! I’m so sorry! I shouldn’t have-“

He kisses her back before she can finish her thought, dipping down and clumsily slanting his face over hers as she rises to her toes and holds her hands over his arms like she’s afraid to break this spell. She squeaks in surprise against his mouth, as his hands go to her waist, and Ben realizes he really could die from this. Rey could kill him, and he would welcome the final blow.

But he hopes she won’t, not when he’s just discovering how much he fucking loves this, as he grabs her hips and slowly pushes her back against the wall as he groans into her mouth and licks at the seam of her lips like he’s starving. She tastes like spearmint gum, and she’s so soft and _small_.

Her tongue is so _soft._

_Fucking hell_.

Those are the only coherent thoughts he can make for the next couple minutes, as they explore each other's mouths and Ben slowly lifts her up against the wall to better reach her. She _whines_ as he grabs under her thighs, and he nibbles at her lip in response. She wraps her legs around him and pulls him closer after a couple moments, caging him in against her body as her hands fly to his hair and tug. 

He presses himself up against her stomach, digging his hands into her legs as he gives himself a second to snap out of it.

They pant into each other's necks when they need to catch their breath, Ben still holding her as she plays with his hair. He pulls a whine out of her as he sucks at her pulse point, and Ben closes his eyes as she shudders and she lets herself _be_ with him. 

He was right, he can pick her up.

Oh, _shit,_ he is so screwed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, as you can tell- this is going to be Quite Different than the other stuff I've written.
> 
> aka, no. this is not a slow burn. this is my apology for every other slow burn I've written.
> 
> again, reminder to get a good dentist here because this much sugar cannot be good for your teeth-


	8. Late Summer - VIII

Ben asks her to stay for dinner, when her stomach rumbles against his and he laughs into her neck despite her embarrassment. When she’s still pressed up against the wall, and he’s staring at her with dazed, wide eyes.

She agrees, and Ben insists he order room service or something. Let her treat him, in an apology for everything that’s gone wrong up until this moment. For making her worry, for stressing her out, for not being able to take her out on a real date quite yet.

Rey insists they just get postmates from a nearby pizza place that she loves but never has an excuse to buy from, as long as he promises to finish packing his clothes for the trip and cleaning up from the clothing explosion that has taken over his suite. So they don’t have to worry about it later, she says.

He nods, and quietly tells her he’ll do whatever the hell she wants as long as she promises to stay a little longer.

Rey just has to stare at him as he says that, the previous fear in her heart melting away as he slowly leans in and settles his forehead against hers. He’s so warm, his whole body is, he’s thawing out something she didn’t think she was really capable of feeling anymore, with anybody.

But, in her defense, she didn’t know it could feel like this. She didn’t know it could  _ be _ like this.

Ben eventually has to set her down,, the two pulling apart like polarized magnets and trying to get themselves together before Rey has to go and pick up dinner from downstairs. They haven’t discussed what just happened yet, neither seem particularly eager to, but there seems to be an understanding that absolutely  _ nobody _ can know what just happened tonight.

They both come to this realization separately, silently cleaning up and glancing at each other in the silence of the hotel room. Rey catches him watching her, like he can’t believe this is happening. Like  _ he _ can't believe  _ she’s _ here.

How completely absurd is that?

They end up on his couch as they wait, Rey slowly moving from the opposite end to his side and finally to his lap. Somehow she ends up on top of him, staring at him as she tries not to give into baser instincts and settles for pushing his hair back with her hands and letting him kiss the inside of her wrist. 

It tickles, just a little. The skin of his face is rougher than she expected.

She likes it.

Ben smiles against her skin as she leans forward and kisses his temple, eyes closed as he explores the dips and curves of her body with his hands. He digs his fingers into her thighs, like he’s exploring how far he can push her until she stops him.

But she doesn’t think she will. Not yet. Not now.

The fact that he’s handsy is something she feels she should safeguard in her brain, just in case this ends up being a one time thing. In case she wakes up and this is all gone. Which, very well could be a possibility here. Rey isn’t an idiot.

Her phone goes off and Ben huffs against her neck, where he is currently exploring her with his teeth and tongue. “Ignore it.” He hums, as she scratches under his ear and he quietly sighs. She can feel his grin against her collar as she pulls away, and Ben stares at her with narrowed eyes. His pupils are all dilated, and his breath is shallower than it was before this whole thing started.

“I am not going to ignore food, Ben.” She hums, extraditing herself away from his grasp as he stands up and slips a hand under her shirt. He wraps his arms around her from behind, tentatively setting his face next to hers as she tries to fix her clothes from his insistent tugging. 

“And then what?” He hums, closing his eyes as she sways with him and she turns to examine his face. That is the big question, where is this going? What happens next?

“What would you like to happen?” She exhales, as Ben shrugs behind her.

He curls in closer against her back.

“I’d like you to stay,” he kisses her neck, under her ear, “I’d like to figure out what’s under this shirt.” Another kiss, a couple centimeters lower, as he tightens his grasp. Secure, but not constraining against her stomach. “I’d like to see where this goes.” A third kiss, just grazing her collarbone. She tries not to squirm, as he smiles against her skin.

“But I only want to go as far as you do.”

Rey feels a shiver go up her spine, as Ben nudges at her neck with his mouth. He nips at her skin, pulling her against his broad chest. Completely encapsulating her. She thinks that plan sounds good. She thinks that plan sounds  _ really _ good.

“I want to give you my phone number before you leave, because I really don’t want to chance not seeing you again.” He whispers, kissing her neck as she really tries not to squirm too much. He is careful not to linger too long or leave marks either, just trailing feather light touches along her skin. She realizes he’s being a gentleman, or at least trying to.

Coincidentally, he’s also a fucking  _ tease _ -

“I’m just going to pick up food, I’ll be right back.” Rey hums, bringing a hand up to his face and scratching under his chin in an effort to distract him. She’s obsessed with the way his stubble is coming in, dragging her knuckles along the slightly scratchy line of his jaw.

“I know.” He whispers, eyes still closed as she steps away from him and grabs her phone. He follows right behind her, before remembering something with a snap of his fingers as his eyes go wide. “I have a sweatshirt, it was for a brand deal that I didn’t end up going through with. I’ve never worn it, you should use it to disguise yourself.”

Rey freezes by the door, as Ben dashes into his bedroom. He brings out a bright purple sweatshirt, with the logo for some clothing company plastered across the front in yellow and black embroidery. 

He instructs her to lift her arms up, and he slips it over her head as he continues to look around the room.

Rey wishes he had worn it, then at least this oversized monstrosity would smell like him or something. Instead it just smells like a factory.

He comes back to her, with a pair of sunglasses from the Kanata vaults, as she sorts out the hood around her head. “These too, I don’t want you getting spotted down there.”

“It’s nearly ten, won’t this look suspicious?”

Ben shrugs, setting the glasses on her face and giving her a once over before texting himself from her unlocked phone. “It’ll look more suspicious if anybody sees you coming from my hotel room, especially this late at night.” He sighs, looking over to his device as it pings in response. 

He kisses her again, with a new sort of desperation, as Rey nips at his bottom lip. “I’ll be fine, Ben, I promise I’ll be fine.” She soothes, nervously pecking his cheek as he sighs against her skin and gives her a final hug.

It feels like an apology, a promise, and a wish all at once. It feels like all the things she thinks he wants to say.

_ I’m sorry that I’m not normal. I’m sorry that this is going to be weird. I’m going to do my best to protect you. You’re not alone. _

She wants to tell him that he isn’t, he isn’t alone. 

She settles for a quick, “I’ll be right back, hang tight.” Before opening the door and jogging down the hallway with her phone in her hand and a brain still stuck at three PM.

Any second she’s going to wake up alone in her bed, this can’t be happening.

This is so weird.

«☆»

Ben was right about having her wear a disguise, there are a lot of people downstairs and she doesn’t exactly know any of them. She hangs near the edges of the lobby, finally just meeting the delivery guy outside after a couple minutes and trying not to raise any eyebrows as she slinks along the walls of the lobby and slips back into the elevator with a pizza box in her palms.

Ben said she shouldn’t have to worry, he doesn’t think anybody knows he’s staying here, but they can’t be too careful. 

They really can’t be too careful, if the continued rising count of her instagram followers is any indication. 

She creeps down the hallway, double checking the room number that Ben sent her. She just wanted to double check that she remembered correctly from earlier, and she did, but the last thing she needs to do right now is knock on the wrong door.

She knocks twice, and Ben answers just as quickly as before. He’s on the phone, ushering her into the room as he motions to the dining table by the window of the room. “That’ll work, I can manage that on my own.” He hums, rubbing the bridge of his nose as Rey sets down the pizza and crosses her arms. She realizes that’s a nervous tic for him, rubbing the bridge of his nose.

Something must be going wrong.

“Finn, I have to go pack. Tell Hux everything is fine, I’ll get the car to the rental place and you can come and pick me up there. I am not totally incapable of taking care of myself. Okay?”

Rey comes over to him, wrapping her arms around him as he jumps in surprise. He immediately settles, though, setting an arm around her spine as she waits for the call to end. 

He rubs her back, mindlessly, as he listens to his assistant prattle on about the details of his flight and upcoming trip.

“Finn I-“ Ben groans, rolling his eyes as Rey laughs into his shirtfront. He changed out of all of the expensive clothes, much more comfortable and happy in his jeans and t-shirt. Rey can see it in his whole body, the way he feels more at ease when he has control over the situation. When he has control over  _ himself. _

“Finn, I have to go, I will call you tomorrow, goodbye!” He shouts, hanging up before the poor assistant can snap back at him.

“That wasn’t very nice.” Rey hums, as Ben shrugs his shoulders in response. The sides of his mouth quirk up in a smirk, and Rey's stomach does dangerous things.

He turns to look down at her, reaching and setting his phone down on the console under the TV. “Finn is a good person, and an even better assistant, but he gets  _ so _ worked up when things don’t go according to plan. I swear, I spend more time worrying about his wellness than I do my own.”

The two stare at each other, Rey squeezing him tight as she realizes what the call was about.

Ben is leaving tomorrow, for two weeks. Whatever they’re staring here, whatever they’re doing, won’t be resumed for two weeks. If ever.

It’s now or never.

Rey pushes her face against his chest, just taking him in as he slowly brings his arms around her. She could run right now, she could leave and probably never see him again. By the time he gets back, she’ll be a week out from grad school starting up once more.

But she doesn’t want to run, not from this. She’s spent so much of her life running.

She turns up to him, slipping her hands under his shirt. To her glee, she is met by solid muscle and unflinching skin. “I think pizza can wait.” She hums, slowly starting to drag him by the shirtfront towards his bedroom. He looks down at her in curiosity, and she watches in unabashed joy as his face lights up and he realizes what she’s doing. What she  _ wants _ to do with him.

He follows after her like a doting puppy, picking her up as she squeals into his neck and she locks her legs around his body. He drops them both on the bed, shoving his hands under her shirt as she giggles against his mouth and her heart nervously pounds against her ribcage. 

Yeah, Pizza can wait.

  
Pizza can  _ definitely _ wait.


	9. Late Summer - IX

They do end up eating the pizza, at some point that night. By the time they get to it, it’s cold, and Rey and Ben are a little less dressed than they were when they picked it up, but it gets eaten nonetheless. 

Rey pulls Ben's hoodie, the one he gave her to go and pick up said pizza, over her naked legs as she crawls into his lap and curls up against his chest. He yawns, teeth flashing in the yellow lights of the hotel room as Rey shuts her eyes and settles in against him. 

“I don’t wanna go home.” She murmurs, as Ben sets his lips against her hairline with a gentle hum and an exhale against her skin.

“Then  _ don’t _ .” He whispers, pulling her closer as she breathes him in.

She thinks about it for a moment, she really does, before she yawns in response and rubs her eyes. “Can’t, I’ve got work tomorrow and you’re flying out. Plus, it wouldn't look good to have a girl come out of your hotel room after staying the night.” She sighs, picking up quick on what being with Ben would require.

What it does require.

“That was good pizza, by the way.” He hums, nibbling under her ear as she giggles and moves away from him. He chases her with his mouth, eyes drowsy and lips kiss stung. He’s avoiding the issue.

Rey takes a leap, kissing the tip of his nose as he adjusts her over his legs. He freezes for a moment, like he’s unused to that sort of affection, before setting his face in her neck and sighing. His whole body tenses and then relaxes, like it’s trying to decide what to do here. What this turf is.

“This is going to be weird.” He warns her with a hum, slipping his hands under her sweatshirt as she nods. She places her hands on his chest as she leans against him, resting her weight over his body as he continues to just explore her skin with his hands.

Like he can’t get enough of her, like he’s trying to memorize everything she can give.

Rey nods, tucking her face under his chin as she realizes he’s giving her an out. Giving her the option to run before this becomes too serious. “I don’t mind weird.” She sighs in response, feeling him tug her closer. She can put up with weird. In fact, she thinks she  _ likes _ weird if the price tag has a Ben Solo attached to it.

They just stay like that for a moment, letting the city sounds wash over them as they hold each other. In here, in the privacy of his hotel room, nothing can touch them. As long as they have that, they can try to make this work.

“I’m not letting you uber home, by the way. It’s nearly two AM, you lied to Rose about being with a friend-“

“Not a lie, I am with a friend!”

“She thinks you’re in Santa Monica, I am not letting you uber home.” Ben huffs, quietly kissing her temple as she nods into his neck. When Rey realized they were getting close to midnight, she texted Rose to tell her that she was done with Solo and that a “friend” from the coast was picking her up to hang. She didn’t seem especially excited about it, but-

It’s better than any alternative, right now.

She shuts her eyes, tucking her arms under his as she hugs his torso. “It’s two am?” She whispers, feeling him nod above her. He turns towards the tv, quietly playing some fast and furious movie. 

“Yeah.” He sighs, peppering kisses along her skin. “Tomorrow is going to be hell, for both of us.” He hums, slipping a hand under the back of her underwear as she squeaks. 

“Ben-“

“I love it when you say my name, I love it when you look at me like that.” He laughs, staring at her as she leans back from him. “I wish you could stay, I can’t believe you’re real-” 

He just continues to palm at her as he exhaustedly smiles, Rey setting her forehead against his and tracing his mouth with her fingers as he uses his other hand to rub her thigh. She feels oddly touched that he would share that with her, that he is just as unbelieving as she is.

He doesn’t scare her. This doesn’t scare her.

Fuck, who would have thought this is how today would go?

“You’re a jerk, you know.” She laughs, as Ben nods and chuckles with her.

“I know.” He hums, teasing her as she flicks at his forehead. He likes it when she calls him out on his behavior, she can tell many people don’t do that these days. “I’ll drive you home, like a gentleman, after I get you one more time. Just so I have something to remember, because otherwise I won’t be able to focus until I see you next.” He pouts, whining as she giggles and kisses the corner of his mouth.

She grabs his face, kissing his cheek as he starts sliding her underwear off. She giggles as he moves a hand to the inside of her thighs, and she starts pulling at the band of his sweats. 

“Only if you promise to let me keep this hoodie, it’s too good for you.”

Ben groans at that, throwing his head back as he beams. “Fuck, Rey, whatever you want. I’ll sign the goddamn brand deal if that makes you happy.”

Rey laughs, wrapping her arms around his neck as Ben slips a hand down the front of her underwear. Christ, his hands are big.

Yeah, okay, she could get used to this.

«☆»

It ends up being near four when Ben finally drops her off at her apartment. She falls asleep in the passenger side of his car on the way back to her apartment complex, curled up on the heated seat of his Tesla as he rubs her thigh and tells her it’s alright. His sleep schedule is going to get fucked up anyways, apparently, and she shouldn’t worry.

She wakes up to Ben shaking her knee, face smushed against the window and hood all bunched up around her face.

It’s so odd, how easily they’ve fallen into this. Rey could never have expected this. How right this all is. How natural it is to touch him, and have him touch  _ her _ .

“Ben?” She croaks out, vaguely registering his hand reaching up and tucking her hair behind her ear as she blinks.

She doesn’t know why this is the thing that wakes her up, why this is the thing that really makes everything solid, but it hits her as they stare at each other in the car and he nervously smiles as the interior light of the vehicle creates funky shadows all around them. It is not a movie star smile, by any means, all lopsided and uneasy. She has never seen that smile in any photo of his. And, trust her, she has looked at a lot of his photos recently.

She loves it.

Rey just spent, virtually, the whole night with a fucking movie star. With Ben Solo. She just spent the whole night  _ fucking _ a movie star.

She shakes her head, and he’s still there. Amazing.

“Hi.” He murmurs, tapping his fingers along the steering wheel of the car as Rey yawns again and he pulls back a little. “You uh, you were pretty worn out, weren’t you?” He hums, smiling as she snorts at him. There’s just the right roughness to his voice, to know exactly what type of response he wants from her.

“Yes, and I’ll blame you when I’m sore in the morning, Solo.” She hums, rubbing her eyes as he laughs. 

He turns off the interior light of the car, dousing them in darkness once again. “Glad I could be of service.” He hums, leaning over and kissing her in the dark. He cups her cheek in his palm, gently leading her towards him as he smiles against her lips.

She smiles as she kisses him back, sucking at his bottom lip for a moment. She’ll happily feed his ego, long as he keeps kissing her like this.

He pulls away first, before kissing her forehead. “You need to get some sleep, please. I don’t want to be the one Maz blames for making her assistant non-functioning.”

“You should have seen me when I was twenty-two, I’m pretty sure I survived on chicken nuggets and coffee for six months. I’m invincible.” She giggles, as Ben shakes his head at her. 

He kisses her cheek again, gently running his thumb under her eye. “Unfortunately, neither of us are twenty-two anymore. I’ll figure out how to Venmo you coffee money or something.” He jokes, as Rey squeezes his arm.

She stares at him in the dark for a moment, kissing him again, before opening her door. “Text me when you get back to the hotel please, I don’t want to be the cause of any untimely Ben-cidents.”

“Ben-cidents?”

“Ben based accidents!” She laughs, still talking as she stands in the open passenger door of the car.

They stare at each other a little more, both hesitant to leave. “I should-“ She points to the apartment complex, playing with the hem of the sweatshirt she’s still wearing. It started to smell like Ben after a while, the smell of his apparently lavender based shampoo after they jumped in the shower together at some point during the night.

Not that it stopped them from fooling around afterwards, though. Rey will probably have to take another shower in the morning.

He nods, pointing his thumb at the backseat. “Don’t forget to grab Maz’s stuff, don’t want to be the cause of any untimely Rey-cidents.” 

She laughs as she closes the door, moving to the backseat and grabbing the boxes. 

She stares at him for a moment, before stretching out across the backseat of the car and kissing him again. “Fly safe, please.” She hums, before closing the door, raising her hood, and scurrying inside the apartment building. She clutches the boxes to her chest, and he watches with bated breath as she disappears into the yellow hallway after quickly shoving the door in with her shoulder.

Ben breathes out, a long exhale of relief, as he watches her leave. Fuck. What a night.

He laughs to himself, alone in his car, feeling like he finally found his purpose again.

Rey Niima is going to be the death of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I KNOW. I TOLD YOU THIS WAS GOING TO BE DIFFERENT FROM ANYTHING I'VE EVER WRITTEN BEFORE!!! but I promise, this is the MOST explicit it's gonna get. I almost cut out so much of it, but I felt like it would be a disservice to the story.
> 
> anyways, I've never been happier to be completely anonymous on the internet-


	10. Late Summer - X

Ben doesn’t even make it a day without calling Rey.

Actually, well, he hadn’t meant to call Rey. He meant to call Maz, thank her for getting his clothing situation figured out on such short notice, but it just so happens all of her calls get routed through Rey.

“Kanata styling, this is Rey speaking, how may I help you?” Her chipper voice comes through his AirPods, as he bites his finger and smiles out the window of the airport lounge. 

“Guess who.” He hums, as Rey makes some type of quiet snort on the other end of the line. 

“Should have known.” She whispers, as Ben grins to himself. He leans over the table, scrolling through his emails as he waits for his flight to start boarding. He keeps an eye on Hux and Finn, arguing over by the snack bar as he smiles. It’s not the most private place to have this conversation, he knows, but it’s good enough for right now.

“How can I help you, Mr. Solo.” She hums, and Ben realizes he must look like a madman. No normal person smiles this much in an airport lounge. 

He sees a text message pop through on the screen of his device, from Rey. It’s all mistyped and hurriedly put together, but it sounds like she’s not alone in the office as he clicks on it with his thumb and their exchange pops up.

**Ro in fife cant talk. Must fllow scirpt**

**Fife**

**fofffice**

**Fuck**

He laughs, coughing to disguise his snort before anybody looks his way.

“This isn’t being recorded, is it?” Ben hums, biting his lip as he hides his smile behind his hand and stares out the window. He rubs his chin as he thinks, being mindful to keep the brim of his cap down and his smile hidden. This would be the  _ worst _ time to get recognized.

“No, sir.” She hums, sighing for good measure. 

Ben’s smile grows, as he watches a plane slowly get taxied onto the tarmac.

“Good, because I was hoping to catch you at some point. Just tell you how I can’t stop thinking about you, and although I can’t figure out that Venmo shit I was going to ask Finn to help me set up a postmates or ubereats account. I’ll send you that coffee I promised, and maybe we can drink some together once I’m back.

“He says that ubereats is better, but it’s essentially the same service so I don’t really get the logic behind that. Either way, I’m going to figure this out. We’re going to figure this out, because I really like you and I would really like to see you again, if that’s okay. You are very pretty, and very sweet, and you’re driving me nuts-“

“Yes.”

Ben freezes, furrowing his brow as he scratches the side of his face. He continues to stare out the massive window as he crosses his legs. “Yes what?”

“Yes, I can do that once you get back. I can set up an appointment.”

Appointment? What-

A date. She means a date. She wants to go on a date with him.

“Yeah, yeah. A date. It’s a date then. I-I’ll send you my address or something when I get back, we can’t go out for obvious reasons, but I’ll cook. Or maybe you can show me another one of your favorite takeout places, if I get stuck without a kitchen. Or- you know, we can make it work. Right?”

They hang out in silence for a while, Ben listening as Rey types out something on her clicky keyboard. “Is that all, Mr. Solo?”

He taps his fingers on the table, emails long forgotten. “I, uh, was actually calling to thank Maz for her help. I just got lucky, and got you instead.”

The line is quiet, and he listens to Reys breathing as she goes quiet. It sounds like she’s coming up with a response.

“Yeah, no problem. Happy to help.” 

The line clicks onto hold music, and Ben stares at his phone as Maz picks the line up and he starts expressing his thanks for asking her to do so much on such short notice. How thankful he is that Maz was able to help, and how lucky he is that this all worked out. To call him if there’s an issue with the suit, because he knows the turnaround is going to be a tight one between first fitting and last.

He pays half a mind to the conversation, as three message bubbles float on his screen.

He beams as Rey's message comes through, three red heart emojis and a coffee. 

He has to stop himself from laughing as he stares at her message. 


	11. Late Summer - XI

Rose says that Rey looks like she’s glowing, as the three girls curl up on the couch after a long weekday to settle down and watch a movie. Kaydel comments too, how Rey looks like a literal beam of sunlight and how a parasite must have taken over her body because this is not the Rey Niima she knows.

Rey just shrugs, checking her phone again for one of Ben's messages on how the press tour is going. He’s been keeping her updated, sending photos of Seouls skyline and relaying the various translation issues Hux keeps on having with hotel staff and waiters. From what she understands, he has the worst customer service karma in the world. It’s like he royally fucked over some waiter in a past life, and now he’s doomed to forever be waving down hotel staff for missing spoons at the breakfast bar. 

Ben says he’s trying, but google translate can only do much. Rey, for one, finds it hilarious that Ben is having to mediate for his own manager. 

Ben finds it less funny, when he tells her that the normal attention he usually gets is erupting. He has a certain face that people apparently recognize quite a bit, and it doesn’t help that he’s so tall and traveling through a country where the average height is essentially a foot less than his own personal height. Apparently he can hardly fit through some doorways in the city, and Finn had to go and buy an ice pack for him after a particularly bad head-to-doorframe collision in his hotel room.

Rey reminds herself to send Finn a thank you card or something, once they’re formally introduced, for not letting Ben get decapitated in Asia. 

She’s scrolling through his messages from earlier, rereading his schedule that he sent, as a new notification pops up.

**Help**

**Call soon**

Her heart jumps, and she rapidly responds.

_???? _

**SOS, need to get out of this party.**

**Could use a favor**

She stares at the messages, trying to decipher what this could mean. What’s going on? Why would he need to escape a party at… midday in Korea?

She trusts him though, and she waits exactly three minutes from his last message before she excuses herself from the living room and steps into her bedroom. She opens her window as she clicks on his contact, grabbing her throw blanket and shoving it under the gap in the door in an attempt to block out any noise.

She puts her phone to her ear as the dial tone goes off, waiting a couple seconds before he picks up and she hears an audible sigh of relief.

“Have I mentioned you’re my hero, Rey? Because you’re my fucking hero.” He groans, sighing into the receiver as she sits down on her bed.

She scoots back, tucking herself under the blankets as she curls around a pillow. “I missed you too.” She laughs, as Ben chuckles on the other end of the line.

This is the first time they’ve really talked since Ben dropped her off, early Monday morning. Rey doesn’t know how much that conversation at work counts, considering it was Ben doing most of the talking.

But it’s nice to talk to him. To know he trusts her, enough to get him out of a party at the very least.

He sighs again, sounding defeated. “I wish I could be back in LA right now, with you. I’m so tired, this timezone change is kicking my ass.”

Rey smiles, staring out the window as a cool breeze blows through. “Also, staying up until sunrise with me probably didn’t help.” Rey groans, listening as Ben hums in affirmation on the other end of the line. 

They hang out in silence, as Rey adjusts her phone against her ear and Ben sighs. 

“I don’t regret it, if that’s what you’re asking. I don’t regret it at all. If anything, I wish we were doing that right now instead of whatever the hell I’m supposed to be doing here.” He hums, something rustling on his end of the line. A door opens, and Rey hears some muffled voices.

“Personal call, Hux.” Ben mumbles, Rey smiling as she hears the two of them get into it. Hux really is a prick sometimes.

Ben sighs, and Rey knows it isn’t aimed at her when he grumbles a little. “Tell them I’ll be back in a couple minutes, I have to deal with this first.” He grunts, which only broadens her smile. She’s the first choice, the priority. 

She’s never been someone’s  _ priority _ before.

The door closes, and Rey giggles into the line. “Hux?” She asks, smiling as she shuts her eyes and tries to imagine what Ben is doing right now. 

“Hux.” He responds, sighing as she bites her lip. Maybe he’s wearing a suit, or the jacket she kissed him in. Maybe he’s in one of his button-downs, or those black jeans that are a little faded by the seams. Maybe he’s on a balcony, looking out over a foreign city and wishing he could be anywhere else. She wonders what the sky looks like, if there are any clouds out or if it’s a little overcast today. Would it be cold there? She’s only been two places, dreary England and eternal summer LA. 

She wonders what kind of weather  _ Korea _ has.

They sit in silence again, just enjoying each other's company as Rey tries to picture Ben in her mind. “What are you doing right now?” She asks, yawning as he sighs in response.

“Currently hiding from the CEO’s of the distributing company here in Seoul. The movie is testing well, so Gwen and I are currently playing publishing-puppet and getting dragged around to some corporate events.”

“Yikes.”

“Yeah, on top of interviews, meet and greets, signings…”

“It’s a little much?”

“It’s a lot much.”

Rey can hear it then, the exhaustion in his voice. She leans against her pillow, wrapping her arms around it as she fights back another yawn. “Are you doing okay? Do you need me to send coffee?”

Ben laughs, and she smiles at the sound. “No, no. I’m fine.” He sighs, and she opens her eyes to try and stay awake for him. “I have a keurig in my room, I’m drinking too much caffeine as is. If anything, you should cut me off.”

She giggles at that, scrunching her nose up. 

“You really should see Seoul, Rey. It’s such a pretty city, not like anywhere you’ve ever been. Well, I mean, unless you have been here, I don’t know- you- nevermind.” He hums, sighing as she stares out the window at LA and he grumbles to himself a little more. She hasn’t, clearly, but she won’t tell him that yet.

But she likes the thought that she  _ could _ . That Ben could see her there, traveling the world with him.

“It’s such a beautiful place, with so much greenery. Nothing like LA or New York,” he continues, when she keeps silent except for little hums now and then to reassure him that she’s paying attention. That she’s listening to him. “We’re surrounded by mountains, and the architecture here is so brilliant. No gridlock, anywhere. You can tell it’s a modern city, a masterpiece of urban design. It’s- It’s incredible.”

He sighs, and she imagines that he’s taking in the view from whatever balcony he’s on or window he’s looking out of. “The people are nice, too. You drive down the street and just feel it. I wish I had the time to actually enjoy it.”

“Someday.” Rey sighs, yawning as Ben exhales on his end of the line.

“Someday.” He hums, as Rey plays with the corner of her pillow. It’s always someday with her, someday she’ll travel. Someday she’ll get her own apartment. Someday she’ll get out of here, get a cat, not kill a plant.

She’s reminded of that someday, always just out of her reach. She’s never been quite able to get her hands firmly around it.

She’s kind of giving up, the more that she thinks about it the more she’s been tempted to give up.

She sighs, closing her eyes again and trying not to let those thoughts invade on her brain too much. “What about you? What are you doing?” Ben hums, sounding just as curious about her day to to day life as she is about his extraordinary one.

“Laying in bed, staring at my ceiling, thinking about how I’m going to exact my revenge on tele-marketers.” She jokes, listening to Ben's quiet laughter on the other side. 

They stay quiet for another moment, Ben finally speaking up, “I’ll beat them up for you, hmm? I’m sure I can figure out a way to do that, without it being too illegal.”

“It’s not illegal if you don’t get caught.” Rey sighs, letting her filters down as she smiles against her phone.

Ben loudly laughs on the other side of the line, Rey beaming as he takes a minute to collect himself. “That is not how the law works, but I like where your mind is at.” He hums, filling Rey's entire chest with butterflies. 

They fall into silence again, Ben finally sighing as Rey yawns again. “You sound tired, what time is it there?” He groans, as Rey rolls over to her alarm clock. She blinks for a moment.

“Only midnight, just had a long day is all.”

“Shit. I didn’t wake you up, did I?”

“No, no. I was already awake. Just starting to fall asleep now.”

Ben chuckles, as Rey goes back to hugging her pillow. She can almost pretend it’s Ben, if it weren’t for the cold press of metal against her face and the lack of solid muscle under her cheek. “Why don’t I stay with you, until you fall asleep. Just to make sure you get some rest, so I don’t worry.” 

He phrases this like it isn’t for her, like he’s being selfish by keeping her company. 

Like this isn’t what it is.

Rey hums in affirmation, smiling into her pillow. “Ben?”

“Yes?”

“Tell me about Seoul, I want to know everything.”

A moment passes between them, tense and perfect all the same.

“Of course, sweetheart.” He hums, as Rey closes her eyes and grins.

And Ben tells her about his entire week, every beautiful temple they’ve gone to, every odd interview they’ve shot, every time Finn or Hux has made some awful cultural mistake that their tour guide has had to fix for them-

And Rey finds, for the first time in  _ years _ , that ‘someday’ doesn’t seem so far away any more.

This time, her fingers just barely grab onto it.

And she grabs on  _ tight _ .


	12. Late Summer - XII

According to Hux’s schedule, Ben should be landing in London any minute now. 

Not that Rey’s actively thinking about that, all the time. 

No, that would be silly.

She looks over at the digital clock on her desktop, absentmindedly biting her lip and tapping her finger along the space bar of her keyboard. She isn’t actually pressing hard enough to type anything, just scrolling through emails and working her way through the clientele list for the upcoming awards season. Maz is trying to take advantage of the lull between summer block-busters and fall film festivals to reorganize, get things put together before award season chaos sets in.

Jessika will handle most of this when she gets back, Rey knows, but it won’t hurt to give her a head start.

Rey hums along to whatever music Ben has sent her way, some type of singer-songwriter instrumental thing that she hasn’t quite formed an opinion on yet, as she works.

So she completely misses Maz sneaking up on her, in plain sight, and tapping her on the shoulder to grab her attention.

Rey jumps, yelping as Poe laughs from his desk. She sets her hand over her heart, giving herself a moment to collect herself and pause the music as Maz gently laughs at her. “Don’t do that!” Rey whines, smiling as the tiny woman adjusts her glasses and gives Rey a once over.

“Miss Niima, may I see you in my office?” She hums, as Rey's blood goes cold.

She’s not in danger of getting fired, she doesn’t think, because she’s leaving in two weeks anyways. It wouldn’t be worth it to fire her, not now.

Unless Maz found out about Ben, about this delicate little thing they have together. Unless those phone calls really are recorded, and Rey is about to get the berating of a lifetime.

“Sure!” She chirps, hurriedly standing up and following Maz into her office, as she tries not to grip her phone so tightly she crushes it.

Maz motions for her to sit down, taking her own place behind her desk as Rey tucks a loose strand of hair behind her ear. She crosses her ankles for good measure, like a lady.

Not that she has any right to claim the “lady” title, honestly.

“Rey, what does your schedule look like this fall?” Maz hums, licking her finger and flipping open a binder as Rey tilts her head in confusion. What is she getting at?

“Uhm, busy.” She sighs, trying her best to relax and chill the fuck out. “I’ll have classes and research sessions Monday through Friday, and I usually end up working weekends.” She hums, crossing her hands over her lap. “If you’re worried about me, I can assure you that I’ve been sending applications to some part-time positions around the area. Nothing has come back yet, but I’m hoping something comes by soon.”

Maz furrows her brow, continuing to flip through her book. “I think you should stop looking.” She sighs, like she’s absolutely certain that Rey shouldn’t move forward in an endless job search.

“What?”

“Jessika isn’t ready to come back, not full time.” She explains, crossing her arms and leaning over her desk. “Her husband is going to take his paternity leave when she comes back to work, but she wants to ease back in slowly.” 

She sighs, as Rey starts to piece this together.

“On top of that, we have more clients than ever before. If we had been bursting at the seams during awards season last year, I don’t understand how we’ll be able to get by this year.” She hums, finally looking up at Rey. “I can work around weekends, because I don’t think any of us will be seeing a weekend until mid-February. I would like you to stay on, part time, just until things start to ease up.”

She looks up at Rey, stock still and feeling like her heart is going to burst out of her chest. This job pays well,  _ really _ well, and it would be a massive weight off of her shoulders to not have to worry about a new job and a new school year at the same time. It’s practically a miracle, no, it  _ is _ a miracle. 

“Would you like that?” Maz hums, smiling as Rey processes.

It’s perfect.

_ She’s not getting fired! _

“Of course! That would be- thank you, Maz.” She sighs, as the older woman flips the binder and shows Rey the schedule for the next couple weeks and they start renegotiating her hours.

God-fucking-bless Maz Kanata. 

«☆»

Ben fumbles his phone on the airplane, feeling a series of quick messages come in as soon as he turns off airplane mode and his phone connects to the airport wifi. He leans towards the window, hoping the rapid buzzing didn’t draw anyone's attention to him. It’s bad enough being so tall-

**MAZ JUST OFFERED ME A PART TIME POSITION IN THE FALL!!**

**I HAVE A JOB!!**

**AAAAAH!**

**BEN!**

He bites back a smile, hiding his grin behind his hand as Rey continues to explain what happened. She told him she was job hunting, and Ben nearly offered to help her pay for groceries or rent, before he thought better of it and decided that might be overstepping his boundaries.

He doesn’t know what Rey's financial situation is like, but he hasn’t heard of anyone else offering to support her or give her something to fall back on. Ben doesn’t know if she  _ has _ anything to fall back on.

Grad school is expensive, too. Ben doesn’t know how she’s paying for it all.

He continues to text her, nearly bumping into Finn and Hux multiple times as the boys make it out of the airplane and down to customs. He adjusts his laptop bag on his shoulder as they walk, keeping one eye on their surroundings and the other on his phone.

He chuckles as Rey continues her tirade on the perils of working in customer service, before he reminds her that technically being an assistant is a kind of customer service.

She sends him a series of emojis that Ben thinks is pretty disturbing, an eye, a tongue, and another eye.

Is she sticking her tongue out at him? Via emojis?

He’s about to ask her, when he walks directly into Finn. They made it to customs, somehow. Ben has no clue how they got here, actually.

If you asked him to retrace his steps, he wouldn’t even know where he was thirty seconds ago.

“Ben, shit, watch where you’re going, man.” Finn huffs, as he gruffly apologizes and takes a step back. Okay, maybe the phone needs to go away for now.

He tucks it in his pocket, where he can feel the burning presence of Rey’s messages, as Hux tells him to focus and get his head out of his ass. “I want to get to the hotel, take some melatonin, and pass out until that photoshoot with Gwen tomorrow. I don’t think that’s too much to ask.” He groans, as Ben shrugs and crosses his arms.

The line shifts forward, and Ben fights the urge to pull out his phone again.

“Who are you texting all the time, anyways?” Finn sighs, crossing his arms and looking up at Ben as he shrugs.

“Probably that girl he followed on instagram, made my life hell for two days.” Hux snorts, Ben turning to him and tightening his grip on his arms. 

He glares at him through his sunglasses, Hux smiling back at him. This man knows exactly what buttons to press, Ben could-

Ben could do something to him, that's what Ben could do. He won’t, but he  _ could _ .

He wrinkles his nose down at Hux as the line moves forward again, the man eventually caving and looking away from Ben. “I did fix that, by the way. You’re now following me, Finn, Gwen, Kanata Styling… a couple other people, too. She’s safe, if she is the one you’ve been giving goo-goo eyes to.” He huffs, as Ben tries not to gape like a fish.

Goo-goo eyes? He is not- he’s an actor! He’s not giving anybody any  _ goo-goo eyes _ .

Where is Hux from? The fucking fifties? 

Ben scoffs, pulling out his phone and checking Rey's messages again. He settles for a question mark as Finn turns back to the boys. “But are you texting her? Is our Solo taken with a dame?”

“She’s hardly a dame.” He hums, just loud enough for the boys to hear.

Hux jabs him in the ribs with his elbow, as Finn whistles and Ben groans. The people in front of them turn to look, and Ben lowers his baseball cap and focuses on his cellphone. 

“That’s all I’m going to say on it, by the way. We’re keeping things low-key, just texting and getting to know each other.” He hums, as Finn laughs.

Hux shakes his head, as Ben looks between the boys in curiosity. 

“If looking at your phone like you’ve captured the sun herself every five minutes is low-key, I don’t think I want to know what you think is high-key, Solo.” Hux laughs, as Ben smiles and bites his cheek. 

He shrugs, and continues to stare at his phone as he texts Rey. He  _ has _ always had a flair for the dramatic.

«☆»

Rey and Rose are about to leave work for the day when she gets a text from Ben, even though he said he was going to sleep an hour ago.

The time change must really be fucking with him, if he’s still awake. She quickly does the math, it’s past one AM London time. He really should be asleep right now.

**Hey, are you at work?**

_ Yes??? Why?? _

**Go downstairs, I have a surprise for you**

Rey’s heart jumps, and she’s thankful for the near empty office as she finishes locking up and stepping into the elevator with Rose. The girl just leans against the back wall, closing her eyes as Rey reaches out and shuts off the lights.

They remain quiet, both exhausted from the long week, as Rey tries to figure out what Ben could possibly have done for her. Maybe it’s that coffee he promised her, or maybe food. She has told him, multiple times, that the way to her heart is through food.

A small part of her  _ screams _ that maybe it’s him. Maybe it’s Ben. Maybe he came back for her-

She shakes her head as she sighs and tries to throw the barbs from those types of ideas loose, she knows that's ridiculous. He’s in London, he sent her a video from the rental car a couple hours ago, and she would recognize that skyline anywhere.

She groans, and tries to tamp down her disappointment. She isn’t dependent on him, she doesn’t need him to be here. They aren’t tied on the same string, some distance won’t kill them.

But, god, she would really like it if he came back sooner rather than later.

She opens the elevator, and takes a deep breath of LA air as she tucks her thumbs in her jean pockets. It’s not the best, but better than the office after seven hours of sitting inside. 

“Are you Rey?” A young man pipes up, holding a box of pastries and coffee as Rose just walks over to her car. She doesn’t even realize what’s happening, bopping along to whatever music is playing in her headphones as Rey freezes.

Rey feels her face go red, as she nervously smiles. “Uh, yep. That’s me.” She hums, quickly taking the box and the drink carrier from him. 

Ben sent her food, he really sent her food. She can’t believe he sent her  _ food _ .

How the hell is she going to explain this to Rose?

“Kind of late for coffee and pastries, huh?” The young man jokes, as Rey laughs and starts walking towards Rose's car. 

“It’s, uh, kind of an inside joke.” She hums, sliding in next to the confused girl and handing her a decaf black coffee. Rose laughs in quiet shock as Rey goes through the quartet of drinks, grabbing a caramel macchiato and a croissant for herself. He was right, though, it is kind of late for breakfast pastries.

Not that she minds. A croissant is a fucking  _ croissant. _

Rose reaches in and grabs a muffin, as the girls giggle. “Where did these come from?” She asks, as Rey shrugs. She sets the drink in the cupholder after taking a sip, pulling out her phone with her free hand. 

“Maybe I have a secret admirer!” She sighs, as Rose snorts and Rey takes a photo of the care package.

She sends it to Ben as Rose starts driving, beaming as she waits for his response and she bites into her croissant. _ Yum. _

_ thank you Ben.  _ ❤️❤️❤️

**Consider it a congratulations, for not losing your job. :)**

**Which one did you grab, btw?**

_ Ha ha, was this just a long-winded way to find out what type of coffee I drink? _

**…maybe.**

_ Caramel Macchiato. You were right on the money, jerk. _

**I knew it, I knew you would drink something just as sweet as you.**

Rey feels her entire face flush, biting her cheek to stop herself from grinning like a maniac. She takes a second to form her response.

_ Go to sleep, Ben _ .

She waits for his reply, as Rose pulls onto the highway. 

**:(**


	13. Late Summer - XIII

Ben barely makes it through the weekend, dragging his feet into the hotel suite on Sunday night. 

He feels like his whole body is made of lead, and he’s exhausted and amped up all at once. Like he just ran the worst marathon in the world, because he doesn’t even have a runner's high to depend on afterwards.

He needs to turn on a movie, read a book, do something to calm himself down.

He flops into bed, groaning as he reflects on the day.

There had been so many interviews, so many questions, so many people asking about his love life, his personal life. They were clearly hinting at Rey, and apparently Hux and the rest of the press team have turned deflecting those questions into a game.

Sometimes, Gwen answers for him. Giving ridiculous stories about Ben finally learning how to ride a bike or picking up close up magic as a hobby when they ask about his personal life. Ben ignores interviewers when they ask about his love life, acting like he’s never even heard of the concept of romance at all.

They both make a show of mispronouncing basic words when interviewers hit a little too close to home, or shouting curse words to make the footage unusable.

Hux said they’re making a lot of enemies, but Ben saw through his smile.

But apparently they’ve got a tally going, the managers do, about how many times they deflect the questions. Especially once Gwen realized that it was actually  _ working _ , and that she could control what type of questions she got as well. Not just the ones about love lives, or personal lives, but the weird sexist ones too that Ben will  _ happily _ answer for her when he comes up with a good response.

The count is apparently in the twenties now, and Ben feels like they’ll make it to the thirties before this is all over.

He shuts his eyes, sighing as he stretches out across the bed. This is going to be a _ long _ week.

One more week until he’s back in LA, until he sees Rey again. He can do this.

He doesn’t know when that became such a strong selling point, seeing her again.

He should call her. Text her first, actually, make sure she’s available to call.

_ Hey, what’s up? _

He types, before immediately deleting it. He does the mental gymnastics for a moment, if it’s ten PM here then…

It’s two PM in LA. 

_ Hey, how’s it going? _

He stares at the message for a second, sending it before he can talk himself out of it. He sits up when she doesn’t respond after a moment, slipping off his shoes and starting to peel off the sweater that makes him look like a mushroom.

He groans as he gets it over his head, throwing it on the chair in his room as he reaches down and starts undoing his belt buckle.

His phone pings, and he drags it closer to read her messages as he starts getting undressed.

**Good! How was press day?**

_ Good _

_ exhausting.  _

**🙁**

He smiles at her last message, pulling off his pants and rummaging through his bag for pajamas. He pulls them on as he thinks about what to say next, what he wants to do next.

_ Can I call you? It’s been a long day _

_ I miss you. _

He doesn’t send that last part. 

**Ofc! My roommates are at home, let me grab my headphones first so they can’t hear you.**

He brushes his teeth and washes his face as he waits, thinking a little more as he stares at his phone.

**Okay, I got them, wanna call?**

**Rose is starting to get sus, btw, but she hasn’t asked any questions yet. Just curious abt who im texting all the time.**

_ Same here, hux and Finn keep on teasing me about texting you. _

_ They know its you, btw. I am apparently a bad liar.  _

**Teasing?? You?? Brave men.**

_ The bravest. _

He smiles into his phone as he sighs, turning off the lights in the bathroom and moving back to his bed. He tucks himself under the covers as he turns on the bedside lamp, sitting up as his thumb hovers over the send button.

_ Can we FaceTime? Kind of want to see you. _

The conversation goes quiet after that, as Ben leans his head against the headboard and groans. He checks the time again, just to double check that it really is only ten PM.

**I look like garbage.**

_ You could be covered in garbage and you wouldn’t look like garbage. _

**Ew, gross, also no.**

**I just got back from a hike with Rose and Paige, and I haven’t showered yet. I look like hot, sweaty garbage.**

_ If it’s any consolation, I don’t think I’ve slept for more than four hours in the last two days. You are not the only one who looks like garbage. _

Ben waits for her response, finally typing with an inelegant huff:

_ Please? _

His phone starts ringing, and he breaks into a grin as he picks up the call.

Her face pops up on screen, all red and sweaty and gorgeous, and Ben beams as she walks through what must be her room. He scans the background for any sort of peek into her personal life, the one he hasn’t really seen yet.

“You look like shit.” She laughs, as Ben scrunches his face up and laughs with her.

“I missed you too.” He hums, smiling as she makes a show of rolling her eyes and leaning back on her bed. 

They just stare at each other, in separate beds a continent apart, but still finding a way to be together. 

“Where are you?” She finally whispers, breaking the silence. Ben stands up and moves to the window, flipping the camera and showing her the view of London as she curls up on her yellow sheets. 

He scans across the darkened rooftops of the city, sighing as she furrows her brow. “Kensington, at  _ the _ Kensington.” He groans, pulling back and turning the camera around so she can see his face again.

“Shit.” She hums, going quiet as Ben shrugs. 

He wanders for a moment, looking around at the oddly shaped chairs that have been placed around the room and deciding that the bed might just be the safest option for sitting right now. He, honest to god, doesn’t know if some of these furniture pieces are decorative or functional.

He would rather not find out. 

He sits down with a groan, Rey sighing on the other end of the call. “Not my choice, by the way. Studio is paying for all of this, I would much rather stay at an airbnb or something.” He sighs, leaning back against the headboard as Rey nods. The gold and animal print is, in all honesty, kind of tacky.

They stare at each other a little longer, basking in this comfortable silence. 

“You look tired.” She finally sighs, staring at him in concern as he nods. 

“I am tired.” He hums, closing his eyes and leaning his head back.

She adjusts across her bed, rolling so he can see her a little better. “I grew up in Camden, you know. Near the markets.” She hums, Ben blinking at her in confusion. He didn’t know she was from London. She never mentioned it. Just England. He knows she’s got a green card for work and school, and she’s currently trying to figure out how the hell to apply for citizenship after she graduates.

It’s a constant source of stress in her life, and Ben hates that she has to worry about that on top of everything else.

She nods, like she can read his mind, as she stretches out across her sheets. “Left as soon as my student visa came through, though. You’re not missing much.”

Ben sighs, furrowing his brow as she plays with the fabric on her pillow.

He can tell maybe this isn’t something she wants to reflect on too much. Or, maybe it’s a conversation they need to have when he gets back. In person.

“Can I bring you back anything? Anything you might miss?”

“There is nothing I miss about my time in London, Ben.” She huffs, burrowing into her pillow as she sighs.

“Nothing?”

“Nothing.”

Ben gets an awful idea as he smiles, running a hand through his hair. “Not even sweets? Hux is visiting his parents tomorrow, before we fly out on Tuesday morning to go to New York.” He hums, looking up to the ceiling as he tries to build the schedule in his head. 

“Ben!”

“Maybe I can bribe Finn to go with me to a local shop or something, pick up a gift for you.”

“Stop trying to feed me sweets!” Rey laughs, rolling back on her bed and giggling. Ben just watches in awe as she descends into bubbly hysterics. He’s never made someone laugh like that before.

Texting and phone calls do not do justice to her laugh and her smile. 

She finally calms down, as Ben lies on the bed so they can be face to face. 

“You’re trying to fatten me up or something, like Hansel and Gretel.” 

“Who’s Hansel and who’s Gretel in this situation?” He grumbles, genuinely curious as she groans.

“I’m  _ both _ .” She pitifully whines, as Ben smiles.

She turns to him, all lit up in summer sun, and Ben can’t help the words that slip out of his mouth next. “I really do miss you, you know.” He sighs, watching as she blushes in front of him. Her eyes widen, and she takes a second to figure out what he means.

“I know.” She murmurs, tucking her face into her pillow.

He takes her in, every detail of her freckled face, as she furrows her brow and stares at him. It looks like she’s coming up with a response, like she’s thinking. She is so pretty.

“I miss you too.” She quietly hums, barely loud enough for him to hear. Like she’s admitting a secret, one that Ben needs to keep close to his heart. 

He gently smiles at her, as his eyes flutter shut. 

“You need to sleep.” Rey hums, sighing as Ben nods. 

“Stay? Just until I fall asleep.” He murmurs, opening his eyes and watching as she thinks for a moment. 

She nods, and Ben beams. He blindly reaches forward with a grunt, shutting off the lamp light and plugging in his phone as Rey giggles at him. He sets it up so they can see each other, so Ben can see her. “You want me to tell you a bedtime story or something?” She laughs, as Ben chuckles. 

“Whatever you want, sweetheart.” He hums, closing his eyes as Rey sighs. 

He exhales, trying to get comfortable as she searches for a story to tell him.

“The first summer I spent here, I nearly got mauled by a mountain lion.” She whispers, smiling as Ben furrows his brow at her in concern. He opens his eyes, immediately abandoning his plans to sleep. What?

He scoffs, unbelieving and a little concerned for her safety. “No!” He hums, a small laugh slipping between his lips as she nods with a smile. 

“Yes! I was hiking with my freshman year roommate, and I swear to god, this mountain lion-“

Ben falls asleep as Rey recites stories of crazy college parties, and summers in LA working at the most pretentious coffee shops in the world. She tells him about the stress of applying for grad programs, how lucky she is she got to stay at UCLA, and how her landlord always vacuums at midnight. 

She doesn’t tell him about London, though. Her life story begins in LA, and she seems determined to keep it that way.

Ben won’t push her, if she isn’t ready to share that piece of herself with him yet.

It’s not like he can blame her.


	14. Late Summer - XIV

Rey stares at Ben, passed out against his pillow. She whispers his name a couple times, only earning a small grunt in response and a shuffling of blankets as he adjusts his body and huffs against his pillowcase. It flutters a bit under his breath, settling as he does.

He’s got his face squished sideways and his mouth hanging open as he wraps his massive arms around the pillow. His hair is falling over his face, too, product finally coming loose and shifting as he takes a deep breath. 

He’s so cute like this, looking years younger as Rey watches his nose twitch.

He looks so at peace, so calm.

She really should stop watching him, this is starting to get weird.

But she stares for a little while longer, unable to stop herself from watching him as he sleeps. She feels like she might be the first person in a long time to see him like this, so vulnerable. The first person to be trusted like this.

She giggles as she takes a screenshot, keeping her voice low so she doesn’t disturb him. She keeps the call going as she goes into his contact, changing his photo from a flat icon of his initials to a sneaky screenshot of his face.

He’s the only person in her phone with a contact photo, at least one she selected. 

She stares at it for a moment, before going back to the call and just staring at Ben.

The only thing she wants coming back from London is him. 


	15. Late Summer - XV

“Why are we here again?” Finn huffs, following close behind Ben as he peruses the aisles of a candy store. His eyes scan the various offerings, finally getting to a section where he thinks he might have finally found something Rey likes. Because this is the third store they’ve gone to, because google doesn’t seem to understand the difference between “high-end” and “willy-wonka”.

He shrugs as he picks up a couple different offerings, brands he’s never seen and chocolates he’s only heard of in passing during his travels. They’re… interesting, to say the least.

He turns to Finn, smirking. “I’m trying to woo a woman through candy, isn’t it obvious?” He grins, holding up a Cadbury chocolate bar and waving it in the younger man's face.

Finn just shakes his head as he laughs, Ben setting the candy back down as he takes a step back and bites his finger. He explains, when Finn continues to look mildly concerned at Ben's unusual behavior, “Rey grew up in London, apparently. She said she didn’t want me to bring anything back, but I’m hoping this will get her to open up a little.”

He shrugs as he picks up an aero bar, reading the description as Finn toys with the handle of the bag he’s holding. They did pick up some fancier chocolate, because Ben is hard pressed to believe Rey won’t appreciate that, and also the saleswoman at the last store they went to was really intent on getting them to buy something.

Kensington is, apparently, like any other high end shopping experience.

_ Pushy. _

Finn scoffs as Ben grabs the aero bar, some Cadbury chocolate, pear drops, and something called ‘jelly babies’ that look a little demonic. He knows Rey will enjoy that.

He shrugs as Ben gathers his little collection, waiting until the current patron leaves the sales counter before they walk up. “Why chocolate, though? You’re Ben  _ fucking _ Solo, you could buy her whatever the hell you wanted and your bank account wouldn’t even bat an eye. Why this?”

Ben shrugs, turning to him as they walk up to the counter. He keeps his voice quiet, really hoping the young cashier won’t recognize him right now. “Because this is what she wants, this is who she is. Who am I to deny her that?” 

He sets the findings on the counter, silently nodding in greeting to the clerk as she scans the items and Ben pulls out a couple pounds from his wallet. He pays quickly, leaving a tip in the little jar before taking his bag and heading out to the street with Finn.

They start walking down the sidewalk, Ben adjusting his shades as he sighs and takes in his surroundings. The sun has decided to shine today, kind of throwing dreary London into a dreamlike state. “Rey Niima is nothing like Bazine Netal, just so you know, and that’s exactly why I like her. She doesn’t look at me like I’m special, or her personal bank teller, she looks at me like… Like I’m more than a number or a statistic.” He hums, turning down to a grinning Finn. Which, honestly, kind of freaks him out a little. They both know what Bazine did to Ben, how she broke his heart. Finn got him through it, got him up and running again.

He thinks that’s the first time he’s said her name since she left him in Tokyo. 

“I like the sound of this girl, Ben.” Finn hums, putting his own sunglasses on as they walk together. “Remind me to send her a thank you card for getting you off of your ass and happy again when we get back to the states.”

Ben turns to him, incredulous, “Aren’t you  _ my _ assistant?”

Finn just laughs, as Ben sputters some response about doing all of the work around here. Finn is  _ so _ lucky Ben likes him.

_ So _ fucking lucky.

«☆»

**I’m watching ur interviews, btw**

_ Which ones??? _

**All of them, you look cute when you get flustered** ❤️

Ben chuckles as he leans back against the couch, script forgotten and phone in hand

**What happens when you get back, by the way?**

The question pops up on his screen, as Ben scratches his forehead and furrows his brow. He taps out his response, trying to ignore the way a sinking feeling starts to settle in his chest.

_ I stay in LA for a couple days, we do the premiere, and then I go back to New York. _

_ I have some time off, but then film festival season starts up again and im back to traveling. Haven’t got the full schedule yet, but it looks like I’ll be on the road for most of September and October. Promotional stuff, but different. Less big interviews and more donor schmoozing.  _

_ I have another movie coming out after this, you know. That’s the one I finished five months ago.  _

_ They’re going to make an awards season push with it, so I’ve already been booked out until February. _

The conversation goes dead after that, Ben sighing as he looks back down at his script. After that he goes back to filming in March, off to Atlanta or Australia wherever they end up deciding to shoot this thing.

Ben is just trying to get ahead of the game, start figuring out his character while he has the time.

**How long do you have in LA?**

Ben stares at his phone, flipping his highlighter through his fingers. He doesn’t know, not really.

_ As long as I can. _

_ I do have every intent to spend every second of free time with you, by the way. Just so you know, you’re not getting rid of me that easily. _

Ben smiles as her response comes through.

**Good. I’m counting on it** 😚


	16. Late Summer - XVI

When Ben originally left for LA, he was counting down the days until he returned to New York.

But now, as he walks into his condo and drops his bags on the dark hardwood floor, he finds himself counting down the days until he gets back to LA.

The reason why chooses that exact moment to text him, sending him a picture of a stack of books and school supplies on her desk. 

**So excited… Yay.** 😢✌️

He can practically feel her enthusiasm through the screen. 

He sends her three red heart emojis in response, furrowing his brow as he opens up the picture.

Christ, that’s a lot of research material.

_ Two more years! You can do this! _

**If I don’t die of exhaustion first, yes**

**Ben, im gonna put you in my will**

**In case of death: you get my metro card**

_ You’re not going to die. _

**Yes I am!! Let me have this!!!**

He laughs, leaving his bags by the door and moving to his kitchen counter. This place barely looks lived in, really, scattered movie props and a couple awards being the only sign that someone actually owns this place. He has people come and clean it while he’s gone, so it doesn’t gather dust, but he barely spends enough time here to actually warrant owning it anyways. The single longest amount of time he spent living here was during the Broadway thing, and even then he was out all day performing and rehearsing.

He sets his bag on the counter, pulling out his phone charger and getting it plugged into the wall outlet. He searches for something to prop his phone up with, eventually settling for his sweatshirt and kind of making a haphazard nest for the device as he starts untying his shoes.

**WAIT!**

**Are you in NYC right now? Did you get home safe?**

_ Safe and sound (: _

**Stop using that emoticon its weird**

_ :( _

**Can I call?? Im alone in my apartment and I miss you!!!**

Ben chuckles, going to her contact and pressing the FaceTime button. Ever since that night in London, when she stayed with him until he fell asleep, video chatting has become their preferred method of communication.

That doesn’t mean it makes it any easier to be away from her, but it is nice just to see her face.

“Hi!” She practically shouts as she picks up the call, barely waiting for it to ring before her smiling face fills up the screen.

“Hey!” He hums, laughing as she walks around her apartment. 

They stare at each other for a moment, Ben pulling off his other shoe and dropping them over by the door as she watches. 

“How are you?” She hums, sitting down on her couch as Ben shrugs.

He comes back to her, unplugging the phone and moving to his own couch. “Honestly? Could be better.” He sighs, settling down on the black leather. “I thought I would be more excited to get back here, instead I think I’m just realizing how empty my condo is.” He sighs, looking around the space for a plug as Rey shrugs. It feels like he’s just in another hotel. This whole place is so… impersonal.

He doesn’t know why he’s just realizing this.

“Do you have anyone in the city? Your friends probably missed you.”

Ben sighs, leaning back and looking at Rey after he gets his phone plugged in again. “It’s not easy to make friends when you’re in this industry, sweetheart.” Plus, the only other people he knows in the city are his parents, and he isn’t quite sure if he’s really ready to tackle that beast yet. That might…

That might take some time, still.

She sighs, staring away from the screen as she goes quiet. He knows how she feels about his work, how she thinks he pushes himself too far sometimes. “I know.” She hums, not fighting him because he feels the exact same way about her.

Neither of them have ever made time for friends before.

They sit in awkward silence for a moment, Ben absentmindedly pulling at a loose stitch in the leather. “I was thinking about that thing we talked about in London, you know.” He hums, looking back up at her as she tilts her head in curiosity. 

“What do you mean?”

He shrugs again, peering at her through the far too tiny screen. His skin itches with the need to have her near him again, to hug her. She’s like this awful little drug, and having her through a phone screen just isn’t enough anymore.

“I mean, I talked to my studio and I’m going to stay in LA until I have to leave for film festival stuff. Finn is finding a place for us to rent, and the timing works out well because his lease was running out anyways and his landlord is a class act douchebag.” He sighs, switching the phone in his hands as he runs a hand through his hair. “I had a lot of time to think on that plane, and I-I’d kind of like to stay in LA for awhile, if that’s okay.”

Rey just stares at him, as he scratches his shoulder. If she says no, that’ll be okay. If for whatever reason she thinks that’s a bad idea, he’ll figure it out.

“Are you serious?” She gasps, as Ben nods. 

She grins, and Ben hopes that’s a yes as she giggles and beams at him. She looks at him with so much kindness, so much tenderness. 

He hums, tilting his head, “You’ve got me all to yourself, until September twenty-third, when I’ll come back to New York for the festival here. But, then, on October eleventh, I’ll be back in Hollywood for AFI fest. Hux wants me to go to Toronto earlier that month, for the Toronto international film festival, but with all of the traveling I just did…”

“It’s time you take a bit of a break.”

“Exactly. My co-star, Tallie, is going to cover my ass on that one. She’s a real fucking trooper, you know. Plays my sister, has me in her phone as ‘Brother Ben’.”

Rey grins, although she hides it with the couch cushion. Ben can tell she’s happy, he’s so happy he’s making her happy. “I can’t wait to see you again, you’re going to get so sick of me.” She laughs, as Ben chuckles and beams at her.

“I don’t think I’m capable of getting sick of you, Rey. I don’t think you have to worry about that.”

She giggles at him, an unexpected noise as he exhaustedly giggles back. 

“You know I’m going to jump you as soon as you get back, right? First thing that happens, I’m gonna make you forget you ever thought about staying in New York.” She gasps, Ben watching as a thousand thoughts fly into her head at once and her face lights up. At least Ben now has an idea of how and where he’s going to spend his break.

In Rey's bed, it sounds like.

He grins, running a hand over his blushing face, “I’m counting on it, sweetheart.” He hums, smiling at her as she stands up and moves to her room.

She bites her lip, and Ben thinks he knows where this might be going. 

“I mean, we could get started now. You know, just so you can focus during those big interviews you have before I see you again.” She hums, a playful and mischievous glint in her eyes as he grins.

Ben groans, letting his head fall back as Rey leans stomach down on her bed. He watches as she starts sliding off her shirt, pulling it over her head after propping up her phone up on a pillow.

“Fuck, Rey. You’re going to destroy me.”

“I mean, that’s kind of the idea.” She hums, laughing as Ben rubs his face.

She’s seriously going to kill him, and he couldn’t be happier about it.


	17. Late Summer - XVII

Rey is not a morning person, and she has never watched daytime television once in her life, which means she knows it’s more than a little bizarre when Kaydel comes out of her bedroom, rubbing her eyes and searching for a glass of water, and instead finds Rey perched on the couch with her phone and a hoodie that she’s never seen before.

“Hi.” Rey chirps, shoving a granola bar in her mouth and sipping on coffee as she huddles under a blanket.

Kay just stares, shaking her head and moving to the kitchen. She had a late night at the bar last night, and Rey knows she has every intention of going back to sleep, but she does take a moment to address the elephant in the room.

“Why aren’t you at work?” She hums, as Rey just shrugs. 

“I asked for a day off, I didn’t take any all summer and business is slow right now anyways. Plus, I’m trying to take a little bit of time to myself before school starts again. I don’t want to burn out right when I get back.”

Kay hums in affirmation, starting to move back to her bedroom. “And uh- where did that sweatshirt come from?” She asks, Rey looking down at her purple hoodie. 

“Friend, why.” She shrugs, as Kaydel just walks back into her bedroom with an exasperated sigh. 

“I don’t know who this ‘friend’ of yours is, but tell them they shouldn’t trust you with any more expensive clothes. Or, at least, give them to me too.” She sighs, shutting her door behind her with a groan.

Rey looks down at her sweatshirt, shrugging as she crosses her arms and draws the hood over her head. It isn’t that bad, she thinks.

She actually has no idea how much this hoodie costs, just that it was Bens and now it’s hers. It’s the only physical thing she has from him, proof of what they did. What they do. What they’re starting to mean to each other. 

She pulls up her phone, and giggles as he sends her photos from the backstage of the studio.

«☆»

The broadcast goes live, and Rey nearly drops her coffee as she gets a look at Ben. It’s been a week and a half since she’s seen him last, and although she knows he’s handsome, she has to give it to whoever does his hair and makeup.

He looks spectacular, for someone who woke up at six AM and said he couldn’t see straight. 

She giggles as he gives a closed lip smile to the camera, dimples popping up as he adjusts his jacket.

It’s the one she kissed him in, and although that shouldn’t make her blush as hard as it does, she grins as he adjusts the front and leans back on his stool with Phasma.

Gwen, maybe, if Rey can call her a friend too. 

The interview goes on, Rey watching all of Ben's little mannerisms and smiles that he gives to the camera. He is perfectly well behaved, although she shouldn’t expect any less from him. He smiles at the right times, nods to show he’s paying attention, answers questions when asked…

He’s perfect, except it really isn’t him.

Her Ben would have rolled his eyes and scrunched up his nose when the interviewer brought up his penchant for black, or groaned when Phasma sung his praises for the part of Ren because she knows he doesn’t think he’s as talented as he is.

Her Ben is nervous, she realizes, as he rubs the palm of his hand with his thumb and restrains his smiles. 

She waits for the signal, his message for her, as she giggles at a story about Phasma getting lost the first day on set and nearly making the whole production late.

Ben finally speaks up, smiling as Phasma grins at him. “At least you didn’t come in late with Starbucks.”

Rey gasps, laughing as Ben genuinely grins into the camera this time. She knows that was meant for her, they agreed that was what he would say just so Rey could brag that she was referenced on national tv, but she wasn’t expecting Ben to grin like that and for Phasma to nearly spit out her drink like this is some hilarious inside joke they’ve had for years.

She starts laughing, turning to look at him with a smirk on her face and a knowing look in her eye. It looks like she was in on the joke. The completely unfunny, confusing, awful joke he just made that  _ nobody _ in the studio is laughing at.

Rey smiles, sipping on her coffee as she listens to the rest of the interview.

That was so stupid.

«☆»

“Have you watched the late show yet?” Ben sighs, leaning back in his bed as Rey shakes her head. She chances a look at him, shirtless and snuggled under his black sheets. She wonders what it would be like to be in that bed with him, cuddled up under those blankets.

“Not yet, hasn’t aired here. I might end up watching it tomorrow.”

Ben hums in affirmation, as Rey continues cleaning off her desk. “How did you gather that much shit in your room?” He laughs, as she shrugs and takes a second to look over her expanse of trash.

“Three months of laziness, I think. Just letting it…” she motions to the pile with both hands, shrugging. “Collect.” She hums, turning back to him. 

She sighs as she grabs another half empty box of crackers, uncertain how long they’ve been on her desk.

She throws them in the trash, even if she hates it. She hates wasting food, but she learned her lesson with the Chinese takeout in 2017. She is a smarter woman.

She shudders as she briefly relieves the memory, Ben laughing as she hears a door open and close. He shuts up as she grabs her headphones, plugging them into her phone as fast as possible and setting Ben on the desk.

“Roommates?” He quietly hums, watching as she nods. Waking up at six AM was suspicious enough, she does not need one of the girls hearing a suspiciously Ben sounding voice on Rey's phone. 

“Yeah.” She sighs, wiping off her desk as he groans. 

She looks up at him, as he intently watches her. “I am really proud of you, by the way. You did a really good job during that interview, and I can’t wait to see what you said during the late night shows.”

Ben smiles, burying his head in his arms. “Thank you, Rey. I have a lot of people tell me that, but hearing you say it means so much more.”

She just smiles at him, going back to cleaning her desk. 

He opens his mouth, like he intends to say something else, before shutting it again. Rey waits for him to spit it out, giving him a moment as she reorganizes her pens and watches him out of the corner of her eye. He’s got this smirk on his face, and she smiles as a grin blooms across his mouth.

“You know, I was really enjoying the view from behind…”

  
“Oh my  _ god _ .”


	18. Late Summer - XVIII

Rey’s phone pings while helping Mitaka load Gwen Phasma’s premiere dress in the trunk of her car, an airplane emoji and a city skyline emoji popping up on her screen.

Her heart thuds in her chest,  _ Ben is home! _

They’re a couple hours out from the premiere, and Rose has already gone to the hotel with Poe to start getting the makeup artists and hair stylists set up in the rooms, but Ben is home!

She has to bite back a squeak, and Mitaka just looks at her in confusion as she giggles to herself and moves to the backseat of Maz’s car. 

The older woman hops in after Rey, as she shoots off three heart emojis in return and tucks her phone in her pocket. “Whose got you looking at that device all the time?” She hums, as Rey shrugs.

“Just a friend.” She grins, as Maz huffs. 

“‘Just friends’ do not spend all of their time texting each other, Miss Niima.”

Rey hums in curiosity, like she’s surprised by this information.

She isn’t.

«☆»

Ben smiles to himself as Rose messes with his sleeve, texting Rey with one hand and letting her adjust his cuff with the other. 

She pokes his wrist with the cufflink, and he sucks in a breath as she apologizes. “It’s okay.” He hums, setting his phone, face down, on the dresser. He knows she’s here, somewhere in the hotel with Maz and Phasma, he just doesn’t know  _ where _ .

But she made a good point about avoiding each other until after Ben makes all of his appearances, because they’re both pretty sure the first thing they’ll do when they see each other is either suck face or cry, and Ben does not need to mess up all of Maz’s hard work. 

Plus, no privacy until later. Ben needs her in private. Ben  _ wants _ her in private.

His phone buzzes again, and Rose slaps his hand before he can grab it. “Oh my god, you’re almost as bad as Rey.” She sighs, as Ben turns down to the much shorter woman.

Time to stretch those acting muscles, apparently. 

“What?” He laughs, smiling as she shakes her head. 

“You and Rey, both of you treat your phones like an extra limb.” She sighs, shaking her head as she motions for him to give her his other hand. He obliges, watching as she clips on the other star shaped cufflink. He just shrugs in response, like he doesn’t care about the fact that Rey is apparently just as involved in this as he is.

She gives him a once over, telling him to sit down as she instructs the hairstylist and makeup artist just to make him look camera ready. 

“Where’s Poe?” She shouts, groaning as Hux snorts at his phone.

“Snuck off to go hunt for snacks with Finn, probably. None of us have eaten since breakfast.”

Ben listens as Rose growls and leaves the room. She is clearly stressing over this event, because things aren’t really going to plan. 

He turns to his manager, “Hux can you-“

“On it.” He hums, already standing up and grabbing the extra key from the table. He leaves the room as Ben feels someone he doesn’t know start to run product through his hair and yank his face back to the mirror.

This is going to the longest night of his life.

«☆»

Rey makes it about halfway down the hallway, on a mission to find bobby pins, when she hears one Armitage Hux open the door behind her. 

Her brain immediately goes on Ben mode. He’s just inside, it would be so easy to turn around and see him. She could just-

“Rey! Miss Niima!” He shouts, before she turns into the elevator corridor. She is momentarily taken off guard by the fact Hux knows her name, before she remembers that Ben said he told his manager and his assistant about her. Of course they would know her, he probably had to fix the mess Ben made on his instagram two weeks ago.

She gulps, freezing in the hallway and crossing her arms in the absence of anything else to hold on to. She finally shakes his hand after a tense moment, when he decides to offer her a nervous palm in greeting. 

“I assume Mr. Solo told you-“ He hums, crossing his arms as she kicks at the ugly blue carpet.

“Yeah, yeah. Ben told me.” She replies, not missing a beat. They’re on the same page here, that Ben is involved with her. Romantically. And that Hux  _ knows _ that, apparently.

Hux nods at that, digging through his bag and handing her a maroon folder. “When you get a chance, I need you to sign this. It’s a confidentiality non-disclosure agreement, nothing too serious. Ben doesn’t know I’m giving this to you. It’s just to protect him, in the unfortunate case of separation.”

“Oh.” She hums, flipping the card stock through her fingers and nervously running her thumb over the silver stamped logo for Hux’s agency.

It feels much weightier than it actually is. Considering the contents and all.

“And, uh,” he slips a keycard into her hand, and it takes her a second to realize what it is. Ben’s room key. “I don’t want to know why he wanted to give this to you, but he said he’ll send instructions once we’re on our way to the venue. I’m not asking anymore questions.”

She nods, trying to hide her excitement. She has no idea what Ben is planning, but as long as it involves him and finally getting to see him it’s good. It has to be good.

She nods, tucking the card in her pocket. “Thank you, by the way, for not letting the instagram thing get out of control. You really saved us with that one.” She sighs, watching as Hux’s face flickers through several emotions. 

He finally settles for confusion, and Rey wonders if he isn’t used to receiving compliments. “It wasn’t an issue. That’s my responsibility as his manager, to not let him make a total ass of himself when his big fingers get in the way.”

Rey laughs, pressing the button for the elevator as Hux hangs by. 

She gets the feeling he wants to say something else, so she gives him time and lets him formulate a sentence while she waits for the elevator to arrive. “You make him really happy, by the way. I should thank you for that as well, I haven’t seen him this happy in years.”

Rey blinks at him, as he shuffles on his feet and stiffly turns back down the hallway. The door opens, as she tilts her head in confusion.

Okay, weird.


	19. Late Summer - XIX

Ben leaves with his team before Phasma is done getting put together, Maz rapidly trying to fix a torn hem with Poe as Rose continuously checks the clock. They have to get her out of here in the next five minutes, which means Rey's window of opportunity is quickly closing.

It’s now or never.

She checks her phone, the instructions from Ben, as she tugs on Roses arm. “I’m going to head downstairs, I think there are too many people in here.” She hums, as Rose nods and Rey slips out of the room. She takes a deep breath, because there really were too many people in there. It was starting to feel a little suffocating.

She tiptoes down the hallway, pulling the keycard out of her pocket and unlocking the door to Ben's room. It makes a satisfying click as the green entry light flashes, and Rey slips into the space unnoticed. 

She needs a second to take everything in, the suitcases half opened, the open tub of pomade, the smell of Ben's cologne lingering in the air.

She smiles as she walks across the room, crossing her arms as she imagines him in the space. What it was like in here, when he was.

She’s so excited to see him again, it’s stupid how excited she is to see him again.

She checks the messages he sent, looking over his instructions. 

**I have a black suitcase, with a brown leather tag. Open it up when you’re alone in the room.**

She blinks at the message, and at the bags. All of them are black. She silently curses Ben in her mind before checking each one, making her way down the line. He couldn’t be  _ any _ more specific?

She finally finds it, flipping over the baggage tag and spotting Ben's pretty handwriting. He has very nice handwriting.

She looks back down at her phone, setting it on the windowsill and starting to unzip the suitcase as quietly as possible. She reads the messages as she works.

**Open it and find a black drawstring bag, it’s unmarked but you should spot it easily enough.**

**And don’t open it! :)**

She grabs the bag, pulling on the string and yanking it out. Something crinkles inside, and Rey grins as she zips the suitcase back up. She grabs her phone one last time, texting Ben that she received the package and is awaiting her next instructions.

She gets them a few seconds later, like he was waiting for her.

**Go home, take an uber or Lyft. Rose said she’s going to the premiere with Maz, so they’ll probably stay at the afterparty. Say you aren’t feeling well or something, I’m going to try and get out of here as soon as the lights go down.**

Rey just blinks in confusion, texting him back.

_ Ben, you can’t just leave??? _

**You’re starting to sound like hux**

**Yes I can, it’s my movie premiere. Now get home, I’m going to meet you there and I’m going to kiss you so hard I forget I ever thought about staying in New York.**

Rey can’t help the giggle that explodes from her throat, as she brings a hand up to her face and feels herself blush. She tucks the straps over her shoulders, double checking she didn’t leave anything behind. 

She leaves the keycard on the table, for Hux, as she slips out of the room and makes her way over to the elevators. She texts Rose on the way.

_ Hey! I’m really not feeling well  _ 🙁 _ I think im going to catch a Lyft home, are you guys going to be okay? _

She bites her lip as she waits for a response, impatiently waiting for the elevator. She worries her lip between her teeth as she jumps at any little sound that might come from Phasma’s room. She does not want to get caught out here.

The elevator doors open, and Rey jumps in with a sigh of relief. Thank fuck. She slips in and hits the floor for the lobby, before rapidly tapping the button that is supposed to close the doors a little faster.

In all honesty, it’s probably just there to make her feel better. She knows they don’t really work.

**Totally! We’ll be fine! Today was SUPER stressful, especially for a premiere. We usually aren’t dressing two clients, haha**

_ Lmao, yeah! Plus with all the short notice… _

**YES! They aren’t normally like this, I promise!**

**I’ll probably be home late too, tbh. You’d be taking a lyft home anyways, unless you wanted Poe to drop you off.**

**Nvm, Poe says he doesn’t want to drive you home** 🙁🙁🙁 **says he doesn’t want to deal with you ‘mooning’ HA**

Rey giggles a little, sighing as she rubs her face. How long can she and Ben keep this a secret?

**Seriously tho, get some REST! You’ve been working too hard, and I know you’re stressed abt school. Take the night off, watch a movie or something.** ✨ **You deserve it** ✨

**Treat yo self.**

Rey smiles, still working her lip between her teeth. She sighs as she leans against the back wall, texting a rolling eye emoji at Rose before clicking back to Ben's messages.

_ I’m on my way home!  _ ❤️❤️❤️

She waits a second, the elevator doors opening as Ben texts her back three heart emojis, and she beams.


	20. Late Summer - XX

Rey cleans when she gets back home, like her life depends on it. Not that her room is a mess or anything, it’s just that, well, if Ben is coming over…

She wants to live up to his expectations.

Which means the clothes on her chair get shoved into her closet, and her bed gets made for the first time in weeks. Not that she thinks it’ll stay like that for very long, but… 

Her phone pings, and she dives towards her desk for it.

**Whats your apartment number, btw?**

_Are you almost here?_

_Ben_

_Ben_

**Yes, trying not to text while driving**

She giggles, sending him the instructions for getting into the building. She gives him the passcode for the front door, and tells him she’s excited to see him.

Then she just has to wait, pacing through her living room and feeling like her heart is about to explode out of her chest as she sighs. She can’t see the parking area from her window, or the front door to the building, so she’s kind of blind as to when he actually does arrive.

She keeps her hand on her phone, tapping her foot on the floor as she stares at the tv and waits. Something about houses, or maybe renovating houses, plays on the tv as she tries to be patient.

Where is he?

Three rasps sound on her door, and Rey jumps over the back of the couch in her haste to get to him. She giggles as she slides across the tile in her socks, unlocking the deadbolt without even looking at who’s on the other side. 

She opens the door with a laugh, trying to control the bubbly giggles that threaten to take over her body.

And then he’s there, hands nervously shoved in his blue pants pockets and hair mussed to all hell.

Her first thought is, admittedly, _I can’t believe I get to fuck that_ and her second is _I can’t believe he’s home_.

She gives herself a moment to gawk, as he stares right back at her.

She saw his suit, the navy blue velvet piece he’s wearing, before they took it to the venue. Maz asked her to hold it so she could look at it next to Gwens black and white dress. She needed to see what they would look like together, as a team. She wanted to make sure they would look good together.

But it does little to prepare her for what it looks like on his body. The way he very nicely fills it out, playing with the silver cufflinks and staring at her as she throws herself against his chest and jumps into his arms. He huffs in surprise, as she climbs up his torso and clings onto him.

He picks her up anyways, hands automatically going under her ass and supporting her like he was made to do this. Like they were made to fit together like this. 

She missed him so much, it hurts.

She kisses his cheek, his neck, his nose, anywhere she can reach as he laughs and pulls her tighter against his body. She runs her hands through his hair, already hopelessly messy because she knows he was playing with it the whole way back here, and she finally kisses his mouth.

She vaguely registers the door closing behind him, as she wraps her arms around his neck and he kisses her back.

“Bedroom or couch, bedroom or couch.” He mutters, digging his hands into her body as she squeaks. His voice is all low, near purring as she takes in the way it is unhindered by the slight fuzz of her phone.

She motions her head towards her door, “Bedroom, bedroom.” She repeats, like a mantra, as he continues to kiss her neck. Fuck, she missed this.

She sniffles into his skin as he carries her, listening as he shushes her. It’s too late though, she can’t stop the tears as they fall from her eyes. _Fuck-_

“You’re crying.” He hums, in what she thinks is either confusion or shock, as she nods against his neck. She holds on tighter as she tries not to cry against him, so overwhelmed and excited that he’s home. 

That Ben is home. 

The thought scares her, just enough where she can rationalize, “I can’t believe you really came back for me.”

“Of course, Rey. I’ll always come back for you.” He hums, so sweet and genuine. 

She starts crying into his neck again, for an entirely different reason. 

_He came back for her_.

«☆»

Rey shouldn’t have even tried to clean up her room, in all honesty. 

There are clothes strewn across her floor, Ben's expensive suit mixed with her work clothes, and her bedsheets are definitely going to need to be changed at some point. 

But for now she just enjoys his presence under her, the way his strong arms hold her against his chest as she curls against his body and uses him like a full body pillow. She listens to his heartbeat as she gets a little more comfortable against him, turning her head so she can look out the window as he holds her and gently breathes underneath her chest.

Ben kisses her temple as she wraps her arms around him, clinging onto him as he traces patterns up and down her spine. 

“I missed you.” He hums, turning his head as she looks up at him. 

“I missed you too.” She smiles, reaching up and tracing her finger over the crest of his nose. “I’ve never, I don’t think-“

She stares at him, as he helps her shift off of his body so they’re facing each other on her bed. She examines him in the moonlight, so concerned and protective over her as she brings his hands around her body and stares at his face. He holds her tighter as she tries to think about how she’ll explain this. Because the things she’s feeling right now are… a _lot._ And Ben deserves to know that, why this is all a lot for her right now.

“My parents left me in Camden Market, when I was four. That’s why I said I grew up in Camden, because I think I might have lived there before or something.”

“Oh.” Ben hums, surprise taking over his face. Rey blushes as she groans, she doesn’t know why she’s doing this now, she’s never told anybody about this. Not even Kaydel, who has been the closest thing she’s had to a best friend since she came here.

She sighs, scratching at her skin as she groans. “I know, I know it’s a lot and I shouldn’t be dumping this on you right now, but I just want you to know.” She takes a deep breath, nervously peering up at him as she wraps her arms over her chest like that will somehow protect her bleeding heart. “My parents abandoned me in the market when I was four, I bounced around the foster system until I was eighteen, and I aged out without a penny to my name. I threw myself into my studies so I wouldn’t think about the past, so I wouldn’t miss them, and somehow I got a full ride scholarship for college. I got stupidly, so stupidly, lucky. I worked three underground jobs during the summers so I could eat, and I lost my scholarship when I was one year out from graduating. Ever since then I’ve been taking on massive amounts of student debt and just trying to keep things together long enough for me to graduate and get a well paying job and start moving towards citizenship.”

She pokes at his chest, snuggling closer to him as he just stares at her in something like awe. “I don’t let myself want things, or want people, because I’m always let down. I haven’t missed someone, like I missed you, since I was a little kid.” She looks up at him, hoping he sees how sincerely she means this. “I’m scared, what I feel right now scares me. I haven’t cared about someone the way I care about you since… forever.”

Ben just stares at her, and Rey is worried she’s frightened him off. That somehow, knowing this about her, has changed the way he feels towards her.

She feels him wrap his arms around her, pulling her naked body against his chest as he sighs into her hair. “I’m so sorry, Rey.”

“It’s not your fault-“

“Hey- that doesn’t mean I can’t care. It doesn’t mean I’m not angry that you went through those experiences alone. It doesn’t mean I don’t want to help now.”

She scoffs, and Ben rubs her back. She whines when he hits that sweet spot between her shoulder blades, and the blessed boy gets the message as she exhales in relief. He starts working his index finger and middle finger in small circles, as she arches her back and smiles against his chest. Shit, that feels good.

“Let me take care of you Rey, please. Let me help.”

She shakes her head, and he sighs. “I’ve done perfectly well on my own so far, I don’t need charity.”

He freezes, before going back to rubbing small circles on her back. “It’s not charity if I get something out of it too.”

She scoots away from him, hooking her leg around his as she grins. “Are you propositioning me? Are you trying to exchange money for sex? Because I’ll have you know-“

He grabs her ass, pulling her back to him as he laughs. “No, Rey, christ.” He giggles, palming her butt as she grabs his biceps and squeezes. “I’m just trying to stop you from killing yourself with work, just giving you someone to fall back on if things get to be too much.” He leans his forehead against hers, kissing her again. “Just letting you know I’m here, and that there’s no shame in needing help. Let me do nice things for you, let me take care of you if you want me to.” He hums, all sorts of tired sweetness.

She hesitantly nods, and Ben beams. She knows she probably won’t ask for anything, no matter how badly she wants that student debt to disappear, but she does feel better knowing that she has a plan b.

Knowing that she has someone to go to, if everything goes to shit tomorrow. Even if that plan b is a little new, and still coming into form.

She wraps her arms around his neck, keeping her forehead against his as she closes her eyes. “What about you? Got any life changing revelations you want to share?” She hums, smiling as he chuckles against her.

He stays quiet for a moment, Rey fully anticipating him to shake his head and for the topic to change.

He takes a deep breath, and spills his guts instead. 

“I raised myself, you know. My mom is in politics, and my dad traveled all the time for work. They hired a nanny to take care of me when I was really young, but as soon as I was old enough they sent me off to my uncle's boarding school up in Vermont and kind of told me to take care of myself.”

Rey stares at him for a moment, blinking in shock. That was not what she was expecting. “Oh.”

“I started acting out to get their attention, getting into fist fights just so they would talk to me. They’re good people, they really are, but good people don’t always make good parents. You know?” 

Rey nods, and she slowly reaches a hand up to Ben's face as he uncomfortably shuffles under her blankets. Her thumb traces his cheek, as he closes his eyes and sighs. “I got myself expelled junior year of high school, and my parents were _so_ angry. Stuck me in a military academy until I graduated, had a teacher push me towards acting after I got caught trying to jack a car just to see if I could do it.”

He sighs, lowering his voice to a whisper. “I think he saved my life, finally having someone care about me like that.” He hums, as Rey sighs against his mouth. He kind of blurted that all out, but it sounds like he’s been holding that in for awhile.

Just like her.

She kisses him, gently trying to convey everything she feels through physical touch. “I’m so sorry, Ben.”

His eyes slowly open, staring at her as she gently strokes his face with her thumb. “Sorry for what? Not your fault.”

They just stare at each other, as the two curl around each other. They hold each other in silence, Rey carding her fingers through his hair as he sighs into her neck. “You’re not alone, Rey.” He hums, holding her as she shudders against him. As she lets herself surrender to him and this moment. 

What a coincidence, that two people who have felt abandoned their entire lives finally found each other without even knowing it. What a strange twist of fate.

“Neither are you.” She squeaks, kissing his temple as he smiles against her skin. 

«☆»

The two of them talk, for hours, about everything and nothing. 

Ben tells her about Bazine, how he started dating her because his parents hated her, in an act of misguided rebellion. How he thought it was love, when really she was just using him for status and money. How she encouraged him to cut his parents out altogether, and he hasn’t exactly had the bravery to go back and remedy that situation.

Rey told him it was alright, that he could do that on his own time. He shouldn’t be pressed to forgive anyone, including himself, if he isn’t ready.

And she thanks him for being so honest with her, for sharing that piece of himself with her. He didn’t have to go that far.

Ben says he felt like he had to, that Rey needed to know that he doesn’t exactly understand what a healthy relationship looks like sometimes. So, he might screw up here and there, but he’s going to try to be enough for her.

She understands, and tells him he’s doing a great job so far.

In exchange she tells him about the foster houses she grew up in, how awful some of the housemates had been and how she can’t ever look at chocolate oranges without feeling nauseous after a particularly bad prank. 

He laughs when she tells him about the foster parent who was obsessed with beef, and the household that always had Jimmy Buffet music playing in the background. It was like her life was an endless trip through the Bahamas, but with British weather.

Ben promises never to subject her to the horrors of margaritaville, and then fucks her into the mattress when she tells him that sex with him is by far the best she’s ever had.

He leaves marks on her, love bites in places only she will see, so she remembers how good he makes her feel. 

All in all, they lose track of time. They stay blissed out and content, half awake and holding each other as Ben taps his fingers along her side, just because he can.

Just because he’s here, and he’s here with her.

And that is enough.

And it shouldn’t surprise him, or freak him out, when the front door to Reys apartment opens and a somewhat familiar set of voices fill the living room. 

But he freezes with Rey, in her bed, completely naked and vulnerable, as he turns to her and she stares at him.

She flips in his arms, grabbing her alarm clock and showing it to him.

It’s one am, they completely lost track of time, Rey's roommates just got home from their respective evenings.

Fuck.

“I swear to god Kay! He just disappeared!” Rose laughs, keeping her voice hushed as Ben watches shadows move under Rey's door. She sits up, and protectively wraps her arms around him as he tries to hide behind her and crawl under the blankets. “We spend two hours making this guy look sexy as all hell, and then he runs out ten minutes into the movie and completely misses the after party! Not even his manager could tell you where he went!”

The other girl, presumably Kay, giggles, as Rose laughs and continues in an exasperated voice, “How do you run out on your own movie premiere! I mean, do you know how many people would _kill_ to be in his position? And he has something better to do?”

Ben and Rey turn to each other, the former smiling and scrunching up his nose as he sits up and kisses the latters shoulder. He, in fact, did have something better to do. 

Or, well, someone.

Kay sighs, and it sounds like someone’s grabbing glasses from the kitchen. “Maybe he just said fuck it and went home, Rey said he and Gwen Phasma have been traveling for two weeks when I mentioned the premiere. Can’t be easy to travel that much and keep your sanity intact. Even if it is a jerk move.”

Ben pulls Rey closer, tugging her into his lap. He kisses her temple as she turns, tucking her head in his shoulder. Kaydel is right, it isn’t easy to be on the road like that. Yes, it may have been a bad move to run, but he had to get out of there. If he had to see one more camera flash in his face he was going to punch someone.

“God, probably. Don’t tell Rey though, she has the worst crush on him. Poor thing thinks the world of him, even if he’s been a total dick to her.” Rose sighs, as Rey freezes in his lap and tries to stifle her laughter against his bare chest. He smiles into her hair as they listen, trying to eavesdrop in on the conversation. Ben knows Rey is no actress, but she’s really been trying to keep this a secret. He didn’t know she was _that_ bad of a liar. 

He bends down, nibbling at her neck as she quietly swats at him. That’s cute.

“God, I know. Between that and this fucking ‘friend’ she’s always texting and calling it’s fucking unbearable. Girl needs to get _laid_.” 

Rose laughs at that, and Rey’s entire body goes pink. Ben smiles against her neck as she huffs, crossing her arms as she pulls Ben's arms tighter around her. She, in fact, did need to get laid. She was just waiting for said lay-er to get back.

Which he is _very_ happy about.

The girls' voices go quiet, Rey continuing to listen as Ben tries to distract her with his kisses. She tries to focus on the conversation as best she can as he tugs on her body, endlessly trying to pull her closer.

She gets up from her bed, quietly moving around the room. Ben pouts as she starts gathering clothes, carefully picking up all of the pieces for his suit as she puts her own clothes in her laundry hamper. She sneaks through the darkness as she works, highlighted by moonlight.

Ben unabashedly stares at her, the mess he’s made of her body. He should not be as proud as he is to see her totally unraveled by his hands. She’s so pretty, and graceful-

Then she stubs her toe, cursing as the girls go quiet in the living room. Shit.

“Rey? Was that you?” Rose calls after a moment, as Ben turns to her in a panic. She stares at the door, as she waits in silence and Rose calls her name again. She’s getting closer, she’s going to open the door if Rey doesn’t stop her.

Ben needs Rey to stop her, he isn’t wearing pants.

“Rose said you weren’t feeling well,” Kaydel calls, still far away. “Do you wanna come out and talk? We’ve got popcorn and Netflix pulled up!” She hums, as Rey furrows her brow. She’s thinking, Ben can see it in her face. She’s coming up with a plan.

She throws Bens underwear at him, shoving his suit and his shoes under the far side of the bed. She takes care to tuck the cufflinks in the jacket pocket, giving a once over to the room and anything else they might be missing as Ben just stares.

She taps his leg and points at the closet, as he blinks for a moment.

She tugs on his hand, a little more insistent, and he understands. “I’m fine!” She calls, as Ben stands up and quietly slips his boxers on. His heart pounds as he sneaks across the room, Rey opening the closet and grabbing a pair of fuzzy pink pajama pants and an old college t-shirt. 

Rose asks if she can come in and Ben feels like he’s going to throw up.

“Let me get some pants on first!” Rey laughs, freezing when Ben brings his hands to her hair.

He fixes it a little, leaving it messy but not debauched. Like she just woke up. It’s his way of taking care of her.

She kisses him before closing the closet door on him, leaving him bunched up against her wall and her clothes as she goes to the door. This is not the most comfortable place to hide. And who puts sweaters next to shorts?

It strikes him that this might not be the time to critique her organizational choices, as she opens the door to her bedroom and his heart all but stops.

He watches as light floods the room and shines through the edges of the closet door, blinking in discomfort as Rey sighs. “How did the premiere go?” She hums, as Ben watches the shadows move across the cracks between the doorway and the floor. One wrong move and they’re _fucked_. 

He wonders if they can hear his heart pounding, or if that’s just him.

“Solo ran off midway through the showing, no clue where he went.” Rose quietly sighs, as Ben waits with bated breath for Reys response.

“You’re _kidding_ me.” She laughs, as Rose giggles with her.

She groans, and Ben listens as their voices quiet. “Nope, Finn didn’t even realize Solo was gone until the afterparty. He and his manager have been texting him non-stop, they have no clue where he is.”

Rey giggles, and Ben beams. He’s going to be in so much trouble tomorrow, but Rey is so worth it. This night has been _so_ worth it. 

Rey sighs as she quiets again, and Ben waits for someone to make a move. “Do you want to come and hang out with us?” Rose finally asks, as Ben picks at a hangnail on his thumb. “Might be good to try and destress.”

“No, no. I’m tired. I think the stress of everything just caught up to me, I crashed as soon as I got back.”

Ben crosses his arms, even if he knows it’s a lie, he doesn’t like how much stress Rey puts herself through. She isn’t especially kind to her mind sometimes, or her body.

He listens as Rey says hi to Kay, exchanging quick hellos before wishing them both a good night and shutting her door.

He waits as she comes back to him, pulling him out of her closet and hugging him tight as she yawns. 

Ben wraps his arms around her, kissing the top of her head as she scratches at his back. “I don’t like lying to them.” She whispers, as Ben shrugs in response. What else can they do?

“I know.” He hums, letting her hold onto him for a moment.

He starts pulling her back towards the bed, grabbing his phone from her nightstand. It’s dead, no wonder he wasn’t getting any texts.

Rey grabs hers instead, pulling up the notes app and starting to type as Ben looks out the window. How is he going to get out of here? It was one thing when both of Reys roommates were out, but it’s another when he has to figure out how to sneak around them during the daylight without being spotted.

That is, if Rey wants him to stay the night. He doesn’t know if he has much of a _choice_.

He gets his answer when she flips her phone around, showing him what she typed.

_Both of the girls are probably going to sleep in tomorrow, you can leave when I leave for work. I’ll make sure they don’t see you._

_If you want to stay, that is. idk if you want to climb out the window or what but you’re kind of stuck here until morning. sorry._

He grabs the phone from her, sitting down on the edge of her bed as she crawls in behind him and peeks over his shoulder. 

He adds on to the document.

_The longer I can put off dealing with hux the better, and ill drive you in to work tomorrow._

_More time with you isn’t a bad thing, and it’s on my way to the apartment anyways._

It isn’t, not really. But she doesn’t need to know that yet.

She nods, and wraps her arms around him as Ben sets her phone next to his. He reaches down and grabs the bag he asked her to grab, still unopened, as Rey watches from over his shoulder. 

He wiggles his eyebrows at her, as she rolls her eyes and starts pulling him closer to the middle of the bed so they’re more comfortable. She sits cross legged in front of him, as he slowly shifts so she is in between his thighs. 

She happily scoots closer, until they’re both comfortable.

Ben watches as she stares at him for a moment, before leaning up and kissing him again. He follows her with his mouth, despite his surprise, grinning as she pushes his hair back and tucks it behind his ears. Okay, good. Ben likes that.

He starts sorting through the bag as she plays with his appearance, fighting the urge to nervously clear his throat as her nimble fingers toy with his black hair.

It’s nice to be touched like this, so gently and with no real goal of doing anything to each other. He doesn’t really know if anyone has touched him like this before.

He pulls out the change of clothes he packed, first. White tee, black jeans, a change of underwear, some socks, a black hat, and sunglasses. He can wear the shoes he wore to the event down to the car, where he has an extra pair of sneakers waiting for him in the back seat.

Rey snorts as he lays this all out on the bed, rubbing his knees. He came prepared, he knew he wasn’t going to wear that suit out of her apartment building. It would have been _way_ too obvious.

Rey bites her lip as he sorts through the bag, pulling out a smushed bag of fancy chocolate along with the cheap convenience store stuff. He winces as he realizes most of it is smashed beyond recognition, but he just watches as Rey grins and squeezes his legs in glee. 

She goes for the cheap stuff first, making a shocked expression at him as she picks up a double decker. 

Rey motions for her phone, so he reaches over and grabs it as she opens up the package and impatiently wriggles between his legs. She pulls up the notes app again.

_I used to eat these all the time as a kid, would always use any pocket change I had to buy them!!!_

She grins up at him, as she hands him the phone and he reads the message. She splits the treat in half as she offers him part of it, and when he shakes his head and tries to refuse she just pouts at him in response. 

He takes it from her, even though he really shouldn’t. He won’t be able to brush his teeth after this, and sugar is hardly a part of his recommended diet…

But he is on break, and he finds it increasingly difficult to refuse Rey anything.

He watches as she carefully dissects hers, splitting the two layers apart as he smiles. She sticks her tongue out of her mouth as she works, tapping part of her half against his with a grin before popping it in her mouth and gently wiggling from side to side in joy.

Ben just shakes his head, slowly eating his own half as she reads labels and continues to sort through the candy.

She looks up at him, like she’s examining his face, as she pops up on her knees to kiss him once again. She tastes like chocolate, as he leans over to continue kissing her and she sighs into his mouth. She tastes like nougat and chocolate and sugar, like the sweet nostalgia of a childhood he never quite got to experience but was just similar enough to his own.

Ben knows, as she pulls her mouth away but keeps her forehead pushed up against his, that this is it. Whatever doubts may have lingered in his mind, no matter how many times he told himself that the pull he feels to her is just a product of misplaced optimism… he can no longer refuse the little part of his brain that tells him:

_This is it, kid._

_She was waiting for you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 👀💀


	21. Autumn - I

Ben does drive Rey to work, although it’s a herculean effort to get them out the door and down to Maz’s office.

Rey wakes up to Ben sitting between her thighs, already dressed and ready for the day. It turns out he’s still kind of on New York/London time, and he ended up waking up nearly three hours before her.

He let her sleep in, grabbed clothes for her and got her up as gently as possible. She woke up to him kissing her cheek, strong hands rubbing her sides as he whispered her name in her ear.

Rey still woke with a start, but having Ben to hold on to as she blinked back to consciousness made everything a little better.

He even turned around as she got dressed, although it was hardly necessary considering they’ve seen more of each other's bodies than one might like to admit for a… second date? Although it was hardly a date, because they haven’t actually  _ been _ on a date yet.

Rose would call it a dick appointment, Rey quickly realizes.

But it was nice, having someone to wake up to. Rey thinks she could get used to that. 

And apparently a sleepy Ben is a very clingy Ben, as she soon finds out. He’s always resting his head on her shoulder, kissing her forehead and wrapping his arms around her. It takes her much longer than normal to get ready, letting him quietly watch as she throws her hair up in a neat bun and slips her shoes on after her much needed shower.

Not that she minds, it’s just an adjustment she has to make. One that she will make, because having Ben around is worth it.

Having him near, having someone happy to just exist around her, is worth it.

She manages to sneak him and his suit out of the building, giggling as they run to his car and slip in before anyone can spot them. Rey has never really been one to break rules before, to risk being caught red handed, but with Ben she doesn’t mind the possibility. More accurately, he is worth the risk.

Especially if drives to work include impromptu karaoke, and playing along with talk show radio segments. It’s the most fun she’s had during a commute in  _ years _ .

Rey learns Ben is really smart, in the clever way. It seems he’s a jack of all trades, fluent in the language of gameshow. 

She just giggles as he tries to recall interesting factoids about penguins to amuse her. 

She grabs his hand at some point, playing with his fingers as they make their way across LA, and she realizes this might be the best Friday of her life.

“Can you drive, or do you just enjoy having your friends shuttle you around?” He hums at one point, turning to Rey as she shrugs with a small smile.

“Kind of?” She sighs, looking up at him as he looks back to the road. He furrows his brow as he focuses, checking his mirrors as he switches lanes. “Foster parent taught me to drive in England, got my license right around when I turned seventeen because he thought it was criminal that nobody had offered to teach me before. American man, deemed it a necessary skill.”

Ben quirks an eyebrow, glancing at her for a moment. “I agree with him, especially in LA. You should know how to drive.”

She shrugs, squeezing his palm as she sighs and looks out the window. “Cars are expensive though, I can't afford one right now. And my UK license expired anyways, only use it’s good for is ID, sometimes.” When people don’t pay too close attention at seedy bars, she means.

Americans usually don’t know how to read foreign IDs anyways, she’s only gotten denied from a venue once or twice.

“Do you have a US ID?” He hums, focused on the road as Rey shrugs again.

She fiddles with the hem of her skirt, just now realizing Ben grabbed the same skirt he saw her in when she paid for his meter. 

She briefly wonders if that’s why he picked it out.

“No, not really.” She sighs, crossing her legs as she sighs. “I have my immigration papers, and my contact at UCLA for my visa, but other than that I’m kind of on my own. And I don’t have a need for a license, and it’s not like I need an ID for flying anytime soon. Plus, my student ID gets me most places.” She turns to him, grinning. “Get those great student discounts at museums, too.” She hums, watching as he smiles and scoffs at her. 

They go quiet, some local ad playing on the radio as Ben sighs. Rey shifts in her seat, running her free palm over the leather of his car. It’s such a fascinating thing, how he fits into this universe.

“I would like it if you got your license, at some point.” He quietly sighs, trying to be careful with his words. Rey sees it in the way he slows down his speech, like he’s examining every vocabulary choice. Like a diplomat. “Just so I know, if you need to drive somewhere, you can.” He hums, as Rey feels his thumb rub circles on the back of her hand. 

They fall silent again, as the radio comes back to the show and some bright end of summer song starts to play.

He mutters under his breath, squeezing her palm. “Don’t need my girlfriend ending up in jail.”

Rey laughs, beaming as he takes the exit for Maz’s office. “Ben!” She giggles, as he brings their hands up and kisses her knuckles. 

He playfully bites at her skin, as she stares at him and takes in the awe of this moment. How lucky is she, to have been given this opportunity with him.

How lucky she really is.

«☆»

“What’s that?” Poe hums, the only other person in the office this early in the morning. Maz and Rose both stayed home, Rey texting the latter that she took the metro to the office and to not freak out when she woke up and realized Rey was gone.

“Assistant things.” She sighs, keeping her free palm on the front of the folder Hux gave her yesterday so Poe doesn’t try to pry. She didn’t want to deal with it before she actually got to spend some time with Ben, but she needs to get it read and signed before she visits him this weekend.

He told her to come by, he’s going to meet her along the blue line of the metro tomorrow afternoon and make her dinner. It’s the one she normally takes to get to school, and that fact doesn’t fly by her brain.

He rented a place close to her university, which might be the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for her. 

Poe huffs, examining the logo before stalking off. He probably recognizes it from Hux’s business, it wouldn’t be unusual for Rey to be working with a folder like this.

The contents though, she quickly realizes, are highly unusual. 

Rey wonders how many times Hux has had to write this up, for any of his clients.

_ What _ on earth is she getting into?

«☆»

**I think hux might kill me.**

Rey looks at her phone, snorting as she grabs it from her desk and stares at the message. 

She quickly types back 

_ Oh can’t imagine why  _ 🙄

_ How is he taking the news that he has to share you with me? _

**Not well. I think the man is jealous.**

_ good. _

**By the way,**

**You tore my suit, sweetheart**

_ What???? _

**Remember that ripping noise last night? you ripped a seam in the suit jacket, right up the side. maz is going to kill both of us when she finds out.**

**You are a monster**

_ Oh my god _

_ I plead the fifth _

**How do you even know what that means??**

Rey just shakes her head, giggling as she texts Ben three heart emojis and puts her phone back down.

She looks up as Rose stares at her from across the room, eyebrow quirked and coffee cup raised to her lips. 

Rey turns away from her, unable to wipe the smile from her face.


	22. Autumn - II

That night finds Rey trying to balance her heart and mind.

Her mind says to take this slow, spend the night with Rose and Kay, gossip about the latest happenings at the bar, spend some time together…

Her heart says to text Ben, ask him what he’s doing. Run halfway across the city and into his apartment, jump into his arms and let him have her however he wants.

Her mind wins, obviously, because it is mortified by her heart.

But it is unusual to be sitting at home and not wondering where Ben is or what he’s doing. It’s odd to know she _could_ go and see him, because she hasn’t had that option since she first started this relationship with him.

Are they in a relationship? Is that fair to say? He did call her his girlfriend, can she call him her boyfriend?

She doesn’t know, she hasn’t done this in so long. And it’s never been like this with anybody else; gentle, sweet, and passionate all at once. Nobody has ever looked at her the way Ben does, and she’s kind of obsessed with it. 

She sips her tea as she draws her legs up on the couch, watching some movie the girls all missed when it was in theaters.

“I’m spending the weekend in Santa Monica, by the way.” Rey finally hums, as both of the girls turn to her.

“What?”

“Rey!” 

The girls just stare at her, as she takes another long sip of her tea and shrugs. “At least, that’s the plan. I think. My friend invited me over for dinner, and he didn’t exactly give me a time to leave, so I might be staying the night. I’m going to bring an overnight bag, in any case.”

Rose just blinks at her, as Kaydel starts cackling. 

“Wait, okay,” Rose hums, as Kay just continues to laugh, “fill me in here, Rey Niima!”

Rey shrugs again, keeping her lips tight, as Rose leans back with a groan. “Who are you fucking!” She shouts, loud enough for the neighbors to hear, as Rey and Kaydel both start giggling. Rey realizes she kind of loves driving her roommates crazy.

She blushes, her whole body heating up as Kaydel stands and drapes herself over Rey's side of the couch. “Please tell us, give us any information you can. We are _so_ desperate to know who the hell you’ve been _obsessed_ with for the past two weeks.” She hums, sitting to the left of Rey on their sectional.

Rey just shrugs again, as Kay groans and sets her face in her shoulder. “Please, for me? I promise I won’t tell Rose.”

“Fuck off!”

Rey just giggles, sitting up and setting her mug on the coffee table before leaning back and crossing her arms. “He’s very sweet, and very handsome.”

Rose squeals, as Kaydel shakes her shoulders and Rey hides behind her palms. 

“He has the best hair, and he smells so nice, and the sex is _so good_.”

Rose stands up, screaming into her palms as she does a little happy dance. Rey is pretty sure she might have just violated part of the NDA Hux had her sign, but she doubts Ben would be bothered by people knowing _that_ particular fact-

She giggles, and pushes her face into the couch as Kaydel laughs next to her. Rey isn’t quite sure if she’s laughing at her or Rose.

“How long has this been going on?” She finally gasps, jumping back on the couch and shaking Rey's knees. Rey blushes as she shrugs, kind of uncertain how to go about this without lying or anything.

“Not a long time, only a couple weeks. I met him through a mutual friend,” not a lie, Maz is a friend, “and we hit it off pretty quick.” Also not a lie, she’s pretty sure there was mutual attraction on both sides. “I got really frustrated after dealing with Solo, and I texted him asking if he wanted to meet up. We got pizza and blew off some steam, and everything has been going smoothly since.”

It’s a series of half lies, half truths. Ben said the key to acting was to base everything in reality, and Rey trusts him.

It’s been three weeks since she first met him, since he flipped her whole world upside down. 

And she wouldn’t have it any other way.

«☆»

“Look at our little girl!” Rose coos, as Kay snickers from the couch. Rey freezes midway across the living room, half of her hair tied back from her face and wearing a sundress that she hadn’t even had the excuse to take the tag off of before today. 

The effect is, of course, ruined by the battered black backpack she’s got strapped to her back. It’s stuffed full of things she’s deemed necessary for a night at Bens, including but not limited to: pajamas, a toothbrush, and clothes for tomorrow.

Rey stays frozen, as Rose comes over to her. “Oh my god, you’re wearing makeup. Kay! The girl is wearing makeup!”

Rey feels her face go red, knowing that the powder she used isn’t going to hide a blush at all. 

Rose squeals anyways, as Rey slowly starts moving to the door. “Wait! We should drop you off! Maybe we’ll get a glimpse of mystery man!” Kaydel gasps, kneeling over the back of the couch as Rey starts moving a little faster to the door. That sounds like the worst idea.

“Yes!” Rose cheers, as Rey starts opening the doorknob.

“No!” She shouts back, slipping out of the door and charging down the hallway. She hears Rose mournfully sigh as the door shuts behind her and she makes a break for it.

That would have been _very_ bad.

«☆»

The metro ride is uncharacteristically uneventful, Rey keeping one eye out the window as she looks around the train. Everyone is focused on their own thing, their own personal problems, as she mindlessly scrolls through her phone to go and visit her super famous (and hot) boyfriend.

Nobody knows who she is, what she’s here to do. It’s oddly liberating.

She catches a glimpse of something out the window, a billboard with Ben and Phasmas faces on it. Locked in a heated battle, a snarl she didn’t even know his muscles were capable of making baring his normally adorable crooked teeth. 

She stares a little too long, blinking.

How many of them would care?

Suddenly it feels like Ben is everywhere, all around her. On billboards, and newspaper ads, and referenced on cheap t-shirts that neither of them would be caught dead in. But not really Ben, not her Ben. His characters, his face, but not _her_ Ben.

Because her Ben is human, fallible and silly. He doesn’t have a good relationship with his parents, and he nearly blew his hand off while lighting fireworks when he was a kid. Her Ben drools in his sleep, and kisses her freckles in the darkness of night.

Her Ben is human, and he doesn’t scare her.

The train stops at the place she needs to switch lines at with a loud whine, and she scurries off and starts walking to the next platform. She makes it up the escalator, nearly taking the steps two at a time, before she freezes at the top of the staircase.

She checks her phone as she walks, double checking that she has the time to do what she thinks she needs to.

Her Ben is human, and might need to be reminded of that sometimes.

«☆»

Rey pulls the small turquoise plant pot tighter to her chest, huffing as she checks her phone. 

Ben said he would be here, he promised he would come.

She taps her toe against the ground, scrolling through their messages again as she waits by the drop off area for the metro, taking a deep breath as the breeze blows towards her. She can’t count the number of times she’s stopped at this station, the number of mornings and evenings spent smelling sagebrush and thinking about her latest class assignment or meeting with her advisor. 

This situation, however, is completely different. 

She focuses on her phone, getting lost in Roses private instagram story that’s _definitely_ meant to be a thirst trap for some guy Rey knows she met last week, when two solid beeps from a black car bring her out of her reverie.

It takes her a second, and she nearly drops her gift for Ben, but she realizes who that is not a moment too late.

She quickly jogs to the door, opening it and climbing in as Ben reaches for her.

“Hey.” He hums, staring at her as she slides into the passenger side.

“Hi.” She hums right back, leaning over and kissing him as he growls into her mouth. 

She pulls away after a moment, grabbing his elbow as he starts driving. His eyes flash to her lips for a moment, before licking his own.

“You taste like strawberries.” He whispers, grinning as she shrugs. She watches as his whole face goes red, and she plays with the sleeve of his sweater. 

He got all dressed up for her, that’s cute as hell.

She stares at him for a moment longer, running her hand over his forearm as she moves to his palm. He interlocks his fingers with hers, and she grins.

“I got you a plant, by the way. If you haven’t noticed. I don’t know what your rental situation looks like, but you said you liked to cook, so I bought this little rosemary for you.” She nervously chirps, as Ben finally looks down at her lap. 

She holds up the little plant for him, and he smiles as he turns back to the road.

“I’m going to kill it.” He sighs, pulling onto another street. “I’m going to kill that poor, innocent plant.” 

There's a solemn seriousness to his voice, and Rey just won’t have any of it.

“You can’t, I’ve already named it.” She replies, grinning at him as he chuckles and pulls into a parking structure.

“You’ve named it?” He hums, obviously preoccupied when Rey starts eying the cars around them. She immediately feels overwhelmed, like she’s way out of her league here. These cars are _way_ too nice.

“Yeah. Dio.” She hums, looking out the window as Ben searches for his parking spot.

He finds it, pulling in. There’s an empty spot next to him, and Rey gulps.

“I like it.” He sighs, bringing her hand up to his mouth and kissing her knuckles. 

He stares at her for a moment, furrowing his brow as she clutches onto little Dio with everything she’s got.

“Hey, you look kind of freaked out. You okay?” He hums, watching as she nods. Or, at least, her body nods for her. 

She turns to him, an uneasy smile taking over her face. “Yeah. Kind of hitting me what you are right now, but I’m good.” She hums, waiting for him to open the door or something. Get them up to his super expensive apartment, which she could never even hope to set foot in under any other circumstance. He’s renting on a month by month basis too, she knows, because he probably doesn’t see himself staying around past February. Who knows if he’ll even be here come December.

God, he has so much money. More than she’s probably ever seen. Not that it defines him or anything, but certainly isn’t an unimportant aspect of this situation they’ve found themselves in. Their _relationship,_ if she can even call this new little thing between them that.

She starts to panic a little, and Ben unbuckles his own seatbelt before undoing hers. “Hey, sweetheart, darling, Rey,” he sighs, pulling her across the console, into his lap, as she wraps her arms around him and he holds her to his body. He starts pressing kisses to her cheek, being mindful of the make-up she put on in an attempt to make any of this seem normal. Like they really are going on a dinner date or something.

She shakes a little, and she hates the way her body is betraying her. She had been so strong, so capable, when everything was an abstract concept. When Ben was, theoretically, a famous actor and he was, theoretically, completely out of her league.

But it’s not theoretical, they aren’t playing dress up in a hotel room his company paid for anymore, or across an ocean on little phone screens. This is real. This is daylight and solid and _real_.

She’s about to walk into his world, stay in his apartment that he paid for, and have to deal with that as his reality.

This doesn’t feel like reality.

He kisses her forehead as she takes a deep breath, bringing a hand up and wiping under her eyes for her. She doesn’t think she’s crying, it was just kind of a weird nervousness that possessed her body for a moment. She’s fine, she’s okay, just having earth shattering revelations about what his money might mean for her future if this goes on. How she might not have to worry anymore, and how good that will feel. 

Might feel, might feel. She corrects herself, not wanting to jinx her own future.

She sighs, pulling herself together in his lap. She doesn’t even know why this is happening now, it’s not like Ben having money is a bad thing, just an intimidating one. Right? Just an intimidating one? “I’m good, I’m good, just kind of… I need a moment, I think.“

“Hey, hey. It’s okay. What’s going on? Is it a work thing? A school thing?”

Rey gets the feeling that if it had been that, if something in her life had gone horribly wrong, Ben would be the first in line to step up and fight for her. 

She shakes her head, and he pulls her closer. She feels his hand against her back, as she realizes she’s kind of perched on his thigh. She squeaks as he adjusts her with a grunt, and she lets herself hold onto him for a minute. 

“Just kind of realized how different we are, Ben. How weird this is going to be. We should be-“

“Going on a real date? Having light conversation about hobbies and the weather? Not trapped in a parking garage, or at each other's apartments?”

Rey pauses, staring at him as he sighs into her hair. “Yeah.”

He nods as he slips a hand up her leg and under the skirt of her dress. She doesn’t even know if he realizes he’s doing it, or if it’s just instinct, but she doesn’t stop him when his hand starts stroking her thigh.

“You understand why we can’t, right?” He hums, tucking his head above hers as she nods into his neck. She knows this is to protect her, to keep her safe. Everything comes down to safety. “I can’t do that to you, I can’t hurt you like that. I’ve been doing this for years, and it’s still difficult to walk around unnoticed. I feel like I’m always looking over my shoulder, always waiting for someone to walk up to me and ask for a photo or an autograph. It sucks! A lot! And I can’t subject you to that quite yet. I can’t put you in danger, I wouldn’t forgive myself if you got hurt because of me.” 

He pulls away from her, tentatively touching his nose against hers. She brings her hands up to his face, squishing it between her palms as they stare eye to eye. He shaved for her too, she can smell his aftershave and feel the smooth skin of his cheeks under her hands. 

She realizes he does a lot for her. More than she deserves.

He licks his lips, as he sighs, “I don’t think I’m ready to share you with the rest of the world yet.” He hums, kissing down her neck as she slides her hands to the back of his hair.

“I know.” She hums, feeling him wrap his arms around her as she sighs into his neck. “God, could you imagine what my morning commute to school would be like?” She teases, feeling him laugh against her skin as she plays with the short hairs at the nape of his neck. “I don’t think nearly as many people would care about me the way they care about you, but what would I even do if someone asked me for an autograph? If they asked me about you? I would freeze. I would sign my name with my off hand, because fraud is everywhere, and I would panic.”

Ben laughs, lifting his head from her neck as he sighs. “Theoretically, how would you describe me to these strangers.” He hums, tucking a stray curl behind her ear as she shrugs.

“Theoretically…” She sighs, looking away from Ben and at the roof of the car. Seems a shame there isn’t a sunroof or something, she always thought expensive cars would have sunroofs. 

She sighs, turning back to him as he tilts his head at her. “Understanding, gentle, and… tall.”

He snorts, smiling as he brings a thumb up to tap against her bottom lip. “That’s a cop out.” He hums, grabbing her face and kissing her forehead again. She giggles as he moves down to her mouth, pressing a quick kiss to both sides of her face and her nose on the way.

He kisses her, and she groans as he leans forward and tries to adjust her on his lap. It seems maybe they’re moving backwards here, starting with sex and ending with dinner.

Rey's elbow, or maybe Bens, hits the horn on the steering wheel as she pulls at his bottom lip. Her teeth hit his, or maybe his hit hers, as they jump away from each other with a duo of surprised shouts as the car interrupts their impromptu makeout session.

Ben murmurs a small ow, bringing his finger to his lip where Rey sort of chomped down on him. He wipes away a spot of blood as Rey gasps and apologizes. She reaches for her bag and starts searching for a cotton ball or something to clean him up, fighting back an embarrassed blush as best she can as she realizes what just happened-

Shit, she _bit_ him!

They turn to each other, Ben wearing a lopsided smile as Rey giggles at his dazed expression. She sighs, as she finally pulls out her makeup bag and grabs a cotton pad to dab at his bloody lip. “Maybe we should get upstairs, hmm?” He hums, as she nods and kisses his cheek again. 

She really doesn’t deserve him.


	23. Autumn - III

They do end up making it to Ben's apartment, discussing his current living situation on the way there.

“This is ridiculous Ben, you’re a crazy man.” Rey sighs, scrolling through the pamphlet he picked up from the front desk on the way to the elevators. He just grins as he turns to look down at her, as she flips across a photo of the gym and the free yoga classes they offer for residents.

They have a dog park here! A fucking dog park! In the middle of Westwood!

“Crazy for you? Maybe.” He sighs, adjusting her backpack on his shoulder. 

He insisted he carry it, truly unable to hide his glee at the fact she packed an overnight bag. He is excited to be spending time with her, a concept she’s still learning to wrap her head around.

She slaps his arm as they walk, listening as he chuckles down at her and she blushes.

She grabs his hand after, just because she can, as he digs around his pocket for his keys. He ends up having to let go when the door doesn’t budge at first, using both of his hands to unlock it and push it open for her.

“Finn isn’t home, by the way.” He hums, letting her walk into the space with little Dio cupped in her palms. “He’s out with some old friends, moved here from Boston a couple months ago. Hasn’t had the chance to catch up, so he’ll probably be out all night.” 

Rey turns up to him. “So no closet hiding?” She jokes, as Ben nods with a small laugh.

“No closet hiding, for either of us. I told you, he knows.” 

They stare at each other in the space, a wealth of awkwardness forming between them. This is, already, by far the weirdest ‘date’ Rey has ever had.

“Oh!” Ben hums, shrugging off her backpack and taking Dio from her. She watches as he sets the plant on the kitchen counter, looking astronomically out of place in the sparsely decorated apartment. 

They both look so out of place here, Rey in her sundress and Ben in his nice black sweater. 

He grabs her hand, pointing into the kitchen and he rolls up his sleeves. “Dinner is in the oven, you said you didn’t have any allergies or dietary restrictions so I hope you don’t mind roasted chicken.” He hums, smiling as she giggles and he runs a hand through his hair. The obvious nerves and excitement radiate off of him as he pulls her into the dining area. “My bedroom is that way,” he hums, pointing down a hallway, “Finn is in that room. There’s a patio that overlooks the pool area, and..”

He pulls her past the dining table, into the living area. She clings onto his arm as he opens a side room, “Study, mainly for me but if you ever have a late night and need somewhere to crash you’re welcome to stay here. Office is yours whenever you need it.”

Rey just gawks at him, as Ben rocks on his feet. He’s insane, her boyfriend is insane.

“You’re a ridiculous man, Ben Solo.” She laughs, bouncing on her toes and kissing him as he smiles against her mouth. 

He pulls away after a moment, arms wrapped around each other. “You make me a little ridiculous, sweetheart.” He hums, kissing her again as she smiles against his mouth. 

«☆»

“Wait, okay, let’s go over this again.” Ben hums, walking through the kitchen as Rey laughs. She’s watching him do dishes, explaining the current situation at home as he gawks. “Rose knows you started seeing this guy around the same time we met, she knows you started seeing him the same night she left us alone, and she still hasn’t figured out your mystery man is  _ me _ ?” He laughs, grinning as Rey nods enthusiastically and confirms the  _ insanity _ of this whole situation.

“You should have seen her before I left, she really thinks I’m seeing some guy from Santa Monica! She’s convinced it’s some surfer dude or something, I swear-”

Ben laughs as he turns back to the sink, shaking his head as Rey giggles. Hearing her say dude in that accent of hers is certainly something. A cute something.

A silence forms between them, although not unpleasant.

“Thank you for making me dinner, by the way. I can't remember the last time someone cooked for me.” She hums, turning her wine glass in her hands as she stares at the floor. Ben thinks it hardly seems fair, Rey is such good company.

He taps her foot with his when he comes back to her, smiling as he tilts his head and tries to get her attention. He can feel the post-dinner exhaustion starting to set in, the tiredness that always comes after good food and good company. “My pleasure.” He sighs, smiling as he feels Rey tap his ankle with her toes. 

He snatches up a dish-towel, drying his hands as she sets her glass back on the counter, next to his.

“Oh!” She hums, perking up and moving to her bag with a start. They haven’t moved it to Ben's bedroom yet, seemed a little precocious, but she obviously has something for him. “Speaking of outside forces.” She hums, pulling out a red folder and handing it to a curious Ben as he follows after her. She sighs as she crosses her arms, and Ben examines the silver icon of Huxs agency.

“Hux gave this to me, it’s all signed and everything but I thought you should know about it.” She hums, peering up at him as he opens it with a heavy exhale.

He furrows his brow, scratching his forehead as he flips through the three pages of this contract.

“Non-disclosure agreement, for our relationship?” Ben hums, Rey nodding into his shoulder as she slips under his arm. He can feel her warm breath against his side as he slowly goes through the pages, reading the contract and trying to understand it. He turns to her with a groan, “You really didn’t-“

“Hux said it’s to protect you, but I want you to know that I wouldn’t do any of this in the first place. This is just a formality for him, just in case I end up being some crazy bitch.”

“You are not a crazy bitch.” Ben scoffs, closing the folder and setting it on the cleared dining table. He sighs as he straightens up, an arm going under Rey's legs and another around her back as he bends down again. “Come on,” he huffs, grunting as she squeaks in surprise and he lifts her into his arms. “I’ve got movies, and I think we need to break into another bottle of red.” He grins, looking down at her as she pulls herself tight against his chest with a red face and wide eyes. Ben will talk to Hux about having his girlfriend sign documents later, but for now he’s just glad she isn’t pissed at him for letting that happen.

“The fact that you can carry me like this really should be criminal.” She squeaks, tightening her grip on him as he chuckles.

“I know.” He hums, kissing her forehead again. It really should be illegal, the fact that he can just haul her around and she seems to enjoy it.

Really shouldn’t be allowed.


	24. Autumn - IV

Rey wakes up in Ben's bed, pleasantly relaxed and warm in all the right places. It’s the first time she’s actually woken up with blankets still on her body in months, and as she blinks awake she slowly realizes exactly why.

Ben has air conditioning, and it rumbles through the walls as she stretches out across his plush mattress with a lazy smile on her face. She squeaks as she sprawls out across his bed, at around the same time that she realizes said Ben is missing.

She sits up slowly, swinging her feet onto the carpeted floor as she pops her back and makes her way around the mattress. She sees a yellow post-it note attached to her bag, as she reaches down to check out what he left for her.

_ Went out to exercise @ gym. Back by 10. _

_ Cereal is in the top cabinet, next to fridge _

_ :) _

She snorts as she sticks the post-it against the wall, reaching up to the sky and rubbing her eyes. Wouldn’t be a bad idea to get some breakfast while he’s gone, he probably already ate.

She should have known a man with that type of muscle mass had to be some sort of a gym rat.

She tugs at the hem of Ben's t-shirt, an old sleep shirt of his, as she putters towards the door. She didn’t even end up wearing the pjs she brought last night, Ben throwing her a pair of his boxers and one of his own shirts before she could protest.

And she wasn’t about to fight him on it, especially when his shirts are so soft.

She quietly makes her way down the hallway, yawning and rubbing her eyes as she heads into the dining and living area. Maybe Ben will let her take one home, at least just to borrow for a while.

She squeaks as she walks into the main area of the apartment, and a man in flannel pajamas on the couch clears his throat.

Rey turns, and the two stare at each other. She knows how it looks, dressed in Ben's clothes and coming from his bedroom, and she silently curses herself for forgetting that of course Ben’s assistant would be back. Of  _ course _ he would be back here.

“Hi.” She squawks, debating on if she should just go back to hiding in Ben's room or face the music and continue on her path for cereal.

Her growling stomach seems to decide for her.

“Hi, I’m Finn.” He hums, a spoonful of cereal halfway to his face as he places his free hand on his chest. “I’m Ben's assistant.”

Rey just stares, as Finn blinks at her. She realizes he’s giving her the opportunity to introduce herself, explain why she’s here. Why an  _ invader _ is here.

She waves her hand and squeaks out a nervous, “Hi, I’m Rey.” As she scurries to the kitchen and hurriedly tries to find cereal. 

She crosses her arms after pulling down a box, huffing as she tries to remember where Ben got the plates from last night. 

“Bowls are on the right of the stove, in the upper cabinets.” Finn calls, as Rey feels her face flush. She tries not to glare at him as she opens said cabinet, pulling down a bowl and pouring a moderate amount of cereal into it. She wonders if she should grab milk or something, and she decides that maybe not while Finn is here.

More accurately, maybe not while it’s just her and Finn. She doesn’t know how he would feel about a strange woman walking into his kitchen and pilfering through his fridge. Stealing his milk.

She walks out of the kitchen, fully prepared to just go and hide in Ben's room with her dry cereal, as Finn scoots on the couch and he bumps up the volume of whatever golf game is on tv.

He’s making room for her, as he works through a pile of papers on the coffee table and eats his own cereal. Rey takes a second to make her decision, trying to decide if her dignity or friendship with this man who is bound to be integral to Ben's life is more important.

Rey sits down next to him, sitting cross legged on the other side of the couch as she uses her spoon to eat dry joe’s o’s. 

«☆»

Ben huffs as he makes his way towards his apartment door, ears sticking out from under his baseball cap as he adjusts his workout towel over his shoulder. He grunts as he tries to open it, jiggling the doorknob as he realizes it's locked. Finn locked him out.

He groans, and fishes his keys out of his bag as he hears some type of loud commotion inside. He sighs as he tries to figure out what might have happened when he was gone, running scenarios through his head on who could have said what or who was more likely to upset the other.

With those two, it seems likely that they might both be at fault here.

Ben is apparently drawn to people who exude  _ chaos _ , now that he thinks about it.

He finally opens the door, the voices getting louder as he slips into the hallway and shuts it behind him. Rey and Finn are sitting on the couch in his living room, pointing at the tv and arguing over…

Golf? 

“Okay, wait, so this guy is over par?” Rey hums, shoveling cereal into her mouth as she points an accusing finger at the tv.

“They’re  _ all  _ over par.” Finn laughs, gesturing with his hand to the screen and widening his eyes in disbelief.

“Why does that matter! Isn’t the goal just to have less points than the other guys?”

“They’re not called points! Strokes! As few strokes as possible! And it’s embarrassing to go over par, that’s supposed to be the average for the hole on this course!”

Rey sets down her bowl, leaning back as she huffs. “Golf is a stupid sport, I can’t believe you’ve dragged me into this.”

There’s a long silence, as Ben pulls off his hat and fluffs his hair with his towel. It’s still sweat soaked, and he desperately needs a shower, but it helps tame his appearance a little bit.

“Rey, please don’t tell me you’re a nascar person.”

“What’s wrong with nascar! Who doesn’t like fast cars!”

“… I cannot believe this. We can’t be friends if you think people driving in circles is fun.”

Ben smiles as Rey huffs, making a noise of discontent as he comes around the corner. She’s leaning over the arm of the couch, arms crossed as Finn smiles at her. They don’t even notice him, locked in a playful staring contest.

Ben is glad they seem to, kind of, be getting along.

“I see you two met.” He hums, as Rey lifts her head and beams at him. She places her hand on the arm of the couch, like she’s about to stand up and launch herself into his arms again, but she leans back when the realization that Finn is still in the room and might make that act a little inappropriate. 

He ends up coming to her anyways, leaning against the side of the couch and running his left hand through her hair as she leans against his hip. “Morning.” He sighs, loosening tangles as she pushes her face into his side and takes a deep breath. 

“Good morning.” She hums in reply, letting Ben just continue to play with her hair as she shuts her eyes and settles in.

Finn makes a disgusted noise, and Ben glares at him for a moment. He’s paying for this place, covering Finn's rent  _ and _ still continuing to give him his regular pay. Least he could do is not act like the idea of Ben being in a romantic relationship grosses him out.

He rubs Rey's shoulder, as she turns to look up at him. “I need to take a shower, I’m all gross and sweaty.” He sighs, as she nods. He hopes the silent invitation is there, as he lightly pushes against her shoulder and moves away from the couch.

She waits a moment, and he watches as it clicks. 

“Oh! I should get dressed!” She hums, standing up and skipping over to him with her cereal bowl. She jogs past him, setting it and her spoon in the sink before running back and grabbing his hand. “I have to meet my advisor tomorrow, so either you need to plan on spending the day with me or I need to go home and freak out about emails she hasn’t sent yet.”

Ben laughs, letting Rey drag him down the hallway. “Well, I’d prefer the former.” He hums, Rey giggling as she continues to tug him along. 

Ben doesn’t think he’ll get sick of Rey anytime soon.


	25. Autumn - V

The first person who finds out about Ben and Reys relationship is not Rose, surprisingly.

Or Kaydel.

Or even Maz, for that matter.

It’s _Poe Dameron_ , the last person Rey ever thought she would see in Ben's kitchen at three am on a Thursday night, in his boxers, sipping a mug of sleepytime tea and scrolling through his phone.

It happens after classes start, after Ben suffers through both the New York and Hollywood film festivals. It happens after Rey has to help him decide on a suit for said AFI Fest, and then they have to avoid flirting for a whole two hours of styling that suit as Maz orders Rey around and Ben nearly bites the woman’s head off for being rough with her when he knows she’s had a grueling week with her studies.

It is a difficult two hours, for many reasons, but Rey tucks a note into his front pocket that he finds during a donor event, exactly when he needs it.

It’s a little doodle of a cat, and a heart.

It’s not a good doodle, by any means, but he takes it home and tucks it in his sock drawer for safekeeping anyways.

Rey finds it a week later, and kisses him as he tries to explain with a blushing face why he kept it. She wasn’t expecting such a little thing to mean so much to him, she just wanted to make him happy. 

It happens after she starts spending one, or two, nights a week at his place. Always a weeknight, when she stays up too late working on campus and Ben offers to come pick her up.

Some nights she can barely drag herself to bed, and Ben makes sure she gets changed into pajamas and has someone to keep her warm. He makes her breakfast in the mornings, before she heads off to campus again, and always reminds her that she can just work in the study instead of being the last person out of the library.

She always reminds him that he is too distracting, although she does take advantage of the space when she has a deadline she has to meet and she can’t stand the way the lights in the library rhythmically click and flicker.

It happens after Ben starts sitting over her shoulder, sleepily listening to her work as he hums along and provides a second set of eyes. He falls asleep once or twice, nose pressing into her neck or hunched over her desk as he stays with her.

He’s like a loyal guard dog, although this does usually result with her giving up and dragging him to bed so neither of them wake up with sore spines.

It happens after she starts keeping an extra change of clothes at his place, which turns into a drawer for her pajamas and a section of his closet to call her own. She can’t remember really bringing stuff over with the purpose of it staying, but enough of her clothes get mixed up in his that when he ends up doing laundry they just so happen to end up in his closet as well. 

Ben offers to help her fill out said closet, insisting that he should buy her clothes if his presence is forcing her closet to thin, but she refuses.

She just scoffs at him, and climbs into bed before curling up against his chest and pulling his arms around her. This means more than any clothes he could ever buy. Having him here is more than enough.

It happens on one of these nights, Rey rubbing Bens back and reading through a research paper on earthquake engineering in relation with modular structures. She heard Finn come back with somebody at some point, she knows he’s been seeing someone recently, (although for some reason he hasn’t been very forthcoming with who) and she decides that she needs to get a glass of water if she’s going to finish this essay out.

So, she scoots out of a grumbling Bens grasp and starts tiptoeing to the kitchen. It’s about halfway there when Poe turns to greet her, and they both go pale.

“No fucking way-“

“You’ve got to be kidding me.”

Poe gawks like a fish, as Rey blushes like a fucking tulip. 

“Oh my _god_!” He whisper-shouts, trying not to laugh too loudly as Rey shushes him and he leans over the counter. He starts wheezing as Rey freaks out, throwing her hands in the air. “You’re fucking Solo!” He hisses at her, as she makes some sort of vague gesture to Finns door.

“You’re fucking his assistant!” She hisses back, losing her mind as Poe makes some sort of strangled laugh-wheeze noise from his throat. He sounds like a dying _duck_. 

Rey panics, because this _cannot_ be happening right now.

He turns to her, tears brimming in his eyes. “I knew something had to be up, when Rose said you weren’t spending as much time at home anymore. When she mentioned the Santa Monica guy, I thought she was fucking nuts because that’s the last place I could see you meeting a guy and-” He gasps, rubbing his eyes as Rey starts to pace. “Oh my god, this makes so much _sense_ -”

“You cannot, for the love of god, tell Rose any of this.” She hums, pointing a finger at him as he throws his hands in the air.

He nods, viciously. “Same here, if she found out Finn and I were trying this out she would go _nuts_.”

They both relax after that, shoulders sagging as they stare in the dark at each other. 

“How long?” He asks, a wicked smirk taking over his face as Rey groans. “I mean, just so I know for the wedding reception. So I can tell this story.” 

Rey crosses her arms, leaning against the wall as she eyes him up and down. “Three months, roughly.” She sighs, narrowing her eyes at Poe as he lets out a low whistle and his own eyes widen.

“Wow.” He hums, staring into the depths of his tea. “Didn’t think you had it in you, Rey.” He sighs, scratching his forehead as she shrugs.

“You?” She asks, watching as Poes eyes widen and his head snaps up.

He nervously shrugs in response, “I met him back during the premiere. Hit it off. Didn’t catch his number or the fact that he was, you know.” He hums, tapping his finger along the outside of the mug. “Kept on crossing paths, turns out we have some mutual friends in the area and we went to the same college, although a couple years apart. It’s a miracle we never crossed paths before, really.” He hums, a sweet sort of wistfulness taking over his face. Rey thinks he looks almost tamed, like Finn has calmed a nervous part of him.

He shrugs again. “I don’t know who said what, I can’t remember, but somehow we asked each other out and for the past three weeks it’s just been a lot of… learning.” He sighs, and the two settle into a restless calm.

Rey jerks her thumb towards Bens door after a long moment, suddenly feeling a little suffocated. She needs to get out of here, clear her head after that massive revelation. “I’m going to go back and finish my reading, with my boyfriend. You’re going to finish your tea, and we’re going to pretend like this never happened.” She hums, slowly backing off as Poe nods.

“Fine by me.” He sighs, saluting her as she turns tail and wanders back to Ben's bedroom.

She doesn’t finish the reading that night, shaking Ben awake and telling him what just happened as he blinks up at her and smiles. He laughs when she’s done with her story, tucking his face against her side and sleepily chuckling as she groans. 

He tells her he knew, because of course he did, and that she should just go to sleep. That problem can wait until morning, and next time he’ll tell her when Finn plans on bringing Poe home.

On Saturday, when Poe comes in during the afternoon to drop off a client's rentals, he doesn’t look at Rey and she doesn’t look at him. They hardly acknowledge each other, exchanging pleasantries and acting perfectly normal like they promised each other.

They’re partners in crime now, conspirators. They both know something about the other that nobody else does, and it’s oddly nice to not be alone anymore.

Poe doesn’t give her away, and Ben gets to test out his cooking on the three musketeers. 

Rey decides it’s nice to not be alone.


	26. Autumn - VI

In early November Rey decides she wants to tell Rose and Kay, but she has no clue how to bring it up. It’s not like she can just drop it at their feet, “Hey, I’m dating Ben Solo. He puts up with me eating popcorn loudly and the reason my hair looks so nice lately is because he uses a stupid number of hair products, and I steal when he isn’t looking.”

She especially can’t tell them today though, because they happen to be watching one of his movies. Even if she’s itching to tell them, to let them know that they shouldn’t worry.

Rey stares at his face on their tv screen, bearded and scruffy, sighing and furrowing his brow at some plot point as Kay groans. “You have to let us meet him, Rey. Please. It’s been four months, you have to tell us _something_ about him-”

She slumps down into the couch, face going red. She can’t tell them, she can’t tell them yet. She wants to, but there are so many reasons why she can’t tell them yet. 

“Soon.” She hums, crossing her arms and blushing. She will, she promises herself she will, but she doesn’t know if she’s ready to share him yet.

Rose sighs, leaning against the back of the couch. This has been a point of contention for the roommates lately, because Rey is spending four nights a week at Bens. She’s hardly home, and when she is, she spends all her time missing him.

He told her he loved her yesterday, it slipped out of his mouth when he checked up on her studying efforts in the office. She looked like death, needing a shower and with two five hour energies coursing through her veins. (She shotgunned them at the same time, don’t tell her doctor.)

But he kissed her on the top of her head, told her not to stay up too late, and that he loved her. 

He didn’t even realize what he said until Rey chased him out of the study, because she had to let him know she felt the same way. 

It turns out, she loves him too.

They’ve said it twelve times to each other so far, and Rey is capturing each one like it’s her last.

Rose groans, her head hitting the back cushion of the couch. 

Rey has to tell them.

«☆»

“I want to tell Rose and Kay.” Rey finally chirps a couple days later, helping Ben cut scallions in the kitchen after mustering up as much courage as possible. She’s been resigned to prep duty, after somehow burning soup. Because _only_ Rey Niima could burn soup.

Ben just continues stirring risotto, not even looking up at her. “Okay,” he hums, shrugging his shoulders as she smiles.

Yeah, they can do this.

«☆»

Ben is nervous, and he knows Rey can see it in every inch of his body as he stares into the depths of his pasta sauce and she sits on the counter next to him. As she sips her tea and kicks her feet as he tries to figure out how the hell her stove works.

He hates her apartment, she knows he hates her apartment. He doesn’t say it, because he is a gentleman, but he hates the way her neighbor shouts upstairs at the oddest hours. He hates the way they can hear the highway through her windows. He hates the way there aren’t any streetlights outside, especially now that the sun is starting to set earlier. He hates the way the pool in the courtyard has always been empty and has a big chip in the concrete. He hates the fact that there are cracks in the walls, and when he brings it up Rey just shrugs in response and tells him it’s probably a foundation issue.

He hates her apartment, but he continues to come over when the girls are out on the weekends because he loves her.

Rey grabs the oregano when he asks for it, stretching across the counter and pulling it from a cabinet. He _really_ loves her.

She hands it to him, as he rubs her thigh to keep her from tilting so far she falls.

“How are we doing this?” He hums, feeling Rey's fingers as they start messing with his hair and he tries to focus on cooking in a kitchen that is not his own, with tools that are not his own.

She shrugs, tying off his hair in a little bun before leaning back against the cabinets. “They’ll be back within the next hour.” She sighs, grabbing his hand and rubbing his knuckles. “I think we just wait here, let them freak out, and then address any questions they have. I think that’s all we _can_ do.”

He nods, sliding his hand up her leg. He smirks as she swats at him, chiding him for misbehaving.

She jumps off the counter, though, running a hand along his back as she goes to put on some music while they wait. They’re both staying quiet, whether out of nerves or simply because of a long week Ben doesn’t know.

Rey wraps her arms around him from behind as the music plays, and he steps back a little so she can hold him as he works.

He really loves her.

«☆»

“Rey, you know we can’t-“

Rey looks up from the spoon Ben handed her, warm metal at her lip, as Kaydel freezes in the doorway to their apartment. Kay looks paler, or at least paler than usual, as Rey slowly sips on the sauce he’s having her try. 

She’s back up on the counter, Ben mid stir on this pasta sauce he’s trying to master.

“It needs more salt.” She hums, turning to him with a smile as Kay stays frozen in the doorway. This is going to be fun.

«☆»

“So you and- have been-“

Rose just stares between the two, seemingly at a loss for words, as Kaydel bites her hand on the couch in an effort to keep herself from speaking. Rey thinks this might be the first time she’s ever seen Rose silent, and Kay bursting at the seams to say something, anything, in response.

Rey nods, searching for a strainer for the pasta. “Yep.” She hums, finding the green handle in a cabinet and placing it on the counter as Ben steps to the side to make room for her.

“For _how long?_ ” Rose gasps, pulling up a chair and finally just sitting down as Rey giggles.

“Since you left us alone in a hotel room.” Ben scoffs, turning down to Rey as she bumps her hip against his and leans against the counter. Technically, Rose did kind of set this whole thing into motion when he thinks about it a little.

Rose just stares at the floor, grimacing as she makes sense of it all.

“I knew it!” Kaydel gasps, rubbing the sides of her face. “I knew something was up, I can’t believe you didn’t connect the dots, Rose!”

Rose just buries her head in her hands, and groans. She’s gone pink from embarrassment, as they both take the time to make the connections.

“Wait where did you go the night of the premiere?” Kay asks, her own blush coming on heavy as Ben turns down to Rey with wide eyes. That’s right, they wouldn’t know. And considering they had been suspecting that Ben went to visit a girlfriend or something, as Rey later told him through fits of laughter, then that means-

“Ben was hiding in the closet.” Rey blurts out, unable to keep the truth in for much longer as Kaydel and Rose start screaming and Ben goes red as he turns down to her in shock. She’s been practically lying for three and a half months now, this wasn’t going to stay hidden for much longer anyways. “I’m sorry, fuck, Ben was hiding in the closet and I left the event because he told me to. I also tore his suit jacket trying to get it off of him, please don’t tell Maz.”

She turns up to him, as Rose yells into her palms and Kaydel just swears under her breath. “Oh my god.” She groans, Rose getting up and taking a lap around the apartment as she continues to giggle and fan her face with her hands. Rey notices she’s crying from laughing so hard, and Ben tries to defend himself.

“What was I supposed to do? You spend all night with me right before I leave for two weeks, and I’m _supposed_ to wait through a movie I’ve already seen _five times_ before finally seeing you again? You couldn’t have paid me to stay!”

“You were getting paid! It was in your contract!” Rose yells, Ben blushing in response. 

He stutters for a moment, before pointing his wooden spoon at her in an accusing fashion. It drips tomato sauce on the counter, “Showing up and doing the red carpet was in my contract, staying was not!”

Rose just groans, taking another lap as Rey giggles into his bicep. “Sorry, I love you.” She quietly hums, Ben beaming down at her in response.

“I love you too.” He whispers, lifting his arm up so she can tuck herself under his sleeve as she laughs into his side. She clings onto him as she giggles, pulling on his sweater as he leans down to kiss her temple.

“I can’t believe this is happening!” Rose shouts from the living room, scream muffled by what Rey thinks is a throw pillow. She can’t be too sure, the girl’s currently behind the couch and potentially face down on the floor.

What a day.


	27. Autumn - VII

November comes and goes, and Rey spends Thanksgiving with Ben at Bens. He cooks, and she helps, and they learn how to roast a turkey with the help of many YouTube videos and tutorials. It doesn’t turn out half bad, even if the gravy was inedible.

She asked him if he wanted to go home, if he wanted to see his parents for the holiday, but he said he wasn’t quite ready yet; so it surprises her when he brings it up a couple nights later.

“I think we should visit New York, together. During your Christmas break. I think, maybe.” He hums, Rey sitting in his lap on the couch and curling up in his arms. His voice hitches at the end, cracking a little as he makes his statement, and Rey gives him a minute to compose himself before responding.

She tilts her head up at him, as he stares straight ahead at the tv and gulps. “Are you sure?” She hums, rubbing his chest with her hand as he nods. She grabs his jaw to tilt his face down to hers, so they’re eye to eye. “Ben, are you  _ sure  _ you’re ready?”

He stares at her for a moment, big brown eyes blown wide, before nodding and leaning his forehead against hers. “Yeah, I’m sure. I want to go with you.”

She rubs his cheek as he opens his mouth to speak, taking another second. “I don’t know, I just- We were talking about our future, and I was just- when we talk about us, about what we want for us, I want my parents in the picture. When we talk about moving in, getting married, having kids… I want my parents to be in the picture. I want them to be a part of my family. I want them in my life again.”

Rey pulls away from him, keeping her palm on his cheek as she allows herself to gawk a little. That’s big, that’s a really big step for Ben. “You sure?” She hums, as he nods. His eyes are closed, and he’s leaning closer as he tightens his grip on her, like he’s scared that she might leave him.

She squeaks as he adjusts her a little, so they’re lying down on the couch together. He intertwines his hands with hers, as she moves so she’s lying on top of his chest and stretched out across his body. He’s like one big pillow, perfect for her to stretch out on.

She kisses the back of both of his hands, as he leans his head back and sighs. “Yeah, I want them to be there. I want my dad to be at our wedding, I want my mom to bug us about giving her grandkids. I want that, I  _ really _ want that.”

He smiles as Rey looks up at him, opening his eyes again as she stares. “Is that okay with you?”

Rey leans forward, kissing his jaw in a wordless yes. Of course she’s okay with that, she wants what Ben wants. “You’ve really been giving this a lot of thought lately, huh?” She hums, as Ben nods into her neck. He really wants this, he wants this with her.

Rey Niima slowly realizes that Ben Solo is a romantic.

“Yeah, you make me give this a lot of thought.” He responds, smiling against her skin as she scoots up so they’re eye to eye again. All of that future talk has kind of been coupled with pillow talk for Rey, wild fantasies about finding her forever with Ben. She didn’t know he was taking this all so seriously, that he’s so invested in her. 

In their future.

It’s nice.

“So you really want to move out here? Buy a house, relocate your whole life for a girl you’ve only known for four months?”

Ben nods, smirking, “How could I go back to New York, when my heart is here?” He pops an eye open at her as he hums, and she feels her entire face go red. She loves him so much.

“Ben-“ She gulps, staring at him as he smiles. If he isn’t careful she’s going to start crying.

“I’ve already talked to Hux about the schedule stuff too, I’m going to finish out the spring project and when summer starts you’re welcome to fly out to set and follow us along. I’ll cover everything the studio doesn’t, as long as you promise to get that license.” He teases, grinning at her as she smiles. 

Rey laughs, tucking her face in his shoulder. “I love you so much, you know that, right? How much I love you, how excited I am to do this with you?”

Ben nods, tucking his face in her shoulder. “Those months without you are going to be hell, just so you know. I expect calls every single day, and updates on how that thesis is going so I know when to send coffee.”

Rey laughs, kissing his cheek. “You know, we never did go out for coffee or anything.” She hums, pushing his hair back with their locked hands as he chuckles. 

“No, I suppose we didn’t.” He sighs, tilting his head to get a better look at her.

Rey stares for a moment, before pressing a quick kiss to his lips. “Then when you get back, you’ll have to buy me a coffee. You owe me one.”

He smiles, languid and gentle, “Yeah, yeah, I do.”

«☆»

Golden Globe nominations come out about a week later, and Rey is asleep in Ben's bed when Finn comes running into the room with Hux on FaceTime at the asscrack-of-dawn.

“Ben just got nominated for best actor!” He practically screams, the actor in mention waking up with a shout and instinctively throwing his body in front of Reys as she scrambles behind his back. He groans as he blinks awake, limbs shaking from the shock of adrenaline in his body. Fuck, could Finn have been  _ any _ louder?

He can practically feel Rey’s heartbeat against his back as she pulls the sheets up to cover her chest, hearts pounding as Finn stares at them in the darkness. Thank god Ben keeps his curtains closed. 

“Go away! I’m not wearing a shirt!” Rey finally laughs from behind Ben's back, poking her eyes over his shoulder and mumbling into his skin as his assistant and manager both blush. They really should leave, this should be the point where Finn leaves. 

They don’t, Hux laughing from his office as Finn just stands frozen in Ben's bedroom with his phone outstretched and noise from the tv flooding into the dark space. “This is why you knock, Finn!” Ben shouts, placing his hand on Rey's hip to try and urge her further behind him. He is fucking furious, still naked himself and trying to keep them both modest as Rey giggles from behind his back. He  _ needs _ to put a lock on that door. “This is why closed doors exist!”

Rey just continues to giggle, Ben feeling like his whole body must be going up in flames right now.

“Uh, yep, okay!” Finn hums, turning tail and jogging back into the living room. “Just wanted to let you know, you’re a Golden Globe nominated actor! Kamikaze got four nominations! Congrats!”

The door slams, and Rey wraps her arms around his chest after a moment. Fuck. “You’re going to the Golden Globes.” She hums, kissing his shoulder as he shudders.

Oh, wow. Okay. Give that a moment to sink in.

“Holy shit.” He murmurs after a long moment, grabbing at her hands as they rub his stomach. “I’m going to the Golden Globes.” It feels unreal, the moment, the recognition… It feels unreal. Like he is playing a role, someone who deserves all of the good that is finally coming into his life.

He doesn’t deserve this.

He turns back to Rey, face still tucked in his shoulder. “I love you so much. I hope you know that, I love you so, so much. So fucking much.”

She furrows her brow at him, but her eyes are bright, “If that’s the first thing you have to say right now, I hate to think what your speech when you win will look like.”

He can feel her smile against his skin, as he starts to laugh. He’s not going to win, but he loves the sentiment.

Ben beams, turning around and scooping her up into his arms with a lunge. She places her hands on either side of his face as they go crashing onto the bed, Ben kissing her as she tugs at his bottom lip with her teeth. “I’m so proud of you. I’m so fucking proud of you, Ben.” She whispers, wrapping her arms around him as he holds her. Her hands card through his hair, as he breathes into her neck.

“So proud.” She sighs, breathing into his skin as he does the same. He just got nominated for a Golden Globe, how fucking crazy is that? Who would have thought?

Oh god, now he has to introduce her to his parents. He’ll never hear the end of it if Ben brings her to an awards show and they don’t know about her first.

Scratch that, he’ll never hear the end of it if they hear about this nomination without him.

He has to call them.


	28. Winter - I

Rey alters her grip on Ben's hand in the airport lounge, hiding in the corner of the V.I.P. area they’ve been carted off to with Finn.

If Rey thought life with Ben was crazy before nomination season, life after has been a labyrinth of chaos. Between Rose and Kaydel asking her if she’s going, the constant press and paparazzi buzz around the nominees, the movie theaters promoting the films left and right, even the ads on tv all spouting “for your consideration”… 

Ben's face is everywhere, his name is everywhere. If he had been famous before, now he is an A-List celebrity. Everybody everywhere seems to know who he is, even if it’s just an off hand remark about his work when she’s out in public. It is hell, because at least before this he had been able to go to the fucking gym in his apartment complex without someone trying to get a selfie.

Or, in Rey's case, a very awkward conversation she overheard in the library between two girls about how much they would like to “hit that” in reference to her boyfriend. She transcribed the whole conversation to Ben over text, who later reassured her through multiple means that she is the only one who will ever get to “hit that”. 

She’s still kind of sore, in the good way.

But she adjusts her grip on his hand in the V.I.P. section of the airport lounge they’re currently hiding in, Reys heart pounding as she squeezes his palm and they listen to Finn. This is the first time they’ve ever flown together, let alone been outside together, and neither of them are really sure what to do here.

Ben is sweating bullets, Rey is just trying to hold on for the ride.

“We made it through security, which is the hardest part.” Finn hums, going through his meticulously organized schedule. They’re a little late, because Rey’s ID is her passport. Which made things a little more complicated. Which, she now realizes, is why Ben has been pushing her to get her license. If she’s going to be traveling with him in the future, she needs an ID. 

Finn sighs, organizing his papers. “They’ll have a courier come and get us about thirty minutes out from when the flight leaves, we take these tunnels-“ he pulls out a map of passageways that apparently run along the walls of LAX, which Rey had no fucking clue existed, “-to the flight. We’ll be the last ones getting on board, Rey will go first followed by Ben and I a few minutes later. Rey will be sitting behind us, do _not_ talk to each other during the flight. I cannot make this more clear, once we get on that flight you do not know each other.”

Rey feels Ben intertwine their fingers, his pulse pounding under his wrist. She squeezes his hand in response, because all she wants to do is comfort him and yet she can’t even give him that.

All she wants is some fucking privacy with her fucking boyfriend.

She nods at Finn, as Ben grunts in affirmation and looks out the window. What she would do to lean her head on his shoulder and wrap her arms around his body right now.

He squeezes her hand back, because this is all they have. 

Finn sighs, flipping a page in his scheduler. “When we get to JFK we split up, Ben and I get off the flight first and head to the V.I.P. lounge as fast as possible. Rey, you’re going to get off with the rest of the flight and meet us there. Ben will drop a pin, and all of our stuff will be brought up from baggage claim. They should know you’re coming. We’ll get into a private car from there and they’ll take us to Ben's place.”

Rey nods, playing with Ben's fingers as she nervously tries to figure out how she’s going to do this. How she’s going to handle this.

“Just in case, all of your socials are on private, right Rey?” Finn hums, Rey nodding in response. That had been Hux’s request, just in case someone got a photo of the three of them. It would just be easier to keep things quiet like this. And now that all the gossip and excitement around Ben following her back in August has died down, she’d really like to avoid another influx of followers anytime soon.

Ben's hand goes to her thigh, squeezing her leg under the table as he tries to reassure her, “We’re not going to leave the airport until we’re all together again, okay? If anything looks weird or if you even get a bad feeling about anything you text me and Finn, no hesitation. My priority is making sure this is as easy as possible, for all of us.”

Rey breathes out a sigh of relief, nodding as Ben continues to stroke her leg. Yeah, she can do that.

She can do this.

«☆»

Rey cannot do this.

They got to the plane all right, Rey sneaking onto the craft before Ben and Finn. She has the window seat behind them, sitting in first class for the first time in her life. The woman next to her is… eccentric, to say the least. She’s wearing what Rey hopes is faux fur, has a yappy little yorkie under the seat in front of her, and has drank way too many mimosas for the amount of time they’ve been on this flight. Rey is sure she’s a perfectly fine woman, but she doesn’t know how in the hell she got sat next to the only person on board who seems intent to be her neighbors friend.

“I went to London in the eighties, dear, you should have seen the trouble I got up to!” She hums at one point, Rey tempted to throw herself out of the emergency airlock. 

And that’s only an hour into the five and a half hour flight.

Ben gets recognized right off the bat, even with his hat and sunglasses. Nobody asks for a photo, although only because the flight attendants are so diligent in making sure their privacy is maintained, but Rey watches as people stand up to use the restroom and turn their heads just to see if it really is Ben Solo on their cross country flight.

Rey nearly combusts the fifth time it happens, and she catches him crossing his legs and trying to make himself as small as possible in his seat. Finn does his best to keep things quiet and calm, handing him newspapers and magazines to hide behind whenever he notices someone standing up, but Rey can watch though the crack between the window seat and the reflection of the window how Ben keeps his eyes focused outside as he listens to his podcasts.

He knows he isn’t an easy man to hide, by any means, but he does his best.

He can’t see her, she knows, but she can watch him a little from where she’s hiding behind him. He makes faces as he listens to his shows, little imperceptible twitches of the lip or furrowing of the brow in response to whatever he’s trying to learn. Lately it’s been medical history, which kind of makes Rey's tummy go all seasick, but he seems to be finding fascination in the disgusting. 

At least he’s okay, for the most part. There are no emergencies or anything during the flight, and everyone keeps to themselves. The only _moment_ Rey has is when they hand her a warm towel, and she just stares at it in response.

The eccentric woman in the seat next to her informs her it’s for her hands, darling, and Rey realizes just how out of her scope she really is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes, these tunnels and side-passages actually exist in LAX. they have a separate system for getting celebrities around the airport, including a separate TSA area, because they have so many who fly through.
> 
> Wild, man.


	29. Winter - II

The landing goes okay-ish, a courier rushing Ben and Finn off the flight as soon as the doors open. She has no clue what’s happening, only that Ben doesn’t even get a chance to turn his head and check on her before Finn is pushing him out the door and into the airport.

Rey slowly unbuckles her seatbelt in response, trying to squish that little voice in her head that screams _they’re leaving you, they’re leaving you_.

They’re not leaving her, she’s going to meet up with them. Ben promised they’re not going to leave without her.

She still moves faster than normal, grabbing her drawstring bag with her books and her laptop that Ben brought when he first came back to LA and hightailing it off of the flight.

She keeps her cool, for the most part, as she tries to figure out where she is and where she goes next. She texts Ben.

_Could use that pin right about now, where are you?_

He drops it about half a second later, Rey breathing out a sigh of relief as she jogs over to a map on the wall and tries to figure out where to go. They’re in the same terminal, she thinks, but something about his pin doesn’t match up with the map.

Oh, of course, they wouldn’t put the fucking V.I.P. section on a map. Rey is on her own here.

She zooms out the image on her phone, trying to match up the shapes and contours of the building with the map in front of her. She huffs as she looks for it, finding the closest approximation to be a shop of some sort.

She tucks her phone back in her pocket, quickly trying to walk through the crowds and get her way to where Ben is.

She won’t get lost, she’s sure this will be fast and easy. Easiest thing she’s ever done.

«☆»

Rey gets lost almost immediately. 

She shouldn’t be that surprised, this is only her second flight ever and her fourth time in an airport. She takes a wrong turn at first, walking past about five boarding areas before she realizes the numbers are going up, not down.

And then she stumbles upon a food court type of area that she doesn’t think is anywhere near where she should be.

And then she finds a lounge, but when she asks for help the attendant gives her some very vague instructions that leave her staring at her phone and playing hot-or-cold with the pin on her map.

Ben finally texts her, after about fifteen minutes.

**Where are you??**

_Lost_

_Like, really lost._

**Send me your pin, ill see if I can help**

She sends him her pin, suddenly feeling like she’s going to cry because this is very overwhelming and she is very tired. It’s emotionally exhausting to watch someone you love in discomfort, for such a long period of time, and being around this many people in a very crowded place isn’t exactly helping her situation. 

It’s just been a very long day, and Rey is very much ready to get a hug from her big tall boyfriend and be held for awhile.

**Okay, I think im somewhere on your left. Are you near a bar type of area? Kind of looks like a restaurant.**

Rey looks up, spotting a bar. 

_Yes, to my right_

**Good, courier says you need to walk down that pathway, until you get to a gift shop. Theres a lounge right next to it, just head in and mention that you’re there to meet a friend. They should know we’re waiting for you.**

Rey shoots off a thumbs up emoji, before jogging down the walkway. She keeps an eye out for gift shops, tightening her grip on her bag as she thinks to herself.

“Giftshop, giftshop, giftshop.” She quietly hums under her breath, freezing as she spots it.

It’s practically the holy grail, the fountain of immortality, the arc of the covenant. This shitty little giftshop, with it’s “I ❤️ NY'' tees and Statue of Liberty mugs, is her favorite place in the universe right now. Thank _god_ for this shitty little gift shop.

She starts searching for the lounge, finally spotting a small door to the right of the shop. It’s completely hidden and unmarked, but it has that unmistakable “rich person” vibe to it that Rey is slowly learning to navigate.

She takes a deep breath and heads in, walking into a very nice and very odd little reception area. 

“Hi there,” an attendant hums, smiling at Rey with a chirpy lilt to her voice. “You look a little lost, if you’re looking for the wingtips lounge-“

“No, I’m, well, I’m here to meet a friend? He said he was waiting for me?” She hums, clutching her bag tighter to her chest and rocking on her heels. She realizes she doesn’t look the part, with her leggings and ratty sweater. She dressed comfortably for a flight, not to prove to some receptionist that she is in fact Ben Solo’s _girlfriend_.

The attendant just stares, still smiling as she takes a second to examine Rey. Her eyes rake over her body, and it takes everything in Rey to not break down in tears right then and there because she is _so tired_ -

“I’m sorry, you must be mistaken. This is the V.I.P. lounge, unless you have an ID identifying you as an assistant or courier staff I can’t let you in.”

Rey gets the sudden feeling that if this woman weren’t bound by the code of customer service she would be shoving Rey out the door right now.

She also realizes there was a massive miscommunication, one which she can’t really correct on her own.

“Okay.” She hums, pulling out her phone and walking back out the door. “I’m going to go make a call, I’ll be right back.”

The receptionist just nods as Rey heads out, still smiling but also reaching for her landline. God, she’s gonna fucking call security or something, isn’t she?

Rey goes to the thread she shares with Ben and Finn, texting them both

RN: _So, I got kicked out._

F: **What?**

BS: **??**

RN: _Lady at the desk took one look at me and went “no” so_

RN: _Currently outside the door, pretty sure she’s calling security on me rn_

BS: **Finn is coming down, hang tight**

BS: **Are you okay?**

RN: _Yep, fine. great. Fantastic. Just peachy._

BS: **You do not sound peachy, my love**

F: **Stop flirting on this thread or else** 🔪

RN: _Ugh, can someone just come and get me PLEASE_

Ben texts her privately, as she leans against the outer wall of the giftshop. She considers walking inside for a moment, maybe even getting a souvenir, before deciding not to waste her money on it. She has better things to worry about.

**Hey**

_Hey_

**You sure youre okay? How much hell do I need to raise over this?**

Rey snorts, biting her thumb. She doesn’t want him to raise any sort of hell, the receptionist was just doing her job. Had she been in the same position, she would have done the exact same thing. Better to send the wrong person away than risk a lawsuit from a celebrity.

Ben would though, wouldn’t he. He would raise hell for her, throw the biggest movie star temper tantrum you’d ever seen if Rey ever got caught in the crossfire. 

She giggles to herself, and tells him exactly that. She just needs him to wait, everything will be fine. It’s all under control now, she’s okay.

Finn finally texts her back after Ben goes silent, and she takes a calming breath.

**Alright, things are worked out. Come back in, before Ben starts twitching under the eye**

_Aww, you know my boyfriend so well_

_Seriously tho, is he twitching yet?_

**Before I left? No. By the time we get back? Probably.**

Rey sighs, biting her lip as she ducks back into the reception area. The poor receptionist is all red in the face, Finn throwing his hands in the air in celebration. “Yay! You lived!” He tiredly hums, making very bad jazz hands at her as she laughs. 

“God, hardly, I ended up walking halfway down the wrong terminal before I realized what I’d done.” She sighs, Finn soothingly grabbing her shoulder and pushing her towards the elevator as she groans. “Please tell me Ben lives nearby, I just want to go home.”

Finn sets an arm over her shoulder, as the elevator door closes. “Trust me, we both feel the exact same way.”

«☆»

Rey falls asleep in the car to Ben's apartment, which is a real shame because she missed almost the entire drive there. Didn’t get any of that NYC experience Ben has been trying to peddle to her for the last week, or even got to see where they’re going next.

But it was too tempting, his arm wrapped around her shoulder and his heartbeat so close to her ear, to not try and take a quick nap. Too difficult to stay awake.

He tries to wake her up gently when they arrive, on the upper east side of Manhattan, and she just curls closer against his chest as he unbuckles her seatbelt. “I’m tempted to just carry her up.” Ben hums, quietly laughing as Finn scoffs from the front seat. 

“Yeah, like a six foot three man carrying a small woman into his apartment on a Sunday afternoon won’t attract unwanted attention.”

Ben shrugs, and Rey smiles against his side as she palms at his chest. She huffs, informing the boys of her presence. “I’m sure it’ll be fine, after Hux kills us of course.”

Finn snorts, and she opens her eyes as the passenger side door pops open and he starts moving to the trunk. Rey grabs her bag, and her little carry-on suitcase, from the backseat as Ben opens the backseat and goes to help Finn grab his luggage. She fights a shiver going down her spine as cold air rushes in. Fuck, it’s _cold_ here.

Ben, luckily, doesn’t have much to carry. Since he now has his stuff split between two cities, and they’ll only be here for two and a half weeks anyways, it didn’t seem logical for him to bring a bunch of clothes with him. But, he ended up carrying a bunch of Rey's stuff for her so she didn’t have to get a new suitcase or worry about room in her bags. 

Including some work she has to do over break, unfortunately. 

She shimmies out of the car, quickly thanking the driver before she and Ben hug Finn goodbye. He’s going to stay with his old roommates for a couple days, before taking the train down to Jersey to visit his parents. From here on out, until they have to fly back to LA, Ben and Rey are on their own.

She takes a second to look around the city, realizing that Ben disappears into the crowds here. Nobody sees him yet, because nobody here is looking for him.

She grins, and heads inside Bens building with him as he tugs on her hand and she waves goodbye to Finn.

Holding his hand as they walk, because nobody cares about two more bodies in New York City.


	30. Winter - III

Ben's condo is both exactly what Rey expected and nothing like what she thought.

It’s empty, that’s the first thing that pops into her head. It’s got beautiful modern furniture, that she knows Ben got from an interior designer he hired at some point, but he wasn’t lying when he said the place hardly looks like he lives there. That it was kind of blank, devoid of any life or laughter.

Probably because he hasn’t lived there for nearly five months, now that she thinks about it. Phasma stayed here for a couple weeks, so did another one of his actor friends, but other than that it’s just been empty.

Just waiting for him, waiting for him to come back.

“Home sweet home.” Ben mumbles, setting his suitcase by the door and wrapping his arms around Rey. He kisses the top of her head as she sighs.

She turns up to him, grabbing at his bicep and popping up on her toes to get a better look at his face. “You need another Dio, first off, and we also need a Christmas tree. And maybe some throw pillows, or something. This place looks like it’s straight out of a restoration hardware magazine. It’s awful.”

Ben laughs, chuckling into her hair as she clutches onto him. “How did I know you were going to say that?”

She snorts, smiling up at him as he sighs and looks around the room with a furrowed brow. She thinks he might agree, just a little.

“And, for the record, as soon as my mom found out I was bringing a girl home for Christmas she said the exact same thing, you know. She’s already asked me to try and be festive ‘for the sake of family’, and the first thing I thought of was that you were going to make _sure_ I was.”

He starts moving over to the couch with her after he slips off his jacket, Rey clinging onto his body in the process. She’s not quite ready to let go yet, she thinks. 

“I didn’t know your family was so big on the holidays.” She hums, waiting for him to sit down before crawling into his lap. He holds her to his chest as he smiles, tugging down a black blanket to cover them as she groans. She’s _tired_.

“Neither did I.” He sighs, kissing her temple as she wraps her arms around his neck with an exhale. She starts to play with his hair as he kisses her forehead, huffing against her hairline before pulling away as she settles into his shoulder. “My mom’s Jewish, you know. Dad isn’t, although he’s hardly a Christian either. Grew up celebrating both, kind of. Boarding school did Christmas, we did Christmas at home, but kind of also did more for Hanukkah? It’s… hard to describe-”

Rey nods, knowing that this is just the beginning of Ben's complicated relationship with his family and the holidays and religion in general. 

“What do _you_ celebrate?” She hums, Ben kind of shrugging in response. He rambles on, as she smiles up at him.

“Christmas, I guess.” He sighs, running a hand through his hair. “I mean, I haven’t _celebrated_ Hanukkah since I was a kid, but I also recognize Hanukkah. Like, I know when it happens. But I also haven’t done passover since I was, what, twenty-one? Before… everything, I think. I don’t know, I don’t really _get_ into it-”

Rey just stares at him, because that’s a nervous non-answer if she ever heard one. 

She sits up, reasserting herself on his lap as she pokes a finger in his chest. “Okay, but what does _Ben Solo_ usually celebrate during the holidays?” She hums, poking him a little more firmly when he furrows his brow. She knows he’s an atheist, that he just kind of skates by with a vague scientific approach to the world like she does, but she actually has no clue what holidays are important to him or not.

He shrugs, looking kind of puzzled. He needs a moment to think, to process. Rey realizes he genuinely doesn’t know, as she sighs. “I just celebrate whatever the people around me celebrate. I think this is the first Christmas I’ve had off since everything went down with my parents.” He hums, leaning his head back. The first one he’s let himself have off, she knows he means. 

Rey nods into his chest, rubbing her face against his shirtfront. “Guess we’ll just have to make our own traditions then, huh?” She laughs, Ben grinning down at her as he nods.

A lightbulb goes off in his head, Rey can see it as his mouth purses into a small o and his eyes widen. “Wait! I have something!” He hums, gently pushing her off of his lap as he scrambles over to the closet by the door. Rey watches as he pulls his shoes off and he looks through the closet, humming to himself as he pulls out a box. 

He yanks out a little plastic Christmas tree, disassembled and losing its needles. He quickly screws it together as Rey watches with undisguised interest, untangling the thin green wire to plug it in to the wall and moving back into the living space with a grumble. It’s only about two and a half feet tall, total, but it’s not _nothing_.

He plugs it into the socket, little yellow lights flickering on as he sits back on the ground and gestures to it with a broad gesture of his arm. “Ta-da.” He sighs, nervously smiling as Rey giggles. 

If the tree wasn’t so pitiful, leaning harshly to the left and dropping plastic needles left and right, it would have been cute.

“ _Ben-_ ” She sighs, standing up and wrapping the blanket around her shoulders. “Please tell me you have baubles, or something. This is just sad.”

He pouts for a second, thinking with a sigh. “Maybe?” He hums, standing up and going back to the closet. He grabs the tv remote on the way there, handing it off to Rey as he kisses her. “Find a movie or something, we can plan our… Agnostic holiday celebrations together.”

Rey giggles, as Ben strolls back over to the box he pulled the tree out of. Agnostic holiday celebrations with Ben, doesn’t sound like a half bad way to spend the season. 

He crouches down on the floor, sorting through the box as Rey powers up the tv and starts searching for something to get them in the holiday spirit. An agnostic Christmas doesn’t sound half bad at all, she thinks.

For the first time in a long time, Rey realizes she’s excited about the holidays.

It feels good to look forward to something.

«☆»

“Oh my _god_.”

“What?”

Ben turns to look at Rey, as he works the gas fireplace. The fireplace she’s currently staring at with a shocked expression on her face. “I’ve been sitting here, freezing my ass off, and you’ve just had a fireplace sitting right next to us? This entire time?” She sounds so hurt, so bruised. Like her entire heart was just crushed with a baseball bat.

Ben watches as she pouts up at him, red ornament still clutched between her fingers as they decorate this pitiful little tree, and he stares back at her.

“You’re cold?” He whispers, because he’s been fine. If she was cold she could have told him so, he would have happily turned on the heat for her.

“Yes!” She shouts, making a face as he awkwardly tries to figure out how to remedy this situation. She squeaks in response, “I’ve been living in LA for the last eight years of my life! I’m fucking freezing!”

Ben just continues to stare, brain blanking out as she angrily puffs out her cheeks at him like a blowfish. “D-do you want me to turn on the heat? I can do that, I would happily do that.”

  
Her jaw drops, and Ben watches as her entire face pales and she screeches, “ _You have heat?_ ”


	31. Winter - IV

Rey forgot how fucking brutal cold winters are, on every part of the body. She did not pack nearly enough warm clothes, her trainers got soaked through with freezing rain the second day they arrived, and she lost her chapstick somewhere. It’s a fucking mess. _She_ is a fucking mess.

She sneezes on the way back home from the grocery store with Ben, cookie baking supplies in hand so when she meets his parents tomorrow they don’t show up empty handed. It seemed the right thing to do, really, after getting Ben to finally arrange a meeting with them after their first week in the city.

She sneezes again, and Ben sighs as he pulls on her sweater and stops her from walking directly into a streetlight. “Okay, that’s it.” He groans, pulling out his phone. “We’re taking you shopping, this is killing me.”

Rey punches him in the side, not hard enough to hurt but hard enough to send a message. “No.” She squeaks, through a nose that she’s pretty sure is developing icicles. “No, I don’t want your charity. I’m perfectly fine.”

Ben just makes a face at her, narrowing his eyes as she sniffles again and they stop at a crosswalk. A couple people look their way, as she groans and wraps her arms around herself with a cold whine. “Rey, sweetheart, you look like a popsicle. You and frosty the snowman are a tophat away from being one and the same.”

She just huffs, and tucks herself into his side and under his topcoat. She is miserable, she’s cold and wet and her skin is not happy about all of this cold. Even her knuckles are chapped, only saved by the fact Ben had an extra pair of gloves lying around.

They don’t fit all that well, not really, but Rey has certainly worked with worse. She’s fine. She is perfectly, absolutely, totally fine.

She shifts her weight, making sure to move her toes before they freeze off.

Ben just sighs, as the crosswalk loudly dings behind him and they start walking again as he types. “I’m not going to take a no on this, sorry, but I am not letting you freeze to death on my watch. We’re getting you a jacket, and some boots, and some gloves-“

“Ben-“

“No!” He huffs, Rey just staring at him as he turns back to her. “You’re fucking freezing and shivering and I don’t want you to get sick!”

She points at the doorway to her left, sniffling as she smiles. He looks almost angry, cheeks flushed pink and hair poking out from under his khaki aviator hat. It covers his ears unfortunately, but the overall look is cute. “You walked past the apartment, babe.” She laughs, Ben finally looking around and realizing where they are. He was so involved with his phone he nearly walked right past his own building.

“Oh.” He hums, face softening as Rey grabs his hand and tugs him inside. 

“Come on, cutie. Let’s just get you warmed up, and then we can talk about you trying to get me in a real winter coat.”

“Thank you.” He sighs, waving to the doorman as they make their way to the elevator. “If I have to hear those shoes of yours squish one more time, I’m going to lose my mind.”

«☆»

Rey looks ridiculous.

Ben knows Rey looks ridiculous.

But he won’t laugh, he’ll really try not to laugh. 

He bites his cheek as he tries not to laugh. 

“I look like a marshmallow.” She finally sighs, trying to test out her mobility in this jacket that a sales representative somehow convinced her to put on. She can only get her arms about halfway up, and she can’t even get them fully down either. “Ben-“ She whines, leaning her head back as he finally laughs.

He just thinks Rey doesn’t know how to say no to people yet, because it’s a learned skill. She’ll get used to it, at some point.

“It’s _really_ bad.” He whispers, helping her undo the front and slide it off of her shoulders. A sales rep had come to help them as soon as they entered the store, to Ben’s relief, but Rey is not having nearly as much fun as he is right now.

She was over this about five seconds after they walked into the store, to be honest. It was clear, the moment she decided that this was no longer a fun experiment. “Do I really need a winter jacket? Can’t I just layer?”

Ben shakes his head, because he won’t take no for an answer here, “You need something built for the cold. We aren’t leaving until we find something to keep you warm, especially if you insist on bundling up in blankets at home instead of letting me turn the heat on.”

He watches as her cheeks go pink and she looks down to the floor, and he checks that nobody is by the door before tugging on her hips to bring her a little closer. “If this really makes you uncomfortable, we can go somewhere else, okay? But it’s killing me knowing that you’re freezing cold and you don’t want me to do anything about it. I understand and I respect your reasons for not wanting me to take care of you financially, but I just don’t want you to get frostbite and lose a toe, or something. I love you too much to watch you get hurt.”

Ben places his head against her stomach, as she tentatively runs her fingers through his hair. “I know.” She sighs, tracing her slim fingers along the back of his neck and making him shiver, “But I can’t shake the money thing. It’s different when it’s for you, the apartment, the car, the plane tickets… It’s different when I feel like I’m doing something for you in exchange. When I feel like I’ve earned my keep. When I can justify it as not being _for_ me. 

“Clothes are a little different, even winter wear.”

Ben pulls away, furrowing his brow as he earnestly stares up at her. He wants her to know he means this. “You owe me nothing, Rey. You never will. I’m doing this because I love you, and I want you to be comfortable. I’m doing this because the only reason my parents are back in my life is because you gave me the courage to try again. I’m here because I’m with _you_ , and I really don’t want you to look back on our first Christmas together with _any_ regrets.”

She stares at him, as he watches her face for any sort of give in her expression. He finds none. 

Rey nods, tucking his hair behind his ears. He can feel her cold fingers run over the backs of them, moving to cup his jaw. “Okay, I’m gonna let you do this, but it’s on my terms. Only things I absolutely need, nothing else. Got it?”

Ben nods, turning to kiss her wrist. “Understood. Nothing else. I just don’t want you to freeze on me.”

She flicks the tip of his nose, “I’m not going to freeze on you, it’s not _that_ cold.”

Ben just scowls at her, as she giggles and scratches under his jaw.

It _is_.


	32. Winter - V

Ben rings the doorbell to his parents brownstone as Rey rocks on her heels, taking a deep breath as she taps her fingers along the lid of the tupperware they packed their cookies into earlier this morning. Yes, Ben ate half of the lemon bars last night, but that is beside the point right now.

She steels herself as she turns to him, preparing for war. “Okay, what else do I need to know about your parents and uncle before we walk in?” She hums, readying herself for whatever else Ben can give her to prepare. Whatever else they didn’t cover on the walk over here. 

She feels so out of her league right now, so on edge. This might be the most nerve wracking moment of her _life._

Ben shrugs, pulling at the collar of the holiday jumper she’s made him wear. He looks really cute in it, even if it’s a little out of his comfort range.

Not that black and white reindeer should be too far out of his comfort range to begin with, but the fact that he’s wearing it is an accomplishment she’s very proud of.

“Uh-“ He sighs, tucking his gloved hands back in his pockets, “They can be a lot, if you need to get out just let me know. It’s a shoes off house, so.” He kicks at her boot with his own, looking down at her new leather snow boots. The ones she and Ben haggled over for a full two hours, before she caved. “You know how to get those off, right?”

Rey stares at her shoes and shrugs. She can figure it out, she’s sure of it.

She’s actually kind of glad to be taking them off, her feet are starting to get a little sore.

The door opens, and Rey is immediately assaulted by noise and the smell of something cooking in the kitchen. “Ben!” A small woman gasps, jumping up on her toes and dragging him down into a hug as he yelps. “Oh, it’s so good to see you. My baby! Oh! And you must be Rey!”

Rey freezes, as some voices call from inside. “Is that Ben?”

“Did he bring the girlfriend?”

Ben groans, trying not to roll his eyes to the back of his skull as Rey looks up at him and giggles. He gestures to her with one hand, rubbing his forehead with the other. “Yes, Mom, this is Rey.”

Rey moves to shake Mrs. Solo’s hand, but suddenly there’s three people shoved in the doorway. It’s a little overwhelming to see, Rey doesn’t know who is who and it’s a lot of energy all at once.

Ben moves his arm in front of her as his mother moves to step forward in what Rey thinks might have been a hug, protecting her and guiding her to hide part way behind him, “This is Rey, we’re not going to ask questions about her right now.” _Feel free to ask me anything, use me as a punching bag, just give her a second to adjust._

That last part is unspoken, but Rey can read between the lines. Questions about Ben, about his career and life since… well, they need to happen first. Rey can and should wait, especially when she’s trying to absorb all of this. 

His mother nods, pushing the boys back and away from the doorway. Shooing them like unruly toddlers, really. “Come in, come in. It’s freezing out there, be careful. Don’t drag in the mud.”

Rey nods, grabbing Ben's hand in one palm and gripping the cookie tin in the other. She watches as chatter begins, keeping to herself as she sits down on a bench and slowly starts untying her boots. “It’s so good to see you”s and “you’ve let your hair go long again”s paired with some “we heard the news, we’re so proud”s fill the space. 

Rey just watches, setting the tin down and yanking off her boot with one hand as Ben hums along and gives his perfunctory responses. His mother briefly runs off to go and adjust something on the stove with who Rey _thinks_ is his uncle Luke, but she can’t be sure.

He responds as she comes back, having barely acknowledged his father in the meanwhile. “It’s good to see you too”, “I don’t have a need to cut it right now, it looks better long anyways”, and “thank you, it was such a surprise” all slipping from his mouth. Cursory replies, because she can feel the tension and stress as he presses his bicep against her side.

Security, a promise that he’s here with her right now. That she’s here with him, as well.

She struggles with her second shoe as he leans back, an awkward silence falling over the group now that the necessary introductions are all done. Ben turns to Rey as she gets into a brawl with her laces, and she feels her face go a little pink as she struggles. 

“You want help?” He quietly asks, bumping her thigh with his knuckles and smirking as she puffs out her cheeks at him. Yes, she needs help, but she isn’t about to admit that she can’t get this fucking boot off in front of him and his family and this very nice house.

She knows how to tie her own goddamn shoes, thank you very much.

She nods, as the man who she thinks is his father, because they have the same nose, urges his mother and uncle away. “When you two are ready your mother needs someone tall to get the star on the Christmas tree, says she doesn’t trust me climbing on ladders anymore.”

“Han!” His mother shouts, and the conversation descends into some argument about Hans' knees and his compatibility with step ladders. 

Ben motions for Rey to give him her foot, and she slings it over his thigh as he makes quick work of her laces and tugs the shoe off. She stands up and spreads her toes, wondering if wearing bright pink socks with sparkles woven through them was the right choice for tonight. Not exactly her most professional look.

Ben stands up with her, shrugging off his coat and pulling off his jacket as she does the same. “At least your parents keep the house warmer than you do.” She teases, placing a firm hand on his stomach.

Ben scoffs, furrowing his brow as the edges of his mouth turn up. “Hey, not my fault. Tell me to turn the heat up and I'll do it, sweetheart.” He smirks, earning a snort and a pat as she pushes him away. 

“In your dreams, Solo.” She sighs, reaching up and fixing his hair for him as he smiles at her. 

She quiets as she realizes his parents stopped talking, listening in to their conversation. Apparently noise carries in this house, although Rey shouldn’t be surprised with the nice hardwood and long corridor of the hallways connecting the kitchen to the front entry.

But it also means she can listen to them as they talk about her, because sound carries through the Solo household.

“She’s from England, Luke! And she’s a grad student!”

“Leia, did you _google_ her?”

She scoffs, quietly, and Rey smiles. “A little! I wanted to know who my son has fallen head over heels for!”

Ben makes a panicked face, Rey fighting back giggles. She steps away from him, and hands off the Tupperware. “Peace offering.” She mouths, Ben taking a deep breath and grabbing the container between his massive palms. She can see it in his face, the nerves and the anxiety as he prepares himself for tonight.

He kisses her forehead, before giving her his elbow to cling onto as he leads her down the main hallway and into a living room with white walls and family friendly furniture. The type of place that looks well-off, but the kind of well-off that understands couches can’t be covered with plastic all the time. 

He introduces it as what he quickly mutters is “the parlor”, which she thinks is absolutely ridiculous because what need would someone have for a _parlor_ , a room just made for sitting? There isn’t even a fucking tv.

Ben seems to read her mind, as her eyes land on the fireplace with five _matching_ stockings on the mantle and the biggest, most glammed out Christmas tree she’s ever seen. Presents practically overflow from the bottom, and Rey doesn’t know if she should be overwhelmed, or jealous, or terrified. The only saving grace is the menorah in the bay window, eight candles in the slots and the only sign that Ben wasn’t lying about his childhood holidays because this is _not_ what she was picturing when he lied out his childhood holidays in greater detail for her last night.

She clings onto Ben a little tighter as he sighs. “The family room is upstairs, by the way. That’s where the tv is.”

Christ, they also have a fucking _family room._ Rey knew Ben had wealth, that much had been made clear, but she didn’t know he _came from_ wealth. 

The boarding school makes sense now, and so does his ease when he walks through this space and others like it. Ben grew up here. He grew up wealthy. Not like her.

Not like her.

She intertwines her fingers with his as they walk, and he shows her the dining table that’s set for five and leads her into the kitchen. What has she gotten herself into?

She continues to hide behind him as he uncomfortably stands in the doorway with her, rocking on his heels as she plays with his fingers. His mother speaks up first, ignoring the way her husband and her brother fight over some type of prep task behind her. “So, Rey, how did you and Ben meet?”

She looks up at the Ben in question, watching as he sets the cookie tin down and slowly starts to drift away from her. Ah, fuck, seems like she’s going to have to explain this alone. He’s clearly got something on the mind. “Uh-I work for Maz Kanata, Ben’s stylist. I started at the beginning of last summer, and Ben came in as one of the clients. We just kind of… kept running into each other. Kind of. Eventually it just… happened.”

She realizes this is the first time she’s ever had to explain how she met Ben to anybody, how they got connected. Everyone else either already knows or was there. 

She supposes she should get used to that. 

Ben shrugs, scanning along some photos on the fridge with a hum. “Maz tried to set us up, but she still doesn’t know we’re an item.” He hums, grinning as he finds something of interest on the refrigerator door. That’s right, Rey forgot that Maz and Mrs. Solo apparently know each other. Ben reminded her last night.

He and his mother also talked out a lot of stuff before he agreed to come by for dinner with Rey, and although the awkwardness is still palpable in the way his family seems to be examining every move he makes, Ben is doing surprisingly well. 

He does well under this type of scrutiny, Rey realizes. Which is odd, considering even _thinking_ about movie reviews makes him sick to his stomach.

He comes back to her, his mother opening and closing her mouth to say something before making the wise decision to bite her tongue.

Although the silence isn’t much better, if Rey is honest. 

“You should offer to help.” She finally whispers after a moment, motioning her head to the scene in front of her as Ben gently grumbles. She can tell he doesn’t want to, but it’s the polite thing to do. “Ben.” She admonishes, staring him down as he scowls at her. 

She scowls back, and he breaks with a sigh. “Rey and I can help, just don’t trust her with anything on the heat. She burns everything she touches.”

“Ben!” She squeaks, whapping his arm as she blushes and his uncle laughs a little. His parents don’t need to know about her cooking habits, not when she’s trying to _impress_ them. Fucking _Ben Solo._

«☆»

The conversation, to Ben's relief, slowly gets easier over time. He is grateful to see that his mother is _trying_ not to comment on everything he does wrong in the kitchen, or examine everything Rey says, and he is ecstatic that his father hasn’t yet questioned his girlfriend on her immigration status or passive aggressively asked about his next film production.

He is proud of them for trying to keep things cordial, although it all kind of goes sideways when the Golden Globes are brought up.

“You must be excited to go with Ben to the Globes, Rey. Get dressed up, go to a fancy dinner…”

“Oh, I’m not going.” She hums as she sips on her wine, a red that Ben knows she has no desire to know the price of. 

The energy in the room shifts, it’s a near tangible thing. “Oh?” His mother hums, looking up from the latkes she’s trying to fry. Ben would respond right away, jump to Reys defense, but like a cat on the prowl he is determined to grab one of those latkes.

He hasn’t had one in _years_ , and he would be lying if his grandmother's recipe wasn’t something he often thought about in his weaker moments. He remembers prepping the disks with his father as a child, and he cherishes those memories as some of his better ones.

He is going to get one of those potato pancakes, no matter how long he has to lurk by the cabinets and stare at the frying pan.

Rey nods, explaining herself. “I’m not ready to put myself out there like that, no matter how much I might want to. It’s not exactly safe, at least, not right now.”

“Oh? How come?” His mother hums, furrowing her brow slightly to feign concern. Ben has seen that face many times. She’s not actually concerned, she’s just being a fucking politician and trying to gain as much information about the opposition as possible. 

Not that Rey is opposition, not at all, but… well… after Bazine…

Ben understands, but it still makes him bristle a little. He just wants to move forwards, but he can’t do that as long as his parents don’t let him do that. As long as they surround him with ghosts of his past.

Rey looks to Ben for support, and he tries to convey to her, without words, how much he loves and supports her. She doesn’t have to do this if she doesn’t want to, he will drop everything and go home with her if his parents so much as insinuate that she could be using him or taking advantage of him.

She sighs, and twists the stem of her wineglass through her hands as she stares at the red. “I take the metro to school, and my apartment isn’t exactly in the safest neighborhood. If people found out I was dating Ben, if people found out where I lived or what my routine was, I wouldn’t be safe. I don’t own a car, either, so I have no other options to get around. It would be a disaster.”

Leia hums, as she drops a latke into the oil. It hisses and fizzles as Rey crosses her arms and shrugs. Ben's father and uncle have moved to the living room, despite neither sharing a single word with Ben in the meanwhile. A couple light questions from his mother, yes, but nothing too deep. Nothing more than that.

No apologies, from any of them. 

Not that Ben should have expected one in the first place.

He sighs, running a hand through his hair as his mother purses her lips. Oh, boy, here they go. He knows that face too. “Why don’t you just buy a car then? Or move closer to campus? I’m sure Ben would help you in whatever way you need, especially if it concerns your safety.”

Ben just awkwardly grabs his shoulder with his hand, protectively drifting towards Rey again. She can’t just _buy a car_ , she doesn’t have thousands of dollars just laying around. She has money in the bank, yes, but not that much. Three hundred dollars at most, she’s always living on the edge.

And yes, it scares Ben shitless sometimes when she tells him about trying to decide if she should prioritize rent or food, but it’s gotten easier since she’s started spending more time with him. He keeps a well stocked fridge, and she’s always welcome at his place. She spends four to five nights a week with him now, and that money that was going to go towards food can then go towards savings. 

She has savings now, and he knows how much that means to her. She can start buying things she _wants_ , not just things she _needs_. He takes care of her, sneakily.

And as for the housing thing, everything near UCLA is fucking absurd. Why else would Ben rent a block away from the school? He didn’t want Rey taking a fucking hour long commute at midnight on a public transit system. That terrifies him!

But he doesn’t tell her this, because that freaks her out. She doesn’t want to be dependent on him, and by all means she shouldn’t, but she is taking her _sweet_ time learning that she doesn’t have to do this all alone.

It was an accomplishment to get her to stop trying to tell him that she would make it up to him one day, to just let him take care of her when she’s in his home, but it is another to offer financial support for basic necessities.

Rey curls in on herself, as Ben responds for her. “Rey works hard enough as is, and my place is a short walk from campus. She doesn’t need me to buy things for her, or to help her out with that sort of stuff. She’s strong, she knows what she’s doing. We just aren’t ready to go public yet.” He shrugs, “That’s all.”

He doesn’t miss the way Rey stares up at him, nothing but pure love and appreciation in her eyes. Reverence or adoration, even.

He did the right thing, he thinks. 

She tucks herself under his arm, setting her wine glass on the counter. She licks at her lips, tongue a little pinker than usual. “We should go and get that star on the tree, before we sit down for dinner.”

Ben nods, reaching out and snatching a latke before quickly scurrying off with Rey. They’re eating early tonight, per family tradition, and Ben is _starving_ because they skipped lunch.

He tosses the hot thing between his hands as his mother calls after him, Rey giggling as he swears and curses under his breath. Fucking hell, he forgot how hot these are.

He eventually makes it over to the tree with her, watching as Rey takes a second to examine the room and everything in it. She looks so right and yet so wrong here, out of her element but not out of his.

Worlds colliding, really. 

He bites into the latke, impatient as ever, and mutters a quiet “shit” under his breath as hot oil burns his tongue. Fuck, these are hot. 

Rey just giggles at him, as she examines the tree and he clutches his treat between his palms. “It’s tall.” She mutters, Ben looking up with her and nodding. It is tall, at least seven feet. He should be able to reach it, though, with some finagling. 

He shoves the rest of the latke in his mouth, now cooled, and grabs the star from a nearby shelf. He starts trying to figure out how to do this as Rey sets her hands on her hips. If he reaches up and pulls at the top of the tree, he should be able to get the star on. It shouldn’t be that difficult.

So, he does just that. He reaches up with his hand, grabbing at the top of the tree, and starts to pull it down. Rey yelps at one point, telling him to let it go, because something’s going to fall and break if he isn’t careful.

Ben eases back, stepping back with Rey. Mission failed. “If the tree wasn’t decorated you could do it.” She sighs, tilting her head as she crosses her arms. “But I’m worried you’re going to break something, or fall.” She hums, circling the tree. 

Ben watches as she thinks, furrowing her brow and tapping her lower lip with her finger. He is half tempted to go and get another latke. 

She turns up to him, beaming. Ah, she knows what to do. “I’ve got it.” She hums, bouncing on her toes as Ben sighs.

“Should I be scared?” He groans, Rey rolling her eyes and grabbing the star from him.

She looks around the room, making sure they’re alone in the living space, “You’re going to pick me up, and I’m going to put the star on the tree.”

Ben just stares at her, he’s going to do what now? They’re going to do what?

She grabs his hand, squeezing his wrist. “You’re going to give me a piggyback ride, but instead of me clinging onto your shoulders you’re going to grab my feet and lift me up so I can put this on the tree.”

She displays the star for him, as he takes a second to think. This doesn’t sound like a good idea at all, someone is _definitely_ going to get hurt.

But it doesn’t really sound like a bad one either, and what’s the worst that can happen?

“Okay.” He shrugs, turning to look at the tree again. Rey grabs his hand, trying to step up and find some leverage. He watches as she struggles, despite her long legs and stretchy pants that she specifically chose for eating.

“You need to bend down.” She sighs, muttering something that sounds like “fucking redwood” under her breath.

“You like it though.” He growls, as he awkwardly squats down and Rey steps up into his palms. She wraps her free arm around his front as she giggles, kissing the top of his head as he stands up. He can feel her smile as he grunts with the effort, as he tries to find his footing and she rubs his chest with her palm to steady them both.

“I do.” She sighs, kissing his hair again. “Alright, scoot a little closer.” She hums, Ben watching where he places his feet. Her weight is evenly distributed between his palms and his back, making this surprisingly easy.

He supposes that’s what he gets for dating such a clever engineer.

She pops it on the top of the tree, her shirt riding up just a little as Ben feels the smooth skin of her stomach against the back of his head. He turns just as his uncle and mother walk into the room, checking up on the kids with… _curious_ expressions on their faces.

He smiles, nervously, as Rey starts shimmying her way down his back. Both of her hands go from his shoulders to his chest as she squeaks, her legs wrapping around his torso before he sets her down on the ground. “You good?” He asks, as she nods.

She’s a little flushed, but beaming as she plays with his fingers in her hand. “See? Teamwork.” She hums, Ben snorting as she holds his hand up and gives him a weak high-five. 

He locks his fingers with hers before she can pull away. Tugging her into his arms as she squeaks and laughs. “Ben!” She giggles, as he holds her against his body and he forgets why they even came out here in the first place. 

Mm, this is better. He would rather hold her like this. Who gives a shit what his parents think of her, when she means the world to him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you can see,,, the early thoughts of "oh, I love you." peeking through in this chapter btw,,,


	33. Winter - VI

They sit down for dinner about half an hour later, and Rey wonders if the tension could physically be cut with a knife. A hacksaw, maybe, might be more appropriate.

Ben and his father are still barely acknowledging each other, besides the occasional “can you pass the salt” and agreeable grunt.

Rey sees where her lovely boyfriend gets his award winning charm from.

Ben and his uncle are even less amiable, although Rey had the most interesting discussion with him about solar panels and the future of renewable energy, as Ben just barely looked at him and huffed along with Rey when she tried to get him involved in the discussion.

So, it kind of falls on Rey and Mrs. Solo- Leia, she corrects herself, to hold the conversation. 

Which they do with surprising ease. 

Leia could talk for hours, that much is clear, but after initial introductions it does seem she and Luke are genuinely interested in her work. Leia is apparently always pushing for green initiatives in congress, (Ben gave Rey a rundown of what a senator was and how the US government works before they arrived tonight) and says she would be interested in reading Rey's grad thesis on green modular housing and how it could apply to helping the homelessness crisis in LA and around the world. Maybe her ideas could even be utilized in New York!

They, luckily, don’t ask why Rey is so intent to use her degree to help people who don’t have homes. Ben shifted the conversation as soon as it started to edge into that territory.

Rey does eventually get Han involved, however, when she mentions her interest in engineering sprouted from tinkering around with radios and bikes as a kid. She loves taking things apart and putting them back together, if just for the sake of figuring out how they work. 

It turns out he has a similar mindset, and he used to work as a mechanic before meeting Leia. He still visits vintage car shows when he isn’t traveling for work, which is how Rey finally finds out he is the owner of a Nascar racetrack and bar with his best friend Lando, but now that he’s retiring he wants to get back to the vintage stuff.

He apparently has a car he calls the 'Millennium Falcon' at the racetrack, swears Lando takes it out for test drives when he isn’t there.

Ben just impatiently taps his foot on the ground at this, Rey reaching over and placing her hand on his thigh in an attempt to get him to sit still and calm down.

He downs the rest of his wine instead, Leia shooting daggers at him as he chugs it and intertwines his fingers with Reys under the table.

But eventually things start to peter out, the sun starts to set, and Leia stands up from the table as she claps in excitement. “Oh, we have to light the menorah!” She excitedly hums, taking a sip of her drink before continuing to clap her hands together and walk into the living room. “Hurry up!” She shouts, Rey watching as Luke and Han spring to their feet like well trained dogs.

It takes Ben and Rey a second longer, following behind them as he tucks her under his arm and kisses her forehead. His lips linger against her skin, and she definitely smells alcohol on his breath as he pulls away.

He brings her to the couch, sitting down with a groan as he pulls her into his lap. “Ben,” she sighs, moving to give him some space before he tugs her back against his chest.

He effectively traps her in his embrace, as he brings his long legs up onto the couch and encourages her to lean against his body. Not that she has much of a choice, as he hoists her up into his lap and rubs her thigh with his hand, but she doesn’t know why he’s doing it.

His parents don’t care, though. Leia is too busy fussing with the matches as Luke unhelpfully looks over her shoulder, and Han seems content to sit on the other side of the room and watch her. 

Nobody gives either of them a second glance.

Ben kisses Rey's forehead as she surrenders, snuggling against his sweater and into his chest as she closes her eyes and listens to Leia do the prayers. Ben tiredly mumbles along in Hebrew, forgetting some portions but seeming to remember most of it, as she sighs and smiles against him. His hands trail along her spine, as she rubs her cheek against his chest.

This is nice, this is really nice. She wants more of this.

The prayers end, and Rey keeps her eyes closed as she lets herself have this.

Have a family.

And then Ben ruins it, loudly whispering “I wanna marry your ass so hard right now.”

What the fuck, Ben?

Rey pops up from his chest as Han chokes on his drink somewhere in the background, gobsmacked, mortified, and humiliated all at once. She knows that's in the plan, that’s  _ the _ plan for the future, and she wants it very much with Ben, but now? In front of his parents? Really?

He smiles at her, head tilted and eyes glassy. His dimples dot his cheeks as he beams and giggles a little, broadly smiling as he stares at her with unfocused pupils. He looks the definition of lovestruck- 

And inebriated.

She realizes he’s drunk, very  _ very _ drunk. “Ben, darling, how much did you drink?” She laughs, rubbing his chest as he giggles. 

“I’m not that drunk, you’ve seen me drunk.”

“Not like this.” She snorts, Ben pulling a face as he lifts his head to look at her. It wobbles a little, like a bobble head.

He takes a moment to think, pursing his lips as she grabs his neck between her palms to steady him. “Mmm, no. Kaydels margaritas, she makes them strong. I’m not that drunk.”

Rey just stares at him, because he is definitely drunker than he thinks. Yes, he had gotten absolutely  _ sloshed _ that one time Kaydel tried to teach him how to make a couple basic drinks and tend a bar, but this is much more than that. That drunk Ben had been quiet drunk, which Rey now realizes he might have passed with that final glass of wine.

This drunk Ben is talkative,  _ romantic _ Ben. Which is a hell of a lot funnier, but a lot worse for the audience they have right now. 

“You’re so pretty, you know.” He sighs, Rey nodding along as she hears Leia laugh behind her. She hums in affirmation as Ben giggles, throwing his head back as she sighs and tries to figure out what to do here. Had it been reversed, she’s pretty sure Ben would have just hauled her over his shoulder and taken her home. Unfortunately, that is not an option when it comes to Mr. Redwood Ben Solo. 

“So pretty, so good. My resilient little wildfire. I thought you  _ hated _ me when we first met, I’m so glad you don’t hate me.”

Rey sighs, really trying to ignore the giggles and the laughter from his family as she grabs his hands to stop him from grabbing her ass. She loves Ben, she really does, but this is making it very difficult to like him right now.

She briefly wonders if she should grab his scarf, and shove it in his mouth for him.

She lifts his head up with her hands, so he’s looking her in the eyes. He still has the sweetest smile on his face, though, and she didn’t know she would be so weak for that grin. She can’t stay mad at him, it’s a futile attempt.

“I think it’s time we get going, I’m going to call an uber. Are you going to be okay?” She laughs, watching as his smile starts to falter.

“I’m lucky you like me, sweetheart. Really lucky. A lot of people don’t like me. I’m not a good person.”

Rey freezes at that, furrowing her brow and continuing to rub his chest. That doesn’t sound like her Ben, not at all.

“A lot of people like you, darling. Hux likes you, Finn likes you, Kaydel and Rose like you…”

He adamantly shakes his head, Rey trying to fight back panic. He sounds about sixteen percent away from a full drunken meltdown. He starts counting all of his friends off on his fingers, voice wobbling. “Hux likes what I do for him, I pay Finn to be my friend, and Kaydel and Rose are  _ your _ friends. They don’t like me. Not like you do. Not even my  _ parents _ like me. Thought it would be different this time.”

He whispers that last part, before lolling his head back and loudly sighing. Rey just watches as he furrows his brow, breathing starting to even out as she becomes acutely aware of who else is in the room and how bone-chillingly silent it’s become. 

“I am so,  _ so _ sorry about him.” Rey panics, turning to his parents. They’re flashing nervous eyes at each other, and Rey is pulling out her phone to call an uber. She’ll have to pay, and it’ll be stupid expensive right now, but he is in no state to be walking home like this and it’s probably best if they get going before Ben says anything else.

Han stands up, wiping his hands off on his pants. “Stay the night, kid. Ben's old room is still set up. He’ll be reciting poetry by the time you get halfway home, it won’t be fun for anybody involved.”

Rey cringes, as Han grabs Ben’s shoulder and urges him to stand up. She gets the sudden feeling that this isn’t the first time her boyfriend has gotten drunk in front of his family. 

That kind of horrifies her.

“Come on, kid. Get up.” Han huffs, Rey pulling Ben up by the hands. She slides off of the couch with him, trying in vain to fix his sweater as she sighs. She thinks that might be the most Han has directly said to him all night.

Suddenly the bad behavior for attention makes sense, because now she’s seen it first hand.

He motions to the staircase, and Rey puts an arm around Ben's torso as she starts leading him up. He rests his weight against her, but she manages to get him all the way up to the third floor without letting him trip or anything.

He is surprisingly stable, for someone as drunk and as tall as he is.

“Room’s this way.” Han huffs, opening a door to what looks like a teenager or young adults space. The walls are a navy blue, and although the posters Ben surely had up have long since been removed, there’s still a desk littered with lego projects and a dresser with a stack of books from Ben's college years. There’s a box of stuff in the corner of the empty room labeled “Chewie”, and Rey recognizes that as the name of Ben's dog from when he was a kid.

She keeps his eyes away from that corner of the room, sighing as she turns to thank Han for letting them stay the night, only to realize he’s already gone.

“There’s uh- a room down the hall. Guest bedroom. If you don’t want to stay-“

Rey shakes her head, sitting him down on the bed and starting to peel off his jumper and his shirt from his overheating body. She discards them onto the floor. “Why wouldn’t I want to stay?” She asks, cupping his face in her palms as he shrugs.

“She never stayed, she would yell at me and tell me I was an idiot. Told me I embarrassed her in front of my parents. Would go home, or stay in the guest room, and scream at me for getting drunk after.”

“Who, Ben? Bazine? Would she yell at you?”

Ben nods, and Rey feels her blood boil. God, if she- the things Rey would do to that woman for what she put Ben through. 

She watches as it seems to click for him, as she bends down and starts undoing his belt. “Fuck, I got drunk again didn’t I? I’m  _ so _ sorry. I told myself I wouldn’t let it happen, you don’t deserve this.”

He buries his head in his hands, rubbing his eyes as he groans. “I’m so sorry, Rey. I’m so,  _ so _ sorry. How can I make this up to you?”

She pulls his belt off, dropping it on the floor with his shirt as she pushes on his bare chest in an attempt to get him to lie down on his bed. He goes down easy, splayed out across his sheets as she starts undoing his fly and pulling his pants off. “Don’t do it again.” She quietly hums, leaning over him and kissing his temple once he’s stripped down to his socks and boxers. 

“Anything.” He breathes, reaching out for her. “I need you. Can’t lose you. Do anything for you.”

Rey nods, pulling off her own shirt and slipping Bens over her head as she hurriedly tries to get undressed. She runs over to the door once she gets her pants off, making sure the thing is well and truly closed before she starts walking around in her underwear.

She grabs her phone as she drops her bra in the pile of clothes, slipping into bed with Ben. His arms immediately go around her waist, because it’s muscle memory at this point, as she sits with him in the darkness.

It’s only around six-thirty, the sun sets so early these days, but she thinks they’re both ready to turn in for the night. Ben is emotionally exhausted. It has been a long day.

“I’m so sorry, sweetheart.” He sighs again, rolling to set his face in her lap as she strokes his hair. She sets her phone next to her as she rubs the spot behind his ear that he likes. She waits to see if he has anything else he needs to share with her.

She feels like she might be missing part of the story here, that she’s missing part of the narrative.

She stares down at him, to figure out how she’s going to phrase her next question when he doesn’t give her any more information.

“Ben?” She asks, as he looks up with those pretty brown eyes of his. “Do you think about… her, a lot?”

He shakes his head vehemently, assuaging her fears and furrowing his brow. “No, not anymore. Not for a long time. Just today, just because last time I was here I was so angry and unhappy, and now I have you and-“ he starts babbling, Rey watching as he breaks down into a teary mess in her lap. Oh, okay. “-and I love you so much, and you’re so pretty. And you’re so nice to me, even when I don’t deserve it. And you like me, and you want to spend time with me, and you make me so happy and I love you so  _ much _ -“

He’s full on sobbing now, Rey shushing him as he cries into her lap. “Oh, Ben.” She giggles, running her hands through his hair and wiping his tears away with her thumb. “I love you too, I love you so much. I love you more than the sun loves the moon.”

“Really?” He asks, voice still all shaky and raw. She nods, and the corners of his mouth turn up a little. He takes a moment to think, slowly formulating his response as he stares off into the distance. “I love you more than the moon loves the sun.” He finally settles on, burrowing his face directly into her lap. 

Rey giggles, as Ben rubs her naked thighs. “My sun, my light. That’s what you are, sunlight. Good.”

His hands end up directly on her ass, as she laughs and plays with his hair.

They fall back into a gentle silence, Ben's eyes fluttering closed after a moment. “Rey?” He asks, as she hums in response.

“Do you think my parents will ever like me?” He whispers, sighing into her legs as she leans her head back against the wall. She takes a second to think.

“They love you, Ben. They adore you. I just don’t think any of you are any good at actually  _ talking _ to each other about it.”

Ben grunts in response after a moment, tilting his head like he hadn’t considered that possibility before. Rey realizes the Solo-Skywalker bloodline might be made of bullheaded idiots.

“But you showed up tonight, and you talked to your mom and your dad, a little. And I think you have a lot of work to do, all of you, but I think as long as you keep showing up things will get better. I’m certain they will.”

Ben grabs onto her thighs a little tighter, nodding. “You’ll do it with me?” He asks, as she nods. 

“Of course, Ben. I’ll be here every step of the way. I promise.”

He seems content with that, deeply sighing against her thighs as he starts to drift off. Rey exhales and picks up her phone as she runs her hand through his hair. Her silly boy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternate title: the one where Ben fucks up.
> 
> BADLY.


	34. Winter - VII

Ben wakes up the next morning in his childhood bedroom, which would have been a shocking experience if the memories of last night didn’t come flooding back into his brain all at once. 

Shit, he drank too much.

Shit, he said he wanted to  _ marry _ Rey in front of his parents.

Shit, he said he  _ didn’t think his parents liked him in front of his parents _ .

He groans as he rubs his face, staring up at the ceiling as Rey curls in tighter against his side. “Ben? What’s wrong?” She sleepily mumbles, throwing an arm over his torso as he huffs.

God, so much is wrong. Where does he even start?

“Nothing, sweetheart. Just a headache. That’s all.”

She snorts, aimlessly rubbing his pecs with her palm. She pinches his nipple between her thumb and her forefinger as he incredulously looks down at her. Okay, bold.

She continues, half asleep but still leagues more aware of the world than he is, “You mean you’re hungover.”

Well, yes. 

He nods, because she’s right. “Yeah, yeah. Hungover. I’m hungover.”

He stares at the ceiling awhile longer, trying to figure out where he even starts the apologies. He supposes Rey is as good as any, considering they’re both in bed together. 

“I am so sorry my alcohol consumption got away from me last night, I don’t even think I knew I was drunk until it was too late. I shouldn’t have put you in that position, I won’t let it happen again.”

Rey nods into his side, smiling. “Yeah, you insisted that you weren’t drunk. You did a really good job pretending you weren’t, to be honest, until you started talking.”

Ben winces, yeah, that sounds about right. Enough award shows have done that to him, he’s learned to pretend like he’s not hammered beyond belief so nobody snaps any embarrassing photos of him. The talking, though, well… Hux usually gets Ben away from situations before he gets  _ that _ drunk. “Yeah, yeah. Talking.” He murmurs, rubbing his aching forehead as he sighs.

He peers down at Rey, hair half hanging out of her bun and using his bicep as a pillow. He rubs her back as she happily wiggles, spreading out her fingers across his chest as he feels pins and needles start in his fingers. She must have been snuggled up against him for a while now, for that to happen. 

She sighs, pulling herself closer. “I’m happy you’re okay, though. Seriously. You had kind of a moment last night, when we got up here-“

Ben groans, he remembers. He remembers what he said. He remembers he started crying because he loves Rey so much. 

That’s a… that’s not a proud moment. Not a proud moment at all.

She giggles against his chest, opening her eyes and throwing herself over his body. He realizes she’s wearing his shirt, as he slides a hand underneath to touch her stomach and support her weight. “It was really cute, Ben. I’m happy to know I reduce you to tears when you think about me.”

He quietly chuckles as she reaches up to play with his face, squishing his cheeks between her palms. “Do I really make you that happy? Are you really happy with me?” She hums, a million and a half questions written between the lines.  _ Am I enough? Are we doing this right? Did we make the right decision introducing me to your parents? Do you still think about her? _

Ben nods, rolling so they’re on their sides and squished together. He pulls the comforter over their heads as she squeals and kicks at his legs. “Happier than you know, happier than I’ve ever been. You make me so  _ fucking _ happy.”

She just blinks up at him, biting her lip. She pounces up, stretching for his face and pulling him down for a kiss. 

She kisses him, like she means it. “You make me pretty happy too, Ben Solo.”

He just laughs at that, kissing her cheek as she tries to wrestle out of his grasp under the blankets. He’s not letting her get away anytime soon, though, especially if he makes her half as happy as she makes him.

She’s stuck with him, for as long as she’ll have him.

«☆»

Ben sneaks Rey down the stairs just past dawn, grabbing her hands and leading her down the staircase as quietly as humanly possible. He promised her he would leave a note or something downstairs, because he’s too humiliated to actually face his parents in person right now, but Rey thinks he’s just anxious to get out.

They’ve, understandably, kind of overstayed their welcome. 

In the daylight Rey takes a second to admire the Solos house, the artwork, the artfully placed decorative pillows, the rug that she is, quite frankly, terrified to step on...

She holds onto Ben's hand as they walk, gripping on tightly as they finally make it downstairs. She watches as he nervously starts shrugging on his jacket, handing hers to her and motioning for her to tug it on as she nods.

She won’t lie, it feels kind of shitty to be leaving like this. She would at least like to thank the Solos, and Luke, for their hospitality. It wasn’t perfect, by any means, but it was really nice to spend a holiday with a family like this.

She knows Ben feels shitty about it too, she can tell, but she doesn’t think he knows what to do yet either. He doesn’t know what to do with all of these things that are happening, all of this family stuff and childhood trouble cropping back up.

She thinks he thought he could start with a clean slate, walk into a household where everything would have just been fixed and easy. That these ghosts he’s worked so hard to get rid would just stay gone.

He has a long road ahead of him, his whole family does.

Rey stops him before he starts slipping on his shoes, pointing in the direction of the kitchen. “You promised, Ben.” She whispers, watching him as he nervously rocks on his feet.

“Do I have to?” He whines, grabbing at his elbow as he sighs. He makes some type of pitiful whine as he scrunches up his nose, and if the situation weren’t so serious she would think he was being adorable.

She nods, and he quietly grumbles to himself as he kicks at the doormat. She knows he has to, she isn’t letting him leave until he writes some type of note or response or apology of some kind. He can’t run away again, he can’t  _ give up. _

“Fine.” He huffs, taking a deep breath and slowly walking into the living room. Rey follows him as he stalks into the kitchen, watching as he freezes in the doorway.

Oh, his mom is awake. And waiting for a cup of coffee. Okay, great. Cool, cool, cool.

They just stare at each other, and Rey points to the front door as she realizes maybe she shouldn’t be here for this. “So, I’m going to go and get my shoes on.” She hums, scurrying off and away before anyone can stop her. Not her problem, this family drama is  _ not _ her problem. 

She quickly starts slipping on her shoes as two voices start carrying from the kitchen and her heart pounds, quiet enough that she can’t hear. For as loud as Ben is, truly, the man knows how to whisper. 

She catches things here and there, apologies shared on both sides, heavy sighs, Hans name. Rey even gets mentioned once or twice, and she hopes that it’s all in good favor and thought. 

She really hopes Leia likes her, she doesn’t know what she would do if she didn’t. 

But eventually the voices quiet, and Rey finishes tying up her laces as Ben comes to the front with his mother. Rey stands up and hands him his shoes before he sits down, tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear as Ben starts getting ready to go.

Rey doesn’t know what to say, crossing her arms and staring down at the floor as Ben quietly does up his laces. She doesn’t know what is appropriate here, if she should speak or not.

Leia breaks the silence for her, awkwardly holding a hand out. “It was really lovely to meet you, Rey. I hope we see you two again before you head back to LA, and tell Maz I miss her. You know, when she eventually finds out about your relationship.”

Rey smiles at that, shaking her hand as she smiles. “It was really lovely to meet you too, Leia.”

She squeaks as Leia goes in for a hug, Rey awkwardly returning the favor. She pulls away after a couple moments, keeping a hand on Rey's shoulder, “Now keep an eye on my son for me, try not to let him get into too much trouble.”

Rey just turns to Ben at that, because trouble is that last thing he’s ever been for her. “Oh, I don’t know, I think he has to worry more about me in that department.”

Ben quietly smiles at that, tying up his laces and standing up. She blinks up at him, briefly wondering how a boy like  _ that _ is biologically related to a woman like  _ Leia.  _ “We should get going, we have a long day ahead of us.” He sighs, setting a hand on her hip and looping his finger under her jumper as she sighs. They do not, in fact, have a long day ahead of them. Ben wanted to take her through Central Park at some point, get some coffee and maybe do a couple tourist things, but they don’t have any actual plans. As far as she knows, Ben is absolutely making an excuse to get out of here as fast as possible.

Rey will have to do work later, but it’s almost Christmas. She can let herself have a bit of a break.

Ben nods to his mother, moving to the door as she sighs, “Don’t forget what I said Ben, the offer still stands.”

He grumbles something that Rey doesn’t catch, and she just barely manages to squeak out a final thank you before she’s standing outside with Ben in the cold.

He starts walking down the stairs, oddly quiet, and Rey almost has to jog to keep up with him.

“Ben?” She asks, trotting after him as he storms away from the Solo residence. His back is all hunched and his hands are aggressively shoved in his pockets. He doesn’t look  _ good _ , Rey thinks _. _

He slows down, just enough for her to catch up and grab onto his arm. “It’s icy out,” she sighs, trying to make an excuse for the way she’s tugging on him to slow down. “I don’t want to slip.”

She tucks her hand in his pocket, and he curls his gloved fingers around her own. “I won’t let you fall.” He huffs, as she leans against his bicep and looks up at him from his shoulder. 

He looks angry, brow furrowed in thought and eyes focused on the concrete. She wonders what Leia said to him, what the conversation was about. And maybe it isn’t her place to pry, but she’s never seen this side of Ben before. The side that gets drunk and doesn’t think people care about him. The side that shoves things down, and carries  _ so much _ heaviness. 

She stops walking, tugging on his hand and taking a look around as Ben groans. 

Ah, yes, there. That’ll work.

She jumps up on a concrete ledge, so they’re eye to eye. “We’re talking about this, now.” She hums, crossing her arms as Ben takes a nervous look around. Nobody is out this early, and it’s too cold for the joggers anyways, so it’s just Rey and Ben on this street of brownstones.

“Now?” He groans, as Rey reaches out and wraps her arms around his neck. 

“Yes, now.” She hums, watching as Ben slowly huffs and shuffles closer to her. He gently wraps his hands around her waist, as she adjusts his hat and moves a lock of hair out of his eyes. “You’re scaring me, and you’re obviously hurting, so I need to know what’s going on.”

Ben groans again, settling his face in her shoulder as he exhales out.

“Mom apologized, for Dad. For Luke. Said they talked it out last night, all three of them regret what happened. Said if they could do it over again, they would have spent more time with me, would have fought less. Would have just… been there. That’s all I wanted, you know. For them to just  _ be there _ .”

Rey nods, pulling him closer as his voice catches. She knows. “How did it make you feel?” She hums, kissing his temple as he sighs into the wooly hood of her parka. 

“I guess it made me feel better, kind of? But I’m still so angry, and so upset. I really thought things would be different this time around, and they are, but not as different as I wanted. I can’t believe my dad practically ignored me until I was too plastered to pick a fight.” He sighs, adjusting his face against her neck as he adjusts his grasp on her. “I don’t know, I just kind of just wanted to… get along, or something. I don’t know.”

Rey pulls away from him at that, examining his face and staring him down, “Maybe that’s why he wasn’t speaking to you, you kept on looking like you were going to run away or punch something every time he opened his mouth. You’re not exactly a timid presence, Ben. And I doubt he wanted to fight with you in front of your mother.”

Ben just gawks a little at that, opening and closing his mouth like a fish. She has no clue how this lovely man, who has been nothing but communicative and gentle during the course of their relationship, can’t read his own emotions around his parents. It’s like some developed part of his brain just shuts off, all logic goes out the window.

“I guess.” He sighs, leaning back into her shoulder and grumbling.

She just hugs him for a moment, rubbing his back as his shoulders finally start to settle and release the tension that’s been in them since yesterday afternoon. The tension that dissipates, but isn’t entirely disappearing yet. “You’re a good woman, Rey. A good partner. Thank you for standing here and talking to me about this, even if it’s absolutely fucking freezing out.”

She giggles, reaching up and placing her palm on his cheek as he pulls away from her with a small smile. He sighs, “How are you feeling, though? I know that might have been…”

“A lot?”

“A lot.”

Rey laughs, squeezing his face between her hands as he grabs her hips and rubs his hands up and down her sides. “I’m exhausted, but happy. Your parents like me, I think, and that’s all I wanted out of this. I’m currently more concerned about you, and making sure you know how much I like you.”

Ben snorts, stomping his feet on the ground. “Fuck, you’re starting to sound like my mom.” He jokes, although he doesn’t laugh or smile by any means. It’s dry, raw. He still doesn’t believe it.

Rey turns his face up to hers, running her thumbs over his cheeks. “I’m serious, Ben. If I need to call all of our friends and get them to say it right now I will. Rose and Kay are already planning a Globes party for you, and we’re all  _ so  _ proud of you and  _ so  _ happy for you _.  _ We love you, even Hux. Even if he has a funny way of showing it sometimes.”

Ben smiles, and Rey kisses him in response. “You’re a good person, Ben Solo. You deserve to know that.”

He blushes, leaning against her neck and mumbling a quiet “thank you” into her shoulder. “I am… a very lucky man.” He sighs, nuzzling closer as he embraces her and she embraces him back. “Don’t let me forget that, hmm?”

Rey giggles, patting his back as she tugs him by the fabric of his sweater. “Hey, same here. I consider myself pretty lucky too.”

They stay like that for a moment longer, just embracing in the cold winter. It looks like it might snow today, the sky is covered in clouds. 

Rey hopes it snows.

“Would you be willing to try again, on Christmas? My mom invited us, we can stay for however long we want. Whatever is comfortable with us, we can do. We could stop by-“

“Ben, Ben, I’d love to.” Rey laughs, pulling away and kissing his forehead. “I would love to try again, as long as you promise to try and make small talk with your father.”

Ben pulls a horrified face that makes Rey laugh, lifting her up by the hips and setting her back on the ground as she huffs. “Fine, okay, whatever. I’ll make small talk, but if it goes horribly wrong and awkward I’ll be holding you accountable.”

She huddles under his warm arm, as he grumbles something that sounds like “the things I do for you.”

Yes, the things he does for her. She appreciates the many things he does for her.

They start walking, arm in arm down the sidewalks of cold New York. He does _ so _ many things for her.

Rey remembers something as they walk, something that might be important now that they have defined Christmas plans.

“Hey Ben?” She hums, turning up to him as he turns down to her. He hums in affirmation, giving her his full attention as she sighs.

“Did you buy your parents anything for Christmas, or…”

He stops, dramatically stopping and turning upwards to the cloud covered sky. He takes a deep sigh, chest rising and falling as he squeezes his eyes shut. He forgot, he completely forgot.

“ _ Shit. _ ”


	35. Winter - VIII

Their schedule for the day fills up shortly after that, Ben and Rey making a list of possible gift options and destinations on the way back to his apartment to take a shower and get properly dressed for the day. Ben immediately goes high end, listing off places and items he  _ knows _ his parents will like. Rey doesn’t stop him, just this once, because she kind of wants to see what this whole high end shopping experience is like.

And, well, he’s buying for his parents. Not her. There’s a big difference.

So, once they’re all cleaned up and ready to go, Ben drags her down to Bloomingdales and they start their search. Leia is easy enough, Ben buys her a Burberry scarf that Rey thinks is absurd and awkward all the same.

Jesus, four hundred and seventy dollars for a scarf. Okay. That’s totally fine and normal. She’s not going to have a panic attack in this very nice store about Ben dropping her entire fucking  _ rent _ on a goddamn piece of fabric.

He looked to her for help when it came to colors, though. She watched him reach for the navy and nearly slapped his hand away because that is  _ so _ not where he should be going right now.

Rey realizes she may have picked up a thing or two, as she examines the scarves, since she started working for Maz Kanata.

She steers him towards blush, much more feminine and much more in line with Leia’s personality. A little more toned down, too. People won’t know what type of scarf it is just by just looking at it.

Although, Rey wonders, isn’t that the point? For people to know?

How obnoxious.

She silently just hides behind Ben after that, watching as he pays for it and seamlessly works through a conversation with someone who recognizes him immediately after.

To anybody else, he would have seemed like the perfect gentleman. Patient, and coolheaded. Signing a piece of paper the girl happily shoves in the back of her clear phone case and offering to take a photo.

Rey, however, knows Ben. She saw the way he nervously crossed his arms, and the closed lip smile he gave to the camera as he carried out his public servant selfie duties.

He was a little more careful after that, a little more cautious. Said it wouldn’t be a good idea for Rey to hold his hand anymore, especially if that photo goes up on instagram right now.

People know where he is, for the first time since they landed in New York. People know he’s in New York, period.

Which isn’t  _ great. _

They choose to ignore the implications of that, heading off to Chanel next. Ben ends up chatting with a consultant there, who shows them a series of bags that his mother might like. She very specifically mentioned one last night, while looking Ben dead in the eye and not so subtly dropping hints that she would like him to buy it for her, and he’s trying to match her description to an item.

The consultant is an older woman, luckily, who doesn’t seem to recognize Ben. She drops one, “Your wife might like this” though, as she shows them a black bag with multicolored stars on it after Ben has found the gray and pink clutch his mother mentioned.

And yes, Rey does like it, but that’s besides the point here.

It’s the first time someone has ever mistook her as his  _ wife _ , period, but he doesn’t bother to correct them.

It feels kind of good.  _ Surprisingly _ good.

She still balks at the price of the bag, though, not to mention the fact that there wasn’t even a price tag on it in the first place, and luckily Ben doesn’t even  _ blink _ when she shakily tells the consultant they’re  _ just _ looking for his mother today. Thank god.

But he buys the gray and pink one, though Rey can see that the final price does surprise him a little as he visibly straightens his spine and tilts his head in shock as the interaction between him and the consultant happens. She doesn’t know if it’s just that absurd or if maybe she’s starting to rub off on her loving boyfriend.

Maybe it’s both, as Rey watches him cautiously hand his credit card over and tuck his hands in his pockets with a displeased grumble.

Rey Niima realizes in this moment, this small exchange, that Ben Solo is a mommas boy. Which is adorable.

Luke is a little more difficult to nail down. Rey and Ben catch an uber to a place near Times Square, a little family run chocolate shop that his mother ended up recommending when Ben texted her in a panic after about an hour of futile brainstorming between the two of them. 

He buys two boxes, one for Luke full of nuts and caramels and a smaller one for Rey with an assortment of fruit filled sweets.

She eats half of them on their walk to Times Square, Ben humoring her tourist tendencies.

“I can’t believe we’re going to fucking  _ Times Square _ , you could go anywhere in the city and you choose  _ Times Square _ . Really.” He huffs, the corners of his mouth turned up in a smirk. 

Rey just kicks at his ankle, watching as he jumps out of the way and they giggle at each other. She’s trying to get the full New York experience, here, including but not limited to getting lost in Times Square!

Ben begrudgingly leads her into the crowded area, protectively tucking her under his arm and pulling his scarf up and over the bottom half of his face. The first to avoid losing her in the crowd, the second to avoid attracting a crowd of his own.

Rey stops with him in the middle of the concrete triangle, as a cold breeze pushes past them. She’s suddenly very glad Ben stepped up and got her a jacket, as she pulls the hood over her head and retreats into the warmth of her parka and his side. It is overwhelming, and chaotic as hell, but in a good way.

In the good, “I can’t believe this is happening” way. 

Reys pretty sure she mutters those exact words, as Ben stares down at her.

They just watch each other for a moment, freezing and covered in a light layer of snow in the middle of Times Square. Everything kind of smells kind of like garbage, and Rey isn’t quite sure if she wants to know how much gum she’s stepped in, but it’s kind of incredible anyways.

You hear about a place enough times, watch enough movies, read enough stories…

Even if it sucks, it’s still kind of cool.

Ben's eyes crinkle up at the corners, and even though she can’t see his smile she knows that he’s beaming. “I love you.” She sighs, letting him press a kiss to her forehead through the fabric of his scarf. She can feel the shape and the heat of his lips on her skin, murmuring the words back to her.

That’s when she spots it, way up in the sky a couple buildings down. Is that-  _ No- _ “Ben, oh my god, look.” She laughs, tugging on his coat and pointing to a billboard as it flickers.

It’s him. His face. Holy shit, her boyfriend's face is plastered across an electronic billboard in the middle of Times Square in New York City.

She laughs, she can’t help it. Her whole body shakes as Ben just blinks at it in shock. It’s for Kamikaze, the movie he’s been nominated for. He and Tallie are in the middle of the desert at night, standing next to a smoking car and glaring at it with crossed arms. 

Rey recognizes it as a still from the film, the “siblings” looking at their ride in dismay.

Holy shit. That’s her boyfriend.

She turns to Ben, who is just looking at it with wide eyes. “Oh my god.” He mutters, eyes continuing to scan it and read the text. Rey is pretty sure she’s already memorized it.

Golden Globe nominated…

Best Actor in a Drama Ben Solo…

In theaters now.

Holy fucking shit.

“We need a photo, right now.” She laughs, taking Bens bags from him and pulling his phone out of his pocket because it has the nicer camera. She turns it on and gets to the camera app as he stares in continued shock, taking a photo of the billboard before grabbing his hand and moving him in front of the sign so she can get them both in the frame.

She steps back to take a photo, people giving them room because that’s just what you  _ do _ when someone is taking a photo in a public place. Nobody even blinks twice at the tourists, as Rey takes a picture of Ben in front of  _ his _ billboard.

She motions for him to pull down the scarf, just so she can grab a nice pic, and he does exactly that.

He’s grinning, nervously using his left hand to point up at the screen. Nobody notices him, nobody even cares. It’s  _ beautiful _ .

Rey shoots him a thumbs up once she has a couple options, and he quickly raises his scarf again and scurries back over to her. She realizes he’s laughing as he tugs on her hand, grabbing some of the bags from her. “Come on, pretty sure a girl behind you spotted me. We’ve gotta go.” 

Rey nods while she laughs with him, jogging away from Times Square while she clutches onto his hand. That moment, in the snow celebrating his accomplishments, might have been worth the whole trip. 

Holy shit, her boyfriend's face is in the middle of Times Square.

«☆»

Rey sends the photo to Hux as soon as they hop in the taxi they take back to Ben's apartment, asking if they have permission to post it to his instagram. It needs to go through ‘the system’ before they send it out into the universe, make sure there are no questionable ads or hand gestures in the background.

He responds a couple minutes later, giving it the metaphorical thumbs up needed. He offers to do it for Ben, although Rey thinks she can manage. 

She uses his phone to run by a couple caption and filter options with Hux, Ben just rubbing her knee as she works. 

He has no idea what she’s doing, but as she shows it to him he has one request.

“I like one with color more.”

Rey just blinks at him in response, like he’s grown a second head.

“What?”

He stares back, just looking at her. It’s not that odd, is it? “I like the one in color more. There’s more depth, and it’s easier to see what’s going on. You should post that one.”

Rey just stares, before shaking her head and sending something back to Hux. “It’s going to ruin your aesthetic, but I think you’re right. It is easier to see what’s going on.”

Ben nods, looking over her shoulder and reading her exchange with Hux.

**Sure you two want to post this? Confirmation that Ben is in New York might turn heads.**

_ Someone already stopped Ben in Burberry earlier for a photo, they know we’re here. This was going to happen anyways. _

**Burberry lol**

_ Fuck off _

_ Does the post look good or not _

_ Nvm, Ben wants to post the color version. Does that version look good or not? _

Ben waits with bated breath, watching the three little conversation bubbles pop up and then disappear. “What do you think he’s doing?” Ben hums, Rey shrugging as she leans closer to him.

The bubbles pop up again, and Hux responds.

**I mean, yeah? Posting in color is going to send the fans into a frenzy for sure but it won’t be bad press. Long as we stress the movie in the caption I think it’ll be alright and won’t detract from awards buzz. Don’t want it to come off as too “ad”-y though. Want to be genuine, even if this is really good advertisement for Bens brand. Sure you don’t want picture credit?**

Rey scoffs, Ben setting his face against her shoulder. The taxi driver keeps his eyes focused on the road ahead.

_ Noooooo oh my GOD that would be too much _

_ Gonna post it now, we’re almost back to Bens place _

**Good, and tell Ben to let you drag him more places and take more photos. I like this candid shit, and fans go wild over it. Good job.**

Rey sighs, and shows Ben the text as she wiggles her eyebrows. He rolls his eyes in response, as she laughs and goes back to his instagram app.

She copies the caption she wrote, switching out the photo to the one Ben liked with the color and the smile. She pastes the caption back in, and reads it one more time before showing it to Ben and finishing the tags.

**_Ben_Solo_ ** _ Honored to both be nominated for Best Actor and best looking guy in Times Square. Sorry  _ **_@Tallie_L_Official_ ** _ , maybe next time you’ll be able to outshine me.  _ **_#Kamikaze #NewYork #TimesSquare #NotHalfBad_ **

Ben nods, and Rey sends it off. She always seems to be surprised when Ben posts, like she forgets he has, what, twenty-seven million followers now? It’s ridiculous, truly.

She giggles as the likes start flooding in, comments about Ben and how cute he is being the first to show up.

Some are just an incomprehensible series of emojis, and Ben always blushes when he sees those awful eggplant ones partnered with hearts or water droplets, but others are just weirder.

_ fUCK he’s so hotttt oh my GOD _ always makes Rey giggle.

_ DAMN SOSLO LOOKING FINE _ pulls a groan from his throat.

But the keysmashes, as Rey taught him they’re called, are his favorites. Rey says it’s because his beauty renders people speechless, Ben just thinks it’s like someone marking their claim. ‘I commented before you so therefore I am more worthy’ shit.

Ben presses a light kiss against Rey’s temple, because she is the only one who gets to capture his attention like that.

She brings a hand up to mindlessly stroke his cheek, as she watches fans realize that this is the first photo he’s ever posted that’s in color. And maybe he had been lying a little when he said that it was easier to see all of the details like this, even if there is  _ some _ truth to that statement.

Maybe his life just feels more colorful these days, brighter and overall less dreary. Like everything makes a little more sense, because he can see the full spectrum of color that light has to offer. That  _ her _ light has to offer.

Maybe Rey makes his life a little more colorful. 

He stares at her as he pulls away, and she hands him his phone back. He takes a second to look at the photo, the way he’s grinning into the camera and sheepishly pointing at himself on a massive screen behind him. She liked it for him, little red heart displaying on the bottom of his screen. She pulls out her own phone in the process, no doubt to like it on her account as well.

He pays attention to the way he’s grinning at Rey, hidden behind said camera.

He thinks that might be the first real smile he’s ever posted to social media. 

«☆»

The two spend the next couple hours wracking their brains for something Ben's father might like, Rey writing emails to her advisor about getting access to a wind tunnel for a structural test on some polymer samples within the next couple weeks as Ben groans. 

It’s complicated, and weird, and Rey just wants to find this potential material match for this project so the architecture students can get started testing designs.

It was a mistake to make this thing a co-thesis with that jackass from architecture, although Ben seems to enjoy her stories about the latest timeline stunt he’s pulled over her head. He laughs as she hisses an insult under her breath, and another one of his emails comes in about her inadequate ability to complete  _ her _ thesis project.

“Year and a half.” He reminds her, laying his head down on her lap as he settles into the couch and scrolls through his phone. “Year and a half, and then you never have to talk to this jerk again.”

Rey sighs, petting his cheek as she sets her feet on the coffee table in front of her and Ben throws his legs over the end of the couch. “Year and a half, we can do this.”

“We?” He hums, looking up at her as she shrugs down at him.

“Well, yeah, after I graduate we can go virtually anywhere that has wifi. This affects both of us. A lot of jobs that are open for someone with an expertise like mine happen to be in consulting work, which I can do remotely via a firm. We could live literally anywhere, Ben. Did you not realize this?”

Ben just stares up at her, furrowing his brow as she trails her fingers along his Adam's apple on his neck. He gulps. 

“No. I was planning on working around you. I was ready to pick up and move wherever you went.”

Rey just stares at him, overwhelmed by the love she feels for this very silly man in this moment because he clearly hadn’t thought this through.

“Ben,” She giggles, stroking his hair as she grins, “I was planning on working around  _ you _ . You can’t just stop working for me, you  _ need _ to make movies. You need to  _ act _ , you’re too talented to throw that away for anybody, okay?”

He smiles, grabbing her hand and kissing her palm. He gets a playful glint in his eye, as she gently runs her finger along the ridge of his nose. “I could do voiceover work. I could film all of my shots via a green screen and send them in.”

She snorts, because fat chance that would ever slide. Hux would skin them both if Ben so much as suggested that.

Ben is, really, in the early stages of his career. Rey knows this. He still has so much left to do, so much ground to cover. He’s going to win so many awards, and do so much good, and Rey isn’t about to let him throw any of it away for her.

“I could take only jobs in LA, or New York, or fucking- Nebraska, if that’s where your work takes you.” He hums, grinning up at her as she snorts.

She pats his cheek as he chuckles, Rey shaking her head as she admires the rough skin of his face. “You’re a dum-dum sometimes, you know? I love you, but you can be a real fucking idiot sometimes, Ben Solo.”

Ben chuckles, stretching out and arching his back across the couch. He throws his arms over Rey's lap, fingers grazing the leather of the couch to her left as he grumbles and nods.

He’s literally too big for the couch, he’s touching both ends of it simultaneously. God, this man-

She rubs his chest as she stares down at him, face scrunched up and shirt sliding up his belly as his heavy head sits between her thighs. He looks like a cat, sunning and purring against her legs as she tries to get her work done.

Or like a dog, unconscious of his size and just taking advantage of an available lap.

A dog.

Rey gets an awful idea.

“Hey Ben,” She hums, continuing to rub his chest as he peers up at her with a sigh, “Your father said he was retiring, right? So he’ll have more free time?”

Ben nods, tilting his head at her in curiosity. His wide puppy dog eyes stare up at her as she pulls up a new tab on her computer, typing in some sort of search for local animal rescues. 

“What if we surprised him with a dog, you know. Give him something to do, something for you two to bond over. Of course we would have to run it by Leia-“

“I can do that, right now.” Ben hums, reaching for his phone that somehow slipped onto the floor at some point. He starts texting his mom as Rey goes back to her search, just pulling up a couple websites for local rescues along with the ASPCA and petfinder.

She has them bookmarked on her laptop, just in case there’s a… dog… emergency.

In all honesty she has spent too many times looking at cats on these websites, and although she knows that might be a little further into the future, considering she and Ben now have no clue when or where they’re going to permanently settle down, she delights in the idea that maybe she can help a dog find a forever home today. 

She starts setting the search parameters, as Ben runs a hand through his hair and clicks his tongue at his phone. “I don’t want to do this if it isn’t an enthusiastic yes from my mom, it wouldn’t be right to just dump a puppy on these two.”

“Puppy?” Rey hums, scrolling up and adjusting the search engine as Ben nods from her lap.

He looks up at her, “Yeah, puppy. Dad found Chewie when he couldn’t have been much older than a couple weeks, brought him in from the rain and spent all night with me trying to keep him alive and warm. I couldn’t have been older than ten, said that's why they were so close. Dependent on each other. He’d want another puppy.”

Ben hums a little, as Rey goes back to soothingly rubbing his chest. “I didn’t know your dad found Chewie.” She sighs, scratching at his cheek. She didn’t know Ben was there, either. That he helped his dad take care of that dog.

He nods, shrugging, “Yeah, he got dumped on the side of the highway. Dad saw him on his way back from the airport and he pulled over on the side of the road to grab him before the dumb dog stumbled into traffic. Nearly got them both killed in the process too, you should have seen my moms face when he told her what happened.”

He near beams at that, as his phone chimes in response. 

He quickly reads the text, mumbling along as he grins.

“She gave us the thumbs up, said Dad hasn’t been the same since Chewie passed. Would be good for him to have someone to take care of, she’ll cover food and prep the house as long as we pick up the dog and keep it here until Christmas.”

He turns up to Rey, as she turns down to face him. Oh, okay, they’re really doing this then. “Are you good with that? Think you could put up with a puppy for a couple days?”

She stares at him, hair all fluffed around his head as he sighs.

Yeah, she could do that.

Rey nods, smiling as Ben grins back at her. His phone chimes again, and he checks the message with a heavy sigh. “Says it’ll be good for me too, it’ll be a good jumping off point with Dad. Somewhere to start.”

Rey nods, and starts scrolling through shelter websites as Ben starts searching for pet shops around the area.

Okay, so, they’re really gonna get a dog.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I SHOULD MAKE CLEAR- I DON'T THINK ITS A GOOD IDEA TO GET SOMEONE A PUPPY FOR CHRISTMAS-
> 
> Ben and rey are doing the right thing here, though, and ben went to his mother and asked "is this a good idea/would this be okay/are you comfortable with us pursing this" and she said hell yes. so. context.
> 
> also puppies are so good-


	36. Winter - IX

Ben makes dinner while Rey googles, desperately looking for the _right_ dog for the Solo family. Something family friendly, and with “gentle eyes”. Per Bens request, of course.

He gave her a list of criteria, odd as they may be. It needs to be a puppy, and it needs to be a larger breed. Han Solo is not a small dog type of guy, and would never have a _yappy_ puppy in his house. It also needs to be fluffy, with a long coat and big paws for walking in the snow. Leia wants a dog that’s pretty, looks good in photos and will be good for _her_ brand, while Han needs a dog that wants to play and will loyally sit by his feet in front of the fireplace.

It’s a lot of pressure, especially because literally no shelter has puppies right now.

Rey knows why, it’s like three days before Christmas Eve and she wouldn’t be surprised if a lot of places are holding puppies for parents to surprise their kids with. New York is a big city, and although she really hopes all of those dogs end up in loving homes with responsible owners, she’s about three websites away from a breakdown of some kind.

She scrolls through another website, lamenting all of the pictures of pitbulls that she tried to get Ben to look at. She realizes that she is quickly falling in love with these dogs, despite never really having seen one before. Maybe it’s because she sees herself in them, dogs passed over again and again for cuter, younger things.

He says he’ll adopt all the pitties she wants when they have a stable home together, but that it isn’t the right time yet. It wouldn’t be responsible to start building a _pack_ right now.

Great, now Rey wants a pitbull _and_ a cat. This is all Ben's fault, really. 

She groans as she gets to the bottom of the page, rubbing her eyes as Ben slides a plate of pasta in front of her. “Eat, your blood sugar is plummeting.” He hums, kissing her temple before digging into his own dinner and turning her laptop a smidge so they can both look at the screen as they settle in at the kitchen island. 

He checks out the page, sighing before he clicks onto the next tab when they can’t find what they’re looking for. Rey leans against his shoulder as he searches and sets the parameters again, even if this shelter is all the way out in Brooklyn. Soon enough, they’ll be looking in other _states_ for a dog that fits the Solo household.

And then they see it, a cute little puppy on the center of the page. Staring right back at them. 

Her name is Eloise, although Rey doubts that Han or Leia would keep it the same. 

She’s perfect.

“That’s a cute dog.” Ben chuckles, clicking on her profile and looking at the two photos they’ve posted. She’s ten weeks old, tan and white, and the website says she’s a Pyrenees, Bernese Mountain Dog, Golden Retriever mix. She’s one of seven, and she’s the only one left from the litter at the shelter.

That’s going to be one big dog, one big _fluffy_ dog.

Ben scrolls a little farther down on the page, Rey reading a description on the website as he chuckles. It says she’s sweet, and very cuddly. She likes people, and will make a great family dog. 

That’s exactly what they’re looking for.

“I’m calling the shelter, wanna make sure we get a chance to look at her.” Rey hums, scrolling further down and quickly dialing the phone number on the website as she stands up. Her heart is pounding, adrenaline coursing through her veins as she bites her lip. Shit, she really wants this to work.

It starts to ring as she takes another bite of pasta, checking the time on the microwave. They might be closed, but it wouldn’t hurt to try.

Someone picks up, Rey shaking Ben's shoulder as he turns to her.

Okay, okay, great. Perfect. Now she just has to convince these people to let her take this dog for her boyfriend's father who he hardly gets along with.

This is either the worst idea or the best idea she’s ever had.

«☆»

Ben watches as Rey cheerfully talks through the phone to whoever is on the other end of the line, picking up his own as she lays out the situation and paces behind him.

He googles the name of the shelter, searching for the dog's page as Rey starts playing with his hair in an attempt to keep her hands busy. “Hi, hello, My name is Rey Niima, my boyfriend Ben and I were wondering if you still had Eloise up for adoption? We were interested in coming by to take a look at her?”

Rey rubs his shoulder as Ben waits for the page to load, scrolling down to find her profile. He copies the link as Rey hums behind him, and he places his hand over hers as he waits to find out if they’ve finally found the right dog or not. 

It is a nerve wracking experience, truly. Ben didn’t think this would be so intense.

She shakes his shoulder after a moment, giving him a thumbs up as she turns to him with a broad smile on her face. “That’s great! When’s the earliest we can come by?”

Ben goes to his texts as Rey hums behind him, frantically searching around the kitchen for a pen and a piece of paper after a moment. Ben motions to a drawer under the coffee maker, watching as she quickly jogs over and pulls out a notepad and a pen.

She gently laughs as she pulls off the cap with her teeth, starting to take notes as she squishes her phone between her ear and her shoulder. “You open at seven? Are you usually busy then?”

Ben goes back to his phone, smiling as Rey chats with the shelter about when they can go and pick up the puppy.

How did this turn into his life? How the fuck did this happen?

He texts the link to his mother, sending it off with a question mark. He hopes she likes the little thing, Ben isn’t quite sure if they’ll find another dog on such short notice.

She thankfully responds a couple seconds later, telling him that his father nearly picked her phone up for her and that Ben needs to be more careful with this delicate information.

Ben apologizes, and gives his mother a second to read over the profile.

_Rey is calling the shelter right now, it sounds like we’re going to go visit tomorrow morning? Need to know if she looks like the right choice asap_

He waits a second for her response, leaning over the counter and running a hand through his hair. He really hopes it’s a yes.

**She’s adorable, Ben. Please send pictures when you visit! I will send pictures of house, Luke is very excited to meet her!** 😜

Oh, great, his mom discovered how to use emojis while he was gone. 

Ben sighs, and sends her a copy of the adoption form to have her assistant fill out as Rey continues to talk to whoever is on the other end of the line. “Yes, his mother is in on it. The whole family knows what’s happening, we’d be happy to have her call you.”

Ben watches as she taps her crossed fingers on the counter, biting her lip as she rocks on her feet.

She exhales after a moment, “That’s great, that’s perfect. I’ll send her your number and have her fill out a copy of the adoption form. She’ll be thrilled.”

Rey laughs, as Ben smiles and shows her his phone screen. “Seven AM, sharp. We’ll be there first thing, thank you so much for making an exception for us.”

Ben raises an eyebrow, tilting his head as he watches Rey. Exception for what? What is Rey doing? 

He watches as she says her goodbyes, and sets the phone down with a smile.

“We can pick her up tomorrow, first thing in the morning. My award winning charm means although we both have to fill out adoption forms tonight, they’re not going to require Han to be there or a mandatory house visit if we can provide photos and a date for them to do it after the holidays. What did your mother say again?”

Ben hands her his phone, staring at her as she walks back over to him and hums. 

She grins, mouthing along as she reads and sits back down at the counter. “Tell Leia to send those photos soon, tomorrow is going to be a busy day.”

Ben just watches her in awe as she goes back to eating her pasta, like she didn’t just single handedly save his ass and find the best Christmas gift in the world. Like she hasn’t completely flipped his entire life upside down, _again_. 

She’s a fucking Christmas miracle, that’s what she is. She’s _literally_ making miracles happen. 

Ben kisses her, he has to. Before she can even lift up a forkful of pasta to her face his mouth is on hers, tugging her into his lap and digging his hands into her ass as she laughs. “Ben, oh my god.” She giggles, clinging onto him as he peppers kisses along her neck. “ _What_ are you doing?”

“I’m so not interested in dinner right now, holy fuck, I am _so_ not interested in dinner right now.” He laughs, tugging her towards him and kissing her again. 

She loops her arms around his neck as he sets his hands on her back, in an attempt to stop her from sliding off of his lap as she bites at his lip. Yeah, okay, food is going to be cold anyways and they might as well celebrate this event _somehow_ -

«☆»

Rey shows Ben her neck the next morning, huffing at him as she stands in front of the doorway to their bathroom. “If your parents see this, I want you to know it’s both of our asses on the line.” She hums, letting Ben examine the very prominent mark he may have accidentally left on her skin.

Whoops.

“At least it’s seasonably appropriate to wear scarves.” He sighs, shrugging as Rey groans. 

She turns to him as he heads into the bathroom, scoffing as he rubs the sleep from his eyes. Why Rey decided that they would be in Brooklyn to pick up this dog at seven AM is beyond him, but he’ll go along with her plan if she thinks this is the way to do it. “Inside? You think I can wear a scarf inside your parents house without raising questions?”

Ben just shrugs, Rey coming over and pinching the skin of his stomach as she wraps her arms around him. “You’re a bastard, Ben Solo. You drive me crazy, and I love you, but you make me nuts. I don’t know why I put up with you.”

He wraps an arm around her, chuckling as she starts searching for her makeup bag and he bends down to kiss her forehead. “You make me pretty crazy too, sweetheart. Why do you think I keep on marking you up like that?”

She snorts into his side, sliding a warm hand under his shirt as he stares at her.

She drives him fucking nuts, in the best way possible.


	37. Winter - X

Rey has made a very thorough list of dog supplies they need for little miss Unnamed, although that list goes out the window the moment they actually arrive at the shelter and Rey sees her for the first time. When Rey and Ben set eyes on her, and finally get her in their sights.

Screw one or two toys to satisfy her until they get to Leia and Hans, Rey wants to buy this little ball of light the entire fucking pet store. She deserves it, truly, for the little hops and yips she makes through the kennel fence as soon as she sees Ben and Rey. Her fur bounces around her tiny torso, like an overly excited pom-pom, as she enthusiastically pants with wide eyes.

Ah, she suddenly gets a peek into her lovely boyfriends mindset. She wants to spoil this dog in a way she has never wanted to spoil anybody else before, and it may destroy her to not do so. A  _ little. _

She smiles as Ben giggles and crouches down by the gate, the little ball of fluff eagerly licking at his hand and wagging her tail. It haphazardly beats back and forth behind her as Ben coos to her. “Hi there, it’s nice to meet you.” He laughs, the puppy barking in response and scratching at the metal with pink paws.

He turns up to Rey, as she giggles into her palm and crouches down next to him. “My mom is going to go fucking nuts,” he whispers, grinning at her. “this is the cutest dog I’ve ever seen. She’s going to go nuts.”

Rey nods, taking a moment to stare at Ben as he runs a hand through his hair. They’re gathering a bit of a crowd, although the only people in the building are the three volunteers who run it this early in the morning. 

A three person crowd, as it were.

Rey will never forget the priceless look on the girls face when they walked up to the desk and she realized who  _ Rey’s boyfriend Ben _ actually was. A small, “Oh! You must be-  _ Oh shit. _ ”

Rey isn’t looking at her, but she’s pretty sure the poor thing is still blushing. 

Ben just smiled and let Rey cover everything, but soon enough the two other volunteers found them and now they’ve got a bit of a _ thing _ happening. 

Not that Rey minds, it’s kind of fun on a small level. To have incited a  _ thing. _

Ben stands up next to her, Rey following close behind. She watches as he wipes his hand, covered in puppy spit, off on his jeans. “Would you mind if we took her out for a second? I’d like to send some photos and a video to my mom before we decide on anything.”

The girl from earlier nods, “Of course! We have to run background checks and go through the forms anyways, this will give you a chance to bond before you decide if she’s the right choice or not.”

Ben nods, as he steps back with Rey to let the girl unlock the kennel and fetch the puppy. 

Rey already knows that this little ball of fluff is one hundred percent the right choice, Han is going to go  _ crazy _ over her.

And if he doesn’t, well, Rey might just take the little thing herself.

«☆»

Ben and Rey hide in the socialization room with little miss-no-name, who is currently growling up at Ben with a tiny frog squeaky toy in her mouth. She squeaks at him, twice for good measure, before crawling up and into his lap with a small grumble.

Rey just giggles, as Ben nervously watches her bark at him again and she impatiently drops her toy on his thigh.

It takes him a second, because he’s a little rusty and out of practice, but he picks up the toy and squeaks it for her after a moment. She excitedly yaps at him, as he laughs and gently pets her wiggling body. “You want this?” He hums, squeaking it again as she tries to climb up his chest.

He throws it, and the little thing trips over her own paws trying to get to it. She lays down on top of the frog once she regains her bearings, thumping her tail on the ground as she starts rolling and making the toy squeak under her spine. 

Rey just giggles, shifting closer to Ben as he pulls out his phone and takes more photos of her. He’s already sent about five to his mother, and a video of her trying to climb up into the inside of Reys sweater earlier, but she wouldn’t be surprised if he had at least a hundred on his phone.

She swings her own legs over Bens, as they take a look at the counter where a shelter staff advisor is currently looking over their forms and doing background checks. The puppy comes back to them as they wait, Rey realizing the woman isn’t on the phone anymore. She must have been calling Leia, or one of Ben and Reys recommenders, but Rey can tell the puppy is starting to get tired of the waiting, so she picks her up and sets her in her lap to nap.

The puppy  _ snarfs _ at her, as Rey giggles and Ben reaches out to rub her fluffy belly.

Rey looks up at him, as he beams down at the little thing. “What do you think they’re doing out there?” She hums, placing her face on his shoulder as he shrugs. 

He turns to look, lifting his fingers up and away from the puppy’s mouth as she lazily tries to chew on him and eat his thumb. “I don’t know, we’ve been here for like, two hours. There can’t be that much stuff they have look through, is there?”

Rey just narrows her eyes at Ben, as he turns back to her. Ben literally has thousands of internet search results on his name, and his mother is a fucking senator. Of course there are hoops they have to jump through.

And that’s not even getting into Rey's stuff, do they know that she’s not a citizen? That she doesn’t even legally live in New York? And have they gone through the photos of the Solo household yet that Leia provided? What if they aren’t deemed suitable pet… guardians?

She sighs, and closes her eyes as Ben sets an arm around her. The puppy wiggles on her lap, settling down as she does. It’s too late to worry about any of that anyways, either this works or it doesn’t. Either they leave with a puppy today or someone else comes by to pick her up.

Ben gives her a second, before chuckling in her ear and rubbing her back. “Hey, she’s falling asleep in your lap sweetheart.”

Rey opens her eyes, slowly leaning back to get a look at the little thing. She’s completely passed out on Rey's thighs, curled up between her legs as Ben gently strokes the tan spot on her back with his fingers.

That’s cute as fuck. 

“We have to leave with this puppy, Ben. I am not letting her spend another night in this shelter. Can’t do it.”

Ben just laughs, kissing her temple as she leans into his shoulder and smiles against his arm. She knows this dog won’t belong to her, that she’ll only be a fleeting presence in it’s life if she’s  _ lucky _ , but it feels so good to help.

It feels good to know this dog is going to have somewhere to spend the holidays, and isn’t going to be alone.

It feels… fulfilling.

It feels kind of full circle.

«☆»

Somehow, after hours of waiting, Rey and Ben get approved to leave with the puppy. 

It’s a three hour long process, actually, and by the time they finally get going Ben has to wear his hat and cover the lower half of his face with his scarf so the family that came in behind them doesn’t realize who is currently trying to adopt a dog.

Rey holds the puppy as a volunteer slips a harness onto her, tightening it as Rey giggles and the puppy tries to lick her face. They’ll stop at a pet store on the way home, get her a proper collar and other necessities, but this will be enough to get them back to Manhattan.

Rey giggles as the puppy nips at her nose, massive paws laying heavy over her arm. The staff said she’ll end up being anywhere between fifty-five to a hundred pounds, which Rey thinks is crazy, but Ben didn’t even blink an eye at.

Apparently Chewie was seventy-five pounds, nearly trampled a little kid once.

Rey just looked down at the puppy after he said that, hardly believing this little thing could be capable of excited child trampling one day.

She yips at Rey again, as Ben finishes signing the papers and hands over his credit card for the adoption fee. She watches as he pulls out his checkbook from his back pocket, which he doesn’t normally carry but Rey knows he brought today, quickly scribbling down a donation and tucking it into the empty donation box before anybody notices. Rey doesn’t even want to know how much it was for, although she proudly squeezes his arm with the hand that isn’t currently supporting eleven pounds of puppy.

Said puppy then tries to bite at his bicep, as he makes a face at her. 

«☆»

The puppy pees in the pet store, twice. 

The first time is when Ben is looking at dog food options, trying to figure out what the absolute  _ best _ brand of dog food is for this little monster. She decides just to pop a squat and pee right in the middle of the aisle, Rey laughing hysterically as Ben squawks at her in embarrassment and tries to tell her that she can’t just do that, and that  _ isn’t appropriate, puppy _ ! They asked her if she needed to go five minutes earlier, and she responded by trying to eat the bush outside instead of doing her business.

Rey cleaned it up, Ben holding the tiny criminal and petting her back as he blushed hard enough to give a tomato a run for its money.

The second time was by the collars, when Ben set her down for  _ five seconds _ to grab a nice black leather collar while Rey examined the patterned ones. She was set on not letting Ben put her in black, and when they held up their collar options for her, to let the little thing pick, they realized she made her opinion perfectly clear by peeing and then stepping all up in it. 

Ben had to clean that one up, Rey wiping off the puppies paws as she wagged her tail and stared up at the duo. On the plus side, now Rey has an incredible photo of Ben wiping up dog piss and giving the camera the middle finger.

Which she promptly texted to Finn and Hux, who are both now campaigning for it to go on his instagram. Ben says no, and it doesn’t look like he’s going to budge. Unfortunately.

They compromised on the collar, a teal leather with gold accents, and bought puppy shampoo and lots of puppy pads for Ben's place. 

They also bought toys, and treats, and anything else she might need for the next couple days. Including a dog bed, which Leia approved of over text.

They are set up for puppy-gedon, which is what Ben is calling this whole experience. 

He emailed the HOA on the way back, too, because he completely forgot to do that. Although, he’s pretty sure nobody is going to mind this eleven pound ball of chaos crashing with them for the next couple days. She fits within the weight restriction, for now.

But that’s exactly what she is, an eleven pound ball of absolute chaos. Ben and Rey are trying their best to puppy proof his apartment, hiding cords and cables, making sure all books are up and off the ground, moving blankets and pillows…

But apparently anything within mouths reach is fair game, the two quickly learn, as she starts nibbling on the leg of one of Ben's  _ nice _ chairs. Somehow she found a paper bag, too, and tore that to shreds while Ben went out to the deli to pick up lunch and Rey took a shower.

They make a rule not to leave her alone in the apartment until she’s more well behaved, and until she learns that she can’t go chewing on everything she pleases.

Rey realizes puppies are fucking exhausting, it’s no wonder none of her foster families ever had dogs.

She leans back on the couch, Ben following the little pup around the apartment as she explores this new space. “Babe, I really think she’s fine. I don’t think she’s going to do anything right now.”

He puts his finger up, waggling it in the air as he follows her into their bedroom. “Ah, you say that, but I swear to god, the second I turn around she’s going to get into trouble. She knows I’m watching her, she knows what I’m doing. She’s a smart fucking dog.”

Rey just giggles, watching Ben come back out of the bedroom as he stares at the floor. She can’t see the puppy over the top of her laptop as she types, but she can see Ben staring at the puppy. Maybe they should tie a balloon to her or something, so they always know where she is.

Ah, who is she kidding. The puppy would certainly try to eat it. Then a vet visit would be imminent, and Rey  _ really _ wants to avoid that right now.

“We need a name for her.” Rey hums, leaning her head back as Ben looks up at her from the kitchen. “Just a temporary name, until Christmas. We need something to call her.”

Ben sighs, setting his hands on his hips as he stares down at her. “What would you like us to call you, girlie?”

She doesn’t make a sound, but Ben's face twists in concern as Rey watches him. “What are you- No, no. Puppy no!” 

Rey watches as he bends down and picks up the puppy in pure distress, rushing her across the room and to a puppy pad by the front door. He drops her with a groan, muttering something about ruining the fucking hardwood as he goes to the sink to wash his hands and grab paper towels. 

Rey just giggles, watching as Ben takes a deep breath and he laughs into the sink at the absurdity of the situation they’ve gotten themselves into. What a fucking day.


	38. Winter - XI

The puppy cries all night, howling and barking from the bathtub in Ben’s bathroom. They set her up in there when they turned off the lights, trying to minimize the time she has to be alone, but she doesn’t seem to understand that this is just until morning. That she’s fine, and safe, but she just needs to stay in the bathroom until she’s a little more well behaved.

Rey sighs, tossing and turning as she tries to block out the dogs pitiful howls. They’ll have to write an apology note to the neighbors explaining the situation, and she’s definitely going to give her lots of cuddles and treats in the morning, but they have to do this. They have to let her sort this out herself.

Rey turns to look at Ben, mouth open and arm slung around her waist in his sleep. He isn’t sleeping well, she knows, because he twists and turns every time the puppy gets particularly loud. It’s a miracle he hasn’t woken up yet.

Rey groans, as the puppy howls again. She can’t do this, listening to her cry is driving her nuts and it’s hitting somewhere that’s a little too close to home for her. It’s too human, too similar to the fear she had when she was put in a new foster house and felt so fucking  _ alone _ . 

It’s astonishing she’s let this go on for so long, really.

She gets up out of bed, stumbling over to the bathroom in the dark and opening the door as she tries to avoid tripping and waking Ben up. The puppy just continues to cry as Rey turns on the light, whining as she reaches down to scratch her head and check up on her in the bathtub.

Rey pets her ears, rubbing under her own eyes with her other hand, as the puppy tries to scramble out of the white bath. She can see where the puppy pads have been scratched away from the edges of the enamel in her desperate attempt at escape, bunched up in the corner of the basin. She  _ really _ doesn’t want to be stuck in here, apparently.

The puppy whines again, and Rey picks her up with a heavy sigh.

“It’s okay, you’re okay.” She hums, hugging the puppy as it continues to sadly whine and nuzzle against Rey. It cozies up under her neck, scratching at her chest as she adjusts her grasp on the dog with a wince. Claws, the dog has some  _ sharp _ claws.

“You wanna hang out for a while? Then we can try again?” She yawns, the puppy huffing against her skin and continuing to wiggle in an attempt to get closer. The whole bundle is surprisingly sharp, teeth and claws digging into her skin when she least expects it.

She pets the puppy's back as they walk back into the bedroom, Rey turning off the bathroom light behind her. She crawls back into bed as Ben calls out her name, a quiet “Rey?” slipping between his lips as he lifts an arm up for her to crawl under so she can sit up against his side. 

“What’s going on?”

“Puppy wouldn’t stop crying, I know we said we wouldn’t let her on the furniture but I had to do something. It was breaking my heart, Ben.”

He nods, she can feel him against her waist before he sits up and pulls them both to his chest. The puppy chews on the hem of Reys sleep shirt, as Ben sighs against her neck. His nose pushes against her skin, as she tilts her head for him.

They just sit there in silence for a while, Ben holding her tight as the puppy explores Rey's lap and chews on the tie of Ben's sleep pants. He doesn’t stop her, though, he’s too tired.

“If she pees on the bed, you’re changing the sheets.” He groans, smiling against Rey's skin as she laughs. 

“Happily.” She sighs, kissing him as he pushes his forehead against hers.

She’s just happy that the dog is finally  _ quiet. _

«☆»

The puppy doesn’t pee on the bed, partly due to Rey making sure she went before they fell asleep and that she didn’t drink anymore water after, which means Ben wakes up to a puppy kissing his face at the crack of dawn for the first time in  _ years _ . Somehow, the little thing wheedled herself between his chest and his girlfriend, head propped up on a pillow and fluffy body _ tucked into _ the blankets.

Ben realizes she is a princess, stretching out across his sheets and demanding attention as soon as the sun rises.

She bites his nose with her needle teeth, and Ben yelps. Rey startles next to him as he rubs the tip of his nose, pulling his fingers away to make sure she didn’t draw blood. “You can’t do that, puppy.” He groans, Rey giggling as she crawls closer to him. The puppy rolls on her back as Rey rubs her belly, eyeing Ben over the mountain of fluff that is her stomach. 

The puppy yawns, stretching her paws up into the air as the two laugh.

“We found the only dog in the city who wants to be tucked in at night.” Ben groans, Rey wrapping her arms around the little thing. Tugging her close, as Ben grins.

“Oh, but she’s so cute!” Rey giggles, letting the dog kiss her face. “She’s  _ such _ a good girl.”

Ben just laughs, rolling out of bed and picking the puppy up and out of Reys grasp as she whines. He sets her on the ground, near a puppy pad, as he looks around the room. “I need to take her outside, and I need to get to the gym.” He yawns, as Rey groans and sets her face back against her pillow. “You two will be okay until I get back? Need anything while I’m out?”

Rey hums, holding a hand in the air as Ben starts rifling through his dresser for his gym clothes. “Yes, bagels. No, muffin. Muffins and bagel.” 

Ben laughs as Rey spouts nonsense about muffins and bagels, confusing herself in the process. “I want the thing, with the chocolate chips. Not a cookie, not a bagel. Not a- maybe a muffin. Chocolate chip muffin. No. Chocolate chip bagel.”

Ben just stares at her, as she drops her arm and groans. He takes a second to think, what the hell is she talking about?

He snaps his fingers, as the puppy starts sniffing at his foot. “Do you want the chocolate chip banana bread from down the street?”

“ _ Yes. _ ” She gasps, stretching out across the bed. “Yes please, it’s so good!” 

Ben laughs, reaching over and kissing her shoulder blade before he gets dressed. He will get her all of the chocolate chip banana bread she wants, for as long as she’ll let him.

He looks down at the puppy, now trying to nip at his toes. First things first though, they need to get outside before  _ someone _ decides to throw a fit.

«☆»

Rey wakes up to banana bread and puppy kisses, after Ben leaves for the gym and the yet to be named puppy takes her first nap of the day. She smells like dog food, and Rey realizes with a note on her nightstand that Ben fed her before he left.

She follows Rey out into the living room, exhausted from all of the excitement of getting adopted, and starts chewing on a dog toy as Rey watches from the couch and opens her laptop.

The puppy sinks her teeth into the toy, making it squeak as Rey digs into her banana bread. Yeah, she could get used to this. 

Easily.


	39. Winter - XII

Ben continues to send his mother photos and videos of the puppy over the course of the next couple days, including when Rey finally got her to respond to the sit command after learning how to teach it on YouTube. 

Rey does a little happy dance whenever the puppy follows a command correctly, although she really only  _ kind of _ knows how to sit right now.

His mother texts him back as he rests with her on the couch, some Christmas movie he’s only half paying attention to on the tv. It is Christmas Eve, after all, and this seems like a good enough way to celebrate the day. Not a bad way to pass the time, not at all.

His phone vibrates, and he picks it up as Rey reaches down to let the puppy sniff her hand from where she’s napping on the floor.

**Ben, do me a favor, and keep her around.**

He chuckles, as Rey turns up to him. “Whatcha looking at?” She hums, beaming as Ben smiles back. She’s still in her pajamas, the same ones she was wearing in the video, with the pink flannel cats all across the pants. She looks kind of ridiculous, but in the best way possible.

“Nothing.” He sighs, undoing her bun and running his hand through her soft brown hair. Nothing she needs to worry about, at least.

She sighs against his chest, as he rubs her shoulder and she stretches out across his body. Yeah, nothing she needs to worry about at all.

He texts his mom back, smiling as he types with one hand.

_ Trust me, I have no plans on letting this one go. I think we’re stuck with her. _

He looks down at Rey, setting his phone down as he realizes, for the first time since he cut contact with his parents, he’s having an  _ actual _ conversation with his mom.

A real conversation, not just making plans or asking for advice on what to get the others for the holidays. 

And he wouldn’t have done it without her. He really wouldn’t have done it without her.

He is a very lucky man.


	40. Winter - XIII

Ben spends the first half of Christmas Day freaking out about the second half of Christmas Day.

He and Rey woke up with the puppy, who hasn’t slept in the bathtub since that first failed attempt, on Ben's chest. He had been wondering why it felt like something was crushing him, before he realized that a certain _dog_ had decided to make his chest her home and a certain _girl_ was slowly transferring her entire body weight onto his. It was like everybody had suddenly decided he was their personal cuddling machine, and he was just a slave to their will. Not that he was complaining, or anything.

He woke them both up after a couple minutes, the puppy yawning directly into his mouth as Rey squeezed him tighter and scratched at his shirt.

He is not looking forward to when they go back to LA, and this is no longer his reality. He has gotten too used to this domestic life, it fit him too quickly. 

He doesn’t think he wants to go back.

Maybe he should look into getting a dog with Rey, next fall. Will sets allow him to bring a dog with them? Would Hux be able to make that happen?

Who is he kidding, Hux can make miracles happen. If anybody can figure out how to make that work, it’s Hux.

He made sure they both got up after that, letting Rey take the dog out to do her business while he pulled her presents out of his suitcase.

Yes, she told him not to buy her anything. No, he did not listen. Ben accepts that as his reality.

In his defense, Rose told _him_ that Rey was buying him something after they made the agreement not to exchange gifts. He wasn’t about to let her buy something for him and not let him return the favor, that was an impossibility. He wasn’t about to let that happen.

That’s not to say she didn’t freak out when she came back upstairs and saw the presents he placed under the little tree, entire body flushing a pretty shade of pink as she squeaked in indignation at him and stomped on the floor.

She set the puppy free in the living room, begrudgingly fetching her own gifts from her suitcase as Ben made breakfast and sipped his coffee. 

She got him a pair of sun and moon shaped cufflinks, that Rose helped her pick out to go with his globes suit, and an immersion blender. She said he wouldn’t stop talking about it, and she only bought it to get him to shut up.

He instantly started thinking of all the smoothies and soups he could make without having to labor over a traditional blender. It’s the best gift anyone has ever given him, because he _never_ would have made the leap and bought one for himself. It’s not entirely practical, after all, and he doubts his old blender will go out anytime soon-

He quietly passed his gifts to her over breakfast, starting with a necklace and a pair of earrings for when she finally starts going to fancy events with him. He wanted to go with her birthstone, which is April, but as soon as he googled it and realized it was diamond he backed off.

He went with opal instead, because it’s still somewhat regarded as an April birthstone, and reflects blues and pinks. It’s much more in line with Rey's tastes, he thinks, and he seems to have been right.

If the quiet gasp and the whisper of his name had been any indication, at least.

He won’t tell her he had the pieces custom made, that he started having them designed two months ago. It would’ve freaked her out, to find out that he went through all that work to find the right gift for her. To find only the _best_ for her.

That he was certain they were going to be here, still together and excitedly looking towards the future, back in October.

She didn’t put them on, hardly touching them because she was so overwhelmed. He is _so_ glad he followed his instincts and didn’t go with the diamond. 

He also got her a new pair of yellow sneakers, because hers are scuffed and worn to hell and back, and a Daphne blue leather tote for her school supplies so she can stop using that awful black backpack. She says she’s going to clip her fuzzy keychain on it, and Ben isn’t surprised _or_ going to stop her.

She thinks it’ll be fun, if anything, to clip a five dollar keychain to a hundred and fifty dollar bag. A big fuck you to fashion, which Ben is slowly becoming more and more fond of doing.

She kissed him in thanks for spoiling her a little, although she said not to make a habit of it.

Ben said he wouldn’t make any promises, and for the first time she didn’t try and stop him. 

«☆»

The walk over to his parents house took about twice as long as usual, due to the puppy. She insisted on sniffing everything she could get her nose into, and about three blocks in she decided that she was over the whole walking thing and that she wanted to lie down in the middle of the concrete sidewalk and cry. 

Ben just stared at her, belly-up on the cold concrete and letting out big sighs, as Rey giggled at the absurdity of this whole situation. 

He ended up just picking her up in one arm, and carrying her the rest of the way. Rey kept on checking on her to make sure she wasn’t cold, and Ben kept on having to reassure her that the puppy was fine. She has a built in winter coat, and her paws aren’t touching the icy ground anymore. As long as they continue to keep her out of the slush, everything will be fine.

The little thing fell asleep in his arms after that, Rey absentmindedly scratching under the red bow they tied onto her collar as she adjusted the bag of puppy things and presents under her arm. The bag of toys and treats and even the bed that they’re moving from Ben's place to the Solo household.

But it is freezing out, the tip of Ben's nose baring the worst of the frost as he sniffles a little. Rey is faring much better now that she’s had some time to adjust and get used to the weather, but even she curls a hand under his bicep in the search for warmth today. 

He adjusts the dog in his arms, as they slowly approach his parents' brownstone. He stops on the sidewalk, below the steps, to gain some courage before ringing the doorbell.

His heart pounds in his chest, worse than the first time they came here, although he doesn’t know why.

“You want me to do it?” Rey hums, as Ben quickly nods. He looks up at the bare trees above them, snow desperately trying to cling onto their empty branches as the sun breaks through the clouds and softens the ice. 

He sighs, and takes a deep breath.

Yeah, okay, they can do this.

She jogs up the steps, pulling on Ben's free hand to get him to follow closely. He stays a step behind her as she rings the doorbell, adjusting the bags in her arms. And silently Ben wishes they could just avoid the awkwardness of this altogether and move on with their lives. He _really_ doesn’t want to confront his father, even if he comes bearing gifts-

His mother opens the door first, the puppy wiggling in Ben's arms as he nervously smiles and the little one wakes up from her nap. She yawns with a loud whine as Ben holds her tighter, not letting her worm out of his grasp quite yet despite her obvious excitement at potentially making a new friend.

His heart continues to pound, as he awkwardly tries to grin and forget the circumstances of his last visit.

He watches as Rey hugs his mom in greeting, and she helps with the bags they brought and quickly ushers them both inside. “Ben, your father is in the backyard with Luke. Don’t ask me why.” She hums, grumbling under her breath about _guy stuff._

Ben just huffs in response, Rey laughing as she opens the bag and starts pulling out the wrapped gifts for his mother and uncle, leaving the dog things behind. “Does Han have any clue we’re doing this?” She giggles, smiling as Ben stares down at her.

He can practically feel the excitement coming off of her in waves, the energy in her hands as she laughs and starts undoing her parka. It calms him, in an odd way, to know she wants this in the same way he does.

God, he is so in love with her. Absurdly in love with her. The kind that terrifies him if he thinks about it too much. Because she makes him feel so right, because he doesn’t know what he would do without her. Because he wouldn’t have it any other way-

Rey turns up to him, asking him a question that goes in one ear and right out the other. Shit, fuck. “What?” He hums, tilting his head as she laughs. 

He vaguely hears his mother laughing as well, as he bites back a smile.

Rey reaches out and takes the puppy from him. “You need to get that coat and hat off, you’re dripping water all over the floor.” She whispers, starting to undo the puppy’s harness as his mother coos over the little thing.

“Oh my goodness, she’s so cute.” Leia sighs, as Ben slips off his coat and sits down to untie his shoes. He chuckles as his mom squishes the dogs face between her fingers, and the puppy stretches out in response to try and reach up towards her new owner. “She’s even cuter in person, Han is going to _love_ her.”

“She’s a total princess, for the record.” Ben pipes up, tugging off his shoes as Rey hands the puppy off to Leia and sits down to do the same. “She’ll cry, and cry, and cry until someone picks her up and holds her when she gets lonely. She thinks she’s a lap dog.” 

His mom laughs, as he tucks his shoes under the bench he’s currently sitting on. He reaches down to help Rey undo her laces as well, just for the sake of time, as the dog's tail starts thwapping against his mothers cardigan.

Rey can tie and untie her own shoes just fine, he knows, but they need to do this fast.

Puppies aren’t particularly _good_ at staying quiet, after all.

The back door opens as Ben stands again, pulling Rey up with him. His mother practically shoves the puppy back in his arms, as she excitedly turns to the back of the house. “I’m going to go and distract them, you two come in whenever. Oh! And we also have cookies.” 

She reaches up and pulls Ben's face down to hers, kissing his cheek as he squawks in alarm. She runs off and shouts at her husband and her brother about not dragging snow into the house _again_ as Ben sighs, mentally preparing himself for today. 

He turns back down to Rey, exhaling as she reaches up to wipe the lipstick mark off of his cheek with her thumb as he mutters his thanks.

She pats his arm reassuringly, before going back to the bag she was carrying and starting to pull out the rest of the gifts. He watches, helplessly, as she stacks them in her arms and turns to him. “You ready to do this?” She hums, soft hazel eyes filled with hope and gentleness. Gentleness that Ben does _not_ deserve right now.

He looks down at the puppy in his arms, currently tilting her head back as far as it will go to try to eat her bow. Yeah, they can do this.

Rey fixes it for her, as Ben nods. It’s now or never, and it’s not like he can return a fucking puppy. Too late to turn tail.

_Litter-ally._

He lets Rey lead the way, sticking her head out and into the living room as Ben waits behind her. He watches as she sneaks over to the tree, unopened gifts still piled high at it’s base, and tucks their contribution underneath along with the rest of the silver wrapped packages.

She hurries back to him, Ben looking up as his father goes on and on about a broken branch from the dying tree in the backyard that he’s particularly worried about. His mother tries to fix his hair for him in the meanwhile, pushing snow from his shaggy gray hair and leaving his back turned to Ben, as he complains about how it’s definitely going to fall and hurt somebody at some point. 

Luke just points at the dog as he holds a half eaten chocolate chip cookie in his hand, making all sorts of frantic motions as Ben rolls his eyes. It’s just a dog. He needs to grow up. Christ-

Ben clutches the puppy closer, like some sort of fluffy shield, as he motions for his uncle to zip his mouth shut and stay quiet for once in his life. He watches as Rey gives the puppy a once over, adjusting her in his arms as he impatiently shifts on his feet. 

She gives him a thumbs up and steps back, as Ben tries to figure out how they’re going to do this without giving his dear old dad a heart attack.

Said puppy neatly solves that problem for him by impatiently yapping, making her presence known as Han turns around with a freaked out, “What the fuck?” and he jumps nearly a foot in the air.

“Merry Christmas.” Ben uneasily smiles, voice cracking as he pats the dogs back and his father gives him a confused once over. Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck. This had been an awful idea. 

Ben wants to fucking evaporate off of the face of the earth.


	41. Winter - XIV

In hindsight, Ben realizes he had been expecting one of three reactions from his father.

A) Freak out and yell at Ben, get into a massive argument with him over what he’s done, and then pretend like he doesn’t care about this very sweet dog. By the end of the night, he knows he would have fallen in love with her, but that initial fight would have set an awful tone for the rest of the day. 

Ben would have had to go home, but Rey could have stayed. The argument would have been born out of old frustrations and angers, not new ones. Just pent up emotions and old wounds getting reopened.

B) His father would immediately fall in love with her, pick her up, and never let Ben near her again. Say some witty remark about “saving” her from Ben and his movie star lifestyle, and ignore him for the rest of the night. Turn his nose up at his son and dedicate the very few fatherly instincts he has towards taking care of this puppy.

Said puppy wouldn’t care, she would just be happy to be getting attention.

C) Quietly thank Ben, ask who’s idea it was, and then give Rey all of the (probably deserved) credit. Nothing would change between them, and neither of them would talk about it afterwards. The new reality would stick, and it would be much similar to the old one.

What Ben wasn’t expecting to happen was for his father to tilt his head, point at the dog, and confusedly ask, “Why the fuck are you holding a dog, kid?”

Ben turns to Rey, unhelpfully taking an offered cookie from Luke and busying herself with picking out the walnuts that he knows she doesn’t like.

“Uh, it was Rey's idea.” He panics, pointing at her as he freaks out. She chokes on the cookie she’s shoved in her mouth, turning around as Luke pats her back. “She thought you might like having a dog around again, because it’s been awhile since Chewie passed, and Mom and I agreed. Anyways, Merry Christmas. Here’s a dog.”

He adjusts her in his arms as he blabbers. It’s hardly the most eloquent he’s ever been, and he’ll blame that on the stress of the situation, but the look on his fathers face  _ is _ pretty priceless. 

They just kind of stare at each other, his father scratching the back of his head before turning to his mother. “You were in on it?” He hums after a moment, pointing at Ben and the dog. She nods, rubbing his back in firm circles as he takes a second to process. “I thought you said-“

“It was time, Han. You’ve been miserable without a buddy, and you’re always talking about how nice it is that the city is becoming more dog  _ friendly _ . Ben and Rey picked her out, and they went all the way to  _ Brooklyn _ to pick her up. Isn’t that sweet?” 

She pats him twice on the back, clearly trying to pull a reaction out of him, as Ben sweats despite the winter weather.

Ben steps forward, suddenly nervous to let any empty air form between them. If he can keep his dad from speaking, then he can hopefully avoid getting into an argument. Right? “She’s ten weeks old.” He hums, handing her off to his father. “She’s a mutt, has some Bernese Mountain Dog and Great Pyrenees in her. She’s really sweet, but her teeth are really sharp right now. She has a lot of energy, and will get into anything you leave out. She’s already destroyed three of my socks-”

Rey giggles to his left, as Ben steps back and she moves under his arm. “Calm down, darling.” She whispers, patting his stomach as she guides him a little further back.

Ah, yes, they probably should give his dad a second to process. A second to understand what’s happening. 

He turns to Leia, beaming. “She’s  _ heavy. _ ” He laughs, as the puppy happily pants up at him and grins. 

Ben gets the sudden feeling these two are going to get along just fine.

«☆»

The puppy is exactly the icebreaker Rey thought she would be, bounding around the living room and not-so-helpfully helping everybody open their gifts with her very sharp puppy teeth. It turns out Leia actually waited for the two of them to show up before they did presents, only mildly upset when Ben and Rey revealed that they already exchanged gifts at home.

They all seemed surprised to find out that Rey got Ben an immersion blender, and that he has an interest in cooking. Apparently he ate frozen pizzas for a year in college, practically lived on them.

Ben scoffed and said that he'd at least like to  _ think _ his palate has become a little more refined over the years, and when his mother tells him that  _ he’s _ cooking the next time they’re all together he puts his hands in the air and agrees. Happily.

The puppy then stole his sock right off of his foot and Rey laughed at him as he chased her around the house and halfway up the stairs to get it back. She put a hole right through the toe, because of course she did, and Rey just watched as he carried her under his left arm and he held up the evidence with his right as his father laughed.

He set her down, and she then decided to get stuck under the couch no less than twenty minutes later.

Rey had to go in after her when she started howling midway through Luke telling a story about a pair of neon red sneakers Ben owned as a kid, of which Rey later realizes she never heard the end of. Because Ben had to lift up the end of the couch with Han, while Rey crawled after her and tugged her out by the back paws, before they even got halfway through it.

She is a mess, absolutely more trouble than anybody anticipated, but she eventually calms down and falls asleep on Han’s lap a couple hours later as he leans back in his chair. She kind of throws herself over his legs, completely unaware that she might wake up with a stiff neck as she sighs and yips in her sleep.

Han falls asleep shortly after that, snoring in tune with her as Leia groans into her hands and quietly asks if she should pinch his nose and wake him up or not.

They decide against it, letting him rest as Ben grabs everybody’s stockings and passes them out with only a little bit of teasing from Luke about still being the baby of the family.

That’s when Rey really gets a good look at it, the stocking Leia picked out for her. It’s a light gray with little pink pom poms across the top. 

It isn’t nearly as full as Bens, which is in a matching gray and navy, but they both have their names scrawled across the lip in fancy embroidery. 

It’s more than anybody has ever done for her before, really.

This all is.

She watches as Ben fumbles with his, pulling out two pairs of nice black socks. He whispers a quiet “Thank god” under his breath as she giggles, leaning against his shoulder as he continues to pull out a gift card for Starbucks and some chocolate he tucks back in to save for later. Rey hadn’t actually been expecting to receive anything from the Solos, or Skywalkers, but the family had apparently decided to try and include her in on the festivities before they even knew who she was. Mothers intuition, Leia said.

Ben just groaned at that, muttering something about her finally finding something motherly inside of her three decades too late as Rey silently pinched the inside of his thigh in admonishment until he yelped and they had to play it off like him twisting his hip weird. Which is to his uncle's delight, who says Ben is now an  _ old man _ like the rest of them.

Ben hates it. Ben is  _ not _ an  _ old man. _

But honestly, Rey would have been pleased as punch to just help Ben open his gifts. Especially since they included a pair of duck slippers that quack every time he takes a step. He’s already threatened to eviscerate them, muttering profanities every time Rey tucks them back on his feet and he kicks them off again.

Rey had been planning on stealing those, to be completely clear, before Luke surprised her with her own pair. They quietly quack as she kicks her feet together and she pulls her own pair of pink socks out of the stocking, laughing as she realizes they have various fun fruit patterns on them.

“I asked Ben what type of socks you might like, and he said, and I quote ‘anything a five year old might wear.’ Leia hums, sighing as she sips on her tea and Rey turns to Ben with a gasp. How  _ dare _ he!

He ducks behind her, gently kissing behind her ear. The gesture is hidden enough where his parents can’t see, but she can feel it as he laughs against the back of her neck, where her spine meets her shoulder blades. Just for her, a little gesture just meant for  _ her _ .

He chuckles, as she lightly smacks his chest with the back of her hand. “You can be  _ so _ mean sometimes, you know that?” She hums, beaming as he grins down at her and nods. Jerk.

She turns to Leia, quickly thanking her as Ben just continues to chuckle behind her. She feels his arms slowly snake around her middle. “You should see her desk at work,” he hums, stretching to grab his own mug of hot chocolate from the table next to them. “It’s toned down now that she’s sharing it with a coworker, but she has a  _ collection _ of sparkly stickers, and this pen-“

“You like my fuzzy pens! And they match the erasers I got last month!”

Ben just scoffs, leaning back against the couch as she tucks herself between his body and the cushion. She squirms as she tries to wedge herself between his chest and the fabric, searching for body heat. He moves his arm in response, so she can rest her head on his bicep as he sips. “They’re distracting, I have no idea how you get any work done-“

“They’re fun! And I am a perfectly competent employee!” She laughs, swallowing her smile as his mother and his uncle gently laugh with them.

Ben just scoffs under his breath, a quiet “ _ competent _ ” slipping between his lips as she slaps his chest again and sighs.

“She also owns, I swear to god, the ugliest pair of sunglasses you’ve ever seen-“

“Ben!” Rey squeals, half tempted to kick him out of his own parents house. God, he’s- spilling all of her secrets! Who does he think he is!

He just grins at her, dimples deepening as he chuckles and she fights the urge to kiss that stupid smirk off of his face. Fine, okay, whatever. She knows the glasses are ugly, he just doesn’t have to be a complete  _ dick _ about it.

She reflects on this for a moment. Why she even likes him. She slowly remembers as he beams, crooked teeth shimmering white as he grins at her. Ah, yes, that’s right. He’s  _ her _ dick.

Jesus.


	42. Winter - XV

Leia sends them home with leftovers, more than they could ever hope to eat in the week they have left in the city. They’ll be digesting mashed potatoes, and turkey, and green beans until they puke. It’s wonderful.

Rey flops down on Ben's couch with a groan as soon as they get back, though, curling up as he chuckles and peels off his outerwear at the door. She hasn’t even bothered, retreating farther into the hood of her parka as she groans.

He comes over to pull off her shoes, as she wiggles and squirms just to be difficult for him. He clamps his hand down on her thigh as he sits down, gently yanking her legs into his lap as she squeaks and kicks at his ribs in the process.

She closes her eyes as he works, wiggling her toes once they’re freed and her shoes hit the floor again. He pets her calves as she calms down, and she starts undoing the buttons of her parka to pull it off of her body as she sighs and lets her bones reheat a little. It will take at least another couple minutes for everything in her body to come back to normal temperatures, for her to feel human again, so she’ll try to luxuriate in the warmth of her jacket and her Ben shaped heater until then.

She feels a familiar weight settle on her toes, as Ben giggles by the end of her legs. She kicks her re-covered feet out, to see what he did.

Oh, the duck slippers. He tucked them back on her feet.

She rolls onto her side, pressing the little quackers against Bens stomach as his laughter gets louder. They sound off every time she applies pressure to the heel, quacking against his thighs and his side as they giggle. “These are… the most ridiculous shoes I’ve ever seen.” He sighs, Rey giggling and nodding in response.

She turns to catch his eye, as he shakes his head with a sigh. He runs a hand through his hair, like he’s in disbelief that they now own matching duck slippers that insist on squeaking every time they wear them. “I love them.” She admits, Ben snorting in response.

“Of course you do,” he sighs, grabbing her arms and helping her sit up. She starts to undo the last of her buttons, as Ben strokes her thighs. “And I love you.” He teases, placing a hand on the back of her neck and pulling her forward to kiss her nose. “Love you so much, love you so,  _ so _ much.”

Rey giggles, pausing in her efforts of getting undressed to grab his face and kiss him back. She sucks on his bottom lip, tugging off the rest of her parka and letting it drop to the floor before gently urging Ben over her body. He tastes like hot chocolate, peppermint, and sugar cookies.

He tastes like home.

She smiles as he braces himself above her with his arms, grinning as he rests his forehead against hers. He hasn’t had anything alcoholic to drink all day, straying far from the spiked eggnog that Han concocted, and instead opting for hot chocolate and coffee.

The act has not gone unnoticed by Rey, who appreciates him and his efforts to be better for her more than he could ever know. More than she could ever really  _ describe _ , really-

But she tried the eggnog, perhaps too much of the eggnog, and she is emboldened by the notes of something whiskey adjacent that;’s still kind of hanging onto the tip of her tongue. “I wanna spend every Christmas like this.” She hums, pecking him on the lips as he rubs his nose against hers. “I wanna spend every Christmas with you, every Hanukkah, every Thanksgiving and New Years. I want to spend the rest of my life like this.”

Ben beams at that, chuckling low under his breath as he gently kisses her again. “Okay.” He breathily sighs, slowly working his way to her neck. “You know what? I think I can make that happen.” He hums, smirk playing on his lips as he kisses the space under her ear and the edge of her jaw that always makes her gasp. “I think we can do that, sweetheart.”

Rey giggles, trailing her hands up his chest and settling on his shoulders. She tucks her fingers under the collar of his shirt as he groans, and she forgets she’s still wearing the stupid duck slippers as she locks her feet around his body to pull him closer to where she needs him.

They quack against his ass, and Ben jumps above her with a shocked shout. He turns to look at the perpetrators as he furrows his brow, like he could burn a hole through them just with his stare. “Fucking- shoes-“

He turns to try and wrestle them off of her feet, quacking against his booty as Rey giggles and tightens her grip on him. She grabs his face after a moment, turning his attention back to her as she smiles.

“The duck feet stay on during sex.”

Ben just groans, although Rey can see the smile on his face as he laughs. He buries his face in her neck as she giggles with him, his body settling on top of hers. “I- Christ, Rey-“

He doesn’t even finish his statement, the shoes shifting as Ben does and therefore setting off a new series of quacks. They seem insistent to be a part of this very personal, very silly moment between the two of them. 

He takes a second to think of a response, as Rey all but cackles in his embrace, and she pulls him closer.

“You are so lucky I love you.” He sighs, kissing her neck as she hums in affirmation. 

“I am so lucky you love me.” She giggles, kissing his temple as she starts toeing off her slippers.

Turns out, the duck feet do  _ not _ stay on during sex.

«☆»

“I think we should move in together.” Ben and Rey say at the same time, in separate parts of the apartment, doing different things.

Rey pokes her head out of the bedroom, as Ben folds a shirt to go in his suitcase from his place on the couch. They stare at each other through the doorway, not really saying anything for a second. 

Okay, creepy. Cool, good that they’re on the same page, but kind of creepy.

Ben continues folding, to keep his hands busy as his heart pounds.

“We should move in together, when we get back to LA. Or, well, you should move in with me because I’m closer to campus- and you already spend so much time there-“

“Yeah.” Rey hums, nodding exaggeratedly. “My lease isn’t up until May, and I’ll probably have to move back in with Rose and Kay after you start traveling-“

Shit, Ben has to work. He always forgets he has to go back to  _ work  _ at some point-

“But until then, yeah. We should move in together.” She hums, nervously leaning against the doorway. She crosses her arms as she takes a deep breath, quickly tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear before crossing said arms again. “I want to move in with you, if you’ll let me.”

Ben just nods, trying not to grin like an idiot. He had been mildly concerned when he realized things would just go back to  _ normal  _ when he and Rey got back to LA, her spending the weekends too far away from him and he constantly trying to squeeze every second of free time they have together for everything it’s got.

She quietly comes over to him, as he shifts so she can sit in his lap like she likes. Living with her these two weeks, waking up in the same bed, eating breakfast together, planning out their days and just being a domestic type of couple? Ben doesn’t think he can ever fully go back. He is too far gone, too far gone for Rey to ever go back to what was.

Ben realizes something has changed between them in New York, but in the best way possible.

She does exactly that, wrapping her arms around his neck as he holds her close. “I love you.” She whispers, pushing her face into his skin as he rubs her back.

“It’s not like you have that much to move anyways.” He teases, as she squeezes his arm. “I think you’ve moved most of your stuff into my place already, sweetheart. I think you’re already pretty settled in.”

Ben smiles as Rey giggles against him, nodding into his neck. It’s true, most of her stuff is already moved into his apartment. It’s not like she would have much else to temporarily transfer over anyways, maybe the rest of her clothes and some personal items…

He doesn’t really know, all he knows is that he doesn’t want to sleep in a bed without her ever again.

He knows that might not bode well for the future, but he doesn’t really care all that much as of right now. 

“I need a key.” She hums, pulling away from him and moving to play with his hair. He can feel it as she tucks some of the shorter pieces behind his ears. Because she works so hard, Ben has never needed to  _ give  _ her a key since he’s always free when she is. “You need to get me a key.”

“I will get you all the keys you want, Rey.”

She smiles at that, and it’s everything Ben could ever want. Like purified sunlight, Ben knows he would do absolutely anything to see that grin. The kind that makes her eyes scrunch up and her lips curl at the edges.

The things he would do for that smile are, quite frankly, shocking. He would do  _ anything _ to make her grin like that.

Luckily, it doesn’t seem to be too difficult these days. 


	43. Winter - XVI

New Years comes and goes, Ben and Rey hiding out in his apartment as parties rage downstairs. It’s oddly nice, to be in the center of the hurricane and to have absolutely nothing to do with the storm outside.

Ben had been invited to multiple exclusive events, invitations actually coming in through  _ snail-mail _ of all things a couple days before Christmas. Fancy cards decorated with gold accents, custom calligraphy that Ben lowly whistled at and admired, texts from Hux and Finn confirming that he got said cards and that he wouldn’t be making any surprise appearances.

Rey said that he should go, it’s important to start selling himself to award committees and directors. Ben said that being shoved in a room with too much money and too little Rey was not how he wanted to spend his night.

Rey just  _ awwed,  _ as Ben blushed something fierce from the kitchen as she worked on her laptop.

He is secretly getting sick of these people, slowly growing less content with the circles he used to run in. It was fun at first, being surrounded by all of this glamor and gold. Being treated like a false god, like he was more important and more interesting than anybody else in the room when he knew he was just a human dressed up in a plastic crown. Just a nice face people happened to think could act every once in a while.

Just a  _ thing _ , to a lot of them.

And then he met Rey, and realized how nobody could be more important than her. How unreal and bizarre his life was. How wrong it is that there are all of these important people, and nobody had thought to invite her. Because, well, if he is the star, then she is the dwarf star supernova circling around him and shifting his orbit. Burning brighter and hotter than anything he’s ever experienced, her gravity too strong for his pull as she pulls superheated hydrogen out of his system and starts to make him  _ chill out _ a little.

She is actively pulling him away from his old life, and it is an odd sense of relief to be free from the expectations and the pressure.

Maybe he  _ is _ getting old.

Maybe he’s just ready to leave that part of his life behind.

But Hux doesn’t question his decisions, as long as he promises not to do anything stupid without letting him know first.

Ben doesn’t think that’ll be a problem, because he hasn’t done anything wrong yet and they’re about five minutes till midnight  _ and _ he and the most beautiful love of his life are currently drinking something that tastes vaguely like cherry syrup and vodka as they lounge on the couch. 

Rey grabs the cup from him, taking a small sip of whatever the hell kind of jungle juice they made before passing it back to his waiting palms. They really should have tried to get dressed up, he slowly realizes. Sweatpants and ratty t-shirts are hardly festive New Years wear.

The tv channel comes back from commercial, uncaring about their current state of dress. The camera from a helicopter or something shows off Times Square, the thousands of people currently freezing their asses off with tall purple hats bouncing on their heads. How odd that they were just there last week, and how, if they wanted to, he could go right now and probably make it a couple minutes after midnight. Just in time for everyone to go home, or, conversely, for the party to really get started. 

Ben kind of knows it depends on the person.

She sets her head on his chest, closing her eyes with a sigh. “That tastes disgusting.” She hums, licking her lips as she claws at his shirt with gentle hands. She rubs her face against him in an attempt to wipe away the taste, Ben grumbling at her as she  _ licks _ the cotton to get the taste off of her tongue.

Ben just nods, with an affirmative hum. It is getting him very drunk very quickly, though, as they watch the clock tick down in the corner of the screen. Three minutes till midnight, and he is sufficiently floaty to not be worried about the next year and all the disasters it could bring.

In other words, it is doing its job. 

Ben watches as Rey scrambles for her phone as it buzzes, nearly falling off of the couch in the process. She giggles as she grabs it, Ben reaching down and securely grabbing her ass as he leans his head back and she checks her text messages. She obliges him, wiggling a little as he palms at her.

“I want… pizza.” He hums, trying to think of good hangover foods. A hangover food pre-hangover is a good idea, right? Negate the worst parts of the hangover?

Cause he is going to have an  _ awful _ headache tomorrow.

Rey nods, biting her thumb as she giggles at her phone. “Finn is wishing us a happy New Years, sent us a photo from his friend's place.” 

She examines it for a moment with focused eyes, as Ben lifts his head up to look. She turns to him with an angry gasp, her brow all furrowed and shocked. “They have cupcakes, Ben! I want cupcakes! I’m ordering us cupcakes, and pizza. We deserve it. You’re buying though, because I fucking hate you and your awful taste in sweets.”

He laughs, tilting his head back as he loudly roars into the empty air of his condo and his chest shakes with the effort. As he drops any sort of guard around himself, and he giggles once it’s over. 

He hasn’t laughed like that in  _ years _ . He has no clue why it happened now, although he doesn’t really  _ care- _

Despite his best efforts to conceal his true laugh, the loud booming one that he knows would terrify any strangers that might happen to hear, it makes it’s way through his shaking chest and into the living room once again. Shaking his entire body, as he rubs his eyes and laughs at this  _ absurd _ woman who will drive up his credit card bill with her drunken midnight cupcake cravings- 

Rey just giggles on top of him, curling closer against his chest as he quiets down into unrestrained giggles once more.

Ben suddenly knows why it happened now, why he can’t stop it any more.

For the first time in years, maybe, Ben Solo is  _ relaxed _ . 

And not just relaxed, lounging-by-the-pool-but-you-have-work-tomorrow-and-you-are-also-kind-of-worried-about-sunburns relaxed, but like  _ really _ relaxed. The kind where his whole body feels kind of weightless, soft and pliable and under no pressure. Warm and gooey, like melted chocolate or warm honey that’s been set out in the sun for a little too long. Where all of his muscles have loosened up, and he can finally just let go and let it pass over him because he is  _ safe _ -

Ben closes his eyes, letting it pass. Letting life quietly wash over him like a warm wave, as Rey absentmindedly nuzzles closer against his chest as he exhales everything out. All of the stress and the anger and the rage he’s been holding in for ten years.

He just lets it pass, because there’s really no reason to be holding any of that in anymore. Things are getting better with his parents, his dad texts him pictures of the  _ still _ unnamed puppy every couple of days. And he responds, Ben tries to respond and they try to have a conversation. It’s stilted, and weird, but they’re trying. They’re really trying.

And his mom calls, and she gave him some of his grandmother's recipes that he’s missed so much. He’s going to cook for her, when she comes to visit them in LA  _ if _ Ben gets nominated for the Oscars. He has to practice beforehand, he knows, but he never realized how similar their tastes were.

He never knew that his grandmother’s favorite cake was a pear cake, of all things. Ben didn’t even know that he wasn’t the only person in the family who even  _ likes _ pears, let alone baked them into cakes. 

And Luke is… being Luke about the whole situation. Gave the two of them an open ended invitation to his summer home in Santa Fe, where he’s apparently planning on retiring once he finds a protege to run the school. Easier on the joints, he said.

It almost sounded like he had been interviewing Rey at one point, but Ben put a stop to that real fucking quick. If he never sees that school again it will be too soon.

And he has Rey, above all else, who makes it easier. Who makes everything easier. Who makes life colorful, and exciting, and worth living. Who he doesn’t need to survive, but has made him a better man than he ever thought he had the capacity to be. Who, without trying, continuously pushes him and tests him to be a better version of himself. Who breaks the mold and pushes the boundaries of his life in the absolute best ways possible.

“You’ve never laughed like that before.” She hums, urging Ben to open his eyes again. He blinks once, twice, as she reaches up and places her hand on his cheek. “You should laugh like that more often, it’s beautiful.”

Beautiful is about the last word he would ever use to describe the ugly noises he makes, but he still glows under her praise because he had  _ needed _ to hear that.

He is beautiful to her, even with all the ugly bits.

She wiggles up his body, kissing him square on the mouth and squishing his face between her palms a little tightly. “I’m serious, beautiful. You’re so fucking beautiful.”

Ben kisses her, hardly giving her time to inhale before his lips are on hers. 

He vaguely realizes they’re counting down to midnight after a couple seconds, Rey pulling her lips off of his with a pop and staring at the tv as people cheer from outside. She tugs on his shirt, curling up with him as they drunkenly stare at the tv.

Seven.

It’s almost midnight.

Six.

He’s kind of already had his midnight kiss, although he doubts Rey would stop him if he tried again.

Five.

Ben realizes he could spend a thousand midnights kissing her and it still wouldn’t be enough. It would never be enough.

Four.

She curls up closer, and Ben wraps his arms around her torso to support her tired body.

Three.

He looks down and realizes she’s mouthing along, quietly counting down with the rest of the east coast.

Two.

He kisses her forehead, despite the fact she’s due for a shower.

One.

It’s midnight.

“Happy New Years, Ben.” She hums from his embrace, reaching up and cradling his face in her palm as their neighbors shout from next door. She examines him for a moment, as people whoop and holler from outside and Auld Lang Syne starts playing.

They lean down to meet each other, in a chaste but loving kiss.

“Happy New Years, Rey.” He sighs in response, before kissing her again. She tastes like the alcohol, as she strokes his face and slides him more tongue than might be strictly necessary for this type of situation.

Not that he minds, though. He never minds.

She giggles and pulls away from him, lacing her hands behind his neck and sighing. “Thank you, for doing this with me. For being with me. I don’t think the words exist for me to properly express how I feel about you these days.”

Ben just smiles, touching his forehead to hers with a grin. “Ditto.” He laughs, as she chuckles and kisses his nose. She brings his face to hers, tucking him under her neck.

And then she just holds him, curled up on the couch and listening to the world rage out their window and through the walls. Ben closes his eyes as he listens to her heartbeat, the way it steadily pounds in her chest like a drumbeat, solid and clear and  _ alive _ . 

This is all he’s ever wanted, all he ever could want. Even if he’s scared for what this year might bring, he knows that at least he’s bringing it in the right way.

It’s the best New Years Ben has ever had, even if he wakes up on the couch with a sore neck and an awful hangover in the morning.

How could he want anything different?


	44. Winter - XVII

The next couple days are a whirlwind, with a three day turnaround to get back to LA and get Ben's unprepared ass to the Golden Globes.

On the first of January they fly back to LA, all three of the returning passengers hungover beyond belief and exhausted. Finn is barely keeping it together, wearing a pair of Reys sunglasses and groaning every time he has to turn on his phone to check the time. Poor thing is  _ not _ handling his post-party syndromes well.

Rey and Ben aren’t faring much better, in all honesty, the former huddled up in one of the latter’s sweatshirts and trying to focus on the quiet music she has pumping through her earbuds on the way back. She makes sure to drink lots of water on the plane, and her neighbor blessedly falls asleep thirty minutes into the flight, and he stays that way as she tries to nurse herself back to health.

Ben, meanwhile, just looks like death as he uneasily tries to write something out on his phone. He doesn’t think he’ll win, because there is  _ such _ a low chance for his age range, but he had a sudden spike of nervousness this morning when he realized that he  _ might _ . That it is a possibility.

Not that he will, there’s a pattern with male actors all being at least thirty before they receive any type of recognition on that level, but there is a  _ chance _ .

So now he’s nervously writing, and erasing, and rewriting what she thinks might be his speech.

His screen is still blank when they land back in LA at ten PM, and Hux picks them up from the airport.

They all pile into his car, Ben and Rey taking the backseat as Finn takes the front. “You all look like shit.” The redhead spits, looking into the rearview mirror as Ben huffs and gives him the middle finger.

“Ben! The man just drove all the way out here to pick us up! Be nice!” Rey admonishes, lowering his hand and lacing her fingers with his. The statement sounds harried, even to her own ears, as Ben groans and leans his head against the window. She mouths a quick sorry to Hux, who just chuckles and shakes his head at the two with a shit-eating grin on his face.

“Don’t worry,” he sighs, pulling out of the pickup area of the secret section of the airport, “I can deal with a little sass from Mr. Movie Star here. We’ve put up with worse, huh  _ buddy _ ?”

He says it with a mocking tone, meant to aggravate, as Ben grunts and Finn sighs in response. 

This time Rey gives him the middle finger, before closing her eyes and leaning her own head against the opposite window. Hux laughs as she draws the hood of her sweatshirt up and over her head as she yawns. Prick.

«☆»

Ben is immediately ushered into a fitting on the second day, hardly having time to rest after landing back home and getting resettled in. They don’t even get to sleep until one in the morning, after showers are taken, food is eaten, schedules are gone over, and bags are kind of half unpacked.

And then Rose shows up at six, knocking at Ben's door an hour before Maz arrives with a clean change of clothes for Rey and a second set of eyes to make sure the apartment doesn’t show any sign of her presence. That she’s  _ really actually kind of  _ been living here with Ben for a couple months already.

She also brings Dio with her, well plant-sat by the girls during Rey's trip.

Rose gently giggles as Rey kicks all of her clothes into the closet, and Ben continues to snore on their bed. He’s gone all starfish-like on her, head buried under a pillow and limbs stretched out across the mattress. 

Rey walks up to his side of the bed, gently rubbing his bare back as he twitches and groans. “Babe, Rose is here. Maz is going to be here in about forty-five minutes, can you wake up for me?”

He just grunts as she lifts up the pillow from his face, sighing in tandem with each other. She watches as he whines and wearily blinks back at her. “No.” He exhales, trying to pull the pillow back down as she quietly laughs. 

“Come on, Ben.” She hums, leaning on top of him and pushing away the pillow as he groans. “I need to go wake up Finn and get dressed, because I think he forgot to set his alarm and Maz can’t know we’re a  _ thing _ . Remember? We’re not telling her yet?”

She pushes on his back, and he grunts in affirmation. Rey just sighs, leaning her head back as Rose giggles. He is  _ not _ normally this difficult. 

She squeezes his shoulders, hard enough to make him squirm but not enough to hurt, as she lifts herself off of him. “When I come back you need to be up, okay?”

He reaches out and tugs on her hand, sleepily kissing her knuckles. “Okay.” He whispers, and she can tell he really is trying to stay awake for her. Yesterday was kind of exhausting, for all the time they just had off.

She rubs his wrist, letting Rose leave Rey's clean clothes on the dresser before heading back out to the living space with her. Rose then starts setting up for Maz, pulling pins and thread out of her purse and setting them on the counter as Rey slams her fist against Finn's door.

He shouts from inside, groggy and startled. She was right, his alarm didn’t go off. 

“What do you  _ want _ ?” He groans, making a series of dramatic noises as Rey tries not to bite her cheek. These boys are ridiculous.

“Maz is going to be here in forty-five minutes, you need to get dressed. Please.”

There’s a long drawn out silence, as Rey turns around to go and get herself ready. All that matters is that Finn is awake, he can figure out the rest. 

He finally calls from his bedroom, when she’s halfway back to Ben's room. “Will Poe be here?” 

Rose laughs, as Rey rubs her face. Finn has- this is Finn's literal  _ job _ . He’s supposed to know this, it’s what he’s literally paid to do. Know when and where Ben is and make sure all of his appointments and needs are met. Know who he’s interacting with, and who is going to be where for what.

Rey groans, as Rose calls from the living room, “Yes, Poe will stop by at some point. He’s doing jewelry runs today, so he’ll come by once he finishes picking up all the shit Maz needs.”

Finn grunts, as Rose rolls her eyes. She found out the boys are dating by accident a couple weeks ago, when Finn came into the office to drop off the fabric samples that Rey could have honestly just taken in for Ben.

Apparently he was wearing Poe's jacket, his favorite brown leather jacket. Rose immediately connected the dots, and nearly throttled Poe right then and there for not telling her and letting her congratulate him on finally finding someone who puts up with his bullshit.

Rey hadn’t been there, unfortunately, but Rose immediately texted her and asked if she knew about this.

Rey, of course, did.

Luckily Rose forgives easily. She’s understanding, and was mostly just upset she hadn’t figured it out sooner. 

Now she’s patting Rey on the back, telling her to go and get dressed before Maz shows up and asks why Rey is wearing bright pink pajama pants. She immediately knows this is going to be a long day.

«☆»

Ben is so done.

He is getting poked and prodded, inspected from all angles, being asked to unbutton and rebutton this fucking suit over and over again.

And he is _ so _ tired. 

He just wants to cuddle with Rey, stress about being on national television, and maybe take a nap.

But Maz is currently intent on torturing him, stuffing him in this suit and leaving him to the wild dogs of paparazzi. He’s going to get eaten alive, just like always.

It’s a black velvet piece, heavy but not hot. Something he can wear in a hotel restaurant for three hours, and hopefully not nervously sweat through. His hair is another issue, and although Maz is currently trying to fix it, she just heavily sighs and instructs Rose to call a hair stylist to come and trim him up a little.

Ben tries not to groan, instead looking to Rey for strength. Having a hair stylist here means she’ll probably have to leave, because Hux said not to pull another stunt like they did with the dog.

The shelter legally can’t say anything without breaking some law, apparently, but rumors have slowly started to spread that Ben Solo is hiding a secret girlfriend. And that’s not exactly the way they want to break his relationship with Rey to the rest of the world.

At least, not yet.

Not that Maz would know about this or anything, Finn specifically asked Poe not to tell her. It’s just not time, and Ben knows that when he  _ does _ tell her he wants to do it in person-

He’s just, maybe, not ready to share Rey with too many people quite yet. Even Maz.

The smaller they keep the circle, the easier Ben can sleep at night knowing she’s safe.

Maz steps away from him, moving to Hux to adjust his collar. The man is currently sporting a similar black suit with a red button-down underneath. He strikes a pose as Rey rolls her eyes and Rose giggles from her place next to him.

Ben chooses to ignore the fact that Rose and Hux are doing some pretty heavy flirting over there, now that he’s not got his nose stuck in his phone and she isn’t halfway to a meltdown over pomade. They’re finally talking, and actually hitting it off pretty well.

She giggles at something he says, as Ben rolls his eyes at Rey while Maz busies herself with his suit. His girlfriend mouths a silent, “No,” as he moves to sit down, which he can’t do because he might fuck up the pins in his pants.

He takes a deep breath, as Rey rocks on her heels. She’s keeping herself on the other side of the kitchen counter, away from him, because there’s less chance they’ll fuck this up if they’re on different sides of the room.

She goes back to studying something on her phone, furrowing her brow and keeping an intense focus on whatever the hell she’s working on, as he huffs and puffs to himself.

Maz finally steps back, checking over the two men. “You look good, I’ll send a hairdresser later today and Poe will get that taken to the tailor for a little clean up on that lower hem. All you boys need are cufflinks, a watch, and you’re good to go.”

Ben nods, as Maz looks around the room. “Where is Poe, anyways?”

The entire group looks up from whatever individual task they’re currently focusing on, as they realize Poe  _ and _ Finn slipped off at some point. Okay, great. Fine.

Ben just closes his eyes, and takes another deep breath. Holy shit, why does he work with these people again?

“They’re probably hiding in the garage or something.” Hux scoffs under his breath, as Rey snorts from her place by the counter. Ben knows they’re probably right, he thinks he heard something about Poe needing help with some pieces in his car.

Ben  _ doubts _ they’re getting any work done.

Maz huffs, as Ben messes with his cuffs. He should grab the cufflinks from his room, or maybe Rey should. She knows where they are-

Actually, no. That would be way too suspicious.

“Hey, Rose, could you grab the cufflinks from my room? They’re on the dresser.” Ben hums, trying to keep his expression as neutral as possible. Maz clicks her fingers together, as she opens a box of watches and Rose scampers off to go and fetch the one thing he has control of here.

“Good thinking, Rose told me that you had a pair you wanted to wear. And I want to match them with a watch, because I want you to feel confident, Ben. Like you rule the world.”

She turns back to him, smiling, and Ben has to fight back a whine as he struggles to stand tall. Confident is about the last thing he feels right now.

He dares another look to Rey, as she goes back to scrolling through her phone and Maz continues to hunt through her knick knacks. 

Fuck, he wishes she was going with him. He has no clue how they’re going to do this alone.


	45. Winter - XVIII

They cut his hair too fucking short.

_ They cut his hair. Too fucking. Short. _

Ben had been on the verge of a breakdown before this, in hindsight. The act of being thrust from holiday in New York to Globes prep in LA had been a jarring transition, especially because he hadn’t really mentally prepared himself for any of this. 

It would have been easier to just fly back a couple days earlier, give himself some time to adjust. Run scenarios through his head, slowly ease back into celebrity life-

But Ben did not do that, because he’s a stubborn son of a bitch who wanted to celebrate New Years in New York, just because he could. Just because he thought it would be fun, a good idea to try and squeeze in a little more time with Rey and make memories before they came crashing back to reality. 

And she had warned him the turnaround would be tough, asked if he wanted to come back a couple days earlier, but Ben Solo recognizes that he is a  _ stubborn _ son of a bitch and really wanted to give Rey that once in a lifetime experience. Not that they actually took advantage of it or anything, but she can still say she was in NYC for New Years Eve!

God, they should have just come back. He fucked up, he fucked up so badly-

He groans from where he's lying down on the floor of his room, trying to take deep breaths as he slowly eases himself down from what might be either an anxiety or panic attack. He hasn’t had one in  _ years _ , but when he gets them they’re  _ bad _ . Always brought on by outer stressers, and always  _ a terrible _ experience. 

He registers his door opening, and a voice coming into the room. “He’s in here, probably on the floor.” Finn hums, Ben rubbing his eyes as he sighs. Predictable, he’s so  _ predictable _ -

Rey comes into the room, although he only knows it because he’s memorized the specific pattern of her footfalls. He’s still on the floor, lowering his hands from his eyes to stare at the ceiling as he groans. 

He needed it stop fucking spinning, like, fifteen minutes ago.

“Hey.” She sweetly hums, his sweet Rey, as she comes over to sit down by his torso. He hears her as she scoots on the floor, parallel to him. “Finn called me in a panic, said you were freaking out about tonight. You alright?”

Fuck, she’s so delicate. So delicate with him.

He nods, still unable to really verbalize, as she reaches out to place a hand on his stomach. She is tentative, and slow, but Ben doesn’t know if he’s okay with it or not.

He flinches, and she seems to get the message as she lifts her hand away. “Is it okay if I touch you on your tummy, just so you know I’m here?” She quietly asks, a clear nervousness in her voice.

He shakes his head after a moment, shutting his eyes and trying to will words to come back to him so he can explain. It’s too much stimuli, he’s over sensitive right now.

He can’t handle it.

Rey sighs, leaning back against the bed frame out of the corner of his eye. She looks like she rushed here, with her hair thrown up in a bun and pink cheeks. She was supposed to come by later for the party Finn, Kaydel, and Rose had planned for tonight, with her boxes.

She was supposed to officially move in today, this should have been a good day.

But Ben had to ruin it, and freak out like an idiot.

“I’m sorry.” He chokes out, voice all sorts of wavering as she turns to him. They’re the only words he knows how to make right now, the only ones he can usually make when he’s freaking out, so he says them again and hopes she understands. 

“I’m sorry.”

“Hey, hey. No. You’re being expected to do a lot right now, it’s alright. Everything is okay.” She sighs, running a hand through her hair as she scans his body with her eyes and pulls it down around her shoulders. She’s thinking, that’s her thinking face. Ben wants to know what she’s thinking.

“Would it be alright if I stayed here until you started to feel better?” She asks, as Ben stares back at her. The face he makes must confuse her, because she just watches and patiently waits for a response as he exhales.

He nods, and turns back to the ceiling. She lies down next to him, on her back and just far away enough where he can feel her presence but they aren’t touching. And she makes  _ sure _ not to touch him.

He takes a deep breath at the same time she does, staring up at the ceiling and thinking. 

He gives himself a couple minutes before speaking up, letting himself process all of this.

“This ceiling is so fucking ugly.” He sputters, his voice not sounding much better than before. It really is awful, all stuccoed and lumpy. Why couldn’t they just have a smooth ceiling? Why the need to make it look like mashed potatoes? It’s completely unnecessary.

Rey giggles next to him, as he turns to her and sighs. She’s laughing, that’s good. Good enough.

“I love you, you know that. Right?” She hums, examining his face as he nods in response. She nudges his hand with her pinkie, and he doesn’t flinch this time.

But he can’t quite bring himself to say it back, no matter how much he might want to. Not yet.

Rey turns back to the ceiling, as Ben copies her and does the same. 

“Finn said it was the haircut, that you’re nervous about your ears. That you’re kind of freaking out about tonight, no matter how  _ wonderful _ I know it’s going to be.”

She turns to him, he can feel her eyes on him again. “It’s going to be incredible, Ben. And I’m going to be right here, waiting for you to come back. Alright?”

He nods, swallowing his anxiety as it settles like a pit in the middle of his stomach. It’s getting smaller, slowly, but he doesn’t like to be reminded about what tonight is going to be.

He was so excited earlier, why is he so scared now?

“They cut my hair too short, I told them to leave it long around the ears. I look  _ stupid _ .”

“No, no, Ben-” She hums, sitting up and leaning over him. She slowly wipes his face, pushing away the now dried tears with her thumb as he gulps. “I think you look very handsome, you’re gonna look so good tonight.”

Ben just stares up at her, at this woman he truly does not deserve. God, he- he probably looks like a mess right now. She probably had to take the metro here, after Ben slammed his door shut and had to come to terms with the fact his heart was pounding so fast it felt like he was dying. 

He reaches up and rolls over, tucking Rey to his chest as they curl up on the carpet. She slings a leg over his hip as he breathes into her hair, kissing her hairline as he shuts his eyes and breathes as much of her in as fast as possible.

He doesn’t have to say anything, as Rey gently wraps her arms around him as best she can and holds him close to her chest. “You know, you don’t have to go if you can’t. We can make up some lie about you being sick-“

Ben shakes his head, sighing into her hair. “It would be a career ender, I can’t do that. This is my first big awards ceremony, if I don’t go tonight I won’t even have a shot at getting nominated later in the season.”

He adds on, as a side note, “Plus, Hux would murder me. I’ve been pulling too many favors lately, I have to go.”

Rey sighs at that, although she nods into his chest as she rubs his side. She understands, thank god.

Ben feels her slide a hand under his shirt as he shudders, and she rubs gentle circles into his skin. She seems to think for a moment, trying to figure out what to say to comfort him or soothe him. He is honored that she is  _ trying- _

“I’m sorry I wasn’t here for the worst of it, Ben. I should have been here, I should have stayed because I knew you were stressing out-“

“You couldn’t have done anything.” He comforts, kissing her temple as she squeezes him tighter. “I’m kind of glad you weren’t here, to be honest. It was _not_ my proudest moment.” He admits with a groan, Rey patting his side in response. He yelled at Finn about his hair, and then stormed off before he said or did anything he might really regret. 

He hid, and just let it pass until Rey came.

He still owes Finn an apology.

She nods, and Ben feels the need to remind her that this just happens sometimes. “I should have been better with my boundaries, it was just… too much, all at once. I felt like I was losing control, and I needed to have something back under my belt. I miss disappearing, I miss not owing anything to anyone-”

Rey, surprisingly, nods. She reflects the same sentiment, rubbing her nose against his, “I miss going to the grocery store with you, of all things. I miss being in a home where it was just us, where we didn’t have to worry about anybody else.”

Ben sighs, and Rey grabs his face between her palms. “Rose is going to be here soon to do your makeup, can I help you clean up a little? You look...” She takes a second to find the words, Ben choosing not to open his eyes so he can’t see her face. “Not great.”

He nods, and opens his eyes back up as Rey shifts to his lap. She tugs on his hands, pulling him into a sitting position from his place on the floor as he groans. 

“Shit, you’re heavy.” She huffs, Ben trying to help her on the way up. Again, not his fault he’s built the way he is.

Rey kisses his jaw, wrapping her arms around him once again when he’s upright enough and slumped over her shoulder. “No matter what happens tonight, you are going to come home to me. And I love you, so, deal with it. Got it?”

Ben breathes a sigh of relief, as Rey rubs his back and pushes her face into his neck. She sighs, as he exhales. “You’re stuck with me, Solo. Now let’s try not to catastrophize this and take it one step at a time. Okay?”

She leans back, and starts messing with his hair as he slowly nods. He needs a glass of water or something, he feels parched. 

She sighs, tugging at his ears instead. He doesn’t miss the tiny grimace that pulls at her features. “You know what, I can work with this.” She hums, tucking his hair behind his ears as she sighs.

God, he hopes she can.

«☆»

“Ben, you look great.” Rose comforts, as he just wearily groans and lets Rey fluff his hair. They had decided it was just better to let the girls get the boys ready, they really only needed foundation and spot coverage anyways after Poe dropped off the suits, because Rey wasn’t certain Ben could handle another new person touching him tonight.

They are lucky Maz has other clients she needs to attend to, and that she doesn’t have to know that they cancelled on the make-up artist she hired.

He is just barely putting up with Rose, after all, as she pulls on all of her online cosmetology courses to make sure he looks camera ready. “I think you’re good.” She hums, as he pulls away with an undisguised impatient grunt. He turns to Rey as she tries to save Ben's hair. Those girls  _ really _ fucked it up, took it nearly an inch shorter than he likes.

“I don’t want to go.” He whines, looking up at her with those same nervous eyes from earlier.

She stops styling his hair to cup his chin in her palm, to comfort him. “What’s the worst that can happen? You lose? You don’t have to make a speech?” She hums, slowly stroking his cheek with her thumb.

He leans against her stomach, as she slowly starts working his hair again. Rose touches up Hux’s makeup with a light giggle, as Ben crosses his arms and leans into Reys touch.

She has to listen to the two of them flirt, as she gently styles his wavy black locks. She also pretends to ignore it, because she does  _ not _ need to deal with any Rose or Hux drama tonight. 

She pats Ben's shoulder, once his hair is as good as she’s going to get it. “Stand up,” she hums, reaching for the watch and the cufflinks.

He stands, as Hux checks the time on his phone. “We need to get going, venue needs us to check in for the red carpet in thirty minutes and I need to check in with the producers. Car should be downstairs, too. You know the drill.”

Ben nods, as Rey slips the watch on his wrist and tightens it. He helps her do the latch, quietly and slowly. 

Rey realizes his hands are shaking a little, and she grabs them with a tight squeeze before she does the cufflinks. 

He’s about to have the biggest night of his life, and this is the only way she can go with him. She pretends it doesn’t break her heart.

She clips on the little sun and moon, making sure they’re stable before she speaks up. “Every time you get nervous, touch these. Remind yourself how much I love you, and how much we all believe in you. We love you, Ben. I love you.” She quietly hums, as he stares down at her. “You’re going to do great, I know it. You gonna be okay?”

He tests it out, squeezing the intricate little metal piece between his thumb and forefinger. He rubs it slowly, methodically, as he takes a deep breath. 

For a performer, for someone who does this type of public speaking all the time, Rey realizes he is woefully unprepared for the possibility that he might be on camera for more than a couple seconds tonight.

Rey recognizes he is not used to performing as himself for long periods of time, that he uses his characters and his work as shields to protect himself from scrutiny. Tonight, no matter what happens, the world is going to have to be introduced to Ben Solo, actor. Everyone will have their eyes on him.

And that terrifies him. 

She embraces him, before he leaves with Hux. It’s longer than it should be, really, but he needs it. He needs that final reassurance that she loves him  _ as _ him, and that the world will too.

He hugs her back, nearly squishing her in the process.

She loves her big tall boyfriend, even if he is being kind of a train wreck tonight.

Especially because he’s being kind of a train wreck, tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I,, love this chapter so much-


	46. Winter -  XIX

Rey is biting her nails again.

It’s a habit she kicked when she was in undergrad, by way of just keeping them short and distracting herself with copious amounts of work, but unfortunately there isn’t much to distract her tonight. And her nails are starting to get a little long.

Ben is freaking out at the ceremony, which is making Rey freak out at home. “He’s going to be fine.” Kaydel tries to comfort, as her and Rose watch from the couch and Rey paces by the patio door. Logically she knows that he’ll be fine and okay and everything will be great, but emotionally she isn’t faring much better than him right now.

“Rey, you’re going to wear a hole through the floor. Just, chill out.” Poe sighs, setting down his phone and turning to look at her from the kitchen table. He’s currently scanning social media with Finn, checking out what people think of Ben tonight so they can better prepare themselves for later shows. Trying to see if anyone can tell he’s having a bad day.

Finn looks up as well, all four of her friends watching as she paces and bites her nails. She sighs, and takes a deep breath to steady herself. They’re right, he’s fine.

She turns to look at the tv, coming back from commercials and doing a scan of the room. She points at Ben as the camera passes over him, one long leg poking out from under the table like he doesn’t quite fit. “Hey, he’s unbuttoned his suit jacket again!” She motions with both hands, squeaking and starting to pace once more.

Okay, so, maybe he’s  _ not- _

He’s repeatedly undone and redone his suit at least five times, and his hair is slowly getting a messier and messier. She even caught him nearly running his hand though it once, pulling his palm away at the last second as she sighed. 

And the cufflinks, she doesn’t think he’s stopped touching them. He’s always messing with his cuffs, stroking and circling them with his thumb. He’s trying to self-soothe, as sneakily as possible. And she is suddenly  _ so _ glad Rose gave her the idea for the cufflinks last month, when Rey didn’t know what to buy him for Christmas.

She  _ knows _ she looks insane, worrying about her boyfriend when he seems completely fine, but Rey can practically feel his underlying panic from here. She  _ knows _ him.

To anyone else, he looks perfectly normal. An easy, mild mannered mask on his face with a gentle smile as Hux leans around him in an attempt to watch whoever just won for the current category that Rey doesn’t give a shit about.

But Rey knows Ben, she knows him better than anybody else.

And she also knows he’s verifiably freaking out. 

He is doing a really good job of managing it, of keeping it hidden, but she just knows. She just knows he’s panicking, and she can’t even text him to let him know it’s alright. That he’s doing a great job, that he is doing exactly what needs to be done, but she can tell he’s not having a good time.

She crosses her arms, tucking her hands under her pits as she takes a deep breath so she stops from biting them raw. 

There’s a silence that falls over the group, a bunch of clapping, and a woman walks off stage. Rey takes a deep breath to center herself in the meanwhile. They’re only halfway through the show, and she’s pretty sure Ben is ready to leave.

It doesn’t help that best actor for drama is literally one of the last awards, so he has to sit in this unknowing state for like… three hours or something. He’s not going to relax until that passes.

She groans, sitting down in an armchair as she starts biting her nails again. She doesn’t know what she wants to happen here. What she can do to  _ help- _

Kaydel sighs, curling up tighter on the couch with a blanket and her guessing sheet. She’s doing remarkably well, despite not watching any of the movies nominated. It’s the first time she’s ever been in the apartment too, and Rey doesn’t even know if she’s being a good host-

“Rey, you’re freaking out. Ben is fine, Ben is going to be fine. He’s a big boy, he can take care of himself.” Rose hums, standing up and walking over to her. She rubs Rey's shoulder, as the girl groans and buries her head in her hands. Maybe she should text Leia or something, see if they’re as nervous as she is.

Rey nods, eyes focused on the tv as she tries not to groan and snap back at her friends. They mean well, Rey knows, but they just don’t  _ get _ it.

Rey knows Ben can handle himself, he won’t let anything happen that he isn’t comfortable with, and he has a prepared speech written out in case he wins. He will be fine.

But that doesn’t mean she won’t worry, that she doesn’t worry about him. That she doesn’t want him to succeed and feel comfortable in his own skin. That she doesn’t want him to calm down and enjoy tonight.

She takes a deep breath, trying to stop her leg from shaking.

She doesn’t know if she wants him to win or not, if he isn’t feeling like it. The last thing she wants is for him to be pushed out of his comfort zone right now, because she simply doesn’t know if he can handle it.

She takes a deep breath, because she is an awful girlfriend for hoping her boyfriend doesn’t win an award he  _ so _ deserves.

God, she is the fucking worst.

«☆»

“This is it, this is it!” Kay squeals, jumping up on the couch as Poe settles in next to her. Finn anxiously taps his foot on the ground, as Rey tries not to freak the fuck out.

Time for the best actor in a drama, they can do this. No matter what the outcome is everything is going to be _ fine _ . Rey has Leia’s text exchange pulled up on her phone, they can do this.

Kamikaze won best soundtrack, and best cinematography, although not best director. Rey knows the best actor category is kind of a crapshoot, but whoever wins now will probably win at the oscars.

She tries to stop her heart from pounding, as the presenter walks out onto the stage  _ way _ too slow and goes through the category like a fucking snail. “Can you move  _ any _ faster?” She spits under her breath, Rose reaching over and pinching her forearm in response.

Alright, okay, she deserved that.

Rey bites her finger as they go through the nominees, the whole room erupting into cheers as Ben’s face comes up on screen and he smiles. 

Rey silently crosses her fingers, feeling her palms sweat and her heart pound.

God, she wants him to win. She wants him to get this, he deserves this. But she also wants him to be comfortable and not have to make a speech right now. Not when he’s already too nervous to pull his hand away from his wrist.

She ends up shoving like, half of her hand in her mouth and biting hard enough to leave a mark in order to distract herself.

The room goes silent as the presenter struggles with the envelope, cracking a quick joke as Rey reaches out and grabs Rose’s hand. God, what if he wins, what if-

Ben doesn’t win.

It’s an actor at least twenty years Bens senior who goes up onto the stage, and who takes the award, and who makes the speech.

Finn mutters a quiet, “shit,” as Rose sighs and squeezes Rey's fingers. That’s it, he didn’t win. They don’t have to worry anymore.

“Next time.” Rose quietly hums, Kay sighing in agreement next to her. Of course Ben will get nominated again, he’s an incredible actor with an incredible talent. He’s only getting started, he has so much work ahead of him.

The actor thanks the other nominees, and a camera scans around the room. It lands on Ben for a moment, covering his face with one hand and the other resting on his knee. His eyes are-

Crinkled up at the edges, like he’s smiling.

The camera moves away before Rey can confirm her suspicions, but she certainly has enough evidence to make a case. 

Her heart starts pounding again, like it has been all night, as she leaps up on her chair. “He didn’t want to win, Ben didn’t want to win!” She gasps, pointing at the screen as the girls look up at her in confusion at her outburst.

Rey clarifies, once she realizes nobody in the room is following her lead. The camera stays away from Ben, and she doubts it will land on him for a while longer, “He was covering his face with his hand, he does that when he doesn’t want anybody to know that he’s smiling,  _ and _ he stopped playing with the cufflinks!” 

His tells, she knows his tells. 

Rose just stares up at her in confusion, as Finn gets to his feet. “So he’s not upset?” He asks, as Rey's phone starts buzzing. 

She shakes her head, because she’s more certain of this than she has been all night. “ _ Of course _ he didn’t want to win, he was freaking out earlier! He would have been a mess if he won!” She gasps, putting it all together in her head.

That’s why he didn’t want to go, that’s why he was freaking out. It wasn’t about him not winning, it was about  _ him winning _ .

He didn’t want to win, and she thinks she knows why.

“Ben didn’t want to win because either he doesn’t think he deserves it or he didn’t think it was time yet.” She hums, counting off the options on her fingers as she furrows her brow. Kay interrupts, as Rey schemes. 

“Wait, okay, what? How do you know this?”

Rey just shrugs in response, she knows Ben. She knows his behavior, his mindset. She knows he doesn’t like surprises, that he doesn’t like to be caught unawares.

He was probably terrified of winning, because the odds were so low.

Rey just breathes a sigh of relief, taking a lap around the living room and heading into the kitchen to grab a glass of water or something. God, she needed that.

Ben is fine, he’s fine. He didn’t win, and he’s fine.

She takes another deep breath, because holy  _ shit _ her boyfriend is an idiot.


	47. Winter - XX

Ben comes home, opening his apartment door with a sigh at some time near one AM, and is immediately greeted by Rey leaping up and into his arms as she wraps her legs around his torso. He doesn’t even have time to unbutton his suit or kick off of his shoes, as she squeals and kisses him. Hard.

Hux just makes a sound of disgust, walking past the two as Rey pulls away from him and grabs his face between her fingers. She squishes his cheeks between her palms, before leaning forward and wrapping her arms around his neck and burying her face into his skin again. “You did such a good job.” She whispers, as Ben kisses her temple and grins.

“Thank you, sweetheart.” He sighs, adjusting his grasp on her and just holding her for a moment. They sigh into each other's bodies, reunited after maybe the most stressful night of his life, and he finally sets her down as someone clears their throat behind her.

She keeps her arms around him, though. Grabbing on tight and making it very difficult for him to stumble into the dining space. A couple people giggle as Ben stops about halfway there, Rey impeding his steps.

“Babe, I need to get my shoes off. They’re killing me.” 

She shakes her head, and Ben groans.

He looks up to Hux, who is just watching with an amused expression, “Remind me to never let Maz try and put me in new shoes right before an event, I’m pretty sure I have blisters on both of my heels.”

“Noted.” Finn shouts from the kitchen, scribbling something down on a notepad.

Okay, odd. Finn doesn’t usually listen to Ben like that. 

He tilts his head, opening his mouth before just settling for a long exhale and running his hand through his hair. Rey tugs on him a bit, urging him to sit down at the dining table as she crawls into his lap. Fuck, his heels really hurt. 

She moves to take off his shoes for him, Ben tugging on her hand instead. She doesn’t need to do that, he’s been enough of a burden today. 

She rubs his chest instead, examining his face for a moment before wrapping her arms around him. He leans his cheek against her forehead as he closes his eyes, and lets himself relax against her body.

“Thought you guys would be out awhile longer.” Kay quietly yawns, Hux sighing in response. Ben just listens as they speak to each other, focusing on Rey and holding Rey.

“Ben and I needed to get out, before things got really wild. Just… not our scene, you know?” Hux murmurs, wandering somewhere else in the room.

There's a dead silence, because it’s not exactly a secret what ‘really wild’ Hollywood parties might entail. Ben is very glad they left before someone pulled out an illicit substance, or he had to watch a starlet puke into the bushes.

Hux sighs, as Rose chimes in, “Well we’re glad you got back in one piece. Both of you.”

Kaydel adds, “Yeah, we’re glad you’re both back. Did you have fun?”

Ben grunts, shrugging as he opens his eyes. “Is it bad if I didn’t?” He asks, turning up to Hux, “I spent the entire day freaking out about what would happen if I won, and then I didn’t even end up winning. I probably have permanent muscle damage because of how  _ tense _ I’ve been.” He groans, as he stretches his shoulder in a circle. It feels like he’s actively going to be sore tomorrow.

" _ Don’t _ even joke about that.” Hux warns, a shudder running down his spine as he goes to the kitchen. “I need alcohol, asap. I had to stay sober so that one,” Hux points at Ben, who is also very sober, “Didn’t end up screwing with a potential director.”

Ben tries to scowl at Hux, who just turns around and starts rifling through cabinets without a care in the world. 

Ben realizes he might be losing his touch.

Rey raises her head up from Ben's shoulder, “Did you drink?” She wearily asks, rubbing her eyes with the back of her hand. Ben realizes they’re both still on New York time, no wonder they’re so tired.

It would be four AM for them right now, if they were back in that city. 

“No, darling.” He sighs, kissing her temple as Kay takes over the kitchen and starts hunting for alcohol with Hux and Rose. “A little champagne, but I wasn’t really in the mood.” He shrugs, trying to play it off like a personal choice. 

Truth is, he really didn’t want to come home drunk to Rey. It would be wrong, he couldn’t have done it again.

So he chose not to drink, instead standing like an outsider at an afterparty. Really gave him a new perspective on things.

“I have an audition next week, studio wants me to come in and read for a part. Some type of murder mystery. Same, uh, caliber as Kamikaze.”

Rey nods, and tucks her face back to his neck. “Good.” She hums, closing her eyes and resting her face against his neck. “You deserve it, just make sure it’s worthy of you before you take it. Okay?”

“Course.” Ben hums, kissing her temple again.

Hux and Rose continue to argue about booze in the kitchen, and the value of having celebratory Prosecco on hand in every kitchen, as Rey curls up on his lap. Ben watches as Poe walks around to Finn, setting his hand on the man's lower back as they smile and exchange hushed whispers.

And nobody pays attention to him for the first time in hours.

He pulls Rey closer, shutting his eyes. God, it feels good to be home.

«☆»

“Should we wake them up?” Poe hums from the kitchen, spying on Ben and Rey as they sleep on the couch. Rey is sprawled out across Ben's chest, both still in their nice clothes and the latter starting to snore. Ben had insisted everyone stay as long as they like, despite his obvious exhaustion, because this should be a night to celebrate. They should celebrate his nomination, and the fact that he even had this opportunity in the first place.

And then he passed out like five minutes after they moved to the couch, Rey following just seconds later.

“No.” Hux hums, scratching his chin and letting Rose steal his beer. She takes a sip, yawning after she downs a decent portion. “They need to sleep, both of them. The past couple days have been… hectic.” He sighs, running a hand through his hair and mussing it a little as Finn hums in affirmation.

“Rey spent the whole night freaking out because she was worried about Ben, I told her he was fine-“

“Oh, he was not fine.” Hux scoffs, as the entire group turns to him. He takes his beer back, sighing as he downs a bit for courage. Liquid bravery. “He was on the edge of another nervous breakdown all night, Rey saved my ass with those cufflinks. They were the only thing keeping him together.” 

He turns down to Rose, bumping the bottle against her shoulder. “Good job on that, by the way. Smart thinking to suggest Rey get him something he can take with him.”

She nods and crosses her arms, furrowing her brow as she stares at the dark hardwood floor of the kitchen. “I didn’t even think about that, to be honest. I just thought it would be a nice sentiment. You know, a good luck charm or something.”

The group all turns to look at the couple, still passed out on the couch. Rey has her face pressed into his chest, she’ll probably wake up with button indentations on her cheek, and Ben is trying to twist in his sleep to get more comfortable. He freezes every time he moves Rey a little too much and she wiggles in response. He’s so… mindful of her.

Kaydel sighs, rubbing her forehead with the back of a glass of cold water. “I feel like we’re falling into their path, like we’re just along for the ride. It was so weird, to watch them like… in action. I’ve known Rey for years, and I’ve  _ never _ seen her look at anybody the way she looks at Ben. She knew exactly what was going on, just at the smallest glance.” She takes a deep breath, continuing to stare at them as she sighs.

“Isn’t it weird? To be in their orbit? Like, I guess my roommate is just dating a movie star now?”

“Welcome to my world, sister.” Finn teases, holding up his glass for her to bump with her own. She obliges, as Poe wraps an arm around him and the slight buzz of the refrigerator fills the silence. 

Finn clears his throat, holding his glass up and keeping his voice low. “To new friends, and being in those two idiots orbits. May we survive many more awards seasons, and may Hux figure out how to introduce the world to one Rey Niima.”

“Here here.” Hux sighs, holding his beer out to cheer. “To Ben, who makes my life a living hell, and Rey, who makes it a little less so.”

Rose snorts, holding her fist up to the mess of clanging glasses. “To doing it all over again in a month, and hopefully figuring out how to get them both to chill the fuck out.”

Poe snorts at that, bringing his tea back to his lips. “Good fucking luck on that,” He hums, smiling as he drinks, “but I think we’re stuck with them, so I guess we’ll just have to make it work.”

The group mutters varying levels of enthusiastic agreement at that, marred by exhaustion and fatigue. This whole experience was an absolute mess, of course, but there is a certain level of excitement to the whole thing.

They start to discuss the plans for February, as the subjects of those plans continue to sleep in the living room, completely unawares. 

Ben tightens his grip on Rey, as she snuggles up with him. Whatever it is, he sure as hell hopes he won’t be facing it alone. That he doesn’t ever have to go one of these award ceremonies again without his Rey by his side.

Because, secretly, he doesn’t think he wants the first time he wins an award like this to be when his girlfriend is at home and watching through a tv that doesn’t even belong to them. He wants her to be there, standing by his side. He can’t do this again if she isn’t there, he can’t do this alone. It feels weak in some way to admit this, but he needs her. He really needs her.

Rey just drools on his chest, completely unaware of his plans.


	48. Winter - XXI

Five days later the Oscar nominations come out, and Ben is sure to stay awake for this one. He wants to remember this, he wants this moment more than he has wanted anything else in a really long time.

He so wants this.

Rey has his parents on FaceTime, his mother shouting into the screen as Ben paces at an ungodly hour in the morning. Before the sun even rises, really. The soft haze of morning light is just starting to light up the sky, the only solid light in the room coming from a couple lamps and the tv screen. He, Rey, and Finn are all still in their pajamas, anxiously awaiting for the program to come on and for the nominations to be published. Hux is calling on Finn's phone, holed up in his office and frantically emailing other clients, as Ben takes a deep breath and calms himself down.

It is easier this time, partly because he’s kind of done this before. He knows what to expect, he knows what to do.

He sits down on the brown leather couch, next to Rey, as his mother shouts his name in an attempt to get his attention.

Rey tilts her phone, so they’re both on screen. “Hi, mom.” He quietly hums, exhaling and grabbing Rey's free hand. He sets his face in her shoulder as his leg bounces, Rey setting their clasped hands on his knee to calm him down.

“Ben! Your father and I are watching the nominations on his computer!” Her mother shouts as her phone shakes, and she flips the whole thing around to show off the kitchen and his father studiously trying to pull up the awards live stream. It looks like it’s caught mid-buffer on his laptop. 

She flips it back around, as Rey giggles and Ben smiles into her shoulder.

His mother is trying, he reminds himself. His parents are trying. “Oh! And Luke says he’s watching too, he’d like you to do a video chat with his students before the ceremony-“

“ _ If _ I get nominated, I will think about it.” Ben huffs, unsure how he feels about that.

He knows he probably should, it would be the right thing to do, but Luke's school doesn’t get  _ any _ credit for his acting career. He did one school play when he was in the fifth grade, and he got the role of “Extra #3”. He didn’t even think about acting again until he was eighteen, because he didn’t think he had the ability.

Ben isn’t quite sure if he can pay it back to a place that didn’t actively give him anything in exchange.

His mother sighs, as his father comes around her shoulder. “Hey, kids.” He hums, waving to the camera. He squints behind his glasses.

“Is that Han Solo I hear?” Finn calls from across the couch, half a muffin in his mouth and drafting thank you emails to producers and the academy itself on his laptop

Ben knows it can’t hurt to be prepared, even if he thinks it’s a little hasty.

“Finn!” Han calls, Ben watching as Rey hands him the phone. Finn sets Hux down on the tabletop, giving Bens father all of his attention. “How are you, kid? Still working for Ben?”

“Yes sir,” Finn hums, scooting back on the couch a little as Rey peeks over his shoulder. Ben just watches, viewing the exchange with peaked interest. “Still paying better than any writing job, I’ll tell you that. Even if he refuses to give me a raise.” He laughs, Han laughing with him. 

“Still working on that novel though, right? I don’t want my son getting in the way of your dreams.”

“Always, still looking for publishers. If you’ve got any connections let me know. I’d like to try pushing one more time, I think.”

Han sighs, as Rey squeezes Ben's knee. He didn’t know Finn was going to try and publish again, Ben thought he had given up and was working on a new project of some sort. “Good kid, if anything comes up Leia and I will send it your way. Now hand me back to my son, I need to show him how big Lowie’s got since he left.”

Finn laughs, and Rey steals the phone back. Leia is muttering something about “Don’t pick up the damn dog, Han.” Before he comes back on screen, Lowie stretched out across his chest. She’s panting, tail spinning in a circle as she tries to wiggle out of his arms.

Ben's father was right, she’s  _ massive _ . Must be at least five or six pounds bigger than she was when they left.

Lowie has since been named, after Han asked them if they should name her Zoey or Luna over FaceTime. It cut out at just the right moment, and Ben confusedly asked if his father was really going to name a dog “Lowie.”

Han just laughed, relaying to Leia what happened as Ben frantically tried to correct his mistake. Everyone just laughed at him, and henceforth the puppy has been named  _ Lowie _ .

It’s Chewie and the shoes all over again, really. 

Ben groans, as Rey coos over the puppy. “Oh my goodness, she’s so big! How has she been?”

Leia mutters, off screen, “She figured out how to climb into our bed, so, a little cramped.”

“Lei, come on, she’s a great cuddle buddy!”

“I woke up with her tail in my  _ mouth _ yesterday, Han Solo!”

His father rolls his eyes, as Rey giggles. Ben smiles as he sets Lowie down, and she scampers off to go cause trouble somewhere else. “Now, Ben, no matter what-“

The nominations come back on from break, flashing on the screen, as Rey hushes everyone. “Do we know when they’re doing actor in a leading role?” She frantically hums, propping up her phone next to Finns on the table as Leia rushes over to the laptop set up on her kitchen counter and Hux turns to one of his many monitors.

Ben speaks up, his nervousness rising again. “No, they do them in a random order. It changes every year, but they always do it in the second half and they’ll probably pair it with actress in a leading role.”

They go into best director, and Ben stands up to take a walk as they start listing off nominations.

Kamikaze’s director gets nominated, third one listed, and Rey gasps as the team quietly cheers. Ben’s phone buzzes once, probably a text from the producer or the director wishing him good luck, as he lets his heart thud in his chest. 

He starts pacing, running his hands through his hair as he takes a deep breath. This is alright, this is okay. Only the biggest award he could ever win and he’s going to find out if he gets nominated or not within the next couple minutes.

He takes a deep breath, as they move through the categories. 

Original screenplay comes up, and everyone goes silent.

Kamikaze gets nominated, again. They’re right up with the rest of the movies now, neck and neck with the others for the big nominations. 

Ben groans as he rubs his face, leaning over the dining room table as Rey comes up next to him. “You alright?” She asks, rubbing his back as he nods. He feels like he’s gonna be sick, but he’s okay.

“Yeah, yeah. Just kind of nervous.” He hums, gulping as he shoots her an uneasy smile. This stress cannot be good for his long term health.

She squeezes his bicep, as nominations leading actress gets announced and he pops his head up at the sound. Ben pulls Rey closer, as she leads him to a spot where they can watch together. 

He wraps his arms around her, leaning his head on hers as she squeezes his palms. 

Tallie doesn’t get nominated, already announced for being the frontrunner in supporting actress. It’s a fucking crime because Ben knows she had virtually the same amount of screen time as him. She really should be up there with him, they did this  _ together. _

But she is young, and this isn’t the first time something like this has happened before in Hollywood.

Everyone waits in silence, as they start rolling through the leading actor category. 

It’s predictable, including the man that won at the Globes.

And Ben, Ben is the fourth one listed.

Ben Solo was just nominated for best actor in a leading role.

Rey screams, twisting around and pulling Ben down into her arms. “Oh my god, oh my  _ god.  _ Oh my god!” She shouts, Finn jumping on his feet as the actor stands in shock. Hux whoops from his end of the phone, as Leia and Han loudly cheer from all the way in New York. “That’s my boy!” Han shouts, Lowie starting to bark along with them in celebration.

His phone starts going nuts, and Rey’s starts buzzing so much it slides off of the table and Finn has to go and save Ben’s parents from being banished under the couch until Ben gets his fucking act together and says something.

He turns down to Rey, who is just staring at him and beaming. Her dimples on full display, as he reflects her expression with a wrinkle of his nose. “I did it.” He whispers, laughing as she nods. He scoops her up in his arms, running across the living room with her slung around his shoulders. “We’re going to the  _ fucking _ Oscars!” He yells, Rey squealing as he makes a lap around the tiny living room with a whoop and a holler that the neighbors probably won’t appreciate. He is careful not to let her hit her head or anything, as she digs her hands into his arms with white knuckles and she  _ screams. _

“Put my daughter-in-law down!” Leia happily shouts from Rey’s phone, as Ben spins around and watches Finn hold up the two devices. 

He can’t see their reactions, screens turned towards Finn, but he knows he’s on camera. 

“Rey is coming with me, sorry Finn. Sorry Mom.” Ben laughs, setting her down as she slaps his chest.

The words seem to hit her a second later, as she sputters out an uneasy “ _ What? _ ”

Ben just nods, as she rolls her eyes and Hux starts loudly laughing from his distant office because Ben is about to make the most hectic night of the year even  _ worse _ .

Really, though, what else would someone expect from Ben Solo?

«☆»

Planning starts immediately, Hux booking it over to Ben's apartment as soon as the sun rises. Finn has already emailed about ten different people, thanking them on Ben's behalf and posting to his social medias, as Rey tries to keep it together.

Ben doesn’t let go of her hand, as they gently argue with each other. “Babe, I can’t just  _ go _ ! My entire life would have to change. I wouldn’t be able to take the metro anymore, I don’t have security in my apartment, for fuck’s sake, would I have to  _ move? _ ”

“Maybe! I don’t know! I just really don’t want to go without you, it was tough enough at the Globes.” He takes a second to form his statement, going red around the ears. “If you don’t want to go then I’m not going.” He huffs, Rey groaning in response as she wraps a hand around his bicep. Idiot- stupid- lovely boy.

Finn just places his hands over his ears, humming some pop song under his breath. “I did not just hear that, I’m forgetting you just said that, Ben.”

He groans, as Rey rubs his arm and tries to cool down the hectic energy around them and this whole moment in general. “Come on, be realistic here, I can’t just go. I would need a dress, and I’ve literally never been to an event fancier then like… an office holiday party. I would embarrass you  _ so _ badly.”

Ben turns on her, confused and almost angry. “What, no. No way. You are  _ not _ going to embarrass me. You are a thousand times more graceful than I am, and yes maybe you have awful table manners-“

She whaps him on the arm for that, smiling as he smirks a little and he grabs her wrists to stop her from unleashing a reign of terror on him. “What I was going to say is that you are beautiful, and graceful, and lovely. I want you there, and we will figure out the details later.”

He leans in closer, setting his hands on the small of her back as she places her palms on his chest. He’s so warm, he always runs  _ so _ warm. “I want you there, please. I need to know you’re  _ there _ .”

Rey thinks about it for a moment, puffing her cheeks out as she takes a deep breath. People won’t obsess over her like they do when two celebrities get together, but her mind goes back to all those awful messages and comments she got when Ben first followed her on instagram. Would confirming their relationship make things worse or better? Would people act on the awful things they said? How much would things have to change?

How long can she really live with keeping this a secret?

The door opens, and Rey makes her decision. “I’ll go, but you have to help me figure this out. I need you to help me make the transition, and I need some measure of security so I’m not nervous about someone trying to rob me at my own home. I don’t know what to expect, or what I should prepare for.”

Ben nods, adamantly, as Rey sighs. He adds on, “Hux has an extra room, I’m sure he would let you crash there until I get back and we can get a new place together.” 

Rey bites her lip, as Hux chokes on something in the kitchen. “I have an extra  _ what now _ ?” He squawks, making his presence known.

“Hi, Hux.” Rey hums with a small smile, turning to him before turning back to Ben. “You are  _ not _ going to make me impose on your manager, Ben Solo.”

Ben groans, squeezing his eyes shut as he thinks. He huffs, slowly rubbing her sides as she pokes at his chest. 

He sighs again, looking over her head at one panicked Hux. “Hey, you know Rose and Rey are roommates, right? If Rey stayed with you for a couple months I’m sure Rose would-“

Hux groans, emptying his pockets on the counter. He concedes, “I have an extra room, I have absurd hours, and I’m traveling constantly. Rey, if you need somewhere safe to crash you are welcome to stay with me until Ben comes back.” He points his finger at her, one strand of red hair flopping forwards, “And only until Ben comes back. And only because you’re a good person. And  _ only  _ because you promise that Rose might stop by.”

Rey snorts, Ben wrapping his arms around her as she smiles so wide it might split her face. They’re really doing this, then. 

She smirks, “If it’s any comfort, I think she thinks you’re very cute too, Armitage.”

Hux goes bright red at that, muttering something that she can’t make out as he turns to the cabinets and starts searching for something. She thinks she knows what, probably champagne glasses and some sparkly to go in them, although she isn’t about to encourage him at this hour.

Rey turns back to Ben, who’s just staring down at her. “I’ll talk to Maz, I’ll manage the dress.” He hums, kissing her forehead and sliding his hands up the sides of her body. “She’s going to be so angry, but I will take care of everything. I don’t want you to worry anymore.”

She laughs as he grabs her face between his palms, tilting her up so their eyes meet. “She’s going to be  _ so _ mad.” He whispers, as Rey giggles. God, Maz is going to be  _ pissed  _ that they kept this from her. That even Leia kept this from her.

Rey is so excited to tell her.

Holy shit, her boyfriend was just nominated for an  _ Oscar _ .


	49. Winter - XXII

Rey is sitting at her desk, verifiably not doing any work. 

Not that there isn’t work to be done, there is approximately way too much work to be done, but she just can’t focus. Not today.

Her eyes flicker to the schedule on her computer screen. Ben should be here in about ten minutes, if he isn’t early.

Who is she kidding, he’s probably waiting in his car outside. The bastard is early to everything.

She clears her throat, shaking her head and going back to the clientele list she’s supposed to be working on right now. Gwen Phasma came by yesterday for a dress discussion, and Tallie came by for her first measurements this morning. The schedule for the next few weeks is packed, even more so than it was last month.

Tallie had boded just fine during the Globes, perfectly fit to dress herself with the help of her very sleek manager, but it turns out she was putting off biting the bullet and looking for an actual stylist rather than just depending on herself and her family. Now that her schedule is filling up a little more, and she has a busy year ahead of her, they figured it was time to call someone. And obviously, they came to Maz via Ben's recommendation.

She nearly spilled the beans about Ben and Rey, when Maz introduced her as “my assistant, Rey Niima,” and Tallie’s eyes went the size of dinner plates. Rey motioned across her neck in a silencing gesture when Maz turned around, and Tallie confusedly zipped her lips shut in exchange.

Once they left, Rey texted Ben to ask what the hell that was. He said he told Tallie about her, but forgot to mention that Rey worked at the office  _ he sent her to _ . 

Ben Solo is an idiot. A lovable idiot, but an idiot all the same.

She rolls her eyes as she goes back to their text exchange, where he sent her a photo of Tallie giving the camera a peace sign over a kale salad at some restaurant they went to for lunch. He said they needed to catch up, it’s been too long since he’s seen his little sister. 

Rey thought that was really sweet, and she’s really glad Tallie has someone like Ben to look up to. They’re both good people, truly.

**She says it was great to meet you, and she can’t wait to see you again. She wants to request to sit with us at the show, although I told her it was a long shot because I don’t even know if you’ll get to sit with me.**

**Also she just called me a boomer. so, that’s great**

**Nevermind she apologized.**

**:)**

Rey smiles, setting her phone down as she takes a deep breath. She taps her fingers along her desk as she waits, tugging at the sleeves of her sweater.

God, this is… going to go either really well or really badly. Rey doesn’t know yet.

The elevator doors slide open with a chime, and Ben comes out with one very  _ bouncy _ Finn. He runs a hand through his hair, keeping his expression neutral as Maz comes striding out of her office and pulls him down for a hug as he squawks. “Congratulations, Ben!” She cheers, rubbing up and down his arms as he smiles. She sighs, almost wistful, as Ben pulls off his glasses and tucks them in his jacket pocket.

“Thank you, Maz.” He hums, as she links her arm through his and starts leading him away. Rey looks towards Finn, who is beelining for Poe and Rose on the other side of the room, as the two perk their heads up from their desks with undisguised interest.

Maz pats his arm and drags him towards her office, Ben sparing a panicked glance towards Rey as the old woman pulls on him with more force than one might expect from a woman of her age and stature. “Now, Ben, we need to discuss color.” She sighs, the boy just whining in response as the door to her office shuts behind them.

The rest of the office goes silent, Rey working to keep her heart in her chest as the four stare through the glass of Maz’s office.

Rey taps her finger on the surface of her desk, as Rose sighs. “How long do you think it’ll take?” She asks, Rey shrugging in response. She watches as Ben gets ushered around the room, Maz pulling out pictures and fabric samples for him to take a look at. They both know it’ll be Maz making the final decision, but people like the illusion of choice. 

“She needs to let him get a word in edgewise, first.” Poe teases, Finn leaning against his desk and nodding in agreement.

Maz continues to animatedly speak, as Ben sits in the armchair across from her desk and covers the lower half of his face with his hand. Rey recognizes he’s trying to hide his smile, keep himself hidden, as Maz twirls a hand through the air and leans back in her chair.

Ben raises his eyebrows, tilting his head as if to think before steeling his expression and lowering his hand. He crosses those long legs of his, as Rey tries to hide behind her monitor with what she knows Is very little success. 

She shuts her eyes, as Rose starts giggling. Rey’s curiosity gets the best of her after a couple moments, however, and she decides to crack an eye open as Ben nods from his place in the office. 

Rey so wishes she knows what’s happening behind that glass door. 

He crosses his arms, turning to look at the ground as he shoves his hands under his biceps. He says  _ something _ as Rey looks to Maz, who excitedly places her clasped hands under her chin and nods with  _ that _ twinkle in her eye.

Rey groans, as the boys chuckle from Poes desk.

Ben finishes his statement, cringing back as Maz slams her hands on her desk with a gasp. She says something that looks like “Ben Solo!” Before standing up and running to her stack of catalogues. She brings out no less than five, slapping them down on her desk and pointing her finger in Ben's face. Of course, Rey going to the Oscars with him means she probably has to rethink what Ben wears.

Maz likes her couples to match, after all. To show a unified front. It also means more work, which Rey is  _ certainly _ not looking forward to right now.

They talk for a moment longer, as Rey waits for shit to really hit the fan.

It happens fast, almost too fast. Maz’s back is turned to the door, and Ben is blushing more than Rey has ever seen before. He’s gone as red as a tomato, all across the face and neck, as he rubs his cheek with one hand and keeps the other arm crossed over his chest like that will protect him from Maz’s wrath.

His eyes meet hers for just an instant, and then he’s looking back up at Maz and muttering a small “It’s Rey” as she flips around and accusingly points at her assistant.

Rey ducks down, back to hiding behind her computer screen as the three  _ hyenas _ to her left laugh. 

Maz throws her hands in the air in clear exasperation, and Rey still has no clue what she’s saying because the woman’s got her back to the rest of the office  _ again _ as Ben nods.

Somehow, beyond belief, his face gets even redder. That can’t be a good sign.

Maz turns on her heel, bursting out into the main office through her glass door. “Rey Niima! How long have you been seeing my nephew!” She shouts, placing a hand on her hip as Ben scurries out behind her in a nervous panic.

Rey squeaks, and ducks under her desk as the people who she _ thought _ were her friends just laugh at her misery. She giggles into her palms as Maz stomps over to her, and Rey can hear the smile in her voice. 

“How long have you been keeping this a secret from me! My own assistant and my own nephew!” She wails, as Rey hears the reverberation of Ben's uneasy chuckle behind her. She pulls her knees to her chest and listens as Maz continues her tirade, “I cannot believe this! I’ve been bamboozled! Tricked in my own business!” She shouts, as Rey just giggles from underneath her desk.

She watches Ben walk around, sneakered feet coming closer as Maz paces.

He kneels down behind her desk, so they’re eye to eye.

“Hi.” He hums, a little breathless. He outright beams at her as she giggles, and he sits down across from her and slides about halfway under the desk, as far as he can fit. He peeks up over the top, as Maz makes an indignant noise. 

“Did your mother know about this? Is this why she was asking me about my staff?” She hums, trying to kick at Rey with a clogged foot from front of said desk. She squeals and scoots closer to Ben in response, trying to avoid getting kicked.

Ben will protect her, she knows he’ll protect her. 

He tugs her into his lap as Maz moves away, starting to pace again as Rey squeaks. She turns up to Ben as he wraps his arms around her middle and pulls her tight against his chest. “Hi.” He hums again, as she leans her face against his neck and hugs him in response. “Missed you.” He whispers, as she giggles and nods into his skin.

Somehow, Ben always seems to miss her. Although, she can’t say she doesn’t understand.

“And  _ you _ !” Maz shouts, Rey watching as her feet turn towards Rose and Poes desks. “Did you know about this?” She asks, Ben busying himself with kissing Rey's cheek and rubbing her side. They tell the truth, they’ve known for a couple months. They’ve known for a while.

“I can’t believe this, my whole office has turned against me!”

Ben just giggles, as Rey grabs his hand in hers. She starts playing with his fingers as he pushes on her lower back, trying to get her to scoot so they can stand up.

Maz just groans again, as Poe tries to defend himself. “I found out on accident!” He squeakily remarks, Rey scooting off of Ben's legs in the meanwhile. He stands up, finding his balance before lifting Rey up with him. 

She keeps herself under his arm, though. Half hidden behind his back as Maz turns to them with a huff.

She’s grinning, as Rey sticks her head under Ben's jacket and groans. He responds with a sigh, shoulders settling as he makes room for her under his sleeve. “Sorry, Maz, we just wanted to make sure this was… permanent. I didn’t want to get your hopes up until we knew this was going to last.”

Rey nods, poking her head out of the side of his jacket. She wraps her arms around his torso, keeping him close as he raises his arm for her to look out from under. 

She adds on, as Maz shakes her head and the rest of the office continues to laugh. “Bens right, we wanted to make sure this was going to work before we told anybody. Only a couple people knew. Sorry, Maz.”

Maz just huffs again, turning around and marching back to her office. “Well, I’m very happy for you both.” She hums, entering her office. She turns around at the last second, pointing at them both. “Just let me know you’re getting married  _ before _ you walk down the aisle, hmm?”

Rey squeaks in embarrassment, as Ben laughs in shock. She hugs his torso as he strokes his hand up and down her shoulder, Maz disappearing behind her door with a quiet curse.

They turn to each other, knowing that they probably should have told her earlier.

But, at least she knows now!


	50. Winter - XXIII

Rey feels way out of her league over the course of the next couple weeks. If she had thought being with Ben was crazy during this time, actually going to an event with him is straight up _nuts._

First off, Maz is putting way more effort than normal into finding a dress for Rey. She is determined to find the _right_ dress for her, the right look and the right fit for the young woman.

“You’re being introduced to the world, Rey.” She hums one cold Sunday morning, holding up color samples and having Rose pull her hair back in a loose bun. “This is the first time people are going to see you, and I want everybody to know Ben is _yours_.”

Rose scoffs behind her, holding up two pictures of necklaces in her free hand. “Trust me, Maz. That boy is head over heels for her. It’s going to be more difficult to get him to _not_ look at her.”

She laughs at that, as Rey crosses her arms. She isn’t worried about Ben, she never worries about Ben in that regard, but she is worried about what other people will think about her. What the rest of the world, the film community, even his co-stars will think of them.

If they’ll see through this dress, figure out she’s just a foster kid from London with a little too much luck on her side lately.

If she feels sick, all sorts of knotted up in the stomach, it’s purely coincidence.

But she still takes a deep breath, as Maz pulls away from her with a curious look on her face. “Green is not your color.” She hums, Rey really trying not to groan in response.

Oh, she’s so gonna throw up before this is all over. She knows it.

«☆»

Ben comes by later that day, as Maz pulls dresses with Rose and a designer in her office. 

“What the fuck are they doing in there?” He hums, handing her a packaged sandwich from a local market as she shrugs.

She turns to him as she pulls it out of the bag, and he pulls up a chair next to her at her desk. He’s taken to coming by during the weekends, now that Maz knows they’re a thing, and spending her lunch breaks with her.

Rey is working seven days a week now, after all. Five days on campus and two days with Maz. Ben is trying to take all the time he can get with her, even if it isn’t much.

She doesn’t blame him.

He pulls out his own lunch, peering into the office with her. She explains, “They’re pulling dress options for the Oscars, for Tallie and Phasma. Rose said your suit already came in for Maz to check out, it’s being tailored right now.” 

He nods, as she continues to look.

“Think you’re gonna wear one of those?” He hums, as she shrugs in response. 

“I don’t know,” she sighs, running her hand along the inside of his thigh and playing with the fabric of his jeans, “It’s a high end designer, so probably not. My guess is that they’re only offering to dress Phasma because Tallie is already with Maz. If it was just Phasma, because she’s a presenter and not a nominee, I doubt they’d be offering to dress her this year.”

She turns to Ben, mid chew with a confused look on his face, “Wait, why _wouldn’t_ they want their dresses to be worn?” He quietly wonders, keeping his voice hushed as Rey shrugs.

“Hierarchy.” She sighs, raising a thumb and wiping a spot of mayo from the corner of his mouth. “It’s… complicated. There are more than enough dresses to go around, but only offering them to select individuals creates scarcity. Scarcity makes them more valuable, makes more _brands_ more valuable-”

She turns back to the office, where Rose is holding up two teal dress options that Maz is currently choosing between. 

“Maz is working her ass off to find me a dress, but nothing has come up yet.” She hums, turning back to him. “Even with the Ben Solo card, I’m not going to be on camera beyond _some_ red carpet photos and maybe an interview. If we’re lucky.” She sighs, taking another bite of her lunch. “People aren’t going to be jumping at the chance to dress me, and it’s not like I can just buy a suit and get it tailored like you can.”

Ben nods after a moment, clearly thinking. 

Being a woman is so complicated.

Rose and Maz come out of the office, the girls lighting up when they see Ben. Rey smiles as he waves back, and the designer, or probably designer's assistant, taps something out on her phone as Rose helps move the racks to the elevator. 

She doesn’t even see Ben, high bun pulling all of her hair back in a tight twist and nose stuck in her phone screen.

“I can get you those dresses for a fitting on Tuesday, but you’ll have a two hour window. Max. We have three other clients interested in the teal chiffon, and the red velvet has been requested by four. If you want them, we have to know as soon as possible.”

Maz sighs, crossing her arms as she looks towards the racks. “Miss Lintra is a breakout star, Zorii. She has a massive online fanbase, it would be foolish not to let me know I have a hold on the teal. Whatever she wears is going to be spread across the internet within minutes, you’ll regret not giving me that as an option.”

She just shrugs, as Rey frowns. “It’s not my issue if someone gets the dress before you, for all you know it could look awful on her. I’m not willing to give you that.”

Maz huffs, as the elevator doors close and Rose steps back into the office space.

Rey turns to Ben, as he scoots closer to her. It sounds like negotiations went great, clearly.

“So,” Maz hums, placing her hands together and spinning on the couple. “Good news, bad news.” 

Rey furrows her brows, taking another bite of her lunch. Okay. Good news/good news would be better.

“Good news is that I think I found more options for Gwen and Tallie, which puts me at ten each. That’s where I wanted to end up, and we have no more meetings with designers. We’re all steam ahead on the Tuesday fitting.” She sighs, as Rey braces herself for the bad news. 

“Bad news is that _that_ was my last designer, and she said no to dressing Rey. Again. I have literally nobody else to call that is _worth_ calling, dear. Ben pulls a lot of ‘clout’, as Poe would say, but not enough to get you in with my favorite designers. We could try some small studios, but this is not where I wanted to be. We could go custom-“

“If it’s a price thing I’ll cover it.” Ben hums, Rey turning to him as he looks at Maz with clear worry. “I don’t know how this works, but if it’s a price thing I can cover it. I need to have Rey at the show, if you have to go custom I can make that happen. She is absolutely worth whatever the cost is.”

Rey pinches his arm, as he yelps.

Maz shakes her head, although she’s smiling now. “No, what I was going to say is that custom will take far too long. We have less than a month to get this together, three weeks. We either need to find a new designer or we need to make some calls to fashion houses.”

Maz sighs, as Ben rubs Rey's knee. 

Rose speaks up, crossing her arms as she straightens her spine. “What if we went vintage? Old school? Made it a statement piece, ‘Ben Solo’s girlfriend Rey Niima arrives in…’ I don’t know, vintage Chanel? Dior?”

Maz seems to think it over, raising a finger to her lips and tapping as she furrows her brow and thinks.

She sighs, looking back to Rose. “What about Amilyn Holdo? Do we still have her number?” She asks, as Rose shrugs.

Rey sets her sandwich down, taking a final bite before twisting to her monitors. “I can check.” She hums, through a mouthful of turkey and pesto, as she flips through the designer contact files on her desktop. 

Maz chides her for talking with her mouth full, as Ben peers over her shoulder.

Rey pulls up a file, Amilyn Holdo, although it’s pretty bare bones. There’s a phone number, and a couple notes. Looks like it hasn’t been updated since it was first put into the system when Kanata went full digital.

“You have a phone number, but I don’t recognize ever hearing about her?” Rey hums, writing it down on a post-it and passing it to Maz. “Are you sure this is the right person?”

Maz nods, striding back to her office as she takes a deep breath. “Amilyn is the perfect person, we just have to hope she agrees!” She calls back, shutting the door behind her as Rose lets out a long sigh.

Ben turns to Rey, as she turns to him in exchange. “Amilyn is a good person, she’ll help you out.” He hums, bumping his leg up against hers. Rey shoots him a small smile she hopes is encouraging, although it feels more forced than anything else. 

Rose twists to the two, excitedly bouncing on her toes now that Maz is gone. “Amilyn Holdo was a major designer back in the late eighties and nineties. I had all of her magazine articles as a kid.” She excitedly explains to Rey, as Ben holds out an open bag of chips for her. Rose grabs some, cupping them in her palm as they all stare at Maz and watch her dial on the business landline. Rey had no clue that she had contacts that went back that far, although she isn’t really surprised.

It is Maz, after all.

Rose continues as she chomps, “She retired in the early 2000’s, after some scandal about refusing to dress an actress for some white-washed movie premiere? I don’t know the details, but I know it got messy.” She hums, shoving an extra chip in her mouth. “She decided to leave Hollywood, and has refused to so much as speak on the incident. Nobody knows where she went.”

“She moved to Montana.” Ben hums, making sure to chew before he swallows, “Got a farm, some horses. Makes the best blackberry jam-“

Rey turns to gawk at him, as Rose does the same.

He just blinks at the girls. “What? My mom was friends with her in the eighties! They stayed in contact, we used to go up to visit her during the summers when I was a kid.”

Rose just groans and walks away, as Rey rolls her eyes with a sigh. God, Ben is stupid sometimes. “I hate you, and the fact you can just say shit like that.” She laughs, placing her free palm on his chest as he furrows his brow. The kicker is that he doesn’t understand, that he doesn’t get how weird it is that he has all of these family connections to all these incredible people-

Rose sighs, turning on him as Rey giggles. “You are the reason I don’t trust men, Ben Solo.” She laughs, Rey unable to help the ugly snort that comes out of her nose as Ben starts stammering out an excuse. She has to lean to the side so she doesn’t choke on her sandwich as she laughs.

“Well, I didn’t know you were interested in Amilyns work!” He defends, face going a pretty shade of scarlet as Rey turns to look at him. “I would have told you sooner! I didn’t think you cared!”

“It’s _Amilyn Holdo_ , Ben Solo!” Rose shouts, sticking her hands out in a ‘no duh’ type of gesture that Rey hopes he understands.

Ben just flounders, gawking like a fish as Maz runs back out from her office. “Amilyn will do it, but only because, and I quote, ‘She would like to meet Leia’s daughter-in-law before the wedding’.”

Rey wholeheartedly chokes on her lunch this time, Ben rubbing her back as she catches her breath. Holy shit, Ben wasn’t kidding when he told her that Maz was going easy on them.

Fuck, Rey isn’t going to survive this.


	51. Winter - XXIV

Amilyn flies in almost immediately, Mitaka picking her up on a Thursday afternoon and bringing her to the office. The only reason Rey finds out is because Maz excitedly told her via text that they were going out to dinner, and after showing Amilyn some pictures of Rey she said that she was a “very pretty young lady and she was very excited to meet her in person!”

Rey just groaned from her place in the back of the library, her favorite desk, and wondered what all of the other students would think if they knew what was currently being plotted around her. What the current course of her life looked like.

And then Leia texted her as she was leaving, sometime around eleven, and said that Amilyn and Maz contacted _her_ and now they’re all in a group chat together to discuss the Oscars.

Among other things, Rey presumes. 

Rey just texted her back, as she waited for Ben to pick her up in the guest parking lot, and asked her if she should be asleep or not.

Leia texts back an emoji of a woman shrugging, as Rey waves Ben's car down. 

She slides into the passenger seat, grabbing his entire arm as he reaches out to pet her thigh. “Your mother is scheming.” She hums, leaning over and kissing his cheek as he pulls out of the lot with a laugh. “She’s in a group chat with Maz and Amilyn. We’re _doomed_.”

“We were always doomed, sweetheart.” Ben tries to tease, although it comes out as a strangled croak.

Rey turns to him, as he coughs and clears his throat. She realizes he’s in his pajama pants, and he looks kind of worn. His eyes are a little bloodshot, and he just seems.. droopy.

“Hey,” she hums, rubbing his forearm as he sighs. “Are you okay? You look like shit.”

He glares at her, as she raises his hand to kiss the back of it. He sighs, gently grabbing her chin with a grumble, “Voiceover session had me screaming my lungs out.” He groans as he clears his throat again, Rey squeezing his palm in what she hopes is a soothing manner. “I’ve been crying and yelling for eight hours straight trying to nail down these emotional scenes, I’m exhausted.” He hums, brow furrowing as Rey just continues to pet him.

They pull into the apartment complex, Rey thankful they live so close, as she sighs. “Did I wake you up?” She asks, wincing as he shrugs.

“I would have been more upset if you tried to walk home right now,” he admits, leaning over and kissing her as he kills the engine. “It would have bugged me more if you didn’t think you could trust me to come and get you.”

She smiles into his kiss, “I love you,” she sighs, pecking him again, “my hero.”

He laughs a little, dry and scratchy, as she pulls away and they step out of the car. Ben locks it with a shrill beep as she hurries to his side, stepping under his arm as she adjusts the tote in her grasp.

She rubs his back in soothing circles as he tucks his hand in her back pocket, his pinkie sticking out because his hands are too stupid big. 

“I’m going to make you some tea or something, okay?” Rey hums, turning to look up at him as he twists to look down at her. “Honey, lemon, the works. Wanna make you feel better.”

“I don’t know if we have any lemons.” Ben hums, opening the door from the garage and stepping into the hallway of the apartment. He seems to think for a moment, as Rey bumps her hip against his.

“I will find you a lemon.” She laughs, leaning closer into his side. “I’ll ask the neighbors if I have to, but I will find you a lemon or so help me god.”

Ben laughs, as Rey closes her eyes. How odd is it that the center of her universe, who is dragging her to red carpets and throwing her into the spotlight, can also be the most normal man she’s ever met? Trudging down a hallway in plaid pajama pants, sticking his hand in her back pocket to grab her ass?

How bizarre is that?

Rey shakes her head, as Ben starts waxing poetics about the oddity of lemons helping sore throats, and insists that a lozenge would be much more beneficial right now.

Christ, Rey has a weird life.

«☆»

The poetics continue, as Rey sits Ben down on the couch and tries to tuck him in. He huffs and holds his arms out as he glares and pouts, clearly signaling for her to stay as she walks away.

He whines, like the big baby he is, as she starts rifling through the cabinets instead. She doesn’t even get past pulling his favorite mug down and filling up the electric kettle before he’s back behind her, looming over her shoulder like some needy vampire.

He wraps his arms around her, pulling a blanket around their bodies. She feels the hard press of his chest against her back as he corners her in the kitchen and wraps his arms around her. 

He effectively traps her in a shared blanket burrito, squishing her against his chest and kissing her forehead as she giggles. “Ben-“ She hums, because she really needs to get him some type of tea or something. His voice sounds wrecked, if he isn’t careful he’ll lose the whole damn thing.

“No.” He croaks out, smiling as he squishes her tighter. “No.” He hums again, kissing her temple as he shakes his head.

He makes his intentions clear, as Rey huffs.

She squeaks as he tightens his grip on her, and she has to elbow him in the ribs (gently) in order to convince him to leave her be. She can’t exactly cuddle him if she can’t breathe, after all.

Ben doesn’t stray far, though, following her like her own personal second shadow. He keeps his body pressed to hers, kissing whatever skin he can reach as Rey sets the kettle up and pulls out her phone. She knows they have mint tea somewhere around here, Finn drinks it when he’s stressed, but a quick google search for other options wouldn’t hurt.

Her patient continues to unhelpfully kiss her neck as she clicks on the first result. 

She turns to him, pointing at a cabinet as she reads. “I need you to grab the mint tea, please.” She hums, feeling him pull away and listening as he rifles through the cabinet. She snaps her fingers as she thinks, “Honey too, honey.” 

Ben huffs in response, although she can see the corners of his mouth turn up when she looks at him.

She moves to the fridge, Ben loudly whining as she leaves his side. She quickly pulls out the produce drawer, sighing as she taps her foot along the ground.

Ben was right, they don’t have any lemons. Or any citrus for that matter, since it’s so out of season.

He tugs her back to his arms, closing the fridge door as she giggles. “You’re a menace.” She sighs, leaning her head back against him as he leans down and kisses her forehead again.

“So I’ve been told.” He hums, Rey rubbing his cheek in response. 

He leads her back to her little workstation, reaching across and grabbing another mug for her. “If I have to drink this, I’m bringing you down with me.” He croaks, Rey squeezing his forearm as he holds her tight against his chest.

“It’s mint and honey, grow up.” She giggles, picking her phone back up and continuing to read.

She exhales, as Ben whines behind her. He sets the mug down and kind of hunches himself over her body, like he’s trying to press as much of himself against her as humanly possible. Like he’s trying to cover her with himself.

Rey just continues to giggle, as she reads out part of the article.

“Try these home remedies to help your _child_ feel better.” She hums, elbowing him in the ribs again. He makes a small _oof_ noise as she scrunches her nose up at him, and he whines again. 

The kettle goes off, as he scoffs and Rey starts to pour. Ben tears open the little tea packets, leaving the paper on the counter and dunking the teabags into the cups. 

Rey grabs the honey, putting a generous portion into each mug as Ben sighs against her neck. “I missed you.” He hums, bracing his legs behind her. “I missed you so much, pretty girl.”

Rey nods, pulling his arms tighter around her and enclosing herself in his blanket/cape situation as the tea steeps. They’ve got time, she can indulge.

“I missed you too.” She hums, sneaking her hands under his shirt. She’s been working too much lately, she knows, but she can’t exactly take time off right now. There isn’t space to take time off. 

She pops up on her toes to press a quick kiss to his lips as she responds. “Was thinking about you all day, missed you all day.”

Ben nods, as Rey sighs into his chest. She takes in a deep breath of Ben, all soap and clean skin, as he presses kisses to her hair. 

They stand like that for a moment, in the kitchen and waiting for this incredibly simple tea to finish steeping.

“Ben?” Rey hums, looking up as he peers down at her. “Are you nervous, about the Oscars? About us going?”

He rocks on his feet a little, shrugging in response. “Yes?” He finally admits with a sigh, reaching around her and grabbing his mug with solid fingers. She does the same, as she waits for him to elaborate.

“I fluctuate between nervousness and… not… nervousness.” He sighs, taking a sip and licking his lips. Rey watches as he grimaces, because not even mint and honey can go down too easy when one’s shouted their voice raw. 

He sighs and shrugs as he stares down into the tea, and she knows he’s talking himself into finishing it. “I get nervous about being alone, when I’m going to have to sit alone. I had Hux at the Globes at least, to set a hand on my shoulder during breaks and to remind me to chill out. This…” 

He sighs, Rey taking her own sip as he stares into his mug. “It’s a comfort to know you will be there, but I wish we were sitting together. I’m glad they get through the best actor categories first, at least, so I won’t have time to freak out like I did at the Globes.” He groans, Rey rubbing his arm in response.

“Hux and I will be right there, in the back of the theater, watching.” She comforts, smiling as he takes another slow sip. “We’ll be cheering you on, and I’ll be waiting for food.”

Ben groans as Rey giggles, “I totally forgot about the dinner.” He smiles, Rey rubbing his chest as he furrows his brow and rubs the bridge of his nose with the back of his wrist. “You’re going to be a monster without food for so long, I need to tell Hux to pack granola bars or something.”

Rey just laughs as Ben slips a hand in her back pocket and takes another sip of his tea. He shakes his head as Rey laughs, glad that the thing he’s most worried about is making sure Rey gets fed.

  
If that’s the worst of their problems, she thinks that even _she_ can make it through Oscars night.


	52. Winter - XXV

Rey meets Amilyn Holdo that Saturday, sometime around ten AM. 

Maz comes in late, Amilyn and Rose following right behind her after what sounds like a bizarre night. “Poor Mitaka,” Maz sighs, giggling as she enters the office and Rose beams behind her. She adjusts a stack of fabric in her arms as Maz turns back to them, “I can’t believe we left him at the fabric store, poor boy must have been so scared.”

“He was fine, Maz. A little emotionally scarred but-“ Amilyn shrugs a little, tilting her head side to side, “-he’ll survive.”

Maz just chuckles at that, turning back to Rey as she looks up from where she’s lethargically set her head on her desk. She flashes a peace sign as she sighs, too tired to form a cohesive response about how cool Amilyn looks with purple hair and a pantsuit that screams “I eat men for breakfast.”

Any other day, and Rey would be asking for tips on how to kick so much ass without trying.

Maz looks the girl up and down, crossing her arms. “You look like shit, Rey.” She hums, said Rey groaning in response.

“Ben got sick, we thought his sore throat was just because of the voiceover work he’s been doing but it turns out he got the flu or something.” She motions to herself as she sits up, leaning back. “And, of course, that means I got it.”

Maz nods, turning to Amilyn. “This is Rey, by the way. She doesn’t normally hoard tissues.”

Rey looks over to her small pile of used tissues, sheepishly using her arm to slide them off of her desk and into a waiting bin.

Great, that’s just… Rey is making a great first impression here.

“She’s shorter than I thought.” Amilyn sighs, leaning back and getting a good look at her. She takes the opportunity to stand up, smoothing out her skirt and clearing her throat. She’s not _that_ short, she’s actually a pretty average height, she’s just skinny and sort of… tiny? Alright, she’s _small_. Amilyn doesn't have to rub it in.

Amilyn narrows her eyes, like she’s examining her. Rey self-consciously crosses her arms over her chest, protecting herself and her body from such intense scrutiny. 

“Oh, but she cleans up so nicely.” Maz hums, reaching up and tapping Amilyns shoulder. The shorter woman can hardly reach the taller one, really, if anybody is short-

Amilyn narrows her eyes at Rey, and Rey knows she must be blushing as Rose just rocks on her heels behind the two older women in clear fascination. 

“I can work with this.” Amilyn hums, turning down to Maz with a smile. Rey remembers she said those exact words when she had to fix Ben's hair, _I can work with this._

Maybe Rey Niima is just like one big bad haircut, not that she can remember the last time she got her hair professionally cut.

Kitchen scissors and a little bit of ingenuity work just fine, she finds. 

Maz claps her hands together, “Good! Amilyn and I are going to get to work. Rose, I need you to finish out the schedule now that we have hair and makeup decided for Tallie and Gwen. Capeesh?”

“Got it!” Rose chirps, Maz nodding and heading off to her office with Amilyn. The women continue to chatter as Rey sighs, waiting for the doors to close before she says anything.

She sneezes as the door squeaks shut, squeaking into her own elbow as Rose gasps her name.

“Oh my god, bless you by the way, you will not _believe_ the day I had yesterday.”

Rey just nods, groaning as Rose continues. 

“Amilyn brought some dresses with her, I think Maz has them in her office right now, and they’re _so pretty_. I mean, we all know eighties high fashion was kind of a travesty, but the nineties dresses? God, Rey, they’re _stunning_. I swear, you’re going to be a nineties goddess. You have to let me do your makeup or something-“

Rey nods again, sneezing a second time as Rose continues.

“Oh! And then, after we looked at the dresses, they invited me to go _fabric shopping_!” Rey looks up as Rose makes some sort of frantic gesture with her hands. “Fabric shopping, Rey! I went fabric shopping with _Amilyn Holdo_ and _Maz Kanata_! We found this beautiful black lace, covered in stars, but Amilyn said it wasn’t inspiring. I nearly bought a bolt myself! And I don’t even design stuff anymore!”

Rey sneezes a third time, as the doors swing open again. A fourth, as they close behind the two women.

Rose shuts up, hands on Rey's desk as she collapses back in her chair with an unpleasant shiver. 

“Sure you don’t want to go home, Rey?” Rose asks, as Rey shakes her head. It’s a pride thing, really. She’s needed here, she’s wanted here. They have too much work to do, they can’t really spare her right now. Plus, Amilyn flew all the way out for _her_ , it would be rude to leave.

Maz nods, as Rey curls her arms around herself and sniffles. “If you need to go home, now would be the time to know.” She hums, Rey shaking her head in response.

“I’m fine, really. I’m not even contagious, I don’t even have a fever.” She croaks, trying to smile.

Maz looks unconvinced. 

“Amilyn wants to try you in a couple dresses. Are you feeling up to it?” She asks, genuinely looking concerned for Reys safety.

Rey nods with a strained grin, absolutely not feeling up to it at all.

«☆»

“She’s too _delicate_ , Maz!” Amilyn sighs, pulling away to look at Rey as Rose clips in the sides of the dress. “She doesn’t fill out the neckline like I wanted, she doesn’t have enough-“

Amilyn makes a vague motion to her own chest, and Rey closes her eyes to try and will her blush away. She knows she doesn’t have a _lot_ to work with here, but at least Ben doesn’t seem to mind.

She reminds herself that Ben likes her as is, and that’s all that matters. 

Maz sighs, adjusting her glasses as she narrows her eyes. Rey hates this pink monstrosity, the skirt is too big and the top just doesn’t fit right. It’s not right, none of these dresses have been _right_.

Amilyn exhales, rubbing her cheek as the two women stare at her.

“I’m inspired, but you’re going to hate me.” Amilyn murmurs, turning down to Maz as Rey lifts her arms up with a centering sigh. Rose continues to mess around with the clips, somehow making the situation worse and almost flashing the entire room as Rey squeaks.

She catches the molded chest piece just in time, turning to glare at Rose in exchange.

Maz narrows her eyes as she thinks, crossing her arms as she looks up at the taller woman. “What are you thinking?” She tentatively asks, keeping her voice quiet as Rey redirects her attention to the two. She almost has to strain to listen, with the volume they’re speaking.

Amilyn sighs, closing her eyes and tilting her head up to the ceiling. “Remember that yellow chiffon I bought yesterday?”

Maz seems to think it over for a moment, looking between Rey and Amilyn. “Yes?” She hums, tilting her head in cautious confusion as Amilyn just solemnly nods in response. Nodding like it’s obvious what her intent is here.

Rey just tries to follow along, as it finally hits Maz. “ _No!_ ” She gasps, grinning and gently placing her worn hands on Amilyns arm. Whatever Amilyn is referring to must clearly be a shock, because Maz has a _look_ on her face that Rey has never seen before. Maybe she’s backing out, maybe this is the end of this journey. Maybe Amilyn is realizing Rey isn’t _worthy_ of wearing anything she makes. Maybe she’ll-

Rey tries to stop her train of thoughts before she fully spirals.

Amilyn nods, tapping her finger against her bottom lip as she thinks. “It’ll be a tight fit, but I can do it. I’ve had tighter timelines.” She sighs, looking down at Maz. “We’ll have one shot to do this, though. It has to be perfect, and once we’re decided it’s _decided_.”

Maz nods, steeling her expression. “I have muslin.” She hums, striding off to her unorganized organizational closet. Mitaka comes in once a week to reorganize it, only to have it end up the way it is by the next weekend.

Maz steps over a stack of magazines, two bolts of velvet, and a pile of belts before she gets to what she’s looking for. Rey watches as Rose runs after her, helping her yank out the stack of muslin.

Rey just stares in confusion, because the muslin is only pulled out when-

Oh, fuck, they’re going to try and put her in a custom dress. 

_Shit-_


	53. Winter - XXVI

Ben stares in confusion at Maz’s office, where his lovely girlfriend Rey is currently being threatened with what looks to be a pair of fabric scissors. 

He tilts his head a little as he examines the scene in front of him, Rey having white fabric draped over her body and looking absolutely miserable with a red nose and tired eyes. He chooses not to get involved as he crosses the room with two thermoses of chicken noodle soup in his hands. Not that he’s scared of Maz or anything-

But, well, he is a little scared of Maz.

He sits down in Rey's office chair, crossing one long leg over the other and watching the scene play out in front of him. Amilyn, in all her tall glory, is currently sketching something up on copy paper. Maz is switching her attention between Rey and whatever Amilyn is saying, and Rose is just holding a bunch of pins in a purple pin cushion.

Rey turns her head, spotting Ben as he opens his thermos. She does a double take, like she forgot he promised to come by and bring her food, as Ben sips his soup and tiredly waves.

She smiles back, like a thousand suns, as he idly spins in her office chair. 

«☆»

Rey just blinks at Ben, sipping from a thermos and tiredly spinning in her office chair. He looks awful, eyes droopy and hair only half brushed. She waves back as Maz and Amilyn continue to argue about sleeves. 

“She has the shoulders for it, Amilyn!” Maz hums, sounding ever so slightly stressed.

“I know, but with the yellow chiffon and the brown hair it’ll look way too Belle-y. I’m  _ not _ putting her in anything that could get fashion police on her ass!”

Maz just groans, as Rey sighs. 

She looks back to Ben, who is holding up a piece of copy paper with “HELP?” Written across the front in big bold letters.

She nods, and he stands up. Rose sees him then, following Rey's eyeline. 

“Maz, what are your current feelings on Swarovski?” Amilyn asks, looking up from her paper.

The older woman shakes her head, “On Rey? No. Simpler the better. Plus, rhinestones are not my thing right now. Too gaudy.” She hums, explaining that Rey has a tendency to pick at and play with anything her hands can reach. She’ll accidentally tear something out of nervousness.

Rey screws up her face. Not that Maz is wrong, but she didn’t have to call her out like that.

“Hey look! Ben is here!” Rose calls, loudly, in order to draw the attention of the two older women.

Ben freezes with the door to Mazs office half open, mid sip on his soup.

“Do  _ not _ bring food in here, Benjamin Solo!” Maz shouts, stomping her foot on the ground.

He turns around, screwing the lid on his thermos shut and running back to Reys desk with wide eyes. “What is Ben doing here?” Amilyn hums, checking the time on the wall, “I don’t remember you saying he would stop by?”

Maz just sighs, going back to staring at rough sketches with Amilyn. “The boy is attached to Rey like an extra limb, he comes by just to spend her lunch hour with her.

Rose tugs out her phone from her back pocket, wincing, “He’s right on time too. It’s already twelve-thirty.”

Amilyn sighs, turning around and looking Rey up and down. They’ve already figured out the skirt length, floor length. With heels, it should just barely skate along the ground. It’s a straight skirt, but Amilyn said there should be enough fabric that Rey could theoretically run in it. If she wanted.

Not that she should, or she will, but the leg room is important to her in any case. 

The bodice is another issue, Amilyn can’t decide between backless, off the shoulder, spaghetti strap, or  _ what _ . Nothing looks right, apparently.

Rey wonders if that’s her fault.

Ben comes back in, as she tries to explain her vision _ again _ . “It needs to be understated, elegant. Think… Degas ballerinas. I want Rey to look like a ballerina.”

Rey could scoff at that, if Maz didn’t nod along. “Innocence, sweetness, I understand.” She sighs, looking Rey up and down. Rey is anything  _ but _ .

She turns to Ben, trying to slip into the room as quietly as possible. “The good thing is, next to him, anybody would look tiny.”

“Hey!” Rey squeaks, as Ben huffs and shoves his hands in his pockets. He takes on a nice blush, although it might just be his cold.

“It’s nice to see you too, Maz, Amilyn.” He croaks, crossing his arms and tapping his foot on the gray carpet. 

Amilyn shoots him a look, as he walks over to Rey and wraps an arm around her. “Hey.” He hums, kissing her temple. She notes his voice still sounds scratchy, but better than it was the day before. “I brought you chicken noodle soup, I wanted to check if you were feeling better.”

She nods, already feeling her day growing a little better now that he’s here. “Thank you.” She sighs, raising a hand to rub his back. “You?”

He shrugs, as Amilyn and Maz turn back to them, “I could be better.” He sighs, looking her up and down. She can tell what he’s thinking, with the small grimace that appears on his face when he steps back.

He thinks she looks ridiculous. 

She huffs, fighting the urge to stomp on his foot as he mutters something under his breath.

“You know, at least they make a cute couple.” Amilyn hums, appraising the duo in front of her.

Maz sizes them up, with a nod. “Aesthetically pleasing, even when they’re sick as dogs.”

Rey huffs again, as Ben wraps an arm around her defensively. Rose just snickers behind them, as Ben sighs.

“How’s LA treating you so far, Amilyn? Don’t suppose you’ve gone shopping for more clientele yet?”

“Oh god no.” She laughs, pulling up another piece of paper and sketching something out on the back of a binder. “I’ve moved on, I only design for myself now.”

She lowers the binder, eyes landing on Rey with a mischievous smile. “And Leia, of course.”

Rey squeaks, crossing her arms as she tries not to blush. She still doesn’t know how she feels about being referred to as part of Leia’s circle. If she and Ben are  _ part  _ of Leia’s circle.

Ben gently chuckles, leaning against Rey a little. He kisses her forehead when Maz turns to Amilyn, and the two women go back to muttering about this design. Arguing, really, as Rey sighs.

He pulls away, face gone a little pale and eyes a little wider than before. “Hey, are you sure you don’t have a fever?” He worriedly hums, placing the back of his hand against her forehead. She nods her head in a silent yes, although she can’t really be too certain because she didn’t really know how to use the thermometer in Bens bathroom. The one in his emergency medkit, actually.

It’s been a very time since she had to use one of those little red mercury filled ones, after all. She couldn’t remember how long to leave it in her mouth.

He tilts his head, like he’s about to say something, but thinks better of it.

“Could you have come down with a fever since you last took your temperature?”

Rey stops to think, because she isn’t sure. She decides to just shrug in response, leaning into his palm as he cups her cheek. “God, I hope not.” She sighs, whining into his chest as he hugs her. 

He huffs, rubbing her back as he turns to Rose. “I’m gonna take her home, will you be alright if she takes the rest of the weekend off?”

“Course,” Rose sighs, Rey succumbing to the warm hold of Ben's arms. She hadn’t been admitting it earlier, but she really doesn’t feel well. She feels too hot, and too cold, and so exhausted. 

And she knows it’s not just this cold. 

Rey peels herself away from Ben, as Amilyn hums to herself. “I want to try this.” She happily chirps, Maz practically vibrating in excitement next to her. 

“Rose, grab the muslin.” She hums, taking the pincushion from her in her small hands. Ben takes a step back as Rose grabs the muslin, and follows Amilyns instructions for draping it across Rey's chest.

“Amilyn, Maz-“

“Not now, Ben. We’re working.” Maz hums, tucking the front under Rey's skirt with a sigh. Rose pulls it over her shoulder, Maz instructing her where to cut it so it can tuck under the back of Rey's skirt as well.

“Well I-“

“Ben, not  _ now. _ ” Amilyn groans, as Rose repeats the process on Rey's other side.

Rey, for the most part, just holds her arms out and waits for it to be over. Ben shoots her a sympathetic look as he crosses his arms and watches.

Amilyn takes a step back, once Rey is all covered. “It still doesn’t look right.” She complains, raising a hand and biting her index finger as she thinks. She scowls at Rey as the younger woman cowers, because in a dress like this the entire center of her chest would be revealed. Collar bone to waist.

That is a scary prospect.

Maz examines for a moment, placing a hand on her hip. “You’re right, too revealing.” She hums, Rey breathing a sigh of relief as Maz steps up and starts messing with the fabric.

She tugs on the front, as Ben speaks up again. “I really think-“

Maz and Amilyn both shush him this time, Amilyn going so far as to raise a finger in the air as he stares in shock. It is a very funny interaction to Rey, who realizes she might need to sit down sooner rather than later. 

She is quite sick, now that she thinks about it.

Amilyn snaps her fingers, stepping forward and tugging on the front so it covers a little more of her chest. “Let's do these in the same chiffon as the skirt, and give her a wraparound top in a sheer lace. She’ll essentially be wearing a cover underneath this, Rose do the same on the back.”

Rose complies, as Rey tries not to wiggle. She never realized how ticklish fittings could be. 

Maz hums in confirmation, as Amilyn shows her exactly where the underpiece will fit. There are talks of nip slips, and zippers, and makeup-

And Rey finds herself growing more exhausted, turning to look at Ben and pouting as he uncomfortably shifts on his feet. 

“Alright, I’m taking Rey home.” He finally commands, stepping forward and untucking the pinned fabric with an angry huff. “She’s sick, and I’m taking her home.”

Rose helps him undo the pins at Rey's hip, letting the fabric drop so she can step out of the garment. Her  _ hero _ .

Amilyn groans, muttering what sounds to be a disappointed “ _ no, _ ” as Maz shakes her head. “We were just making progress!” The designer sighs, taking a deep breath as Ben shrugs. Rey sees that he doesn’t care, Amilyn is going to stay until the dress is finished anyways. It’s not like she has anywhere else better to be-

And then he’s picking Rey up, pulling her against his chest in one swift movement. She wraps her legs around him with a surprised squeak, clinging to his torso like a confused koala as he grunts. “I’m taking her home, and that’s that.” He sighs, turning around and straight up just walking out of the office. 

Rey closes her eyes as she settles in against Ben's chest, the gentle thump of his heart and the warmth of his hands at her back. The gentle sway of his body as he moves to her desk with a gentle coo in her ear as she shifts. “Are you seriously just going to carry her out of here?” Maz asks, incredulous. Rey can hear the smile in her voice, though, as Ben turns around.

“ _Yes._ ” He curtly hums, as Rey stares down at her desk. She never noticed how dusty the top of her computer monitor is. 

“She has a fever, I don’t think she’s eaten since lunch yesterday, and she stayed up until midnight working on her thesis because her jackass co-author fucked her over again. I’m taking her home.”

He adjusts her against him, so she isn’t so much as clinging onto his chest as she is flung over his shoulder.

“We have to discuss jewelry, Ben!” Amilyn protests. “Your mother wants to know if she should loan Rey anything!” 

Ben scoffs at that, as Rose walks around Rey’s desk. She’s grinning from ear to ear, crossing her arms as she stares at her friend and former-roommate.

Rey gives her a sleepy middle finger, as Rose puffs out her cheeks and pulls a face. 

Rey hides her laugh in the fabric of Ben's jumper.

“Rey has jewelry, and I’m sure Maz can find something.” Ben hums, squeezing the back of her thigh with his palm. “She could wear the opal necklace and earrings I got her for Christmas, isn’t that right dear?”

Rey’s brain short circuits, because she totally forgot that she owned those.

Not that she forgets about, literally, the most expensive thing she’s ever owned, but she keeps them in a lockbox in the master bathroom of Ben's apartment. The key is hidden in the fruit bowl. She doesn’t exactly have it on display.

She blushes something fierce, as Rose just blinks at her in confused awe. She also hadn’t told Rose that Ben bought literal thousands of dollars worth of jewelry for her. “Yeah?” She quietly hums, as Ben purrs in agreement. 

“Then it’s settled-“

“Do you have a picture?” Amilyn sighs, Maz humming in agreement. If Rey focuses really hard, she can imagine the two women. Scowling at Ben and trying to intimidate him. 

Ben uses his free hand to reach in his pocket, pulling out his phone. “I do, in fact.”

Rose scrambles for a notepad on Rey's desk, as Rey tightens her grip on Ben's jumper as he struggles to get his phone unlocked. “Who designed it?” Maz suspiciously hums, as Ben hands her the device. Rey knows when he does, because his hand goes back to her legs to steady her. 

“Piaget.” He sighs, straightening his posture as Rey blushes. She hadn’t even asked him where he bought it, he could have gotten it from Kohl's and she would have been none the wiser. “I had it custom made, it’s blue and pink opal.”

He had it-  _ when  _ was he going to tell her this, exactly?

Maz hums in approval, as Rose flips her notepad back to Rey. It just reads  _ “WHEN???”  _ across the top, underlined three times for emphasis. 

Rey shrugs in response, because it’s not like she meant to keep this from her. 

Rey rolls her eyes, as Rose scrambles around and out of her eyeline. She assumes Rose is going to-

“Holy  _ shit _ ,” she whispers, almost reverent, “that’s fucking stunning.”

Ben unconsciously tightens his grip on Rey, and she knows that if she were feeling better she would be kicking for him to put her down right now.

Luckily for him she really doesn’t feel well right now, and it feels really good to be held like this.

“I can work with this.” Amilyn hums. “I can definitely work with this.”

Rey uncomfortably shifts, and Ben lowers her again. It is a thousand times more comfortable to be clinging to his chest, rather than thrown over the hard line of his shoulder and having his scapula, she thinks, dig into her stomach for an extended amount of time. 

He rubs her back as she nestles into his neck, and he sighs something like “it’s okay,” into her ear. 

She holds on tighter, locking her legs around his torso as he continues to soothingly pet her back. Fuck, she needed this. 

Amilyn finally sighs, handing the phone back to Ben. He tucks it in his pocket as Rey supports herself against his body, taking full advantage of his broad chest. “Fine, you two can go.” She hums, “Rey, I expect a clean bill of health by Wednesday. I should have the muslin all sewed up by then, Rose can help with the prep work.”

Rose squeals excitedly, as Rey nods. Her eyes are closed now, and she knows it’s rude, but Ben is very tempting to fall asleep on right now. 

“Ben,” she continues, “It’s good to see you. You’re very lucky, and your mother asked if she thought it would be inappropriate if she stayed with you during her visit. I told her it was, there’s no need to thank me.” 

Ben mutters what sounds like “ _ oh thank god _ ” as Rey giggles, nuzzling into his neck.

She vaguely registers a series of goodbyes, Ben picking up the thermoses from her desk before vacating the office with her. They don’t say anything as they descend in the elevator, because they don’t have to.

Rey clings on tightly to his chest, as he supports her and slowly rubs her back. He sighs into her skin when she runs a hand through his hair, and he tells her how sorry he is that he wasn’t there to check up on her sooner. How much he loves her, and how she needs to take better care of herself for his sake.

Rey just nods into his neck, because she doesn’t think she’ll be taking much better care of herself if the consequence is having Ben carry her around and fret over her like she’s the most important being in the universe. 

He really is a poor negotiator, sometimes.


	54. Winter - XXVII

Rey, begrudgingly, uses her own feet to drag herself up to Ben's apartment. Neither of them are feeling very well, after all, and she figured it would be the right thing to do to not drape herself over his body all the way up to their place.

That’s not to say she likes it, though, but the soothing circles he rubs on her hip with his heavy palm make it a little easier.

She sneezes when they get to the door, Ben jumping a little as he unlocks it. “Okay, you need to lie down.” He sighs, pointing to their bedroom. 

He hands her the pink thermos, her thermos, as she stares up at him. He’s usually so touchy about eating in bed, because he hates crumbs. Not that it stops Rey from having midnight cracker snacks when she needs to, but he despises eating in bed.

She just continues to stare at him, sniffling as he worriedly stares down at her. “Sweetheart, you alright?”

She nods, and Ben grabs her shoulders and turns her around. “Go, I’m grabbing DayQuil.”

“Okay.” She wearily hums, unscrewing her thermos as she walks. She takes a deep sip of soup, happily shutting her eyes and breathing in the steam, as Ben rustles around the kitchen cabinets behind her.

Shit, when was the last time she had a day off?

«☆»

Ben follows her into the bedroom a couple minutes later, narrowing his eyes and trying to read the instructions on the DayQuil as he sets his open laptop on her lap. He mumbles to himself as he works, muttering something about doses and timing.

Rey sets her soup down on her nightstand, as she scrolls through the website he’s pulled up. Ah, movies. Good idea.

“I want to watch something trashy.” She states, opening a new tab and going to Ben's Disney+ account. Not that Disney channel movies are inherently trashy, but-

Okay, they’re kind of trash. But good trash! Trash that Rey enjoys!

Specifically Princess Diaries trash, which Rey will happily force Mr. Oscar-Nominated here to watch. It’s not a bad movie, not at all, just…

It’s a little cringe worthy, sometimes.

It’s a good movie, just not a great movie.

Ben settles in next to her, handing her a tiny cup of orange medicine. “Drink.” He instructs, unscrewing the lid of his own thermos. He takes a sip as she downs the medicine with a grimace, throwing it back. She treats it like a shot, except instead of sending a pleasant burn down her spine her whole mouth just feels kind of unpleasantly sticky. 

She sighs, as she shivers, “I wish they would stop trying to add fun flavors to medicine, just let it taste like shit and recognize that it tastes like shit.”

Ben just watches, snorting as she hands him the cup back. “You have an excellent shot-taking technique, by the way.” He compliments, setting the empty cup down next to the DayQuil bottle. To be washed later, surely.

Rey shrugs, tucking herself into his side as he takes another sip of his soup and sits down beside her. He groans as he realizes what movie she’s queued up, what they’re going to watch. “Really?” He laughs, as she nods.

“Princess Diaries is a good movie, don’t at me on this.”

Ben chuckles, although he sighs a moment later as the opening music starts. “Gotta admit, never seen it.” He hums, as Rey scoffs in shock and indignation.

“We have to break up.” She teases, pulling away from him before throwing herself over his chest. “I can’t date a man who hasn’t watched Julie Andrews ungracefully eat a corn dog.”

Ben just stares at her in horror, as Rey giggles. 

He shakes his head, making an exasperated sigh as Rey cuddles closer to him. She closes her eyes and near purrs as his arm snakes under her body, grabbing her ass and pushing her flush against his side.

She throws her leg over his for good measure, as he huffs into the air. 

“Alright,” he concedes, “if that’s what it takes to keep you here, I’ll watch Julie Andrews, only one of the most legendary actresses of all time, ungracefully eat a corn dog.”

Rey snorts, as Ben kisses her temple. Oh, yes, that is exactly what the doctor ordered. 

_ « _ ☆ _ » _

Rey wakes up feeling like her throat is stuffed full of cotton. She wheezes and gags a little as she curls tighter against the warm mass next to her, and it pulls her closer. 

“Hey, hey.” It soothes, all low and grumbly. “You alright?”

Rey nods, pulling away from Ben and blinking. She groans as he pushes back her hair, before protectively tugging her back into his chest.

He changed into pajamas at some point, although Rey is still in her jeans and jumper. Ben runs a hand along her thigh as she whines, and her hands fly to her fly while he works. 

She starts clumsily tugging her jeans down, undoing the button and hurriedly kicking them off her legs as Ben looks at her in confusion.

“Hot.” She murmurs, coughing into Bens chest as she gives up. Her pants are halfway down her legs, but at least they’re not constricting her thighs anymore. It is not good, but it is at least better.

Ben reaches down, gently tugging them the rest of the way off. His hand slides under her jumper after that, pushing it up and over her head as she whines.

He undoes her bra, rubbing his fingers over the lines she’s sure it’s left on her body, as he flings it somewhere over her head. “Okay.” He sighs, kissing her forehead and wrapping his entire body around hers. “Poor Rey, you’re getting hit so much harder with this than I did. I’m sorry.”

Rey nods, coughing into his chest again as he exhales. 

“Can you drink some water for me?” He asks, sitting up as she nods. 

She slowly recollects her thoughts, her memories, as Ben helps pull her up. She remembers watching the movie with Ben, he made her finish her soup, and then she fell asleep maybe an hour into it? She can’t really remember.

Ben kisses her forehead, as she greedily takes the cold cup from his hands and sips. She pulls closer to his chest, as he wraps his arms around her. This is the best thing she’s ever drank.

He pushes her hair back as he sighs. “Do I need to call a doctor?” He quietly hums, running his thumb under her eye, “You’re really sick, I’m worried.”

Rey just hands him her cup back, as she shakes her head. She watches as he sets it down, hand never leaving her face.

“No.” She sighs, wrapping her arms around his torso, “I think I just need you.” She sighs, Ben scooping her up into his arms. He rubs her back as she cuddles into his chest, gripping his shirt in her hands.

“You’ve got me.” He comforts, tucking her in against his body. “You’ve always got me.”

Rey bites back a sudden surge of tears, as Ben takes care of her and holds her. Fuck, she’s lucky. She’s  _ so _ lucky she found him. How many people in the world would do this for her? How many would care like this?

Fuck, she only has a month and a half left with him.


	55. Winter - XXVIII

That whole month and a half revelation has been doing some things to Rey. 

Mentally, she’s been a mess. She broke down crying in her poor advisors office on their last check in, the woman sympathetically handing her a fresh box of tissues as she babbled about how much she loves Ben and how much she’s going to miss him when he leaves.

She leaves out the whole famous actor part, but she goes through about half the box before her advisor just says to take the damn thing, she buys them in bulk. 

Multiple people ask if she’s okay, and she snaps back more aggressively every time.

She snaps at Ben once, after a particularly long day and a particularly draining session with Maz and Amilyn. They finished the muslin today, which means Rey won’t have to go back until the dress is finished and they can do final fittings, but it’s been a long ass day and she’s too fucking tired to have him asking if she wants carrots or peas with dinner.

He sets down his spatula, turning to Rey as she sulks on the floor in the entry to the kitchen. She’s sitting with her back against the wall, glaring at him as she picks at fuzzies on her jumper. “ _What_ on earth has gotten into you?” He bites, furrowing his brow at her as she shrugs. She watches as he rocks on his feet, caught somewhere between aggravation and anxiety. 

“What is going on?” He asks, crossing his arms and staring down at her. “We don’t do this to each other, this whole sulking and getting pissy at each other thing. We? We don’t do this. Okay Rey? I love you, and people who love each other don’t do this.”

She nods, and then promptly breaks down into tears. She’s a fucking mess. She’s awful-

Ben swoops down after her, easing her off the floor and into his arms. “Whoa.” He mutters, as Rey clings onto his chest with too grabby fingers, “Whoa, whoa, what’s going on?”

She just sobs harder, Ben picking her up and setting her on the counter as he frets. He uses his sleeve to wipe away her tears, as she clings on a little too strongly to his shirt with shaking hands. 

He kisses her cheek, as she wraps her arms around him and buries her face into his neck with a gasping cry. 

“I’m just going to miss you-“ She hiccups, trying to take in as much air as possible, “so much!”

She _wails_ as Ben pulls away from her in shock, tugging her tight against his chest after a long moment. “Oh, Rey.” He hums, nestling against her body. “I’m gonna miss you too, but we have time. We don’t have to worry about that for-“

He pulls away from her, counting on his fingers how many weeks they have left. He tilts his head in confusion, pursing his lips as he crunches the numbers.

She watches as he does it again, like he’s double checking his math when he can only count the number of weeks they have left together on one hand and one finger. 

“Six weeks.” He sighs, settling his forehead against hers as he gulps. “Holy shit, I- I didn’t realize-”

A fresh wave of tears washes over Rey, as she sobs into his hair that smells a little too much like lavender for a man of his build, but she loves so much exactly _because_ he’s a big tall man who uses lavender shampoo. 

Ben pulls away, and Rey can see as tears start to well in his eyes. “We’re not going to cry over this.” He states, as he cries over it.

The hypocrisy of it all, really.

Rey laughs, bitterly, as she wipes away his own tears with her sleeve. “I know.” She sighs, Ben leaning against her shoulder again as he sighs. Her voice shakes as she speaks, “Only six more weeks. Six more Mondays where you have to listen to me complain about Mondays, twelve more lunches in Maz’s office, forty-two more nights sleeping in the same bed-”

She hears her voice go all wobbly again, as Ben clutches her tightly. As he sighs, and she strings herself back together for him. The best she can, as his jaw hangs open against her neck and he tries to come to terms with this.

“Six more weeks of the best eight months of my _life_.” He whispers, burying his face in her shoulder as she exhales.

Rey nods, with a wobbly “mmhm.” 

And she hangs onto his hair, for good measure.

Ben holds her, taking a deep but shaky breath. “Is that why you’ve been so… temperamental?” He asks, Rey slowly nodding in affirmation.

She’s not proud of her behavior, but she was freaked out. She _is_ freaked out at the prospect of Ben being gone for so long. Freaked out that he’ll leave her, like everybody else. Like-

Fuck, she thought she was over this.

“Please promise me you’ll come back.” She quietly whispers, because she just needs the verbal confirmation right now. She needs to _know_ that Ben is coming back for her.

He pulls away from her, placing his hands on either side of her face as he examines her expression. He licks his bottom lip as he seems to see into her, into why she needs to know this.

She waits for his answer, grabbing his forearms to keep him close.

“Sweetheart, I will always come back for you. Okay?” He hums, Rey breathing out in relief. “I will always come back home to you, you are _not_ alone.”

Rey falls into a whole new batch of tears, wrapping her arms around his neck and running her hands through his hair. She blubbers a response that’s a hybrid between “Neither are you.” And “I love you so much.”

It comes out kind of like “Neither you-you so much!”

Ben seems to get it though, laughing as Rey just continues to blubber into his hair. 

She doesn't know how they’re going to survive this.

«☆»

Ben keeps an extra eye on Rey, and she on him, during the next couple days. Next week, for that matter.

Rey sleeps directly on top of him now, first off. She wakes up with neck aches almost every morning, of course, and Ben practically has to beg her to sleep normally for once in her life.

Somehow, though, she continues to do it in her sleep. And if she isn’t directly on top of him, he’s got himself directly on top of her.

He’s woken up to Rey pushing at his shoulder more than once, whispering about him fucking suffocating her in the middle of the night. Even though he doesn’t mean to, because he thinks they’re starting to lose control over themselves now that they know the end is near.

It seems that sleep Ben and sleep Rey don’t think it’s such a bad idea to be sandwiching themselves on top of each other, not that either of them would trade this new level of closeness for anything else in the world right now. Because it is, in an odd way, reassuring that they’re both dreading this.

They come to a compromise, in the form of better physical communication and talking about what they need from each other in the moments they do have left together. That seems to soothe both of them, on some internal level, and they can go back to sleeping like a perfectly normal couple who wakes up in the human equivalent of limb pretzels every morning.

Ben recognizes the oddity of that statement, but refuses to truly acknowledge it.

Rey, meanwhile, has been determined to distract herself. She throws herself into baking, of all things, although it’s mostly just box brownies and cakes. Ben quickly has to steer her away from sweets, however, when he realizes the amount of sugar she’s asking him to consume cannot be good for his long term physique. 

She goes to bread, and the entire apartment starts smelling like sourdough and ciabatta and rolls for days. They have so much bread, whenever Rey isn’t working on her grad work or spending time with Ben she’s baking. 

At least they finally make friends with their neighbors, when Ben states that they have to do _something_ about the bread and Rey drops off treats to the very curious family down the hall.

Poe and Finn are also happy to devour as much bread as they want, and Rey takes in multiple gift boxes to the office and her thesis team when she can. 

Maz calls Ben one afternoon, asking if Rey is alright, and when he explains the situation she just hums in understanding. 

“Hide your scissors, boy.” Maz sighs, “That’s a white woman distress signal, and don’t you _dare_ let her try to cut her own bangs a week out from the Oscars.”

Rey brings up maybe getting bangs that night, and Ben immediately hides all scissors in the apartment as she laughs at him. He puts them on top of the fridge, instructing Finn to not to let her near them under any circumstances, as he chuckles from his place on the floor.

She isn’t showing it outwardly, but Ben knows they’re both in distress over this whole situation. Ben wants to make this the best six weeks possible, but Rey is very busy just trying not to think about it any more than absolutely necessary. 

He goes to his mother for help, of all people. She’s never really had an issue with his father going on long business trips, not like Ben is currently worrying about Rey and being away from Rey, but she sympathizes with him.

She tells him to enjoy the time they have left together, and make sure they’re communicating. Set expectations for how much they’re going to talk and when.

Ben realizes he and Rey are both very needy creatures, when they have this discussion while _trying_ to take a bath together like a normal, not-terrified couple.

“Every day?”

“Every day, you can call me every day.” He hums, kissing her forehead as she stretches out across his chest. As her hands explore his shoulders, and he sighs against her temple. “You can call me every day, any time after two. Let me know when, and I'll make it happen. Okay?”

Because it turns out, as much as Ben is terrified about leaving Rey and losing her, she’s twice as terrified at the prospect of losing _him_ . Apparently this is bringing up some not so pleasant memories for her, as she admitted last night, and Ben hates himself for putting her through this, so he’s _trying_ to be the boyfriend she needs right now. Supportive, and sweet, and _good_.

He rubs his hand up and down her bare back, pressing between her shoulder blades as she sighs. He hopes this is enough.

“I don’t wanna force you to-”

“Hey, you’re not forcing me to do anything right now. I want you, I want this. I need my Rey to talk to me, this is a priority for me too. Got it?”

She nods, Ben kissing her temple again as she sighs. Her fingers trace his collarbone and his chest, as he grumbles a little.

“I’m never gonna get over the fact you look like this.” She quietly admits, as he sighs. “I’m _never_ going to be able to get over the fact you look like this-”

“Like _what-”_

“Like _you.”_

Ben stills, confused as he lifts his head up from hers. As she sighs against his skin, her warm breath cascading across his chest as he sighs and the water laps at his sides. She- that’s impossible. “Me?”

“Yeah. I didn’t think I had a type before, but that type is _totally_ you.”

Ben snorts, leaning back down and kissing her head again as he processes. He’d disagree, but he’s _really_ not in the mood to fight right now. And, honestly? He kind of sees where she's coming from.

“Same here.” He whispers, ”You’re _so_ my type it’s not even _funny_.”

Rey giggles, as he sighs against her hair again with a gentle exhale. It’s too wet to do anything but send a shiver down her spine, but that is more than enough for Ben as he grumbles and adjusts her in his arms to stop her from sliding down into the water.

“Stop moving.” She teases, grappling up his chest again with a sigh. Making herself comfortable, as he lowers a leg as far as it can go in the tub. His knee continues to stick out of the water, as he struggles a little.

“Hey, I just want you not to _drown_ , Rey.”

“You won’t let me. You wouldn’t hurt me.” She hums, gently kissing his skin as she shuts her eyes again and sighs. “You’d keep me safe.”

Ben nods, holding her tighter as he groans and leans his head back as he makes a futile attempt to relax. His body is too twitchy lately, too nervous to make this easy for him.

But it makes Rey happy, so he holds her tighter and tries not to combust.

“Always, I would always keep you safe. I hope you know that, Rey, that I would do _anything_ to see you safe.”

She nods, as Ben grumbles and kisses her cheek. As he shifts again, and Rey squeaks.

“We’re awful at relaxing, aren’t we?” She sighs, opening up her eyes and staring at him as nods. They are, neither of them are very good at this whatsoever. Ben is too twitchy when he isn’t feeling well, and Rey gets so caught up in her own mind that Ben has trouble seeing through the fog _even_ when she’s good at talking to him about it.

Ben groans again, quietly kissing her temple. They’re starting to pull from each other's mannerisms, he knows. And apparently that extends to nervous responses now.

There is _so_ much of each other shared between them, it’s inane.

“I don’t care.” he mumbles, trying to quiet her overactive mind for her. “I don’t care, we’re trying and that’s enough.”

Rey nods, and Ben _prays_ that this is enough for her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoops.


	56. Winter - XXIX

Ben picks up his mom from the airport three days before the Oscars, and it’s a mess.

She shouts his name when he’s waiting for her in the shadows of the airport, despite the fact he told her that they needed to lie low. Her poor personal assistant, a woman who Ben is belatedly introduced to about five minutes later, has to run after them with their suitcases and a cup of coffee hanging from her hand. Ben hardly has time to offer his help before his mother drags them to his car just outside of baggage claim. 

Ben knows they definitely got some paparazzi pics out of that, and he wonders if that was her master plan all along. Senator Organa-Solo reunited with son Ben Solo, nominated for best actor at the Oscars.

God, that’s going to be headline news tomorrow.

He texts Hux on the way back home to let him know about the hiccup, his mother too enthused with telling Ben all about their flight as he types in between stop lights to notice his bad habits. She doesn’t chide him, not once, for texting while driving. 

He eventually hands the phone off to Jannah, her newest assistant, giving her Hux and Finns phone numbers so that she can work on communications with them regarding the next couple days. Because, well, what effects Leia effects Ben, and what effects Ben effects Hux, and what effects Hux effects Finn and Jannah and Rey and- 

Ben doesn’t know how he ended up here. One day he was reading for parts in a tv series that was cancelled five episodes in, and now he’s a fucking _celebrity._

He sighs, nodding along with whatever his mother is saying in regards to her recent work. How the senator in the office next to her is an asshole, and how she would really appreciate it if Ben promoted voting when he made his victory speech-

“I am not going to win.” He corrects her, turning and staring at her as she puts her hands in the air.

“Okay,” she sighs, leaning back against her seat, “be like that.” She hums, as Ben scoffs. He is not-

Ben is suddenly reminded why he and his mother work best in small doses. They are both too stubborn to work well together, in any capacity.

She mutters something about him being silly, as Ben tightens his grip on the steering wheel and takes a deep breath.

He exhales out, and the car falls silent as Jannah quietly laughs from the backseat. She hands Ben back his phone, which Leia promptly snatches from her outstretched hand and tucks in her lap as he sighs in discontent. “Finn says to keep an eye on you two, and that if either of you get cranky to ask if you’ve eaten.”

“Finn-“ the two hiss in tandem, Ben rubbing his forehead as his mother laughs. She pulls out her own phone, starting to type as Ben grumbles. “Oh, I am so telling your father about that.” She happily hums, tapping away as Ben groans.

She turns to him, as Ben grumbles under his breath again in embarrassment. He is not a child, he can take care of himself. He only forgets to eat when he gets really busy. Like today, maybe.

Ah, shit, he forgot to eat today.

“You know, he’s like the son I never had.” His mother interrupts, as Ben twists to her in shock. Finn? Seriously?

“ _E_ _xcuse me?_ ” He barks, his mother slyly smiling next to him. She nods, and he knows she’s doing this just to get a rise out of him. 

She succeeds, anyways. 

“Son you never- I’m right here!” He shouts, incredulous, as Jannah giggles behind them. “I paid for your plane tickets, I have an incredible girlfriend who you’ve adopted into this weird _cult_ of young adults you have going, and I’m nominated for a massive acting award! You know, you might have heard of it? The Oscars?” He brings a hand to his chest, as a car honks behind them, “I don’t think I’m doing half bad!”

His mother just pats his arm, before going back to her device. “Learn to drive better, and then we’ll talk.” She hums, Ben grumbling before hitting the gas and finally making it through the intersection. Fucking hell.

«☆»

His mother excitedly screeches again as Ben and Jannah get up to her hotel suite, where Rey is waiting with Maz and Amilyn. The ladies have insisted that they see Leia as soon as possible, and Rey had been dragged into it because it seemed a convenient time to do a final fitting and let them look over the jewelry Ben bought her.

He’s actually yet to see said dress, always showing up right before or right after they do fittings. Maz assures him that Rey is going to look stunning, because she looks stunning in everything, but Ben is really excited to see her in her own dress.

See her like that… she might destroy him on the spot if he’s honest.

She skips over to him as he drops his mothers luggage on the floor, tugging his face down and kissing his cheek as he sighs. “Missed you.” She hums, fixing his hair as he kisses her forehead and sighs. 

“Missed you too,” he hums, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her to his chest, “always miss you.”

She giggles, twisting in his arms so her back is to his chest and they can watch the scene in front of them.

“Leia, you have to look at what your boy got Rey!” Maz gasps, lunging for the jewelry box on the bed as his mother happily grins.

She pops it open, as Amilyn finishes packing up her gear. Pins, fabric, measuring tape… They all go back in the biggest brown purse Ben has ever seen. A behemoth of _stuff_. “When did my son buy this?” Leia asks, leaning over Maz’s shoulder and reaching into the long necklace box. Ben and Rey hadn’t told her about the jewelry at Christmas, just the purse, shoes, and immersion blender.

Ben, honestly, didn’t want them to get the wrong idea about what Rey was like. The jewelry was more for him, after all. Show her what he thought she deserved. What he knows she deserves to feel like.

He realizes this will be the first time she actually wears any of it, besides that first try on back in New York or the time after that when Ben caught her staring at herself in the mirror in quiet disbelief. Like she couldn’t believe she really owned something like that.

“Christmas,” he finally sighs, “I bought it sometime in October, but I gave it to her at Christmas.”

Rey turns up to him, quietly murmuring “October?” as he smirks down at her and shrugs.

He nods, and she presses closer into his body and wraps his arms tighter around her torso. “When you know, you know.” He quietly teases, kissing under her ear as she kicks and wiggles in his embrace. She’s so ticklish, it’s adorable. 

He holds her closer, as she tilts her head to look up at him. His mother continues to gush over the jewelry, as he sets his chin on the top of her head and sighs.

She weaves her fingers between his, gently stroking his hands as the rest of the people in the room chatter amongst themselves.

«☆»

“Hey, look, you’re on TMZ.” Rey giggles, Ben groaning as she lifts up the phone to his face. They’re _supposed_ to be working right now, Ben reviewing Oscar protocol and preparing for the nominee luncheon as Rey continues on her thesis.

That is, when Kaydel isn’t texting her shoddy iPhone videos from the bar. Currently featured is a shaky video of the tv mounted on the far wall of the pub, where it seems TMZ is running a story on Ben and his mother meeting in the airport. Luckily they avoided any professional press outlets, but it looks like someone still managed to get a photo and a video of the two of them walking to his car. 

Great, now they know his car too. Thank god they didn’t get a clear image of the license plate.

Poor Jannah is running after them, Ben grimacing as she scurries a couple feet behind them with their bags in tow. He really should have helped, he feels _so_ shitty that he acted like a total jerk to this girl who is very clearly struggling with these bags. Probably doesn’t think he’s a very nice human, unfortunately. Another person who thinks he’s _weird._

He really should have helped, that was a rude thing of him to do. Ben will apologize next time he sees her, he swears.

Rey just giggles, as he groans and leans his head on her shoulder. “I hate being _known_. We should move to Iceland.”

She pats his face, and kisses his cheek. “I know babe, I know.” She hums, continuing to text Kaydel as she giggles. “But I’m not moving to Iceland with you. Sorry, I don’t deal well with sheep or whatever they keep there.”

“Australia?”

“Too hot, we’d melt.”

“New York?”

Rey pauses, turning to look at him after a moment. “You know,” she hums, smiling at him, “maybe. _Tentative_ maybe, and only so we’re closer to your parents, and we still have to split our time between here and New York. I need to recharge in the sun.”

She stretches her arms out, mimicking a plant as she stretches, and Ben snorts. “Okay, sunshine.”

Rey beams at him, as he wraps an arm around her waist and tugs her into his lap with a happy hum. 


	57. Winter - XXX

The moment Ben sees Rey in her Oscars dress he feels like he’s died. Like he’s ascended and gone to heaven, because this seriously cannot be happening. This cannot be his _life_. He can’t believe he’s dating this woman, that someone like _that_ could ever love him in the same way she has completely and utterly captured his heart.

Because Rey looks fucking stunning. Like a sun drop that’s been placed right in his palm. She reminds him of lemon cake, oddly enough, and it strikes him that Maz had been absolutely right.

Rey looks beautiful in everything, but something about this dress makes her look _ethereal._ She’s his Persephone, and he can’t believe he ever found her. Floating in her orbit, trying to be with her for half of her year. Desperate for her attention, to see her more often than not-

_He can’t believe he’s dating her, he can’t believe they’re dating each other._

Ben is absolutely going to spend the rest of his life fawning over this woman, and he can’t find any reason to fight against the tide that has pulled him under the ocean that is _Rey._ No way to back out now. No desire to, really.

She’s his, and he’s hers. Through and through, they’re doing this together.

Ben is in _so_ deep. He is in so much trouble.

He watches from afar, letting the make-up artist Maz brought in for them style his hair and rub foundation on his cheek as he stares with wide eyes at her reflection in the mirror they’ve placed in front of him. He watches as his mother, Amilyn, and Rose all rush over and check that she’s feeling good and that everything looks right. That she’s all set. That all she has left to do are any hair and any make-up touch ups they deem necessary. 

That means it’s almost time. It’s almost time to go.

Hux just sits in the corner, looking up from his phone and smiling as Rose and Rey scrunch their noses up at their other and giggle.

“Alright, you’re good to go Mr. Solo.” The makeup artist hums, stepping away from him as he continues to stare at Rey. He smiles as she comes over to him, and is effectively rendered speechless as she stares down at him and smiles. He’s pretty sure his mouth wouldn’t work if he _tried._

She doesn’t even have all of her makeup or jewelry on yet, and he would fucking die for her right now. Happily. Any which way she’d like, really.

She giggles as he gawks at her, resisting the urge to grab her hips or something silly. Something instinctual, but honest. She’s _so_ fucking pretty.

“Hi.” She hums, reaching out and cupping his jaw. He grins as she slips her hand under his chin, gently holding his face up so they can talk eye-to-eye. Shutting his mouth, really, because he’s pretty sure his jaw _was_ physically dropped.

She just waits, as he leans forward and bites at her wrist in wordless appreciation. She giggles as he smiles at her, pulling her hand away from his face as he pouts and furrows his brow.

“Alright, scoot.” She instructs, putting her hands out for him to grab. “I need that chair, boy.” 

Ben huffs, grabbing her hands and letting her pull him up. He grumbles as he gets to his feet, and she places his bowtie in his hands and pushes him away from the makeup station. “Go get Hux to tie this, _shoo_. Now.”

Ben realizes he is at a disadvantage here, because Rey has seen him in a suit at least a dozen times now and he has _never_ seen her in a dress like this. She is used to Ben looking all fancied up, he is not used to seeing the same from her. He may be choking around his tongue, but his girlfriend is completely fine.

It sends a small thrill up his spine, or maybe it’s just the fact that tonight is the night he can finally claim Rey Niima as _his. They can finally be out there, they can finally show the world how much they mean to each other._

He grins as Hux takes the bowtie from him, and Ben sits down across from the other gentleman on the couch in the hotel room they’re currently calling home base. He doesn’t bother to look away from Rey, as he stares at her.

Maz is in the next room over, with Phasma and Tallie. Ben can hear excited shouts and squeals when he listens closely.

“I could strangle you right now.” Hux hums, as he starts tying the black bowtie against Bens neck. He makes it a little tight, he always does, but Ben doesn’t have the interest in learning how to do this himself. His hands are too clumsy, anyways, for this type of work. 

“I could choke you, and nobody could stop me.”

Ben raises an eyebrow at him, hardly concerned, “And why is that important?”

Hux shrugs nonchalantly, “Just want you to know.”

Ben nods, watching Rey out of the corner of his eye.

His mother starts playing with her hair, Amilyn and Rose holding bobby pins and hair ties alike as they watch with undisguised interest at the complicated braid she’s currently orchestrating in Rey's now _professionally_ cut hair. 

Ben recognizes it as a dutch braid, going across the top of her head and ending in a bun at the back of her neck. His mom works quickly, fingers nimble from decades of experience doing the same. 

He watches as well, trying to memorize how she does it. He’d like to learn, but his braiding skills really go so far these days.

She artfully pulls some strands loose by Reys ears, instructing Rose to grab the little curling iron she brought so they frame her face just right.

Rey catches his eye in the mirror just then, and sticks her tongue out at him as the makeup artist searches for a lipstick to match the nudes and pinks that have been picked out for her. She’s got a whole three people working on her, as he smiles and repeats the gesture with a wrinkling of his nose.

She smirks as the makeup artist turns back to her, and Amilyn goes to grab the necklace and earrings Ben bought.

“You’re so whipped for her.” Hux mumbles, as Ben exhales. He feels the bow tighten with one final tug, as Hux turns away and crosses his arms. “It’s almost pitiful, you know, you’re _so_ fucking whipped for her. I need a whip crack noise on my phone, every time you look at her it’s like an entire auditorium of whip cracks play.”

“You just wish you had what I have.” Ben grumbles, leaning back on the couch as Hux huffs. He bites back his smile, looking to antagonize him but not to get fucking _murdered_ tonight.

But he doesn’t disagree, as Ben watches Rey rub her palm with her thumb and nervously lift her head up so Amilyn can clasp the cotton candy opal necklace around her neck. 

She smiles, just for a second, as she takes a deep breath to center herself. 

Ben is so lucky he has this right now.

«☆»

“Okay! We need pictures!” Maz hums, Rose already grabbing Ben and Reys phones from the desk in the hotel room. She passes Bens off to Hux, who promptly opens up the camera app and points it at the very confused couple. What? Photos? Now?

Ben panics a little, as Rey grabs his arm. 

“Not like that, you ass.” Rose chides, grabbing Hux’s hand and lowering the phone. Okay, thank god. Ben has a couple more seconds to prepare and freak out. Because for someone who has made a career out of being on camera, he _hates_ having his photo taken. It’s a curse, really.

“We’re posting this to instagram, this photo is going to go _everywhere_. We need a makeshift set or something. And we need lots of shots! Lots of options!”

She hums, looking around the hotel suite. Ben watches as Rey moves to the curtain, opening it up and letting the light in. The golden sun hits her body, flowing _through_ the light fabric and painting the carpet yellow like a cathedrals stained glass. “Sunset is in a couple hours, so we should use the natural light.” She hums, as Rose grins and helps her open up the door to the balcony so they don’t get any weird shadows.

Shit, how is he going to compare to _that_?

Clearly, these two have done this before. Ben can tell by the way they communicate, easily finding the location and the place to take these perfect photos that he’s betting are going to be all over the internet come morning. He isn’t surprised, necessarily, Rey always has good photos of herself on hand. Her natural beauty is a blessing and a curse for the poor actor. 

“You, sit on the couch.” Rose hums as she points to Ben, grabbing Hux by the shoulders and moving him out of the way. Rey grabs Ben's hand and directs him in the same manner, messing with her skirts and sitting next to him on the loveseat.

She throws her legs over his, adjusting the layers of fabric as Rose directs her to turn her head and “seek her light”, because of course Rey knows what that means.

Ben watches with nothing short of amusement as their resident photographer plucks the phone from Hux’s hands, because he’s clearly lost photo rights tonight. In all honesty, he might have lost all photo rights for the future as well. 

She holds Rey’s phone up, framing the two in her invisible shot as she sighs in frustration. “The lighting still isn’t right, Ben is all dark. Hux, can you turn on your flashlight on your phone to light up his left?”

“Use my ring light,” the makeup artist hums, motioning to it with her head as she continues to pack up her brushes. Rose grabs it, and tucks it in Hux’s outstretched palms. He watches her in confusion, but follows her directions to a T.

Ben makes a quick head count of the room, as he watches Finn, Jannah, and Poe slip into the suite as well. They’re probably here to get everyone back to Ben and Reys apartment, for the party his mother insisted they throw. Poe was here and working with Tallie and Phasma next door, who he assumes are in the exact same situation with their own teams right now, but it seems everyone wants to be in _this_ room tonight for reasons he is still mildly unclear on.

There’s eleven people in this hotel room, not including his father who seems to have been brought up on a video call and is currently talking to Amilyn and his mother over FaceTime.

Ben watches as Jannah and Poe join Rose, Poe grabbing Ben's phone and Jannah grabbing his mothers. They start prepping to get social media shots as Ben anxiously sighs.

Ah, yes, they’re going to have to put a photo on his mothers instagram as well. Great, perfect. More photos.

Ben starts to panic a little, eyes nervously flitting between the _too many_ people in this room right now. Red carpets are hard enough, but there’s just so much added pressure to perform in front of his family. Ben doesn’t know what to _do-_

Rey grabs his hand, as he sighs. 

“Hey.” She hums, tugging on his sleeve and playing with his gold cufflinks. They match her jewelry, it’s one of the two things they’re wearing that match tonight. Maz couldn’t find a way to incorporate more between them, with the strict _black-tie_ dress code for the Oscars and the fact that they’re going to be split up for the entire show. 

But they have this, and the yellow pocket square he’s got peeking out of his pocket. That is enough.

Rey grabs his hand, keeping her eyes focused on his. “It’s just us.” She hums, smiling as he nervously smiles back. “Just you and me, that’s all that matters.”

Ben nods, exhaling and leaning back with a heavy sigh. “And the rest of the world, and my parents, and our friends-“

Rey gently whaps his chest with the back of her hand, leaning into his side as he slowly falls into model-mode. He’s done this enough times that it _can_ be second nature, when given the chance.

He looks towards the camera, putting on his best face as Rose, Poe, and Jannah all take photos. Poe is kneeling on the ground to get the perfect shot, as Jannah takes a video of everyone in the hotel room. 

Rose sticks her fingers behind Poe's head, trying to make the couple laugh with rabbit ears as she takes more shots of the two of them. 

Ben smiles, and looks down to Rey as Rose tells them that, “this is the one time I need you to act like you’re in love, and you’re not doing it! Kiss or something! Look at each other longingly! You’re so disgustingly in love with each other all the time, give me something good to work with here!”

Rey shouts Rose's name, although it comes out more like an astonished squeak, as Ben becomes acutely aware that his mother, his godmother, and his aunt are all here. God, his dad is also on video-call too. He can hear his laugh from across the room, always finding Bens misfortune _hysterical_. 

Jannah snorts as Rey giggles, and Ben just turns to look at his lovely girlfriend. 

“I could kiss you right now.”

“After I just put on lipgloss? No way, babe.”

Ben shrugs, turning to Rose. “You heard her, no kissing on camera.” 

Rose groans in defeat, as his mother shouts from across the room, “Don’t be a prude, Ben!”

The whole room erupts into laughter, as Ben turns to her in horror. “Don’t be a- you’re my mother! You can’t say things like that! You’re supposed to encourage good values in me, good Jewish values or whatever!”

“She also wants grandchildren!” Maz shouts, sagely interjecting as Ben groans and the laughter continues

Rey just giggles next to him, as he smiles. “This is why we don’t hang out like this. My own family bullies me!” He huffs, dramatically placing a hand over his heart and pitching his voice up a little. Rey giggles and soothingly pets his arm in broad strokes, as his mother rolls her eyes and walks away from the scene.

“They bully you because they love you, Ben.” Rey giggles, as he shakes his head and smiles.

He knows. He knows that, now. 

«☆»

“Do we post them now or later?” Rey sighs, staring at the drafted instagram post on her phone. Ben cradles his device in his palm next to hers, Hux leaning over his shoulder and reading the caption for the twentieth time. They’ve got similar but different pictures, both of them opening with single shots of themselves and scrolling through a slideshow to progressively more joined images.

On Rey’s account she’s selected two pictures of her out on the balcony basking in the sunlight, two pictures of her and Ben on the couch posing like their life depends on it, and one candid shot of Ben grinning as she kisses his cheek. She thinks it’s adorable, and she’s super glad Hux is letting her pick such a variety. Normally guests to events like these don’t post pictures of their outfits before they go, but they’ve decided that today is a different situation and therefore needs a different set of rules.

Therefore, pictures on instagram pre-red carpet. 

On Ben's account, he’s got two pictures of him sprawled out on the couch, a picture of the two of them gazing at each other between dramatic poses, and two pictures of his surprise attack on Rey while she was doing her solo shots.

She _screamed_ as he wrapped his arms around her from behind, scaring the living daylights out of her as he leaned down and kissed her neck.

They made for some great photos, though. Ben wants to post the one where he first scared her and the one where she realized it was just him.

They’re really cute, they make a really cute couple.

“Post them now,” Jannah hums. “People are already getting sus on Leia’s story, because of the number of people in the room and the jewelry box on the bed. Better to act fast, and then I can post the family shot as you’re all leaving.”

Jannah posted a story on instagram, it caught Leia calling Ben a prude and his remark back at her. They can’t actually see the reaction to the video , which means Finn is scrolling through twitter trying to gauge the response as Rose searches through the instagram tags on her own phone.

It looks positive, so far, which is good. This is _good-_

Hux nods, looking over to Rey and Ben. “Once you do this,” he reminds them, “no backing out. Things will eventually fade and calm down but I can’t promise it’ll be an easy process. Once this is out, it’s out. Last call to jump ship before everything changes.”

That’s it. This is the end of Rey Niima’s normal life.

She takes a deep breath and centers herself before turning to Ben. He’s just staring at her with soft eyes, patiently waiting for her response. She reminds herself that she’s not doing this alone, she’s doing this with him. She’s doing this so she can make a new normal with him, so they can make a new normal _together_.

She’s doing this for them.

She grabs his hand, and squeezes his fingers. “Trust me, I’m all in.” She hums, “You’re stuck with me. I didn’t get all dressed up tonight just to back out.”

He grins, and Rey grins right back at him.

Leia cheers, as Rose quietly awws from where she’s scrolling on her own phone. Ben wraps an arm around her, as she bumps up against him so she can see both of the screens.

“Together?” He hums, kissing her temple as she nods. She sighs and places her phone next to his. They can do this, she knows they can do this.

Rey Niima has been through worse than a fucking instagram post.

“Together.” She whispers. “On the count of three.”

She takes a deep breath as Ben's thumb hovers over the post button on his phone, and her thumb does the same on her device.

“One,” Ben breathes, knowing full well that this will change _everything_. They have no clue what the reception will be like, what this means for them.

“Two,” Rey mumbles, her heart starting to thud and gallop in her chest as she tries to focus on the warmth of his body next to hers. Why is this worse than meeting Ben's parents? Why is this so much more nerve wracking?

She looks up at Ben one more time, waiting for his count, just to find him staring right back at her.

He’s waiting for her to make the call, for her to make the final push herself.

“Three.” She hums, tapping the post button. Ben does the same as she turns to look at the devices, watching as the two posts actually _post_.

Bens pops up on her feed, followed directly by her post. The opposite happens on his account, when he refreshes.

They just stare at the images, nothing changing for a moment. Rey realizes they might be frozen, instagram might need a second to catch up.

And then their phones go _fucking nuts_.

Rey screeches in shock, as Ben watches the follow alerts on her account jump up from the hundreds to the _thousands_ within seconds. “Oh my _god._ ” He laughs, as Rey claps a hand over her mouth and giggles.

She vaguely hears Rose reminding her not to smudge her lipgloss, as Ben reaches over and refreshes her phone. 

_Holy shit._

**_Ben_Solo_ ** _She’s my_ ☀️

**_Rey.Niima_ ** _He’s my_ 🌕

The likes are insane, the follows are insane, this is insane.

**SoloStan** _Oh my god oh my god oh my god_

**AntiCoruscanti** WAIT

**International.Kiwi** _I THIGHT THIS WAS JUST A HOTEL PHOTO SET EYE-_

**Solo.Life.Official** _WHAT THE FUCK, BEN?_

**It.Me.Bean.** _BEN SOLO HAS A GIRLFRIEND AND SHES SO CUTE???_

**Solo.4.Solo** _oh… my god?_

Rey giggles, as Ben lowly chuckles next to her.

She reloads the page, as more comments continue to come in.

This is the most likes Rey has ever gotten on a photo, ever, and while it shouldn’t surprise her it also kind of makes this all a little more real. A little more solid. She’s about to go to the Oscars, with her super famous boyfriend, who is nominated for one of the biggest acting awards in the world tonight.

Her life is fucking insane.

That’s when the first DMs and the messages from old friends start to come in, people who still follow her on instagram but who she doesn’t really talk to anymore. 

Shit, she probably needs to change her privacy settings. 

She hears Hux to her left, talking to Ben. “Car is downstairs, we need to get going.” He hums, as Rey just continues to read comments. She was expecting most of them to be nasty, rude things. She’s surprised that most of them are nice, confused, but nice!

She’s happy that people apparently think she’s good enough for their idol. 

Ben tugs on her elbow, “Rey, sweetheart, come on.”

She pops her head up from her phone to look at him as he grins. “Finn and Rose will be able to fill you in with all of the drama later, we’ve got a party waiting on us.”

“Oh, boo.” Rey hums, handing her phone into Hux’s waiting palms as Ben does the same. The manager mutes them before tucking them into his inner pockets, confiscating any contact they might have with the outside world until tonight ends.

The room descends into a flurry of good lucks and cheek kisses, Rey grinning as Leia hugs her and tells her how lovely she looks. How she hopes everything goes well, and how they’ll all be anxiously watching at home.

Maz hands her a clutch that Rey knows she doesn’t own, and suddenly they’re getting pushed out of the hotel room and towards the biggest night of Rey's life.

She takes a deep breath, and clings onto Bens elbow for support.


	58. Winter - XXXI

Ben, Rey, and Hux all huddle in the elevator as it descends to the lobby of the chic hotel they got ready in, Hux tucking an AirPod in his ear to take a call as he checks something on his phone and adjusts the sleeves of his fancy black tux.

Ben stares at the door as it shuts, Rey squeezing his hand with a sigh. She toys with her necklace as she thinks, gently playing with the gemstone as she stares at the far wall and Ben watches her exhale.

“You look lovely, tonight, by the way.” She hums, turning to look up at him as she plays with his fingers. He smiles down at her,  _ believing _ her.

“You look, just, stunning.” Ben sighs, as Hux snorts next to them.

He plays a whip crack noise on his phone, and Rey automatically kicks him in the shin with her heels. Ben smiles as Hux sadly retreats to the corner of the elevator with his tail between his legs, grumbling to himself as he focuses back on his phone and sighs.

She huffs, before turning back up to Ben. “Thank you.” She curtly responds, tucking herself under his arm as he grumbles. 

He kisses her temple, as she continues to play with his fingers in what he recognizes as a nervous gesture. 

“Ben is trending number one on twitter, by the way.” Hux snorts, grinning as the two turn to look at him. Ben stares over Rey's head, as Hux straightens his spine again and speaks up. “Trending with ‘girlfriend, Rey’. People are losing their shit.”

He has the audacity to giggle, biting his index finger as he stares at his phone with wide eyes.

“What?” The two ask in tandem, turning to look at Hux as he just snickers to himself and continues to scroll through what Ben now knows is probably twitter.

Shit, this is going to be a weird night.

«☆»

“Amilyn and Leia posted.” Hux updates them in the car, Ben and Rey sitting across from him in the back of some limo-adjacent vehicle. Taller, perhaps, because of modern design styles and Bens behemoth-ness. 

“Amilyn posted on her old fashion blog about the dress and the process of designing it, photos of Rey and the construction process are getting dragged over to other socials. Your mother, Ben, posted the group shot of the three of you. Lots of traction on that, people like the family image. They  _ love _ confirmation that Rey knows your mother.”

Ben just nods, as Rey clings tighter onto his hand. “That’s good.” She quietly comments, Ben nodding again as he watches her and her expression shifts from peaceful to slightly more nervous.

He rubs her palm with his thumb, as she turns to face him. “It is good.” He hums, “People don’t like to mess with my mother, now that they know you’re approved of by  _ her _ I don’t think anyone is going to even  _ think _ a single mean thought about you.”

Rey giggles, bringing a hand to her face. “Leia isn’t  _ that _ scary.”

“Leia  _ is _ that scary.” Hux contests, going back to scrolling through his phone as Ben smiles.

«☆»

Rey looks out the window at the line of cars in front of them, as Ben nervously shuffles and shifts in his seat next to her. The leather squeaks as he looks out the other window, nervously drumming his fingers against his leg.

She didn’t realize going to an awards show involved so much  _ sitting around _ , she was under the impression tonight would be back to back action.

Instead they’ve been sitting here for nearly ten minutes, waiting for the cars in front of them to finish unloading their guests onto the carpet.

“Rose and Poe posted on the Kanata styling instagram, now that Tallie and Phasma have arrived and done the carpet.” Hux updates them, the most exciting thing that’s happened thus far. “People are flooding the page from your instagram, thank you for asking Poe to take down any references of you working there.” He hums, as Rey nods. 

Poe spent the entire weekend scrubbing the entire instagram page of any references to Rey, checking every single post since she started working with them last summer. They also took down her employee page on the website, trying to avoid anybody finding out where she works and therefore her location for a good chunk of the weekend.

She sighs, as Hux continues with an amused smile. “Rose is also texting me for help, she posted a photo of the two of you on her story, Rey, and she’s getting swamped with activity right now. They found Kaydel and Poe through her account as well, it’s a mess.”

Rey nods, because she also knew that was coming. She knew people were going to find out about Kaydel and Rose, about her roommates. There was too much information to scrub on both of their accounts, and Rey isn’t going to change her life or force her friends to change their lives on her behalf.

She knows that’s why she can’t live with them anymore, because this affects them too. She knows this is the fundamental change in her life that this night was always going to bring on. It was going to happen, and she’s so happy that she’s prepared for it this time around, but this really does change everything.

“When the hell did you get Rose's phone number?” Ben grumbles, smirking as Hux blushes from his place across from them.

Rey thinks he looks oddly like a strawberry, all red hair and freckles over his now pink face. It’s cute, in a weird way.

She giggles as Ben crosses his arms next her, Hux just scoffing and turning back to his phone. “None of your fucking business, that’s where.” He mumbles, as Ben reaches out and kicks him in the  _ other _ shin. Hux retaliates with a kick of his own, and Rey has to break up the fight before someone breaks a toe.

  
Jeez, these  _ boys. _


	59. Winter - XXXII

The first thing Rey registers as Ben cracks open the door to the car is screaming, loud screaming.

A lot of loud screaming.

_Holy shit, she’s at the Oscars_. 

Ben seems unperturbed for the most part, sunglasses perched high on the bridge of his nose as he buttons his suit with one hand and offers his other to her. She gratefully accepts it, quickly trying to remember all of the etiquette lessons she never had as a child as she clutches her purse tight and lets him pull her up and out of the car.

She steps directly onto the red carpet from the vehicle, everything slowing down as her senses struggle to make sense of it all. So far she’s got: red carpet, Ben, and screaming. It is entirely too much to take in all at once.

“Security.” Hux mumbles from beside her as she jumps in surprise, motioning his head to a large gray tent that somehow entirely missed her recognition. A long line of actors and filmmakers are standing by the entry in a line, flanked by two ridiculously tall Oscar statues that look a little more spray paint than metal.

Rey scrunches her nose up as Ben moves her hand to his elbow, and the screaming continues.

“What do you think so far?” He hums, as Rey turns up to him with nothing but blankness in her brain.

“Insane, this is insane. You’re insane. This whole situation is fucking insane.”

She feels a warm hand on her shoulder, as Hux slowly pushes them towards the entry. “We’ll have plenty of time to process the insanity later, now would you mind _moving_ so we don’t get hit by a _fucking car.”_

«☆»

Ben gives her a _look_ as the security agent searches through her little clutch in the tent. The clearly amused woman pulls out ziploc bags of pretzels and goldfish from her purse, along with her lemonade flavored lip gloss. All essentials, in her opinion.

“What?” She asks him, as he just shakes his head and smiles at her in exasperation. Hux makes an ugly snort as Ben crosses his arms, unsuccessfully trying to hide his chuckles behind a raised hand. He thinks this is _funny?_ “You said I would get hangry,” Rey continues, “and I knew I would, so I took some liberties with what I brought!”

He rolls his eyes at her, as the security guard places all of her items back in her bag and passes it back to Rey with the all clear. 

“You brought _goldfish_.” He murmurs, as Hux grins with a proud smirk on his face from the other side of the security line.

She walks over to him, leaving Ben to his own devices with the security team. 

“I knew I would like you, Rey Niima. From the moment I met you, I knew you would be an asset to the team.” Hux mumbles, reaching for her bag with decidedly _sticky_ fingers. If he thinks flattery will get him anywhere, she has news for him.

It won’t.

She pulls it away and out of his reach, “Eat my goldfish and I slit your throat.” She threatens, Hux’s eyes widening and his wandering hands automatically pulling away from her and stilling in the air. He even takes a step back from her, and Rey thinks Armitage Hux might actually be mildly afraid of her.

She motions her fingers from her eyes to his, in an “I’ve got my eyes on you, and don’t you dare try and eat my snacks” gesture.

Hux obeys, and Rey thinks they might have finally come to an understanding between the two of them.

«☆»

Ben does a _thing_ before he goes out on a red carpet, a thing that Rey has never seen before and that has her furrowing her brow at him in concern.

He is also acutely aware that she is watching him do this in complete confusion, as he shakes out his hands and takes a couple small hops in the air while reciting his favorite three lines from his favorite Shakespearean sonnet, fifteen. He is aware he looks like an idiot, because Hux always used to tell him he looked like an idiot before just accepting this as a part of Ben, but it’s a ritual he does every single time he goes out on a carpet. 

He continues hopping, looking away from Rey and mumbling to the ceiling as they wait for their turn to walk. 

“When I consider every thing that grows

"Holds in perfection but a little moment,

"That this huge stage presenteth nought but shows”

He loves the whole poem, a literature professor introduced it to him in college. It’s about the fleeting beauty of life, fleeting time. It ends up being a love poem in the end, but he likes having the opening lines as a reminder right before he gets his photo taken thousands of times. It helps calm the mind.

Everything is temporary, perfection is fleeting, and the whole world is just one big stage. Nothing else.

He stops hopping, taking a long breath in and out as he continues to shake his hands to try to expel any leftover energy.

He rolls his shoulders, and continues to center his breathing in an effort to stay calm.

Rey grabs his elbow as he exhales, soothingly stroking the inside of his arm as he continues to hear the increased yelling of fans and photographers from just outside as the line moves forward. “Nervous?” She asks, and Ben can hear the smile in her voice.

“Terrified, anxious.” He admits, “But I feel like this every single time I go out on a carpet. It never gets easier.” 

He turns to look down at her, as she nervously rocks on her heels. She’s biting the edge of her lip raw, and Ben uses his thumb to gently tug the skin from between her teeth. “Stop biting, you’re gonna start bleeding.” He gently hums, as she narrows her eyes at him.

“Says the man who just fucked up his hair.” She hums, reaching up and fixing the locks that have come loose during his frantic jumping. 

He lets her work, setting his hands on her hips as he sighs. 

“Come off it,” she hums, stepping back from him and placing her hands on his chest. “We’re going to be fine, people love you. They’re excited to see you, Ben. Good things only, tonight.”

He tilts his head at her, as she continues fixing his suit and making sure he looks as perfect as he possibly can. “When did you get so _confident_?” He asks, genuinely curious where this side of her came from and why it’s just appearing. 

But he likes it, he likes to see her own this.

She shrugs, “Sometime after I passed the fifty thousand follower mark on instagram, I think.”

Ben snorts, and continues to let her work on his appearance.

«☆»

The screaming is a constant presence on the red carpet, creeping in from all corners of the venue. Rey gets used to it over the course of the security tent, so much so that it becomes background noise, but she quickly learns it’s kind of like an indicator for who is currently on the carpet.

The louder it is, the more famous the person is. When an actor walks, the yelling gets _deafening_. When a screenwriter, an executive, or a manager walks it tends to be a little more mellow. Still loud, but a little less so.

Which is why Rey is trying to prepare herself for when Ben walks, because she’s anticipating for her eardrums to fucking burst upon impact from the pressure.

She watches from the shadows, tucked under Bens arm, as Hux walks in front of them. He pauses for one or two outlets that call his name, most likely film industry newsletters and organizations that recognize his specific line of work. Other than that, he makes it through fairly quickly. Not too much hassle, doesn’t even wave to the bleachers that seem to be focusing on everybody else.

He pauses at the other end of the photo op, greeting some people it looks like he knows and angling his body to watch the couple. Always an eye on them, always making sure they’re doing the right thing. Because he’s responsible for them tonight.

Rey feels oddly like a child, being handed a couple dollars in cash and being asked to go and pick up milk from the market. Feeling the pressure to do this one little thing right, like the entirety of the universe depends on picking up the right milk brand.

She takes a deep breath, as the stagehand next to them instructs them to walk.

Ben freezes in panic, and Rey grabs his elbow to get him moving. It’s a little too late to back out now, if he wanted to leave they should have had the discussion before they were three inches away from open season.

And Rey was right, the screaming gets fucking _loud_ as soon as people see them _._

She jumps as someone yells Ben's name about half a second after he walks onto the carpet, keeping his eyes focused on the ground as he fiddles with the button on his suit jacket. Rey squeezes his palm in reasurrance, as he keeps his expression stern and hides behind his sunglasses. He’s gone all masked crusader on her, keeping his mouth in a straight line and furrowing his brow in a harsh way.

Rey realizes he is way more nervous than he’s letting on.

He looks up, as the rest of the world realizes who it is, and the carpet continues to just get impossibly louder around them. He turns down to her, and they start to walk with straight postures and as much elegance as they can muster. “You wanna do photos with me or go and hide with Hux?” he hums, offering her a way out if this is too much. Because it is, quite frankly, a fucking _lot._

She looks up at the bleachers of people, many of them pointing and waving at Ben as he leans down to whisper in her ear.

“This might take a couple minutes. I don’t want to make you stay if you don’t want to.”

She strokes the inside of his arm, gently smiling up at him as he brings them to an area of the carpet where journalists are trying anything and everything to get his attention. Rey hears about every possible variation of his name she can think of, everything from Benjamin to Benji to Benny. She even picks up a couple clever puns with his last name, biting her cheek as someone shouts “Solo! Are you not riding solo anymore?”

He protectively places his hand on the small of her back, as she does the same for him.

“No, I’d rather stay with you I think.” She hums, turning up to him and smiling. The boy grins down at her, prompting even _more_ yelling from the crowds because she knows that smile is rarely given to anybody but her. 

“Thank _god_.” He murmurs, beaming as he looks back out to the cameras and Rey tries her best to follow the advice Tallie gave her for red carpet photos.

Oh, god, she can’t remember _any_ of it-

«☆» 

“Don’t trip.” Ben quietly murmurs, once most of the excitement has started to die down and people start to get sick of him. He reaches down and adjusts her skirt a little, helping her get sorted out as she whispers her quiet thanks. 

She grabs his hand before they get sucked into the mob, holding tight as Hux patiently fields everyone who tries to approach the trio. People Ben can’t even remember previously knowing offer their congratulations, and more hands get shaken than he thinks should be possible. 

They get further squished into the mob as the carpet continues to fill up and more hands get shaken, Rey cowering under his arm as Hux tries to get them to the interview area after meeting a director who wants to work with him on a project in two years. Christ, there are a lot of people here.

“I want to hit at least one late night show, one news outlet, and the oscars pre-show interview team tonight.” His manager hums, dragging the two through the crowd. Ben tries his best not to trample anybody, as Rey squeaks and follows along. 

He looks down at her, at her very clearly confused face, and he grimaces as she trips over someone's dress.

He catches her, and rights her, before anyone can realize what’s happened. 

“Thank you.” She murmurs again, squishing herself against his chest as he nods. She grabs his hand as they migrate across the sea of people with Hux, eventually stopping a little ways away from the interviewers. 

Ben vaguely registers Hux peeling Rey off of him, and pushing him towards someone frantically calling for him to grab an interview with him.

Suddenly he’s thrown to the wolves, and Ben isn’t quite sure how to respond to the influx of _people_ staring at him right now.


	60. Winter - XXXIII

Rey stands next to Hux, crossing her arms and watching out of the corner of her eye as Ben casually tackles his first interview. 

And then a second, with the people next to them.

And then a third, when another celebrity calls him over and the two get dragged into a joint conversation about  _ something _ she can’t quite make out. It looks like it might be related to acting though, Ben tucking his hands in his pockets and cooly following along.

At least five minutes pass, Rey taking the time to admire the various dresses and the sparkling lights of the venue around her in the meantime. She feels oddly exposed, in the middle of all this, without Ben to protect her.

Rey also realizes that Ben is trapped, right around the seven minute mark, because he’s too nice to tell anybody no. He smiles and laughs, but he’s definitely a little stuck here. He’s not getting out of this alone.

“Should we help him?” Rey nervously hums, crossing her own arms and turning to Hux as she furrows her brow. It seems  _ mean _ to just let Ben get stuck like this. Plus, they have a plan. Don’t they? Don’t they have other people who they need to meet with? This is just the tip of the iceberg, really, tonight is going to be  _ long _ .

They’re also gathering a bit of a crowd on the carpet as well, the Oscars team sending their photographers to grab pictures of the actors. They’re fluctuating between two and three right now for Ben, but there always seems to be someone right next to him and snapping pictures on a big, clunky camera.

Rey finds herself slowly growing more worried, as she rubs her palm with her thumb. Maybe she just wants Ben to come back to her, she kind of wants him to hold her hand right now. 

There are a lot more people here than she anticipated, the screaming and the flashing of the lights and the  _ celebrities _ are kind of starting to freak her out.

Hux shrugs in response, waiting until Ben moves his arms so he’s grabbing his wrist behind his back.

Ben flashes Hux two fingers, to which the manager sighs. 

“ _ Now _ I’m going to go save his ass.” He hums, giving Rey his elbow as she latches on and follows him. Oh, okay, so they have a whole system of signals apparently.

Rey sets the intention to learn their codewords and their secret language, because suddenly she has the sinking feeling she might need them one day.

Hux claps Ben on the back, quickly excusing him from the interview as Rey stands a couple steps behind the boys. “So sorry, but I’ve gotta grab Mr. Solo for a moment. You good to go?”

Ben nods, letting Hux grab his shoulder and turn him in the direction of the theater. Ben spots her as he turns, and gently smiles as she mirrors him.

She watches as his body language eases a little, just enough for her to notice.  _ Hopefully _ no cameras caught it.

Rey grabs onto his elbow as he offers it to her and a bunch of cameras flash in succession, glad both of the boys are here to provide a literal shoulder to lean on. This whole situation isn’t easy to navigate, but it is especially not easy in tall heels and squishy carpet. 

She might be a little more unprepared for this all than she initially thought. Even with the minimal training and prep Ben and Maz tried to give her last week.

“You good?” He hums, resting his hand over hers as she nods. She focuses on that, on his warm palm as it pets her skin. And not the screaming and the shouting all around her.

“Yeah, this is just a little much.” She quietly hums, smiling up at him as Hux starts directing them down the carpet. Ben grins at her as he rubs her knuckles, leaning into her so they can better speak to each other. He opens his mouth to speak-

“You guys are so cute!” Someone  _ yells  _ directly to their left, and Ben goes absolutely pink as he grumbles in discomfort and shuts his eyes. Rey places a surprised hand over her mouth as he blushes, watching as he takes a deep breath and pulls Rey a little closer. There’s no way to know if it was really aimed at them or not, but with a sneaky look at their surroundings it isn’t difficult to decipher that there’s probably a ninety-nine percent chance it was.

They’re the only really  _ couple-y  _ couple right now. There’s no way it  _ wasn’t _ aimed at them.

He just sighs, not even having to say anything, as Rey rubs his knuckles in understanding. “I know Ben, I know.” She coos, watching as he glares down at her and she just giggles. 

He raises her hand to kiss her knuckles, and at  _ least _ four or five cameras click and flicker around them.

Rey just smiles, trying to ignore the fluttering in her chest as her eyes struggle to take it all in.

«☆» 

Hux near  _ shoves _ Rey and Ben towards their next stop, which is what looks to be a juvenile game show booth aimed to grab celebrities' attention among the sea of reporters.

Oh, high budget talkshow. Ben knows the game well.

See, there’s so  _ many _ of these on tv nowadays they’re all competing for the attention of their viewership. None of them are really succeeding in the long term anyways, but at least it creates interesting interview setups for Ben and other celebrities like him.

“They have an opening, go be  _ cute _ or whatever.” Hux whispers, placing a firm hand on Ben's back and urging him to go and do his job. Ben knows these opportunities are good, if he ends up on YouTube it can turn into a whole  _ thing _ and  _ things _ are good.  _ All press  _ is good. Even weird YouTube segments are good.

Ben thinks Hux secretly has a side goal of turning Ben into a  _ meme _ or something.

They both turn to look at Hux in confusion, Rey dropping Ben’s arm to go and let him tackle this alone when Hux grabs their wrists again.

He slaps Rey's palm in Bens, like he’s teaching two children how to properly hold hands. “No, go be cute  _ together. _ You owe me, both of you. I want good couples content out of this.” 

Ben narrows his eyes as Hux false gags around the word cute, continuing to play up the disgust as Rey encourages him with a giggle.

“You’re mean.” Ben just quietly hums, letting Rey intertwine her fingers with his. She squeezes his hand, securely tethering him to her as he sighs.

Hux pushes them forward with a shrug, and Ben huffs as Rey leans into his arm as more cameras flicker around them. Hux is fucking  _ mean  _ sometimes _. _

“Ben! Ben Solo!” The interviewer yells as they approach, dressed in what Ben thinks is a discount Banana costume. Fascinating choice, really. Considering how much work Ben has put into his appearance tonight.

Not that it should be standard to show up to the fucking  _ Oscars _ in nice clothes or anything.

Now that Ben gets a closer look at it, he isn’t sure if the man is wearing pants. He might not be, and Ben doesn’t know if it’s more or less disturbing that he’s so dedicated to his job. 

Ben briefly thinks he must be  _ very _ cold right now-

“How are you tonight?” He hums, Ben placing a practiced smile on his face. He can do this, he’s fine.

He feels Rey against his side, and he knows he’ll be fine. In fact, he finds that he’s more worried about her this time around. More worried about her ability to stay cool and collected tonight.

Ben sighs, and responds, “Good, good. How about you?”

“Freezing my ass off, but fantastic.” The banana man hums, reaching down and pulling out a wheel. “Now, we have a wheel here. A wheel of challenges if you will.”

Ben stares at it, wondering what the hell type of demon person had to come up with this. What the hell type of  _ show _ had to come up with this-

All of the options say  _ vodka. _

“Wait, no,” Ben laughs, Rey giggling next to him. “All of this is vodka. Why is all of it vodka? This isn’t a game, this is a-a ploy to get us all  _ drunk _ ! Whose idea was this?”

Rey continues to giggle, as the banana shrugs with a grin. “I mean, yes, but the oscars committee wouldn’t just let us give out shots unless we turned it into a game. So, vodka or vodka.”

Ben dramatically sighs, playing it up for the camera as he shakes his head. 

“Fine. I’ll play.” He hums, turning down to Rey. “You wanna play too?” He hums, watching as she nods.

“Sure, why the hell not.” She laughs, reaching out and spinning the wheel as Ben grins. “It’s not like any of the options are  _ bad. _ ”

The banana man laughs as Ben smiles, watching it slowly spin in front of him.

It lands on vodka, surprisingly.

The banana cheers, reaching to a tray offered by a production assistant and grabbing three shots. “Okay, Ben, your question: The world ends tomorrow. What are the three things you take into the apocalypse with you?”

He takes a moment to think, as Rey sticks her tongue in her shot before recoiling and wrinkling up her nose. It must be  _ strong _ . She was probably expecting it to be cut or something.

Little known secret: no good news outlet will pass up the opportunity to get an actor drunk before they go on stage. 

“Uh,” Ben hums, sighing and gathering his thoughts. “Rey, obviously,” 

She awws next to him, as he groans and tries to figure out the rest.

“Probably a book of Shakespeare’s complete works and a machete or something? Survival kit? I don’t know. What would you take, sweetheart?”

“You, a tactical shovel, and the complete works of the Beatles.”

Ben just stares at her, in something like horror. She answered that  _ way _ too quickly.

“What? Your favorite bands favorite band was the Beatles. It’s a well known fact, if you’re taking Shakespeare I’m taking John Lennon.”

He just continues to stare at her, somehow both astonished and completely expecting this. “Do you like,  _ actively _ think about this?” He asks through laughter, as she shrugs and smiles. 

“Same principle as the deserted island question.” She hums, as a way of explaining it. “Do you have salt, by the way?” She asks, because  _ only _ Rey Niima would ask for salt to chase a shot of liquor at the fucking Oscars.

Ben laughs, as Rey turns to look up at him. She is  _ such _ a chaotic force of nature sometimes. Ben has no idea why Hux thought this was a good idea. 

The banana man just grins at them, holding out his microphone to grab their half baked conversations. “Uh, no.” he hums, still cradling his shot in his fingers. Ben wonders if  _ his _ is cut or not. “We’ll bring salt next time, promise.”

“Pretzels!” Rey shouts, turning to an exceedingly concerned Ben. “I have my pretzels!”

Ben stares at her for a moment, before connecting the dots. That’s right, she packed pretzels in her purse.

Jesus fucking christ, the pretzels. The ones that are covered in salt.

“No, Rey, oh my god-“ Ben hums, holding her shot as she hands it off to him. He sighs as he watches her open her clutch, really trying not to smile as she proudly pulls out her little bag of ziplock pretzels. 

He fails pretty miserably, grinning and giggling as she sets a small handful into her palm. “Do you want pretzels Ben, yes or no.” She hums, offering some to the banana man. 

The banana declines, as Ben sighs and nods. No matter what he chooses here, it’s a bad decision.

“Yes, I want the pretzels.” He hums, taking the handful as she tucks the rest of the bag back in her purse and grabs her shot back from him. It will help take the edge off of the alcohol, at least. 

She takes her half of the pretzels from his palm once more, gently clinking her little plastic glass against his. 

“To pretzels! And bad decisions.” She hums, grinning up at him as he chuckles with a shake of his head.

He sighs, and downs it with her.

It’s not bad vodka, it’s actually pretty smooth, but it still burns anyways. His whole body quickly shivers as Rey squeals next to him, giggling as she leans into his arm and squeaks.

He throws the pretzels into his mouth, sucking on them as Rey giggles next to him and does the same. They make the experience  _ so _ much worse, he has no idea what Rey was  _ thinking _ with this. It’s terrible, and he’s like seventy-five percent sure the pretzels are stale.

“This was an awful decision.” He groans, placing his hand over his face so he doesn’t chew with his mouth open as Rey nods next to him. He watches as she visibly shudders next to him.

“Wait, just out of curiosity,” The banana man asks over the screaming that still surrounds them, “what else are you hiding in that bag?”

Ben sets a hand on Rey's waist, moving behind her as she proudly shows off her goldfish and her pretzels to the camera crew. 

She falls seamlessly into the conversation, and Ben stops worrying so much about her being able to handle all of the attention that has been thrust on to her pretty shoulders.

Rey Niima will be fine, she’s a natural when it comes to making people happy.


	61. Winter - XXXIV

Ben crosses and uncrosses his arms in suspicion as he watches Hux try to aid Rey in reapplying her lip gloss, helpfully providing insights like “I don’t know!” and “uh, I think it’s fine?” As she huffs at him and narrows her eyes in impatience.

Luckily Tallie sees them then, squealing as she rushes over with her team. “Ben!” She shouts, bouncing up on her toes and tightly hugging him as she sighs. “Thank god you’re here,” she hums, Ben taking note of the fact they’ve got about six cameras on them now between the combined crews. The shouting has also intensified, no wonder because of the reunion happening on the carpet. “I have no idea what we’re doing, how are you?”

Ben smiles, knowing they’ve probably got the national tv cameras for the red carpet on them as well, as he shrugs and answers through a tight smile. “Dying.”

She laughs, turning to Rey, “And let me see what our lord and savior Maz has done for you, babe.”

Rey steps back, Hux still holding the uncapped tube of lipgloss in his hand as she makes a small curtsy that has Tallie clapping and squealing in glee. “You look so fucking cute, oh my god!” She laughs, throwing her head back as Ben grins. 

She points at him, “Don’t fuck this up, this woman saved my ass two weeks ago with this dress. Maz nearly lost it to a different actress, but Rey called in and managed to make it work. I don’t know how, but this woman can make fucking _miracles_ happen.”

Ben knew this, he knows Rey carries a little bit of pixie dust in her pocket.

He has _no_ intent on fucking this up.

“And you look stunning.” Rey sighs, grabbing Tallie’s hands and looking her up and down. She’s in the teal dress Maz wanted, with the white top and the way too many layers of puffed up fabric.

She just grins, blooming under the praise. 

Hux groans next to them, aggravated and impatient. “Can someone, for the love of god, please help me do Rey’s lipstick. I can’t figure out how this fucking _works_.”

Tallie makes a motion with her hands, snatching the tube of lipgloss from his fingers. “I feel bad for the poor person who marries you, Armitage Hux.”

Hux just groans, as Tallie gently grabs Rey's chin and paints her lips back to a gentle shine. The actress purses her own as Rey giggles, daring a look at Ben as he gently smiles at her and shakes his head.

She grabs his hand as he grins, squeezing his fingers in reassurance.

«☆»

“Okay, they’re ready for you.” A stagehand hums, not so gently urging Rey and Ben up the stairs of the main interview spot on the red carpet. Rey watches as another actress comes down the other side, a whole slew of people helping her fix her dress as they get ready to continue the walk. 

Rey takes Ben's offered arm for support as Hux quietly reminds her to lift up the bottom on her skirt before they go, so she doesn’t go tripping up the small staircase to the _big_ interview of the night.

This is the one that’s going to be live, and on national tv.

Holy shit, Rey Niima is about to be on national TV.

She gulps as Ben rubs her hand, thankful for his presence and his practiced ease with this type of stuff. Thankful that he, at least, knows what to do here.

Thankful that he promised to let her keep her mouth shut, and to do all the talking right now.

Rey watches, somewhat out of her own body, as the interviewer adjusts an earpiece in his ear and shakes Ben's hand. She vaguely recognizes him from tv, the kind she leaves on as white noise when she’s running the vacuum. 

But she knows him well enough, well enough to know this is a big deal.

He gives some clipped instructions to the duo, the same ones he’s been giving all night. They’ve got thirty seconds to fill, he’s going to introduce them, ask Ben who he brought tonight, and then ask about the awards. If he’s excited, and stuff.

Ben nods, and the interviewer looks far off for a second. Rey gets the sudden feeling someone might be speaking through his earpiece. “Uh, okay?”

He looks to Ben with a serious expression on his face, “How comfortable is your girlfriend with speaking on tv?”

They just blink at him, said _girlfriend_ speaking for herself as Ben stiffens next to her. “Not very.”

He looks down at her, curtly nodding as he goes back to fiddling with a stack of cards in his hands. “I can do that.” He hums, shuffling them as Rey looks up to Ben.

He sets a protective hand around her back, raising his eyebrows at her as she shrugs. She has no idea what is going on here.

“Alright, we’ve got fifteen till live. Just roll with it.” He sighs, seemingly to himself, as he points Ben to his mark.

Ben and Rey shuffle about half an inch to the right, Rey slotting herself next to him and smoothing out her dress as someone counts down behind the camera. Ben just continues to rub gentle circles into her side, fingers curling around her waist as he stands up tall and relaxes against her. 

“That’s great to hear, Jane.” The reporter grins, shoulders falling into a _cool_ stance as Rey grins at the camera men behind the scenes. She finds it easier to focus on real people during all of this, the fact that she’s speaking to _real people_ instead of a mess of glass and binary numbers. 

She turns to the reporter as he starts speaking, though. Unconsciously gluing herself closer to Ben's side.

“I’m here on the carpet with Ben Solo, who is here for his _first_ best actor nomination for the film Kamikaze. Ben, how are you doing tonight and who’d you bring with you?”

He has to near shout over the screaming of the audience behind them, as Ben grins. “A little overwhelmed, but good. I’ve brought my lovely girlfriend Rey with me, and my manager Hux is somewhere behind us.”

“That’s great!” The reporter hums, moving the conversation along before Ben can even finish his sentence, “Now, everybody wants to know, _who_ are you wearing tonight? Apparently that dress has been the talk of the town, how the hell did you get your hands on an _Amilyn Holdo_ , guys!”

Rey takes a deep breath, hoping her shock doesn’t show up on camera.

Jeez, okay. That was out of left field.

Ben nervously chuckles, continuing to slowly rub Rey's side. “Ah, you’d have to ask my stylist. Maz is a miracle worker, I don’t ask questions, I just do what she says.”

The reporter looks satisfied with that, as Rey smiles and tucks her hand in Ben's back pocket. That is the perfect answer, not so clear as to give anything away but not so vague as to require any further comment.

Ben really is quite good at this.

Rey grins, as the reporter asks Ben another question about how he’s feeling tonight before looking to the camera. “We’re gonna let these two get back to chatting it up on the carpet. Jane, how are things looking where you are?”

Rey slowly smiles as she rests her hand over Ben's chest, unable to hear how _Jane_ is responding.

The reporter laughs, and the cameras cut as a man behind the machine gives a thumbs up. “Cut,” he hums, giving the all clear.

The reporter fiddles with his earpiece again, Ben shaking his free hand and leading Rey back down the staircase to where Hux is waiting. He keeps a gentle but firm grasp on her arm, as she uses both hands to lift up the skirt of _the dress._

The dress which is apparently stirring up _conversation_ she doesn’t know about. She knew it would be a statement, but she didn’t know it would be enough of a statement to warrant someone asking about it on _live tv._

“Hux, check twitter and news outlets, now.” Ben huffs, wrapping an arm around Rey as the manager raises an eyebrow at them. He complies, of course, pulling out his phone as the three meander a little closer to the entry of the theater.

Rey leans close into Ben, as Hux furrows his brow and huffs.

“ _Oh._ ”

“Oh _what_.” Ben snaps, speaking through his teeth as he smiles. His eyes are wide, as he tilts his head and leans in closer to Hux so nobody can listen in to this very private and extremely confidential conversation that might end up with someones head rolling.

Rey just stands between the boys, as Hux pulls a face and continues to stare at his phone. “Give me, like, two seconds to figure out if I need to run damage control or not.”

Rey's eyes widen, as Ben turns down to her. He looks all sorts of worried, all types of nervous. “I’m not panicking.” She feels the need to reassure him, leaning her head in his shoulder. 

At least, not yet.

Ben pats her side, as Hux exhales.

“Good news, no damage control needed. Ben is trending five on twitter, the dress, in all caps, is trending one. Rey is trending eleventh.”

“ _What?_ ” She squeaks, moving to look over Hux’s shoulder as he flips his phone so she can look.

✨ **Bea eats bees** 🐝✨@bumblebea

_REY NIIMA IS OUR NEW QUEEN, WEARING AMILYN HOLDO AND MAKING BEN SMILE LIKE T H AT? AN UNPROBLEMATIC Q U E E N. WE STAN._

Hux scrolls down a little, showing her the replies and associated thread. The original tweet has a photo of Ben and Rey attached, a screenshot from the carpet, covered in emoji hearts.

Ben is grinning down at her in profile, as she grins up at him with their backs to the camera.

✨ **Bea eats bees** 🐝✨@bumblebea

_If you didn’t know, Amilyn Holdo was blacklisted from Hollywood in 2003 when she refused to dress an actress in a racist and whitewashed movie adaptation of the “Stardust” book series._

✨ **Bea eats bees** 🐝✨@bumblebea

_The movies ended up flopping, but Amilyn was still locked out of basically the entire industry after being labeled “difficult.” It was a TRAVESTY. She OWNED the 90’s fashion scene. Honestly, she was EVERYWHERE. People couldn’t get enough of Amilyn Holdo._

✨ **Bea eats bees** 🐝✨@bumblebea

 _Basically, your favorite 90’s moviestar/rockstar/whatever was dressed by Amilyn Holdo and she deserves better._ 😌 _We stan Rey for bringing back a goddess and working with a designer who lost everything bc she stood up for poc at the notoriously white oscars before it was cool._ ✨✨

Rey scrunches her nose up as the thread continues, laughing at the fact that Hux is apparently relying on this header tweet made by a teenager to inform him of what the fuck is happening online.

✨ **Bea eats bees** 🐝✨@bumblebea

_AND IM NOT EVEN GOING TO GET INTO THE WAY BEN LOOKS AT HER, like, oh my god. Find you a man who looks at you the way Ben Solo looks at Rey Niima._

Rey sets her hands on her hips, as Ben takes the phone from Hux’s palms and reads the tweet thread. She skims over the replies as he reads, thankful that they’re _all_ positive in one aspect or another. 

Some are saying if she really wanted to make a statement she should have worked with a designer from a non-white background, some are arguing that working with a woman who had been blacklisted nearly two decades ago for completely unfair reasons is enough.

There’s a decent amount of discourse, but at least it’s all in the _right direction_.

“I’m going to be honest,” Hux sighs, taking the phone back from Ben and tucking it in his pocket, “I didn’t even think about this.”

Ben nods, as Rey takes a deep breath to steady herself. They really didn’t. They just asked Amilyn to do it because she was the only one who would. And she’s a brilliant designer, clearly, but they didn’t even think about the societal implications of this. And especially not the societal implications of wearing one of her pieces to _the Oscars._

They picked her because she’s fucking good at her job, that’s why.

The three stand there, in the middle of the red carpet, as they all slowly realize they may have just made a massive political statement without any intent to do so.

In their defense, they’re just three young adults with a few too many people analyzing their actions. They can’t be held responsible to completely understand everything _they_ do, let alone everybody else.

“So.” Hux hums. “We’re all in agreement we can pretend we meant to do this, right?” He asks, looking to the duo and placing his hands together as Rey nods.

“We tell nobody this was unintentional.” Ben sighs, taking a long exhale as he guides Rey forward. 

She just nods, happy that her first time trending at least seems to be for noble reasons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is my love letter to stan twitter. ya'll are wild, but I love u.


	62. Winter - XXXV

Rey pulls her clutch tight to her lap as she straightens in her seat, trying to get a look over the myriad of heads as she searches for her boyfriend. He really shouldn’t be  _ that _ difficult to spot. Seriously, the man is a mountain.

She finds his black hair, leaned down into conversation with whatever A-List actress is sitting next to him. Rey gets the distinct feeling she would actually see  _ more _ of her boy tonight if she was at home and watching him on a tv screen.

She pouts as he continues his conversation, not looking up and turning around despite her best attempts to telepathically signal him. 

“Stop doing that, people are staring. They’re going to think you’re  _ weird.”  _ Hux hums next to her, tugging on her bicep to get her to relax back in the theater seat. She huffs at him as she examines the rest of the quickly filling auditorium, the chatter of all the faces and people around her.

She never stopped to think about how many people she would recognize tonight, until she started recognizing them.

The actor from that comedy movie she liked last year is sitting two rows in front of her, and she knows the musician right behind them has been nominated for a grammy and a tony at  _ least _ once. She spots Phasma, standing and talking to an older man, in the far aisle.

And Tallie is currently flitting around with her mom, introducing herself to someone a couple seats ahead and to their left. 

Rey doesn’t even look at Hux as she replies, “It’s too late for that, I  _ am _ weird. And you’re about to have to deal with that reality for two hours.”

Hux groans, placing his head in his hand as he leans away from her and to his right. “Push me off a cliff, Rey. For fuck’s sake, that would be easier.”

She snorts and playfully slaps his arm, sitting up in her seat again to see who else she can identify from the front row. 

Her eyes widen as a prominent actor  _ walks up to Ben _ and the two start to speak.

Jesus Christ, she can’t believe she’s dating this man.

«☆»

Rey leans into Hux’s side as the opening show starts, entirely too overwhelmed with all of the flashing lights and flying cameras overhead to not freak out a little. She squeals as lights go off on stage, clapping a hand over her mouth as she giggles and Hux curses in anxiety at her noisy little outbursts.

She can’t help it! This is all so  _ exciting! _

She squeezes his hand a little too tightly, but he doesn’t seem to mind aside from the occasional hand flex and “Rey, fucking- you’re cutting off my circulation-“

She giggles, and removes her palm from his as he sighs in relief. 

She stays leaned into his side, though, as the opening continues and the first presenters come on stage. She almost forgets the whole thing is being filmed, until a speaker directly addresses the audiences at home with a dig at streaming services. 

Rey giggles from the absurdity of it all, even if the joke isn’t that funny. 

They make it all the way to the first award without incident, when Rey realizes they open with supporting actress.

The category Tallie is nominated for.

She goes back to clutching Hux’s palm with wide eyes, squeezing the life out of his fingers and feeling her heart speed up as she looks across the room for the actress. She  _ wants _ Tallie to win. Really badly. She’s insanely talented, for being just out of her teen years, and Kamikaze is a  _ really _ good movie.

Rey should know, she’s watched it like five times. Maybe six at this point.

She wants them to get the credit they deserve. She has her own personal pride invested in this thing.

It seems like the announcement process takes even slower in person, without the benefit of a living room to pace through. Hux tries to shake off her hand as she holds onto his palm for support, although he gives up when he realizes how tight her grip can get.

She waits as the announcer opens the envelope, grinning as she announces Tallie’s name like she was always meant to be here.

Rey fights back the urge to  _ shout _ , as Tallie stares, dumbstruck, at the camera. Rey watches as her mom pulls her to stand up after a moment, wrapping her arms around her daughter as she nervously hugs her back.

Rey hears Ben whistle from the front row, as Tallie glares at him from across the theater. 

Rey just giggles as the girl climbs up the steps to the stage, nervously taking the award from the presenter and staring at it for a moment as she makes a shocked,  _ nervous,  _ noise into the microphone.

It sounds  _ exactly _ like the type of thing Ben would do. 

«☆»

The woman next to Rey, with a younger boyfriend of some sort attached to her arm, picks up small talk during the first intermission/commercial break of the night.

Rey is fighting the instinct to go and find Ben or Tallie, to give the former a big smooch and the latter her congratulations. She taps her feet along the ground as Hux chats to the man next to them with exaggerated interest, discussing something about scheduling or contacts or a mutual friend that she hasn’t met yet.

“Are you a nominee or a guest?” The woman hums with an intense swedish accent, smiling as Rey turns to her in surprise. 

“Uh, guest.” She squeaks out, fingers playing with the clasp of her purse. Bringing her own food seemed like a swell idea before she realized the lights were going to be on in the audience for the whole show, and she can’t exactly get away with pulling out her goldfish right now. No matter how badly her stomach grumbles, she remembers she has to keep up appearances for Ben's sake. 

She continues to fiddle with the latch as the woman hums in understanding next to her.

“Who with? Boyfriend?” She asks, motioning to Hux with a quick jerk of her head.

Rey turns to look at Hux, still engaged in conversation with the man next to him. Oh  _ god _ no, kill her before that ever happens.

She bites her tongue, sitting up a little straighter. “Ah, not exactly.”

The woman just stares at her with a piercing gaze, as Rey's eyes snap to the front of the theater. 

“My boyfriend is a little farther up, we couldn’t get seats together this year.” She hums, as a careful way of explaining it.

_ This year _ , she reminds herself. They can’t sit together  _ this year _ . Maybe if Ben gets invited to be an announcer they’ll get to sit together some year, but Rey has no plans on actually becoming as famous as him. She’ll happily sit a couple rows back if she gets to avoid being the center of attention at an event like this.

She is having fun right now, but Rey has a feeling all this light on her might get a little blinding soon if it doesn’t calm down.

Hux turns to her as Ben pops his head up over the front row, and he quietly waves to her. She can’t see his mouth, but she knows he’s smiling when the edges of his eyes crinkle up like they always do when he grins.

She waves back, giggling as whoever he’s sitting next to turns to see who he’s waving at.

«☆»

Ben doesn’t win.

And not that Rey is disappointed, or upset, or anything, but, well-

Okay, she’s a little upset on Ben’s behalf. She’s very proud of him! He deserves to be recognized for his work! And even though the logical part of her brain knows there was no way in hell he was going to win, the emotional and sentimental part of her brain really thought he was the best one on the list of nominees and that he really had a fighting chance.

But the same actor who won at the Globes wins, and he makes a beautiful speech, and Kamikaze sweeps with a whopping three wins.

It doesn’t sound like a lot, but it is. They did good,  _ really _ good.

He comes up to her as soon as the show is done, the person who was sitting next to him following along as he grins and meanders his way over.

Rey just nods her head as he excitedly introduces her to this actress, and she quietly clings onto his arm.


	63. Winter - XXXVI

Ben keeps an eye on Rey as they wander their way through the Governor's Ball, the two of them relaxing as they get away from the cameras for the first time in hours. Even if people definitely continue to stare at him as they walk into the lounge area of the party, and the very loud music and lights invade all of his senses, he is grateful that he can kind of start to _switch off_ for the night, as it were. 

Rey clings onto his arm as he fields people with Hux for the first couple minutes, smiling and just trying to get somewhere a little calmer. A place where he feels a little less like a packed sardine in a squished tin can.

“You okay?” He shouts over the loud music, looking down at Rey and squeezing her hand as she nods. She slowly runs her fingers against his inner arm as they push through the crowd, Hux tapping Ben on the shoulder and telling him something that he doesn’t quite catch before disappearing somewhere to the left and over the actors shoulder. Ben’s guess is that he’s going to go do some networking, before the drinks really start to flow and all pretense of business gets thrown out the window.

Ben watches him as he goes, knowing that he’s caught kind of in a tired post-event daze, as Rey folds herself under his arm and hides. She pulls at his suit jacket to get his attention as he looks down at her, really hoping she’s enjoying herself right now. Because he knows this is a lot, as the low lights in the room quickly shift from blue to purple.

He knows, this is a _lot_.

She says something to him, although he doesn’t catch it either over the noise and the bass that rhythmically thumps in his ears. He has to lean down as she repeats herself, lips brushing against his cheek as she asks him, “What do we do now?”

He pulls away and shrugs, pointing to a far table with some hors d’oeuvres on them. “Food.” He mouths, and she happily leads _him_ towards the table as the music intensifies. That sounds like the right place to start.

«☆»

Rey’s mouth hurts from smiling so much.

Smiling as Ben congratulates the winners, smiling as the nominees congratulate Ben, smiling as guests introduce themselves to Ben and he smiles back.

It’s so much fucking smiling.

She buries her face into the side of Ben's suit jacket at one point, way past worrying about smudging her makeup on it as she groans.

“You okay?” He hums again, as she nods. She’s starting to get a little overwhelmed, and tired, but she’s having fun. She really likes the way Ben introduces her to all of his friends, all of the people he’s worked with in the past or will be working with in the future. It makes her feel like her place in all of this is somewhat important, like she isn’t such an imposter anymore.

“This is my girlfriend, Rey.” He proudly says to an old co-star, grinning as she tilts her head at Rey in confusion. Or maybe disbelief, now that she thinks about it a little more.

“This is Rey, my girlfriend.” He hums to a director, who just laughs and congratulates Ben on keeping her a secret for so long.

He varies it ever so often, but Rey is kind of getting used to being his _girlfriend._ In _public._

She giggles as he leans his head against hers, finally alone as they hide in a dark corner of the room and eat cake that Rey knows is richer than her entire bank account. It has _gold flakes_ on it. She could probably sell it to help pay off her student debt.

She picks at a corner of the cake, and Ben turns his head to kiss her forehead and purr against her skin in the meanwhile.

She realizes that might not be such a pressing issue anymore, the money thing, as she lifts the fork to her mouth and sucks on the chocolate frosting and it quickly coats her tongue. 

“I’m gonna say something crazy.” She mutters, not quite knowing if she’s hoping for him to hear her over the blasting music or not. He pulls away from her body as she goes back for another bite, cutting it in half after a moment as she reminds herself to _savor_ the experience. Take it all in slowly, make it last.

He chuckles as she leans her head against his shoulder, still staring at the cake as he speaks into her ear. “I like it when you’re a little crazy, makes me feel like I’m less so.” He mumbles, scooting a little closer to her as he reaches out and grabs the fork from her. 

He takes the other half of her bite of cake, as she giggles at him. So much for avoiding sweets, huh?

She quietly shakes her head as he takes a second bite of _her_ cake, not bothering to cut his portion down to size a little as she prepares herself to make a statement. To put herself out there, and be vulnerable. Something she is woefully bad at when it comes to these particular topics, she knows.

“I think I’d like you to help me pay off my student debt- if you want to. You don’t have to-“ She mumbles, afraid that this is admitting a weakness she doesn’t often like to show. That this will push him away. That this is, somehow, bad timing. “I mean, I don’t- you can ignore- I just- I- You’ve done so much for me already-“

Ben wraps an arm around her, not even a hint of laughter in his voice as he hands the fork back to her and she just stares at the cake in still fear. She really doesn’t want to fuck this up, she loves Ben _so much._ She doesn’t know what she would do without him. 

God, she hopes this isn’t the thing that pushes him away. She really can’t lose him right now.

“I’ve been waiting for you to say that, my love.” He murmurs, huddling with her in the corner. Sharing body heat as he wraps an arm around her. “I’ve got you, okay? I don’t want you to worry anymore. Really. I’m here, you’re stuck with me. 

“I’ll take care of it, I’ll take care of you.”

She breathes out a sigh of relief, closing her eyes and setting her head against his shoulder as she places the cake on the table. God, she can’t believe she just did that. She can’t believe he just _agreed_ \- “I don’t know if I should throw up or cry.” She mumbles, Ben chuckling as he starts rubbing her back.

“Well, neither would be a good place to start.” He hums, gently breathing against her hair as she nods. He’s right, neither would be a good place to start.

They sit like that for a moment, unbothered in the corner of a party that neither of them feel quite right in, as Rey breathes in an overwhelming sense of relief and gratitude for the position she’s been put in. For Ben, for the fact that he’s not looking at her like this is something to be ashamed of. That he isn’t angry or upset with her.

That it seems like he was waiting for her to ask, and he just needed her permission to move forward with the proceedings.

“Thank you for trusting me.” He mumbles, kissing her hairline. “Thank you for letting me take care of you like this, I know this wasn’t an easy ask. I know how uncomfortable this makes you. I understand what it means, sweetheart. Thank you.” 

She nods, and turns to look up at him as he grabs her hand and rubs her knuckles under the table. She finally sees the _pride_ in his eyes, and the fact that he knows exactly how difficult that was for her to do makes her melt a little inside. 

Her student debt will mean nothing to his bank account in the long term, but she knows this is more about vulnerability than any actual monetary transaction. This is more about opening up a new line of communication between them, letting Ben support her with the resources he already has.

“I love you.” She mumbles into his shoulder, shutting her eyes. “And, for the record, you need to know how fucking proud of you I am right now. You should have won. You’re a fucking brilliant actor, Ben, and I’m so unbelievably proud of you. I love you.”

He makes an incoherent noise of thanks after a moment, as she flutters her eyes open and stares at him. He’s gone all pink in the face, and she can tell even in the darkness, that she’s flustered him with her compliments. “You’re too good to me.” He mumbles, running a hand over his outstretched thigh as he sighs and stares at the ground.

And then he’s leaning down, and pressing his lips against hers. It doesn’t turn into anything more than PG, considering their location, but it’s the first time he’s kissed her all night. 

Rey's heart _sings_ as he makes a happy little grumble against her mouth, she didn’t know how much she missed this.

“You taste like _lemons_.” He reverently whines as he pulls away, all high pitched and warbly as he runs his tongue over his plush bottom lip. He sounds like she just kicked him in the stomach, mouth hanging open a little as he sighs against her skin and keeps his face _maybe_ a couple centimeters away from hers at most. “You taste like fucking _lemons_.”

He sounds utterly wrecked.

She just giggles and nods, as he groans and kisses her again with a little bit more than what might safely be considered PG.


	64. Winter - XXXVII

Ben feels _bubbly_ as he claps Hux on the shoulder sometime around eleven, Rey giggling from her place next to him as he squeezes his manager with his palm in an attempt to grab his attention. 

His hand covers almost the entirety of Hux’s shoulder, Ben realizes, and he marvels at that fact for a second as the actor gains his bearings and pulls himself together. Or, well, as together as he can in his current state.

Hux is mid conversation, and the music is still quite loud, but Ben doubts he’ll mind much. They need to get going soon anyways. It’s starting to get late, and Ben wants to go home. He wants to go home now, he’s done.

Hux jumps in surprise, as Ben rocks on his heels. The man stares at him for a minute, apparently taking stock of the situation, before bidding quick goodbyes to the group he was talking to and citing an early morning. Good, they’re leaving.

Ben can’t remember if they have an early morning or not right now, to be perfectly honest. God, he hopes they don’t.

Hux sighs, flipping on his heel and pushing Ben's shoulder to get him moving towards the door. “You’re drunk, aren’t you.” He mumbles as he flips them around, already leading the group away from the party as Ben quietly nods. Yes, he is quite drunk.

Rey giggles from under his arm, as he grins as he turns to look down at her. Ah, yes. Rey. She’s here, that’s nice.

She’s very pretty, very very pretty. Pretty girl.

Hux sighs, and grabs her very pretty face between his palms as Ben watches in confusion. He doesn’t like it when Hux touches her face, for some reason. But he looks to be examining her eyes or something as he squishes her cheeks, and she cutely sticks her tongue out between her teeth as he groans. 

Hux moves away as she tries to bite his hand.

“Jesus Christ.” He mumbles, stepping behind the two of them as Ben watches him in suspicion and fuzzy thought. “You’re both drunk.”

Rey just giggles again and nods, as Ben grins over his shoulder at his _favorite_ manager. Who looks more than a little peeved.

“We should hold hands.” Rey wisely suggests, as they approach the exit of the venue and the music starts to quiet a little. Ben thinks that sounds like a wonderful idea, and she slips her hand into his as he happily hums in agreement. It sounds very nice, very safe.

He stares at their interlocked fingers as he follows her down the hallway, swinging their held hands between their bodies as she giggles a _lot_ . And by a lot, Ben means a _lot._

She has to place a hand over her mouth after about thirty seconds of maniacal giggling, regulating with deep breathing after Hux asks if she’s okay. She just nods, and continues her stumble-ly walk down the hallway as she fans her face with her hand to try and gather herself back together before they go outside. Before they risk getting caught on camera again.

Ben watches, vaguely out of his own body, as she holds her hand out to a very confused Armitage Hux and stomps her foot on the ground in protest. They’ve got like five more steps to the door. Ten total to the car.

She whines as he groans, stopping dead center in the middle of a hallway that Ben has no plans to drag her down. “ _Armitage_ , hold my hand.”

“Do _not_ call me Armitage, Rey Niima.”

“ _Armie_ ”

“Jesus-“

“ _Huxie_.”

Ben bursts out laughing, as Rey swings the hand she’s currently got locked with Bens back and forth. She holds out her free hand to Hux with outstretched fingers, patiently waiting for him to take it. And Ben can’t see her face, but he would bet his left leg that she’s pouting at him right now. Full on puppy dog eyes, in an attempt to sway him to participate in her little game.

He begrudgingly takes her free hand, grumbling to himself about dealing with children as Ben grins. He places his free hand around Rey's clasped one, holding on for dear life as Hux starts tugging them all down the hallway and to the outside world

Next thing Ben knows Rey is squished back under his arm, there are a couple camera flashes, and they’re shoved back in their limo.

Ben has no idea when Hux called for them to bring their car over, and Ben realizes he actually doesn’t have a great idea of how they ended up here in the first place. All that he knows is that they were inside the Governor’s Ball, and now they’re not.

And that Rey is curled up against his arm, and is very warm.

He kisses her temple, as Hux groans. 

Suddenly there is also a cold water bottle being shoved in his hands, and Rey has one too. He opens hers before switching and opening his, and she happily downs the entire thing as he bumps the bottom of his bottle against hers in the facsimile of a toast. 

He does the same thing, chugging it as she giggles next to him. He doesn’t quite finish it, and neither does she, as he makes some type of sick noise. Because he feels like he’s going to be sick. Very sick.

Is the car moving? Ben doesn’t know if the car is moving.

He takes a look out the window, and breathes a sigh of relief as he realizes that the car is indeed moving.

“Better?” Hux asks, Ben closing his eyes and quietly nodding. Rey reaches across him as he sighs, buckling his seatbelt for him as he whines.

She hums under her breath, as she does the same for herself, “Safety first,” she chirps, all quiet and sedated, “gotta make sure we have seatbelts. It’s a car law.”

Ben nods, because that is indeed a car law. 

She lifts up his arm, and curls under it as he sighs and sets his head against hers. She mumbles her thanks, as Ben grunts in response and drifts off to sleep.

«☆»

“We lived!” Rey wearily cheers when she enters the apartment, party all but dead as she throws her arms in the air and Ben snorts from his place next to her.

He is less drunk than he was approximately forty-five minutes ago, but still definitely a little buzzed. He keeps to himself as Rey exhales, shoulders slumping in exhaustion as Hux closes the door behind them and Ben steps by to let the man pass. 

Ben steps into Rey’s space in the process, wrapping an arm around her as she squeaks and pushes her heels into his chest. The same heels she removed in the car on the way home, and that have left her leaning on Ben's arm for support whenever she walks around on feet that will surely bruise.

He looks down, watching her stretch her painted toes as she sighs. 

“Welcome home!” His mom calls from the couch, already standing up and hurrying over to them. Ben gently smiles as she reaches up and grabs his face, and he realizes Rose, Poe, and Finn are all passed out on the couch in a sort of mass of body parts and limbs when he looks over her shoulder. Amilyn and Maz must have gone home already, because it is far too late for either of them to be up right now, But Kaydel and Jannah are chatting over by the porch and Hux collapses into an armchair in the living room with an alrighty groan.

His mom coos over Ben for a second, as he whines and lifts his head from her reach. “ _Mom_.” He grumbles, as she tuts at him and turns down to Rey.

She grabs her face, examining her just as Hux had.

“You’ve gotten the poor girl drunk, Ben.” She admonishes.

Ben snorts, sighing as he looks down at her and whispers under his breath, “She got herself drunk. I didn’t do _anything._ ”

His mom looks up to him with narrowed eyes, but Rey corroborates his story with a nod of her head. “He’s just a behemoth, has more space to store the alcohol.” She mumbles, motioning to his body with a loose wave of her hand.

She slaps him in the stomach for good measure, as Ben huffs down at her and sucks in a breath. _Ouchie._

He nods, though, as Rey shuts her eyes and leans into his chest. She doesn't know her own strength, sometimes. And Ben is fine with this.

“My feet hurt.” She groans into his front, as he slowly rubs her back. The plan had been to let Rose and Kaydel get her undressed while Ben gave everybody the rundown of the night, but considering the two of them are currently predisposed, and Ben needs to get undressed as well…

“You wanna help me get out of this suit? Maybe get us into actual normal human clothes or something?” He mumbles, rubbing the bare skin of her back as she nods. She groans into his arm as she rocks on her feet, gently tugging on his palm as he stares back down at her.

“ _Please._ ” 

He chuckles as she huffs into his bicep, and he turns to his mom. “I’m gonna get us into some pajamas, give us like, ten minutes?”

She nods, tilting her head at him and slowly rubbing his other arm as she leads them over to where the hallway splits off to the master bedroom. Seemingly not trusting him to remember where his own room is, in this state.

“Okay.” She hums, pulling down his face and kissing him on the cheek, “You two go and get a little more dressed down. And brush your teeth. I waited this long to see my son and get invited to one of his events, I’m sure I can wait a little longer.”

“ _Mom_.”

“I’m kidding! I’m kidding, jeez. Go get comfy, I’ll be waiting with Mr. Hux in the meantime.”

Ben nods, his mom lightly pressing on his upper back to get him turning down the hallway. Rey remains tucked into his side as they wander, grumbling to herself in the meanwhile. 

Or maybe just grumbling as she trips over his feet, and Ben makes extra careful not to step on her toes.

He makes sure to be gentle as he shuts the door to their bedroom behind them as well, Ben grumbling as he jiggles the knob to make sure the thing is closed. Rey happily mumbles back as she undoes the front button on his tux, and wraps her arms around his torso and under his suit jacket. She talks to herself for a moment, or maybe she’s talking to Ben's chest, as he sighs in response and lets himself lean into her.

Ben closes his eyes, wrapping his arms around her as they bask in the _silence_ . The first time they’ve had silence in _hours._

It doesn’t last very long, though, when Rey groans and stumbles over to the bed. She throws herself backwards on the sheets, splaying her arms out as Ben lays down next to her and feels his whole body protest. “Fuck me.” He groans, scooting up on the bed as she does. “I’m so fucking sore. I don’t know why I’m _sore._ ”

Rey nods in agreement, throwing an arm over her eyes and sighing. Ben watches her as she takes a deep breath, exhaling with an unhappy huff. It looks like she’s in a similar state.

“You wanna get undressed first or should I.” He asks, throwing an arm over her chest as she smiles. She twitches her nose in deliberation as he sighs, watching her expression shift as she pulls her arm up from her face and turns to look at him.

She runs her thumb over his cheek, cradling his face in her palm as she sighs.

“You first, I need a second to gather my thoughts.” She hums, using her left hand to push him away as her right arm resettles over her eyes. Okay, that’s fine.

Ben stands, and gets undressed in silence. He changes into his pajamas, the warm flannel ones he brought back from New York, so beyond caring about his appearance right now. 

He neatly hangs his rumpled suit on a hanger in the process, hoping Maz doesn’t yell at him tomorrow. He makes sure to gently set it in his closet, right above his shoes with the cufflinks, watch, and bowtie tucked into them for safekeeping.

He stares at the ensemble for a moment, knowing it’ll leave his possession the next morning to be dry cleaned. He doesn’t know if he’ll get it back or not, right now. Maz might let him keep it, he thinks it’s probably a good idea to keep a well tailored black suit on hand anyways, but she might not. Depends on her mood.

He rolls his shoulders as he comes back to the bedroom, tiredly leaning against the doorway as he runs a hand through his hair. He quickly ties the cinch on his pants a little tighter as he wanders over to Rey, chest gently rising and falling as she breathes slowly and deeply. 

He grabs her arm, lifting it from her face as he realizes she’s fallen asleep. 

She wakes with a start, Ben immediately settling a hand on her hip to steady her. “Just me, just me.” He mumbles, grabbing her sides and lifting her up. She reaches out for him in response, hands tiredly tugging at his shoulders as he pulls her to her feet.

She groans, as Ben steadies her and makes sure she doesn’t fall over.

“Gotta get this dress off, sweetheart.” He hums, trying to feel around for the zipper. “I don’t want you falling asleep in it, I don’t think you’d like that very much.”

She nods, agreeing, and lifts an arm up as she grabs Ben's hand and guides it to the hidden zip under her armpit. He slowly does it down as she exhales out, placing her hands on his chest as she exhaustedly sways on her feet. 

She’s really beat, Ben can finally see how worn she is right now.

He just kisses her temple when she steps closer to him, and he shimmies the zipper up and down her side until it stops at her hip. Rey puffs her cheeks out as he looks at the rest of the dress, trying to figure out what to do next with this mess.

“Skirt.” She instructs, rubbing her eye and smearing flaked bits of mascara and what’s left of her eyeshadow along her hand. “You have to lift it up, get it over my head. Too much fabric, I can’t do it by myself.”

Ben nods, and gently starts pulling at the fabric pooled around her waist. He struggles with it for a moment, getting lost in sheets of yellow as Rey places a hand on his shoulder and giggles at his slowly growing frustration. 

“Gimmie a second.” He hums after a moment, when he gets a little too lost, lifting a handful of fabric up and cursing when he realizes he’s still kind of confused here. He had no idea this thing had so many _layers. How has Rey managed with this much extra fabric?_

He kneels, running a hand up her inner leg as he huffs and sighs to himself. Rey just continues to giggle in amusement as he grabs her knee, freezing as he tries to figure out what his next move is here. His arm won’t go up much higher on it’s own, and there’s a _lot_ of fabric here.

Ben ducks under her skirt, feeling for her thighs in the darkness as she squeaks his name in shock.

“ _What are you doing?_ ” She hisses, still giggling as he feels up and down her legs in the darkness to get his bearings. He shrugs as he grabs her ass, before finally finding what he’s looking for and standing up.

He grins as he stumbles a little, meeting her face to face again as she squeaks and Ben holds all of the fabric up in his arms. The skirt is now inverted, flipped around Reys body as she holds her arms out to the sides and tries, in vain, to look over the folds of chiffon and tulle or whatever the fuck this skirt is made out of. 

Ben just stands there, proudly smiling as he lets her figure out what to do next. 

Rey starts pulling at the ends of the skirt, and Ben gets the idea as she tries to wiggle away from him and out of the bottom end. He grabs the fabric tighter in response, and gently starts helping ease it over her head as she backs away from him and the dress shifts in his arms.

“Ow, fuck, Ben- hair.” She mutters once she’s nearly out, dress caught around her head as he turns to look down at her. He reaches down to try and tug her hair loose from the neckline, as she finally frees herself and all but _pops_ out of the dress with a surprised shout.

Oh, well, that’ll do.

She just stands there, disoriented for a moment in her underwear, as Ben tries to straighten up the dress in his arms. He gets it turned right-side out as he sighs, adjusting it back to some semblance of order and furrowing his brow as Rey moves to the dresser. He watches her out of the corner of his eye as she grabs some joggers and an old college shirt, slipping the former on over her under garments with a sigh.

She stares at the shirt in her hands, as Ben fluffs out the skirt. He holds the dress up by the shoulder straps as he proudly hums to himself, and starts looking for a hanger or something to put it up on.

“Bra or no bra.” He hears Rey mumble as he goes to the closet, grabbing one of those velvet hangers he uses for his suits and getting Rey's dress situated on it. He fluffs out the skirt one more time as he hangs it up next to his gear, making sure it falls nicely as he zips up the side and comes back to her.

“What?” He hums, leaning against the doorway as she turns to him with a flat expression. Her hair isn’t nearly as nice as it was a couple moments ago, falling apart from the struggle of getting the dress off, and she’s still staring at the shirt in her hands with a sigh.

“Do I need a bra, yes or no. I can’t make any more decisions right now.”

Ben shrugs, crossing his arms and shutting his eyes in response. “I don’t care, but my mom is out there. Do what you think is good.”

“Bra it is then.” She grumbles, mostly likely slipping the shirt on over her head as Ben nods.

He listens to her move around the room for a moment, as he gives himself a second to relax. He hangs his head, exhaling as he luxuriates in the feeling of _sweatpants_ and _t-shirts_ as he listens to her remove her necklace and earrings, and they go back in the lockbox as it snaps shut.

It hurts, a little, to watch them disappear so quickly. Even if he knows she’s relieved to have brought them back in one piece.

And then suddenly a wet towel is being rubbed over his face, cold water wiping his skin clean as he groans and pulls his head away from the culprit. 

Said culprit then grabs him by the back of the neck, and pulls his face down to hers. 

“Quiet.” She hums, as he makes a grumble of protest, opening his eyes when she wipes the foundation from his face and moves down his neck. “We’ll have to wash our faces before bed, but I want to at least get the makeup off.”

Ah, makeup remover. She must be cleaning him up with makeup remover.

Ben grumbles again, as she sighs. He shuts his eyes when she moves to his nose, letting her wipe his eyelids and brow clean with a few broad strokes. The towel is cold, but it feels good against his skin.

She pulls away from him when she deems him all cleaned up, running her hand through his hair to loosen the hairspray before wiping down her face with the other end of the washcloth. Ben grabs it before he even thinks about really doing so, cleaning her up in the same way she did for him. Returning the favor.

She shuts her eyes, and sighs contentedly as he methodically wipes off the remnants of the day. It takes a little more time, and Ben has to rub a little harsher to get all of the makeup off, but he does so with minimal difficulty. It isn’t perfect, but it’s good enough.

She thanks him as he gives her a final once over, and turns herself around in his arms as she continues to scrub at her eyes with a disgusted whine.

Ben gets the message, slowly starting to undo her bun and free her hair from its prison of bobby pins. He gently pulls her locks loose, letting them fall back over her shoulders as he uses his free fingers to gently shake her hair loose and collect as many pins as he can find. A couple fall to the floor in the process, but he leaves them there as he starts undoing the braid along the side of her head. 

They can wait, they don’t need to be cleaned up right now. They have time. They have enough time.

Rey tilts her head for him as he works, leaning against his chest as he slowly presses a kiss to the top of her head. “You good?” He hums, as she nods with a sigh. 

“Yeah, good.” She exhales, shoulders settling as he fluffs out her hair into some semblance of order. It definitely needs a good wash, and Ben knows by the sticky residue coating his fingers that she has copious amounts of hair spray stuck in it still, but it is definitely better. Her hair doesn’t quite clump together, but he watches as it kinks and curls in all the wrong places after a day of being stuck like that.

He sighs as she turns around to face him, face pressing against his chest as she brings her arms around his body. 

He just holds her there, rubbing her back as she exhales and settles in against him. Finally settling in together, hunkering down for the day. He hums as she wraps her limbs around him, and he starts motioning her to the doorway with a quiet sigh. “We need to go entertain.” He hums, not truly putting his heart behind the statement. “We can sleep in all day tomorrow, but you have to share me with my mom right now.”

Rey just grumbles in response, stomping her foot against the ground in protest as he smiles. There she is.

“Do we have to?” She murmurs, pressing her cheek against his chest as he nods. He continues to play with her hair, scratching her skull as she whines against him. “Can I just sleep here? I’m so tired.”

Ben nods, although thinking better of it after a moment. She doesn’t like to fall asleep alone anymore, he knows this. Rey is going to be grumpy and upset if she has to sleep alone. 

“You can stay here,” he hums, speaking slowly and making sure to choose his words wisely, “but I have to go and talk to my mom. If you want to come with me, you’re more than welcome to, but you can’t get mad at me if you end up staying awake because you can’t fall asleep without me. Okay?”

She grumbles again, stomping her foot and whining in protest. She knows she’ll stay up anyways, and she’ll be upset when Ben doesn’t come back fast enough. Ben knows her well enough to know this.

He laughs, pressing kisses to her forehead in some attempt to mollify her. Against the odds it actually _works,_ when Ben listens to her quiet and sigh against him with a whine.

“Fine, but you need to hold me.” She hums, rubbing her face against him again. “You need to cuddle with me on the couch, and give me lots of hugs. I’m still a little drunk, and that’s what I need right now.”

Ben nods, tucking his hands under her arms and against her sides. That sounds like a perfectly fine plan, by all means. “Up?” He asks, as she nods.

He lifts her up against his body, as she jumps into his arms. He stumbles back as a little as they find their balance, Rey giggling as Ben grunts. 

He helps ease her over his shoulder a little, making her easier to hold on to as he opens the door back into the living room. He loves that he can hold Rey like this, and that she _likes_ to be held like this, but he won’t deny that it’s a little silly sometimes. 

She makes a noise, something like a squeak, as he turns the corner into the living room and sets her down on the ground again. His mother shakes her head at them as Rey whines, and he lets her tug him over to the couch with a gentle pull on his arm and hand. He lets her pick where she wants to settle down, pushing him into the far corner of the couch before she channels her inner cat to climb on top of him and curl up on his chest.

He turns to mouth a “no” to his mom, stopping her from saying anything snarky as Hux snorts at them. Rey is too exhausted and out of it to be self conscious about her behavior, and Ben isn’t about to try and curb her habits in their own apartment. He feels like that would break her trust in some way, and Ben _always_ wants Rey to know she can trust him.

She sighs as she drapes herself over his body, tucking herself into his side with a deep exhale. It sounds like she’s about ready to fall asleep, as his mom asks him how the night went.

Ben rubs his eyes and tiredly starts to respond, relaying all the fun events of the night as Rey quickly drifts off to sleep in his arms with a yawn.

He doesn’t think he would trade a single stupid mistake for this moment right now, to have someone like Rey in his life tonight.

He doesn’t think he could have done this without her.


	65. Spring - I

Things start to heat up a little after Oscars night, for Rey.

She gets recognized once on campus, by a group of undergrads. Her advisor tells her off (although it’s all in good fun) for keeping Ben and her secret movie star life a secret from them all.

Her thesis partner treats her with a little more respect, and Rey realizes that Ben might hold way more power than she initially thought. Which she can’t decide is terrifying or hilarious, for the record.

Ben actually plans to visit one afternoon, after his mom flies back home, because they want to go out on their first _real_ date together as a _real_ couple. It feels silly to be saying this is their first date, considering where they are in their relationship together, but it certainly feels like a first date when she gets ready that morning and he tells her how excited he is before she leaves.

He knocks on the door of the study room she’s currently occupying on campus, hanging out in the open doorway with a single plucked daisy in his fingers as she grins. 

“I’m here to pick up a Rey Niima, her super hot boyfriend is here to take her out for the afternoon.”

“ _Ben_ ,” she sighs, shaking her head as he chuckles and grins at her. “I so regret saying that, I redact all statements about you being super hot.”

She fixes her papers on her desk, as he continues to silently wait in the doorway. He twirls the daisy between his fingers as she fights back a smile.

“Now get your super hot ass in here, I’m almost ready to go.”

He laughs as she scoots to the side a little, motioning for him to grab the chair in the corner and sit with her while she works. She just has to finish getting all of the new testing dates into this excel sheet, and then they can go. Then they’ve got the whole afternoon free together.

“What’cha working on?” He sighs, sitting next to her and resting his head on her shoulder. She tilts her neck for him, so he can watch her as she works.

“Dates, scheduling stuff. Trying to get this all organized so we can have more time together before you leave.”

She reaches up and scratches his cheek, kissing the top of his head as he sighs. Ben doesn’t like talking about leaving either, she knows, but she wants him to understand that she’s making him a priority right now. That they might only have a few more weeks together before he's gone, and that she’s doing her best to make time for him. “Good, that’s good.” He hums, shoving his face into her neck as he sighs. His warm breath hits her skin, and she shudders as he inadvertently tickles her.

She presses another kiss to his hair, leaning her cheek against his temple as she sighs. “I know, I know.”

«☆»

“How did you even get in the library anyways? How did you know where I was working?” Rey asks, swinging their interlocked hands between them as they migrate down to the parking lot. He shrugs as she smiles, squeezing his palm as he uneasily brings his shoulders to his ears.

“I- uh, well- I have my ways.” He hums, biting back a smirk as he fixes his ball cap.

Rey narrows her eyes at him, as he reaches over and grabs her by the belt loop on her jeans. She keeps the daisy he found for her in her free hand, making sure to be delicate with the stem as she rolls it between her fingers impatiently.

“You have your _ways-_ “

“The woman at the front desk recognized me, Rey. She told me where you were.”

“ _Ah_.” She hums, leaning into his side as he sighs. “Good recognize or bad recognize?”

Ben shrugs, and she starts rubbing his back as he sighs. She watches as his whole body settles in on itself, and he leans down towards her. Like this is a deeply private conversation that should _only_ be shared between them.

“Recognize in a way that made me realize we’ll never really be _normal_ , and that I worry I’m dragging you down with me. That you didn’t exactly sign up for the spotlight when you signed up for _me_. Recognized in a way that made me realize we’ll be dealing with this for the rest of our lives, and I don’t want to ever be a source of pain or anxiety for you. Recognized in a way that makes me a little nervous to be going out with you-”

Rey just stares up at him, as he straightens back up. She grabs his hand, bringing his arm over her shoulder as they walk. She didn’t know he was worried about this.

“You wanna know a secret, Ben Solo?” She hums, as he exhales next to her. She leans into his body for warmth, as he slowly nods with a moderate amount of suspicion.

She clears her throat, placing the daisy in her left hand before bringing up her right fingers up to count off on.

“First off, I signed up for _all_ of you, so don’t you _dare_ think I didn’t know that this would be a part of dating you. I love you, every piece, and I’m not in the mood to take criticism right now.”

Ben grumbles next to her, as she puts her index and middle finger in the air. 

“Second off, I have seen enough shit to have thick skin. You don’t live a life like mine without having a certain number of arrows shot in your spine, I can handle anything that comes my way. You don’t have to worry about me, darling.”

He sighs at that, quietly laughing as she puts a third finger up. He brings a hand to his face to rub the bridge of his nose under his sunglasses, as he shakes his head. “Christ, Rey-“

She bumps his side with hers, trying to shut him up. “Third off, normalcy is for losers. I rather like being in the spotlight with you, it makes me think about all my old school bullies and foster houses, you know? Wondering what they must think, seeing my name _trending_ on _twitter_.”

She plays it up for Ben, as he smiles and laughs at her antics. “Is this because Hux texted you that fancam of us? Is that why you’re acting like this? I didn’t know it would be so easy to feed your ego, sweetheart.”

She gasps in shock, pulling a hand close to her chest like he’s gravely insulted her. “I have no clue what you’re talking about, my middle name is humble!”

Ben grins, lowly laughing as she smiles up at him. 

“I’m not letting you go on social media anymore, it is _clearly_ messing with your brain chemistry.” He teases, tucking his hand in her back pocket as she gasps. 

“Is not!”

_“Is too.”_

She snorts and bats at his chest with the back of her hand as he laughs.

«☆»

“Hey, don’t freak out, but there’s paparazzi on your left.” Ben hums, leaning down and protectively wrapping an arm around Rey as they walk down the street together. Lunch had gone fairly well, Ben chose a place that he knew would be good for keeping their heads down in, and they had a fairly normal enough meal together.

It was just kind of odd to be sitting across the table from each other, though, after months of sitting side by side at home. It felt good! Just weird, just odd to be going on a real _date_ with Ben.

“You wanna hide behind me?” She asks, trying to figure out what to do as fast as possible. She finds all of her priorities shift to him, making sure he’s alright. She doesn’t know how he normally _reacts_ to paparazzi. She doesn’t know what to do, if they need to run away or _what_ -

He shakes his head, just looking down at the concrete and pulling her tight against his side. “It’ll pass, just ignore them and stay close. If anybody tries to talk to you pretend you don’t hear them, and if anybody gets too aggressive you hide under my jacket. I’ll keep you safe.”

She nods, feeling much better now that she knows the rules.

For all the things they went over before going public, they kind of failed to acknowledge this. The awkwardness of always being in the spotlight, of always knowing somebody _could_ have a camera on you. Not that they will, but that they _could._

Ben leads her down the street, looking up at where they are. “They won’t follow us inside a bookstore, should we regroup? Wait until they move on?”

Rey nods, because maybe they need to make sure they’re on the same page here.

She pulls Ben inside, yanking him behind a bookcase before anybody notices they’ve entered the shop with a chime of the overhead bell. The windows should be dark enough that they can watch the photographer from inside without being noticed, and do their own snooping and searching around.

She pokes her head around the side of the bookcase, not spotting anything out of the ordinary as Ben does the same. “Wait, where are they?” She asks, wiggling back into his body as he wraps his arms around her.

He points over her left shoulder, to a man now staring down at something in his lap from a black car that’s paused outside the shop. She sees it as he holds up a big clunky camera, of which it looks like he’s going through the photos on, but otherwise blends in perfectly well to the rest of the scene.

He says something to whomever is driving, and the two take off down the street. 

Rey didn’t even _notice_ them. 

“How did you see them?” She asks, turning to look back at Ben as he shrugs.

“You get used to spotting them, you learn how. They can’t stay on a street for too long, and they only hop out of a car if they think they have a good place to stay for a while.” He sighs, turning down to her. “Parking in LA, you know. They’re not gonna risk getting a three hundred dollar parking ticket for a two hundred and fifty dollar photo.”

Rey nods, that makes sense. 

She turns back to look out the window, as Ben moves away from her and starts browsing the shelves. “You think they’ll be back?”

“No, they got what they wanted. And you don’t have to worry about more showing up, they won’t call other paparazzi to come and find us. It’s a competitive business, you know.”

Rey nods, taking a deep breath and turning back to Ben. He’s taken off his sunglasses, as he browses through the non-fiction section that they’re currently standing in.

“Biography?” He hums, holding up a book with some businessman on the cover. Rey snorts, and shakes her head as she pulls the book out of his hands and puts it back on the shelf. 

“No,” she sighs, “that’s boring. Find something creative!”

Ben rolls his eyes, and she grabs his hand to drag him down the side of the store. She keeps an eye out for fiction or something, as he grumbles and patiently follows after her. 

She stops, pointing to a series of poetry books as his eyes light up. “You, go amuse yourself, I’m on the hunt for something fun.”

Ben nods, although clearly a little confused, as Rey marches off to go find something.

Of what she isn’t entirely sure, she just knows she wants to find _something_ right now and she doesn’t think having Ben with her is going to be very productive. She loves him, but he doesn’t really understand the definition of _fun_ sometimes.

She finds herself sampling books in the fiction section first, reading the inside of covers and huffing every time cancer, poorly portrayed mental illness, or a divorced parent is mentioned. Why are they all so _sad_? Why does every modern story feel the need to end in tragedy? Who hurt these authors?

Rey is very suddenly and very rudely reminded of why she doesn’t read books very often anymore; she doesn’t really want to read about the sadness that people have had to endure at the hand of others. It seems cruel to subject herself to that, at this point in her life.

She supposes that if one deals with enough hardship in their reality, if they deal with too much of the real thing, it becomes too difficult to glamorize the struggle in fiction. That if one knows what the problem actually feels like, how awful it is to hurt in those ways, they can’t enjoy that same torture as a form of escapism. 

You can’t escape from the same story you came from, after all, and maybe that’s why Rey hasn’t finished a book since she was part way through secondary school.

She sighs as she sets the latest book she was examining back on it’s shelf, kind of torn. She could try the young adult section, but she really isn’t interested in that type of story either. They might have happy endings, but she’s nearly a decade older than some of those protagonists. That seems a little torturous in itself, when she’s a couple months out from turning twenty-seven.

Christ, twenty-seven, that’s something to deal with at a more opportune time. Schedule that breakdown in her planner or something.

She sighs as she furrows her brow, placing her hands on her hips and thinking. 

This just won’t do, not at all.

Rey continues wandering down the aisles of books, stopping every so often to pick up a title and read the inner sleeve. _Nothing_ is standing out to her, and she doesn’t really know what to do. She feels like it would be a waste not to buy a book, to just hide in a bookstore because she didn’t want her photograph taken. The least she could do is actually _find_ a book to pick up, read the first few chapters of, and then put down. Seems the civilized, adult thing to do here. 

She finds herself back with Ben, as he struggles with a couple poetry books in his hands. 

“Found anything interesting, yet?” She hums, crossing her arms as he huffs.

He shakes his head, and she sighs.

“It’s all so _sad_ , I was looking for love poems and all I got were dead flowers and broken dreams.”

Rey hums, nodding in agreement. Seems the theme for today is just _sad books_.

She sighs, and crosses her arms.

“I mean, it’s good. The poetry is good, strong prose and stuff, but not something I think I want to dedicate my time and energy into, you know?”

Rey nods a little firmer, stepping forward to look at the book he currently has open in his hands. He shows her a couple pages, pointing out all the references of death and destruction of a relationship. Is the whole book like this? Really?

“I don’t like that.” She hums, turning to look up at him as she furrows her brow in frustration. “If you love someone enough to write a whole book about them, you have the balls to go and sort out whatever happened between you two. Go to couples counseling and shit, talk it out. You don’t give up on someone you love just because it’s the easy thing to do.”

Ben grins, as she turns to look at the book again. He leans his head against her temple as he sighs, kissing her hair as she wraps an arm around him. “What if she doesn’t love you back?” He hums, turning to look down at her as he whispers. “What if you fucked up _so_ badly she never wants to see you again? What do you do then, sweetheart?”

Rey turns back up to him, glaring at him as he tilts his head at her in curiosity. Genuinely wondering what she thinks.

She opens her mouth as she comes up with a reply, figures out how to handle this.

“Then you’re a raging psychopath, because you wrote a whole book about a woman who doesn’t give a rats ass about you.” 

Ben laughs, as she grins into his arm.

She swears, she’s never seen him smile like that before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you see my own personal perspective of writing coming through here.... .. .
> 
> anyways I don't know why all published fiction is so sad. but I also dont wanna read romance because explicit stuff isn't my thing either.
> 
> so, here's my love letter to fan fiction. where the rules don't matter, and neither do we because none of us get paid for this shit!


	66. Spring - II

Ben gets recognized when they split up in the bookstore again, him having moved to the fiction section and Rey having gone off to wander around a little further in search of exciting and fun things.

She’s decided she’s no longer in the mood for books, completely turned away from anything she could find. Maybe there are books out there that better align with her tastes, but today just doesn’t look like her day, unfortunately.

She sighs and rounds a corner, somehow ending up in front of the _puzzles._

That is, at the very least, not a sad book.

Granted none of them really speak to her right off the bat, nothing particularly riveting in the world of _boats_ and _interiors of rooms,_ but she looks anyways. Just for the hell of it, just so she can say she tried. Better to have looked for a puzzle and not have found one than to not have looked at all.

She vaguely hears Ben’s voice in another section of the store as she searches through the stacks of boxes, automatically tuning into his cadence and laugh. She chooses to focus on the puzzles instead, exhaling and sorting through her options.

She grins as she finds one that’s at least _interesting_ , pulling it into her arms before spinning on her heel and making a beeline for Ben. He’ll think this is funny, at the very least.

He’s talking to another couple, two girls who look a couple years younger than them. Ben’s arms are all crossed, and he shifts his weight as he leans on his elbow against the main counter for the store. It looks like he found a book, and was on his way to purchase it when he got spotted.

Rey freezes behind a bookshelf, as she watches and she tries to figure out what to do.

This isn’t like New York, people know she and Ben are a thing now. She isn’t _in hiding_ any longer. Her options are _far_ wider than they were before. She could, potentially, just walk up and join the conversation with little to no repercussions. It’s always just something she can do.

She takes a deep breath, mustering up all the courage she can before trying to calmly make her way over to Ben. 

She hopes the fact that her heart might be pounding out of her chest doesn’t show, as she steps up next to him with her puzzle box under her arm and she gently rests a hand on his back to alert him to her presence. He jumps a little as she appears next to him, smiling down at her as she grins.

He introduces her, quickly, as she tucks the box in his hands and hides behind his back. She grabs the book he picked out from the checkout desk they’re standing next to, flipping through the first couple pages in curiosity as he continues to talk to the duo. She doesn’t really catch what’s going on, but she’s more interested in his purchase anyways.

He finally seems to realize what she selected as the shorter woman runs off to grab a pen and some paper for Ben to sign, going silent as he turns to her and scoffs. He makes a low laugh, as she bites her lip to stop herself from grinning.

“London?” He hums in awe, turning to look at her as she shrugs.

“I don’t know, thought it might be fun.” She sighs, flipping forward through the book again. It looks like it’s a series of short stories, little bite sized pieces of media for him to read in his free time.

He shakes his head, setting the box on the counter as she smiles. 

“Plus, if we start it and leave it on the kitchen table I’ll bet you five bucks that Hux starts working on it the next time he comes over.”

Ben makes a shocked sort of chuckle, before mulling it over for a second. Hux _hates_ mess, he can’t stand having things out of order. If the man could survive in a plain white room, he would. Ben and Rey know this, because they know him.

Ben offers his hand out to her, and she takes it with a single firm shake as he chuckles. They both know Hux has a _thing_ about disorganization, he’ll take one look at a half finished puzzle and sit down to help get a couple more pieces into place. He can’t help it, it’s in his nature.

It’ll be funny, if nothing else, to watch him struggle trying to put together an illustration of his own home city.

Ben nods, setting the box on the counter as the woman comes back over with a pen and a torn notebook page. Ben quickly signs his name and writes down a quick note, as Rey waves down a sales consultant and pays for their things.

Her student loans are paid off, after all. She can afford to treat her boyfriend on their day out on the town.

She smiles at him, tucking herself under his arm once the couple wanders off and her credit card goes through.

She’s so lucky she has Ben.

«☆»

This remains the prevailing thought of the day as they make their way home, as Rey watches Ben unlock their apartment door and usher her in ahead of him, as she watches him pull off his shoes and set them down by the front door, as he takes the book and the puzzle from her hands and set them down the table for her.

As he stretches his spine, cracking his neck as he shakes his hair out.

She pulls off her own shoes as he sighs, making his way over to the kitchen with a quiet huff. “You want something, sweetheart?” He asks, turning to her as she exhales and takes him in.

She stares at him for a moment, before quietly following after him. Yeah, she does.

She wraps her arms around his torso from her place behind his back, slipping her hands under his tee with a sigh. Rey hangs onto him as he quietly chuckles, drifting around the kitchen as she nuzzles against his spine and she takes a deep breath.

“You good?” He asks, slowly nudging her to rotate from his back to his front for reasons Rey doesn’t entirely understand. She complies, of course, but she does tighten her grip on him in response.

He makes a small “oof” noise, like she’s squeezing the air from his lungs, as she smiles into his chest and nods.

“Yeah.” She sighs, scratching at his back as she breathes him in and out. “I’ve got you, so I’m good.” 

Ben chuckles, as she grins and lets herself melt against him. “I love you so much,” she hums, exhaling in relief that this moment is actually happening, that they’re here together, “I love you so _fucking_ much, I can’t believe I found you. You make me so happy, Ben. Don’t let me forget how long I waited to find you, okay?”

He just wraps his arms around her, tugging her close as she squeaks under the sudden pressure of his arms holding her to his chest. “Hey, I waited _longer_.” He jokes, chuckling as she squeezes his side.

She knows.

She knows how long he waited for this.


	67. Spring - III

Ben's birthday starts approaching, and Rey goes into a minor panic as she realizes it’ll be the last _major_ event between them before he leaves.

Because he leaves six days after his birthday, and that means she only has about two weeks to get everything _ready_ for when he leaves.

It also means she’s started packing, moving all of her stuff over to Hux’s. Ben has helped her get her room set up, in the guest bedroom that is as far away from Hux’s room as possible, and she’s still trying to memorize the gate’s passcode to get back onto the property in order to avoid any embarrassing texts on her end.

But it is weird, to be technically _living_ in one of these houses within the next month. One that looks over the valley of Los Angeles, and sits against the hillside. With the winding roads, and the modern glass balcony outside of her window instead of a perpetually broken pool.

And the small _yard_ , which might be the most impressive thing about this place.

But she can tell Ben doesn’t like it, though, as he lies down on what will soon be her bed and she organizes her clothes in the spare closet. As she straightens out her dress bag for the one beautiful dress she now _owns_ , which is a trip and a half in itself, and she makes sure all of Ben's nice suits are sitting pretty next to it.

She’ll be keeping all of his personal items, the stuff he won’t be taking to New Zealand, with her. The stuff he doesn’t need right now. The stuff he’ll have to come _back_ for.

The things he promised he’ll come back for. His way of making a promise to her.

He sighs, kind of mixing it with a groan, as she pouts at him and his whole body shifts with the movement. As his chest rises and falls, and his eyes shut as he furrows and then quickly unfurrows his brow.

“I know.” She hums, walking back over to his legs and sitting on the bed beside him. She knows, she knows what’s going through his head right now. How weird this all is, how awful this is making them both feel. “Three months, Ben. Three months, and then I meet you in Europe. We’ll get to go _all_ over Scotland together-“

“I’m gonna miss you _so much,”_ he groans, reaching out and making grabby hands at her as she giggles. With not a _hint_ of humor in his voice. “No, I’m serious, I’m gonna miss you _so much_ Rey.”

She sighs, nodding as she leans down and into the crook of his elbow. She throws a leg over his torso as he grunts, grumbling as she sighs against his chest.

“I know.” She purrs, pushing her face into his torso. “I know, Ben.”

He whines again, as she rubs his chest with her palm.

She gets an idea, something that might perk him up a little, as she tilts to get a good look at his face. His tense jaw, from where she’s resting, and his very upset grumbles as he sighs at the ceiling and the universe above them. 

“I have a gift for you. I was going to wait until your birthday-“

Ben turns to look down at her, his eyes lighting up as she smiles. “I like gifts.”

She giggles at the absurdity of this man, as she nods and sits up. “I know, that’s why I got it for you. Duh.”

He sits up with her, whining when she gets out of his lap and goes to her bag. She sorts through the daphne tote for a second, coming back to Ben with a sigh and a quick check that this is what she was looking for.

“Here.” She hums, handing him an opened envelope. “I’m holding up my promise.”

Ben peels it open, looking between her and the slip of paper as he pulls it out with a hum.

“Provisional-“

“Drivers license. Hux took me, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I bullied him into it. We did it last week, I’ve been practicing when you’re reading lines and I’m supposed to be working on campus. I’m sorry.”

Ben just blinks at her, as Rey anxiously kneels on the bed in front of him. As she takes a deep breath, and exhales while he holds the slip of paper between his fingers.

“Why didn’t you-“

“If I failed, I didn’t want you to know. I shouldn’t have hidden it. I’m sorry.”

Ben stares for a moment, before leaning forward and slowly kissing her forehead. She knows it was kind of shitty for her not to tell him, but if she fucked this up-

“ _You got your driver's license._ ” 

Rey nods, smiling as he grins against her skin. He pulls away, as she scoots closer to him so she’s sitting between his spread legs.

“You wanted me to, and I needed an ID anyways so we can travel more safely. Rose and Finn helped me fill out my hours, Hux stepped in where he could. It was a group effort. I still need a car and-“

Ben leans down and kisses her, as she squeaks and the provisional license gets tossed somewhere to her left. Effectively getting put to the side, as Ben pulls her down on the bed and laughs as she tries to avoid getting squished by him when he turns to the right.

She grabs onto his arm, as he chuckles and kisses her forehead again. 

“You shouldn’t have kept that from me.” He hums, pulling her tight against his chest as he exhales. “I love you, but you shouldn’t have kept that from me. I’m so _proud_ of you! I would have done something-“

“I didn’t want you to. I don’t want this to be a big deal. I just want you to know that I did this. You don’t have to worry about me anymore, once my personal chauffeur is gone and traveling the world without me.”

Ben groans, setting his head above hers as he rubs her back. “I’m gonna miss driving you everywhere, sweetheart. I know, I complain, but I’m gonna _miss_ it.”

Rey nods, because she’s going to miss having Ben to _drive_ her everywhere in the first place.

He holds her, rubbing a hand up and down her side as he sighs. 

“Thank you, though. That’s one less thing I have to worry about. That makes me feel better.”

Rey nods, kissing Ben on the tip of the nose as she squirms out of his arms. “I know. And I don’t want you to worry. We’re gonna be okay. I promise, I’ve got everything handled.”

He nods, gently smiling as he slides a hand under her shirt. She sighs as she reaches up and fixes his hair for him, playing with it as he grumbles a little more under his breath.

“You know what would make Hux _really_ angry.” He hums, because clearly the puzzle they left out for him and that he spent all of twenty minutes cursing over before pulling apart and shoving back in the box wasn’t enough.

Rey thinks Ben might be trying to get revenge on his poor manager, as she tilts her head at him and he digs his hand into her side a little.

He slides it up her back, fingers nudging at her bra clasp as she stares at him and he grins.

Oh.

_Oh!_

“Well, technically, this is currently my house too because we had to do a proof of residence for my license-“

Ben kisses her, rolling her on her back as he chuckles. “Yeah, yeah, okay-“

She giggles, as he growls at her and she squeaks again.

Yeah, Hux is going to _kill them_ if he finds out they’re doing this in his house right now.

Luckily, Rey isn’t that scared of Armitage Hux. 

She’s still pretty sure he’s terrified of her, though.

«☆»

“I have a surprise for you.” Ben hums, walking over to the counter with his hands behind his back.

Rey eyes him suspiciously from the kitchen, where she’s making tea and slowly growing more concerned about the grin on her darling boyfriend's face. 

“Uh-huh.” She hums, setting down her mug as he rocks on his heels. This can’t be good.

She dares a look at Finn, working on scheduling from the coffee table. He pops his head up, as Hux does the same from where he’s lounging in a chair on the far end of the room and not so sneakily pretending to text on his phone.

“Good surprise or bad surprise.” She asks, narrowing her eyes at Ben as he scoffs. His own eyes widen, like he’s appalled that she would even _ask_ -

“Good surprise! This is a good surprise, Rey-“

“Uh- _huh-“_

“Rey-“

Ben groans, hanging his head as he continues to keep his hands behind his back. She remains suspicious of him, knowing her Ben better than he thinks.

He holds them out with a sigh, dumping his keys and a printed contract on the table. “I’m giving you my car. They asked me if I wanted to extend my contract from six months to a year, and I said yes. They already approved you for the rental, but I want you to drive my car. Our car. You have a license, and I want you to use it.”

Rey just blinks for a moment, staring at Ben in shock. 

_What the fuck?_

“How did you get my records! How did you get me approved- Ben!”

He motions his head to Hux, who looks at Rey and then looks at his phone with a pink face and a too intense scowl.

Hux has all of her records, of course. Not only did he help her get her license in the first place, but before she and Ben went public he got access to all of her personal files and records and account information. As Bens manager and agent, he has a responsibility with all of this _paperwork_ and shit.

Basically, she and Ben can ask Hux to go get something and he’ll _get_ it. It’s his _job_.

Thus, the contract for shared responsibility over Bens black Tesla. The same one she originally mocked him for, seven or eight months ago now.

“Ben-“

“ _Take it, Rey._ ” He sighs, already knowing that she was going to fight him on this. “I want you to take this, _please_. This is important to me. You need a car, and I’ll lose my deposit if you don’t take it.”

He motions to Finn, who launches a black pen at him. Ben just barely catches it, fumbling it with a nervous hum before turning back to a cowering Rey. Someone is going to lose an _eye_ if they aren’t careful-

He turns around, setting it down on the counter in front of her. In the middle of the contract, which he slowly pushes towards her as she examines the yellow post-its and where they want her to sign. “Sweetheart, just drive my damn car. A license means nothing without a car to use it in.”

She stares, before shaking her head with a sigh. She grabs the pen in her fingertips, slowly starting to scrawl her name in all of the appropriate spots.

“The things I do for you.” She hums, peeking up at him as he reaches over the counter and snorts. As he grabs her cheek in one palm, and pulls her towards him to kiss her forehead with a sigh.

He moves away, but Rey watches him out of the corner of her eye as he comes over to her. As he walks around the counter and wraps his arms around her from the side, settling in beside her.

“My Rey.” He hums, kissing her forehead again. “Mine.”

“Yours.” She giggles back, rubbing his side as he grumbles.

He nods, and she bounces up on her toes to kiss his cheek as he makes sure she has a way to get around LA without him by her side.

She thinks she hates Ben's job, sometimes. Even if she knows he could not be doing anything more important with his time, she thinks she hates his job sometimes.

She’s going to miss him _so_ much.


	68. Spring - IV

Rey stares at Ben as he sleeps, which is not an unusual habit for her these days.

She likes to watch over him, before he wakes up and starts his day. Take him in before she goes, or he has to head off for some sort of meeting she knows are becoming more prevalent the closer they get to his departure date.

But Rey has taken the day off today, because today is his birthday. And she intends to take advantage of that fact, as she slides her hand up his back and she gently grabs his jaw. As he snuffles a little, and she starts running her index finger down the proud bridge of his nose.

He shifts, as she giggles at him.

“Ben,” she hums, smiling as he ungracefully snorts to himself, “wake up, babe.”

He groans, still very much asleep, as he turns away from her and settles on his back. As he leans his head back on his pillow, grumbling, before settling down again.

And Rey decides to up the ante, because she can. Because she loves him, and she loves being around him, and she _loves_ to annoy him.

She gets up, kneeling on the bed and grabbing her phone from her nightstand as she moves to straddle his hips as carefully as she can. She sets herself down right above his pelvis, on his stomach, as she remains mindful not to disturb the more sensitive bits of his body with a sigh.

She sits there for a moment, moving to the camera app on her phone as Ben snores beneath her, and she sets up her shot. As she places her hand on his chest and gently starts trying to wake him up.

And it takes a moment, and a little squeezing of his arm when the gentle rubbing doesn’t work, but Ben grumpily starts to wake up underneath her, blinking as she snaps a couple photos of his confused face before throwing her phone to the side.

He sticks his hands up, tugging her down to his chest as she squeaks. “Ben-“

He makes an inhuman noise that sounds _vaguely_ like a hybrid between her name and a loud whine as she laughs, feeling him arrange her arms around his shoulders before he moves to grab her thighs under the blankets.

He squeezes, as she giggles and starts kissing his neck and cheek. “Happy birthday, Ben Solo.” 

He groans, making some _very_ upset noises, as she laughs.

“I feel old. Please don’t take photos of my old face.”

“You’re _distinguished_.”

“I’m _thirty_.”

Rey laughs again, closing her eyes and settling her face against his as he sighs. His hand gently strokes her legs, running up and down the underneath of them as she listens to his breathing.

“Happy birthday, Ben.” She quietly hums again, punctuating the statement with a long kiss on his cheek. “I love you.”

He groans again, although he quiets after a moment.

He holds her, as he sighs. Rey presses her forehead to his, as he slowly wakes up and she takes care to gently rub his shoulder for him to try and get him to relax a little.

“You gonna post that photo on instagram, sweetheart?”

“Oh _absolutely_.” She hums, leaning up and resettling over Ben's chest as she grabs her phone again. His hands move up her body, one grabbing her shoulder while the other starts playing with her hair and he tucks a brown curl behind her ear. “I’m going to make a birthday post, we’re going to celebrate, _and_ I’m going to bully you online.”

“ _Rey_.” Ben whines, as she leans down and presses a chaste kiss to his lips as she giggles.

“You’re the birthday boy, it’s my responsibility.”

He groans again, trying to roll and wiggle as Rey remains on top of him. Effectively pinning him down, with her knees on either side of his torso and her own body on top of his.

She unlocks the device, starting to scroll through the photos before she finds the one she wants to post. She won’t pick one too embarrassing-

And it is obnoxious, deeply obnoxious, to find out just how photogenic this man is. Just how gorgeous he is, even when he’s slowly blinking awake and quietly smiling up at her cell phone camera. When the edge of his eyes crinkle, and his dimples are lopsided just like his hilariously sweet smile.

Ben yawns in front of her, shutting his eyes as she messes with the photo. She changes it to black and white, to get rid of the weird lighting in their bedroom, and to act as an homage to the man she loves.

She shoots it off to Hux for approval, along with the two other photos she’s selected for this specific occasion. She’s been wary of posting on social media since becoming _official_ with Ben, maybe only posting once or twice since the Oscars and never explicitly putting him in either, but she wants to do this today.

She wants to do a _real post_ with him. Just to kind of lay her claim. _Her Ben._

Plus, she has _thousands_ of photos of the two of them that have never seen the light of day. She needs an excuse to post them. 

Hux texts back scarily fast, approving the photo selection as she runs by a couple captions she came up with.

He approves them all, as Rey grins and goes to her instagram.

“You doing it now?” Ben grumbles from beneath her, as she hums in affirmation and sets the post up. She selects the previously approved photos, biting her lip as Ben just continues to play with her hair and rub her side affectionately.

She sighs, once she’s typed in the caption as well and given everything a once-over. It looks good, now she just needs _Ben_ to approve it.

“I’m posting a picture of you working in the kitchen, and one of you and Lowie when she was living with us. Is that okay?”

She flips her phone, showing him the post as he grumbles a little. She wants his permission to post a more personal side of him, a more _real_ one. Because so much of his image is so carefully curated, so carefully _managed_ -

Part of her is concerned that this is a little too revealing for him, that he won’t want a picture of him excitedly chopping tomatoes or holding a little Lowie to his chest on the internet. That he doesn’t want the world to see this part of him that she loves _so much._

He nods, as she sighs a breath of relief.

“You can post it, but you’ve gotta be cool about it.” He murmurs, rubbing his eyes as she tilts her head at him in confusion. He clarifies, when he realizes how unfinished the statement is. “I mean, like, you can’t make a big deal out of it. No showing me instagram followers, or likes, or comments, or _whatever_. Just post it, and then be done with it. Is that okay?”

Rey nods, reading it once more for spelling mistakes or errors and then posting.

She throws her phone to the side, deliberately making sure all of her notifications are turned off before it goes next to his again. She even makes a little show of it, as Ben deeply chuckles and they relish in the silence that Rey _knows_ the internet is not currently participating in.

“No nothing. Just us.” She hums, grabbing his face and kissing his cheek again. “Just me and you, that’s all we need.”

Ben happily grumbles, tilting his head and trying to kiss her as she giggles. “Just us is _perfect._ I love it when it’s _just us_.”

Rey nods, leaning down and kissing him again. 

She thinks she likes it when it’s just them, too.

But she is kind of curious as to how many likes she’ll get on that photo set of Ben as he rolls her to the side and brings her under his chin with a huff. How _important_ it will be to people.

Because Rey Niima fucking loves Ben Solo, and she’ll be damned if the whole world doesn’t know it too.

She _really_ fucking loves him.

«☆»

Ben's birthday party is a small affair. Just a cake from down the street, a gathering of friends, and a few too many buzzed speeches about the last year. About how Ben is bettered by Rey and her introduction into his life, how they all are really due to the group they’ve gathered here today, and how excited and proud they are of him for this past year and the one to come.

Ben just hides in the corner with said Rey, letting her sit on his lap and eat all of the frosting from his birthday cake as he quietly sighs at another one of Poe's additions to Finn's speech about their friendship. It started with how the two of them _met_ , and Ben thinks they might be nearing the five year point by now.

But it is riveting, to hear Finn's side of the story. To hear his perspective, his _ideas_ -

“Maybe that’s your next novel. Or- script, or whatever. Maybe your lead is the poor assistant, being dragged along by the man-baby boss.” Ben hums, setting his face in Rey's shoulder as she licks his fork with a little too much enthusiasm than what might be appropriate for someone her age.

She nods, as Finn smiles and she adds on to Ben's statement, “And you can base it on true events! Get people to play all of us! I’d watch that.”

Hux drops the knife he was using to cut himself another astronomically tiny slice of cake as he turns to Ben. “If he writes that, your ass is on the line Solo. We’ll _all_ know it was about you. Everyone will know it’s about you-“

Ben shrugs, scoffing as Finn shakes his head at the conversation. “It’s whatever, I know Finn wouldn’t throw me under the bus. Right?”

“I would.” Finn hums, waggling his fork at a suddenly sullen Ben. “I _absolutely_ would.”

Hux throws his hands in the air, as Rey giggles and Poe falls into a burst of laughter. Kaydel _snorts_ , as Rose raises a hand to her face to stop from spitting cake everywhere.

Ben should have known, Finn needs to get his revenge on his boss _somehow_.

He just didn’t think it would be so… _public_. Ouch.

He loves these people. He really does.

Ben loves his little family.

He’s going to miss them all _so_ much.


	69. Spring - V

Ben can’t sleep, and it turns out neither can Rey, the night before he has to leave for New Zealand. Three months apart, on separate sides of the globe, and he has to leave _tomorrow_.

Right at noon, the flight leaves at _noon_.

He stares at her, trying to sleep as she runs her thumb over his cheek.

“You’re gonna come back for me, right?” She hums, moving to slide her hand through his hair as he nods. She’s been asking that a lot lately, he thinks she’s _terrified_ he won’t come back for her. Like he isn’t already counting down the seconds until they see each other again.

He nods, pulling her closer by the hem of his shirt that she’s wearing. “Always. I’ll always come back for you. I’m not- I’m gonna see you again, sooner than we know it. And we’re gonna talk every day, and if things get really bad you make the call to come out and I’ve got you. Okay? Deal?”

She nods, although she scoots closer to him as he says it. Like she needs further reassurance, which Ben knows is probably _true-_

He huffs, breathing into her hair as he shuts his eyes and rubs up and down her back with his hands. “We’re gonna be okay. It’s only three months. And we’re gonna video-chat every single day, I promise. I’m not going anywhere.”

Rey nods, Ben feels it against his shirtfront, as he sighs.

“I’m gonna miss _this_.” She hums, speaking against his chest as he kisses her forehead. “This is the worst part. I’m going to miss _this_.”

Ben nods, because he agrees. This is going to be the _worst_ thing about leaving her.

He has no clue how he’s going to be able to sleep for the next three months.

It might be impossible, if he’s perfectly honest.

He sighs, because he sure as hell isn’t looking forward to finding out _._

«☆»

Rey doesn’t really register a lot of the morning that Ben leaves, if _she’s_ honest.

It’s all kind of a fast moving blur. One second she’s holding onto his hand for dear life as he talks her through it one last time in the quickly emptying apartment, and then they’re on their way to the airport. Hux is driving, because Rey sure as hell isn’t in a state to do so right now, with Poe in the front seat and Finn in the back with her and Ben. And Ben is doing his best to keep an eye on her while not letting her get squished in the middle seat, lifting his arm up and encouraging her to lean on him as much as she needs.

She knows this, because he won’t stop asking if she’s alright. If she’s feeling okay, if she needs anything from him-

She shakes her head, resisting the urge to tell him that she needs _him_ to stay. Because she doesn’t, no matter how much this is sending her into a panic, she _doesn’t_ need him to stay.

She needs him to be happy. And this is part of the plan, acting _makes_ him happy.

Although she gets the feeling he’s kind of dreading it too, when he quietly pulls her against his chest in the car. When they get out at the airport, and he refuses to remove his hand from hers as the five of them walk into the V.I.P. section of LAX.

As they have what is slowly turning into a very _public_ goodbye, before Ben, Poe, and Finn head off on what she knows is like a twelve hour flight.

Rey hopes Ben is going to be okay, because she also knows his body isn’t particularly well suited to deal with things like _airplanes_ and _spending a long time on airplanes_.

“You’re gonna be okay, right?” She hums, taking a deep breath as he holds her close. “You’ll call if you need anything? And text me when you land? Even if I’m asleep, _please_ text me when you land-“

“I will text you when I land, I promise.” He sighs, kissing her cheek as she stands up on her tiptoes. “I will let you know when we land safely, and then I’ll call you in the morning. But you need to try and _sleep_ , I don’t want you staying up for no good reason.”

Rey nods, pulling back from him as he presses another kiss to her temple. Making sure he’s okay isn’t _no good reason_. But she knows it’s his way of saying “I love you”, like this, when the words can’t be said.

He worries over her, and he loves her.

She sighs, grabbing his forearms as she steadies herself. “I love you so much, okay? So, _so_ much.”

He nods, as she dares a look at the trio next to them. Finn and Poe sticking close, Hux making sure they all get the privacy they need right now.

“Why does Poe get to go, but I’m stuck _here_.” She sighs, shutting her eyes because she already knows the answer. Poe gets to go because Poe can work remotely, and he’s only going so he can stick by Finn. Poe wasn’t an _idiot_ who decided to go to graduate school like she did.

And Rey is getting stuck here, all alone, because she can’t do _any_ of her work remotely yet.

Ben sighs, and tugs her close again. “This isn’t forever, I promise, this isn’t forever.”

“I know.” She squeaks, desperately trying not to cry until he’s out of eyesight. “I know, I know, I _know_.”

Ben exhales, holding her tight as she groans into his chest.

She _knows_.

He steps away from her, Rey still keeping her tears at bay as he turns to Hux. “Keep an eye on her, make sure she’s okay, or you’re _dead_. Got it?”

Hux nods, keeping his face cold and sunglasses over his eyes as Rey sighs. She strokes Bens arm, squeezing his elbow as he huffs one final time before turning back to her.

He pulls her back into a hug, and Rey thinks he might not be ready to leave quite yet. 

She holds him close, because she isn’t ready to leave either.

She kind of hopes he misses his flight.

«☆»

Rey doesn’t cry until she gets back to the car with Hux, the man swinging his keys between his fingers as Rey silently climbs into the passenger side door of his white car and he gets in on the drivers side with a sigh.

They don’t say anything to each other for the first couple miles, Rey silently sobbing into her fist once they pull out of the airport and she gives up on trying to maintain any appearances right now. It feels _silly_ to be so torn up about this, but she’s scared. She’s lonely, and she’s upset, and she’s _scared-_

She suddenly feels Hux’s hand on her shoulder, squeezing once before firmly remaining there. His thumb rubs tight circles into her jacket, before she stills.

He sighs, nothing but the silence of the car between them, as she just continues to cry.

_She’s going to miss him so much_.

_She hates this she hates this she hates this-_

_She hates being left behind._

_He promises he’ll come back._


	70. Early Summer - I

Ben is in hell. That’s the only explanation for today.

It’s been nearly three months since he last saw Rey in person, he’s got bruises up and down his legs from the last couple days of shooting, and he’s been put on a fucking _diet_ for the next five weeks because they need him to slim down for a specific set of shots that he wasn’t expecting would be necessary.

He’s in hell, that’s the only explanation for today. 

He barely makes it back to his apartment, still feeling pretty jet lagged as he turns down a cobblestone street in his car. As he barely registers the ancient masonry of the buildings around him, turning down winding avenues he has no hope of pronouncing correctly and just trying not to bump into anybody as he squints at the blue street signs on either side of him to avoid getting lost, again.

He’s in hell, it’s the only way he can explain why everything feels bad today. Why he isn’t looking forward to getting back to the tiny shoebox apartment the company has supplied him with, although he can hardly blame them for it because short term housing in Scotland is _not_ particularly suited to men Ben's height-

It will be another sleepless night, but he should be tired enough from getting bashed up against a cliffside for twelve hours to get at least a couple winks, as it were.

He pulls up into a free parking spot a little ways away from his temporary home, tugging on his baseball cap and grabbing his jacket before opening the door.

He bristles, _still_ unused to the generally dreary and cold atmosphere of Europe.

And then of course that makes him think of Rey, and how much he misses Rey. And how much better everything would be if he had _Rey-_

He groans, stomping his heel on the ground to stretch what he is quickly assuming might be a pulled tendon in his ankle as he grumps.

He misses her so much.

Two more weeks, and then she’s here.

Two more weeks, and then everything is better.

He grumbles, marching down the sidewalk after locking up his car. He starts stomping home with his bag slung over his shoulder, as he groans. Finn says he’s mean without her, and Poe agrees to some extent. And he knows he’s mean, because he’s aware of his actions, but he’s been able to do very little to stop himself from _being_ mean when he gets caught off guard by these types of feelings.

It just manifests as him being a little more standoffish as usual, he thinks, but Finn says that he knows Ben well enough to see how miserable he is. How crazed this is making him feel.

How calling her, almost every single day, isn’t enough for him sometimes. 

And he didn’t even get to call her yesterday, because she was stuck grading undergrad papers with her advisor. Something she picked up while he was gone, when another student had to step out from being a TA for a while and Rey felt her thesis was a little more under control.

She said it was a good distraction, and Ben knows exactly from _what_.

And he hates it, because he knows this is hurting her.

He just wants to go _home._

He grumbles a little more, tugging his keys out of his pocket and quickly unlocking the doorway to his apartment. 

He doesn’t even notice the smell of someone cooking in the kitchen, until after he’s already frustratedly tugged off his jacket and thrown it on the coat hanger with an unnecessary growl.

And his heart stops, all fury fading away, because that’s not _normal-_

He freezes, looking around to make sure he walked into the _right_ apartment.

And he thinks he did, because this is his furniture. As sparse and unfamiliar as it is, it belongs to him and his apartment. The one he’s staying in, _alone_.

He doesn’t even bother tugging off his boots, as he makes a beeline for the interior of the house and he just ends up dropping his hat and scarf on the floor.

And Rey is in the kitchen, nervously staring at a packet of tofu she’s currently trying to squish with three cans of beans and instructions pulled up on her phone.

He just stares, because she can’t be _real-_

She pops her head up, and Ben thinks she _is_ -

“Hi.” She sighs, freezing after he thinks he says her name. He can’t really be sure, nothing feels _in_ his own body any more. Nothing he does feels _real_ , nothing is _real-_

He stares, dropping his bag and keys on the floor and closing the distance between them in three long steps. As Rey runs towards him, and meets him halfway.

He starts crying, because he missed her _so much_ -

“Ben-“

He breaks down, clutching her to his chest as she sniffles against his shoulder and he feels her tears against his neck. And he hides his sobs in the sweater she’s wearing, which he quickly realizes is one of _his_ sweaters that she’s wearing-

And he nearly falls to his knees, because he finally feels _home_ again.

Rey catches him, cooing and worrying over him as she sniffles and pulls away. She rubs his tears to the sides of his face with her thumbs, her own free falling down her cheeks as he whines and tries to pull her tight once more. The apartment is dark, the windows are too small and there’s never enough natural light and she deserves _so_ much better than this- 

But she’s _here_ \- 

“It’s okay, hey, it’s okay-“ She hums, bringing his forehead down to hers.

Ben nods, because it _is_ okay.

Rey’s here. That’s all that matters.

“You’re real?” Is all he manages to sputter out as she gently nods. It’s stupid, because _of course_ she is, but the confirmation still matters to him anyways. _Knowing_ she’s real, that this isn’t another one of his bad dreams, matters to him more than anything else right now.

She rubs her nose against his, before quickly kissing him as if to confirm his suspicions. Ben takes a mile for every inch, for course, and chases after her with a happy grumble even when she pulls away. “I’m here, I’m here,” she affirms, sliding her hands up and down his back as his heart erratically pounds in his chest, “you’re okay, I’m here.”

Ben tugs her into his arms again, swaying with her as he waits for his heart rate to decrease to a safe level as he continues to sob and he has to remind himself to breathe every once in a while. “ _How-“_

“Finn was worried about you, and Hux and Rose needed a little more privacy, and structural tests went well with the polymer samples under extreme conditions. We won’t have to use our second lab booking. And I’m all done with thesis stuff until next fall, so I’m here. But I’ll still have to grade finals, and Maz is furious that she’s losing me right before Tallie goes on her first global press junket-“

“Screw Maz.” Ben mumbles, hugging her tighter as she squeaks and he belatedly realizes he might be crushing her a little, “Screw Maz.”

Rey giggles, as Ben sighs into her neck. She continues rubbing his back, as he whines again. Oh, thank _god_ she’s here-

“Hey, Maz is good to us. Be nice. And Hux was very sweet too, he helped me change my tickets as soon as I realized I could come out and stay with you.”

“Stay?”

“Stay, yeah, I’m staying until you tell me to go.”

Ben sighs in relief, slumping over Rey as she giggles again. He groans with a torn voice, as she shushes him and continues to rub his back. “I need to sit down,” he mumbles, straightening up and grumbling to himself as he tries to blink through his tears, “I’ve gotta sit down, I’m exhausted, but I don’t wanna leave you _ever_ again.”

Rey pats his side, before slowly stepping away from him as he takes his own weight. Like she’s making sure he won’t fall over, as she holds one hand to his side and rubs his chest with the other.

She looks behind him, motioning to the dining table. “I’m making dinner. Finn told me they put you on a diet-“

Ben groans, throwing his head back and whining as Rey giggles again. Oh _no-_

“So I managed to pick up some tofu, and teriyaki, and rice before you came home. Low calorie, I think, but good protein. I can’t promise it’ll be any good-“

“It’s perfect, Rey. You’re perfect.”

He knows she’s been trying to get better at cooking, even if she struggles with it a lot. She said she missed his home-cooked meals, so he’s been trying to teach her how to do so over the phone-

She’s scorched more food than he thought possible, but she’s _trying_. And that is enough for him.

“Pull up a chair, come and critique me.”

Ben nods, and he watches as she grabs his hand. He examines her fingers, still in shock that she’s _here_ , as he places his other palm over the back of a dining chair and he drags it to the tiny kitchen with her.

She waits until he’s seated, right by her hip, before placing a hand in his hair and simply rubbing until he shuts his eyes and his head ends up against the counter.

“I missed you so much.” She mumbles, Ben listening as she moves around the kitchen and her voice cracks under the pressure. “I missed you _so_ much, Ben. You have no idea how much I’ve missed you.”

He hears something set down in front of him, as he looks up and opens his eyes. If she missed him _half_ as much as he missed her-

He knows it’s been tough.

They’re _never_ doing this again. Ben decides, as his eyes clear up and he lethargically stares at the paper coffee cup she’s placed in front of him, that they are _never_ doing this again.

“I owed you a coffee.” She finally hums, shrugging as Ben stares up at her. It takes him a second to get the reference, even though he’s pretty sure he’s the one who owes _her_ a cup of coffee still-

She grabs her own, taking a quiet sip as she smiles. “It’s decaf, by the way. Mine isn’t, time change is kicking my ass, but yours is. I hope that’s good enough.”

Ben nods, grabbing the cup between two hands and taking a small sip as she strays no further than a foot or two away from him. It’s a little cold, and it’s decaf so- expectations are held low anyways- but it’s enough.

Enough for him to zone out, staring at her, as she sets her cup down and goes back to trying to press tofu and prep rice to go in their dinner. A dinner that he will _not_ remind her probably has a significant portion of sugar in it, thanks to the teriyaki she found at the store and happily shows him was _half off_ as she smiles.

Ben nods, grinning as she moves around an unfamiliar kitchen in an unfamiliar place like she owns it. As she always stays close enough to let him touch her, just to check that she’s real, and she repeatedly reminds him that _yes, she’s really here_ as he laughs at his own never ending questions about how the _hell_ she managed to make this work.

He loves her.

He loves her so much.

He’s never going anywhere without her ever again.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there! Did ya' like this? I've got other stuff you can read!
> 
> [Fifty-Fifty](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29202819/chapters/71701848) \- 9 chapters, Alternate Title: Reys No Good Very Bad Day AU
> 
> [Oh, I Love You.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28656768/chapters/70248330) \- 56 chapters of angst and fluff, 2020 AU
> 
> [Tell Me It's Alright](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26681842/chapters/65078968) \- Highschool AU! Very old but very soft! 28 chapters!
> 
> and find me on tweeter! @binarystars3!


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